Hello, it's
Okay, so, here's the thing.
The other day, I received a letter from
He said he's fallen in love with
Yeah.
Well, sure.
I do know Elinalise. We used to be in the same adventuring party as my parents. Right.
I don't know much about romance in this world, but if Cliff says he's in love.
And if he's asking for my help after confessing those feelings.
Then I'd want to support him too.
I think I would.
I think.
But still.
Now then, let me refresh your memory on who Elinalise is.
Elinalise Dragonroad.
S-rank adventurer. Frontliner. Fighter.
First-year student at
Age unknown.
Surprisingly, she's diligent when it comes to classes and apparently gets excellent grades. Recently she's been trying to incorporate basic Water Magic into her combat style, or something like that.
Among the adventurers she's known for a long time, she's thoroughly despised—but she's skilled, she looks after others, and she's exceptionally good in bed.
Yes. Exceptionally good in bed.
She's been afflicted by a certain curse.
Because of it, she must drain men's essence every single night.
Because of that, she doesn't keep a specific partner, instead repeating one-night stands over and over.
She's apparently even had children.
She wouldn't tell me where those children ended up.
I half-suspected she'd just dumped them somewhere or sold them off as slaves.
In reality, she apparently doesn't get pregnant very often, and she does raise them properly and help them become independent.
But anyway, I don't know the details.
Is it really okay to introduce someone like this as a romantic prospect?
Cliff doesn't know that Elinalise is this kind of person.
When I heard his image of Elinalise, I nearly clutched my head.
Elinalise is a spotless, pure-white angel.
That's his impression.
Of course, he said he did look into her a little.
*'The girl by the window. She's very famous. Her name is Elinalise Dragonroad. It's a beautiful and gallant name, befitting of her. Naturally, she's diligent and seems to have good grades. She was an adventurer until recently, so she also has practical knowledge of magic in combat.'* Well, for now, the only thing worth pointing out there is "the girl by the window." I guess for her, the window is where she sticks her rear out.
Mind you, Cliff believes "the girl by the window" doesn't engage in anything sexual.
*'However, there were unsavory rumors that she indiscriminately has sex with other male students. Someone who was jealous of her probably started those rumors.'* And just like that, Cliff interpreted the most important part however suited him.
The fight the other day was the same. Six students were gossiping about Elinalise. They were saying things like, "She spreads her legs for anyone—let's see if we can get a piece too," calling her a slut.
When Cliff heard that, he was disgusted.
He warned them not to smear someone's reputation with rumors.
Of course, they were just stating facts they were sure of.
The six were upperclassmen—big, delinquent types. Being lectured by an underclassman like Cliff rubbed them the wrong way, and they shot back with irritated smirks.
"I had my juniors taken care of by her the other day—the three of us together. Maybe a clueless kid like you should let her pop your cherry too?"
That's the kind of sleazy thing they apparently said.
Cliff was furious.
In a reckless move, he charged at all six of them. Not with magic. With his fists.
Cliff thought he was a decent fighter.
But it was six against one. The difference in build was enormous. If it had been a magic battle, maybe—but in a brawl that started at grappling range, he never stood a chance.
And that's when I showed up.
A wonderful story about the importance of gathering and analyzing intelligence.
But anyway.
What should I do about this?
I have no obligation to Cliff. If I introduce him to Elinalise and he gets his ridiculous fantasy shattered, that's none of my business.
But even so.
Even so, is it really okay to just casually introduce them?
Elinalise would probably be grateful. She's generally happy when someone introduces a man to her. Especially lately, she seems to have an absolute blast deflowering virgins. She says she loves it when they're shy and apologetic, or when they put on a brave face despite it being their first time. She likes watching how they change with each encounter.
I played plenty of games with that kind of theme in my past life, so I get it.
Cliff looks like a virgin, and Elinalise would happily gobble him up.
But what about Cliff?
He's got the wrong idea about Elinalise. Once they actually meet and spend time together, he'll see the truth right in front of his eyes. And when that happens, won't he get angry? "It's all your fault I went through all that"?
I'd say it's his own fault, but there would be a certain amount of responsibility on me too, for introducing them knowing the truth.
On the other hand, what would happen if I didn't introduce them?
Would he get suspicious? Would he think I'm after Elinalise myself?
I wouldn't mind spending a night with someone like her, sure, once I'm cured. But I'd hate for him to think I'm pursuing her.
What should I do?
--- So, here we are.
"Fitz-senpai, I've got something I'd like to discuss with you—would that be okay?"
I asked Fitz-senpai in the library after classes.
"What is it?"
"It's sort of a love consultation."
"A love consultation?!"
Fitz-senpai turned their whole body toward me, leaning forward with their mouth twisted into a strange expression.
"R-Rudeus, you have someone you like?!"
Surprisingly eager interest. Whether their eyes are actually sparkling is hard to tell behind the sunglasses.
I guess Fitz-senpai is at that age too.
"No, it's about an acquaintance."
"An acquaintance...?"
"Yes. An acquaintance."
"O-okay. Go on."
"That acquaintance has fallen in love at first sight with someone."
"Love at first sight... and you're consulting me... Could it be about Lady Ariel? Because if so, I can't support that. I'd love to, but..."
Fitz-senpai's voice trailed off lower and lower.
I suppose there are plenty of guys who fall for that princess at first sight. From a bodyguard's perspective, it's only natural to shut down any such pests completely.
"No, it's not that. It's not Princess Ariel."
"R-right, good."
"The person my acquaintance fell in love at first sight with—I know them, but introducing them as a romantic prospect comes with certain problems. I'm torn on whether I should actually make the introduction."
I noticed Fitz-senpai had made a strange expression. They had a hand over their mouth, and a sharp gaze was piercing through the sunglasses.
"Does your acquaintance know about this woman's 'problem'?"
"No, they shouldn't know."
...Wait.
Did I just say "woman"?
Or am I just assuming it's a woman because the conversation started with Princess Ariel?
Well, Elinalise is a woman anyway, so it doesn't matter.
Or wait—was Fitz-senpai thinking I was talking about myself?
"Let me reiterate, this isn't about me. The reason I'm telling you is that it's about Fitz-senpai's senior—Cliff, the special student."
"Oh, I see. Sorry, I misunderstood."
Fitz-senpai scratched behind their ear.
They were thinking it was about me, weren't they? Well, "my acquaintance" is a common way of talking about yourself when bringing up personal matters.
"What do you think I should do in a situation like this?"
"Um, I think you should tell them about the 'problem'... no, wait—unless there's a reason you can't tell them, I suppose...?"
Fitz-senpai sounded a little uncertain.
Come to think of it, Fitz-senpai was a virgin too. They probably don't have much romantic experience.
"I have no problem telling them, but Cliff is the type who gets really carried away with his own ideas. Even if I told him, there's a high chance he wouldn't believe me. He might even think I'm saying those things because I'm the one who likes the woman."
"Ah, that could happen."
"Right. So I'm thinking it might be better not to tell him from my own mouth."
Yeah. As I spoke, things started coming into focus. It might be better to subtly pass the information along through another woman that Cliff trusts.
...No, actually, the best approach would be to have the woman herself tell him directly.
"Um, Rudeus—you don't like this woman yourself, do you?"
"I don't dislike her. I just can't see her as a romantic prospect."
I mean, Elinalise is apparently incredible in bed, so I wouldn't mind a one-night fling. But actually dating her? Not really my thing. I feel like she'd cheat on me in a heartbeat.
"I see... But just because you can't see her that way, Cliff might feel differently, right?"
I don't know about that. I can't imagine someone who's fallen for a spotless, pure-white angel would see Elinalise as anything different. But then again— "Hmm."
Should I introduce them, or shouldn't I? This is a real dilemma.
After a while, Fitz-senpai murmured softly.
"Um, I also have someone I like, so I understand that person's feelings. The person I like is apparently someone you wouldn't normally consider a romantic prospect, but I still love them."
Fitz-senpai has someone they like?
Who could it be?
...If I'm playing it safe, it's probably Princess Ariel. They had a huge reaction just now.
Indeed, Princess Ariel might not be easy to see as a romantic prospect. She's royalty of the
Anyway, that's beside the point.
"I think just watching without ever confessing must be painful."
Fitz-senpai's face was turning red. Red all the way to their ears.
"So, um, I think you should properly introduce them and give them a chance to confess, don't you?"
"But what if problems come up later?"
"That can't be helped. Once you've made the introduction, what happens after that is between the two of them, right?"
Oh, good point. What happens after the introduction is between the two people involved. That's absolutely true. And it would be even better if I made that clear from the start.
"I understand. I'll go ahead and handle it that way. Fitz-senpai, thank you so much."
"Y-you're welcome... I'm glad I could help..."
Fitz-senpai seemed a little unsure of themselves. They were probably thinking, "Who am I to give such lofty advice when I've never even dated anyone?"
But just because someone lacks experience doesn't mean what they're saying is wrong. There's no problem at all.
In any case, the plan is set. When we left the library, I noticed Fitz-senpai slumping face-down on the table. I suppose giving advice from a position of authority feels a bit embarrassing at their age. Even so, I'm just grateful.
--- The next day, I called Cliff over.
Cliff looked at me with expectant eyes.
"I'm happy to introduce you, but there's one thing I need to say first."
"What is it?"
"Cliff-senpai. I was in an adventuring party with Elinalise before, so I know a bit more about her than most people."
The mention of the party made Cliff's eyebrow twitch ever so slightly.
"I won't say anything specific about her character. But that's not because I'm trying to hide anything. I want you to actually meet her, talk with her, and see for yourself with your own eyes."
"What do you mean?"
"In short, I don't want to deal with this later—'You knew and didn't tell me?' or 'How could you deceive me like that?' That sort of thing. It's self-preservation. And a preemptive disclaimer. Oh, and don't forget that there are issues with her."
"Of course! I am a devout follower of the Holy Millis faith! I will treat any matchmaker with due respect!"
Matchmaker? What does that even mean in the context of the Milis faith? I'm not a believer, so I have no idea. Oh God, guide me.
"I'm not a follower of the Milis faith, so please don't come back later saying, 'And this is how a matchmaker behaves?'"
"I won't."
"No matter how things turn out, I'm staying out of it."
Cliff nodded confidently, of course.
"I'm prepared to be rejected!"
I feel like there are fates far worse than rejection waiting for him, but...
--- Elinalise was in an empty classroom.
She was leaning her elbow on the window frame again today, but fortunately she wasn't looking like a two-torso centaur or anything. She was gazing outside, lost in thought.
I knew exactly what she was thinking. *When will night come already? When it does, the taverns in town will open. And when they do, there will be plenty of pent-up men waiting for me.* That sort of pink-hued daydream.
But to someone who doesn't know the truth, she might indeed look like an angel.
"Oh my, Rudeus... how unusual. You coming to me for once."
Elinalise noticed me and said with surprise, not even bothering to smile. We hadn't really talked much since I enrolled in the university. She occasionally came to check on me during lunch, and that was about it.
"Oh? And who might this be?"
Cliff popped out from behind me. He placed a hand on his chest, stood with his feet together, and bowed. Some kind of Millisian etiquette, perhaps.
"Elinalise, this is Cliff Grimoire. He's a special student, one year above me."
"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I'm Cliff."
Cliff bowed his head right then and there.
"Oh my, how wonderfully polite. I'm Elinalise Dragonroad. So, Cliff, what business might you have with little old me?"
"Well, apparently he'd like me to introduce you to him, so I brought him along."
"Yes! Elinalise, I've always admired your beautiful face from afar! I would love to take you on a personal date!"
Silence fell over the room.
Elinalise was dumbfounded. After a moment, she slowly rose from her chair, grabbed my arm, and said, "A word." Then she dragged me to the corner of the classroom and leaned in close to my ear.
"What is it?"
"How much do you want?"
I didn't understand what she meant and hesitated for a few seconds. Was she asking how much it would cost to get this man into her bed? If so, that was pretty low.
"I don't want money."
"Then what? What's your goal?"
"No, he just... apparently likes you."
"Oh, don't be ridiculous... Rudeus, you know what I'm like, don't you? Bringing such a naive-looking boy to me like this... have some shame."
*Have some shame*—coming from the most shameless person I know. Well, whatever.
"I'm not deceiving anyone. He asked me to introduce you, that's all."
"Truly?"
"I swear on
Elinalise thought for a few seconds, then furrowed her brows.
"Even if what you say is true, a serious one is a bit troublesome."
Troubled? That's unexpected. I thought Elinalise would happily say something like, "As it happens, I've already booked us a room."
"You know about my curse, don't you? I can't date just one person."
She can't be exclusive with one person. Because of that, she never gets truly attached, and instead maintains casual arrangements with numerous partners, trading money or pleasure. I felt like I'd heard something along those lines before.
Well, so she's thought about it after all. If that's the case, then dating is off the table.
"Then there's nothing to be done. Just turn him down cleanly."
"That's fine? Won't it stain Rudeus's reputation?"
"No problem. I don't exactly have a big name to protect. Besides, I'm already a lost cause, and I don't need to sell my reputation anymore."
"But please, tell him the truth as much as possible. Don't use me as a convenient excuse."
"I know."
Good. The discussion was over, and Elinalise turned to face Cliff.
Elinalise was taller. Cliff was short. The more you looked at them, the more mismatched they seemed. But just because their heights didn't match didn't mean their feelings couldn't. Thinking about it made me feel a little melancholy.
"Rudeus, you shouldn't peek at other people's love lives."
"Ah, right. Then I'll take my leave."
At Elinalise's words, I left the room. I felt a bit sorry for Cliff. But this was the best outcome, probably.
The curse was a factor, but Elinalise was fundamentally a lustful woman. Cliff, on the other hand, was a serious overachiever. They were oil and water.
"Rudeus... thanks!"
Cliff's final words.
My chest ached.
--- About a week later.
The once-a-month homeroom period. In it, there was a couple openly flirting. The taller woman was sitting on the man's lap, nuzzling close.
"Combination Magic is easy if you just memorize all the phenomena that can occur. You don't need to cast two spells—you can reproduce it using things that already exist in nature."
"As expected of Cliff, you're so knowledgeable!"
"Ah, it's nothing special."
I knew both of them, of course. Cliff and Elinalise.
I walked over slowly and tilted my head in front of them.
"Hm? Rudeus! Thanks for the other day!"
Cliff tried to stand and bow, but the woman sitting on his lap kept him pinned, so he could only dip his head from where he was.
"You're welcome... Elinalise, what's going on here?"
Elinalise, perched on his lap, gave a soft smile.
"We've decided to start dating."
*What?! Wait, why?! That's not what we agreed on!* "Um, I think we had a different arrangement?"
"Rudeus, when a man proposes to me with such manly words, even I can't help but swoon."
Proposal? Isn't that way too fast?
"Come on, stop it, that's embarrassing."
"'This curse—I will definitely cure it for you! So please, marry me!'"
"H-hey!"
"And then Cliff at the inn, so innocent and—ahh! Just remembering it makes me want to go again!"
"Stop, stop it. We're in public."
Cliff's face was bright red. Though he said stop, he didn't look unhappy about it.
Anyway—congratulations on your graduation, I guess.
The reason I didn't feel particularly bitter was probably because I'd already dismissed Elinalise as a prospect. Or maybe it was because I knew her true nature.
But still.
So he actually told her about the curse. Elinalise isn't the type to stop sleeping around with random men, so that excuse works well as a reason not to be exclusive. Plus, it's the truth.
But why? Why would Cliff hear all that and still—proposal?
"I've decided that from now on, I'll do my best to restrain myself for Cliff's sake."
"It's fine, really. The curse can't be helped. As long as your heart is with me, that's enough..."
"Cliff... of course. With others, it's just physical... but with you, I'll give you both body and heart."
Elinalise gazed dreamily as Cliff gently stroked her hair. Their eyes naturally locked together. With her sitting on his lap, their faces were so close.
"Elinalise..."
"Cliff..."
And then they kissed. After that, they started going at it as if I didn't even exist—flirting shamelessly, making out, right in front of everyone.
Is this really okay, Cliff? Is it really? That woman's saying all the right things, but you're basically being kept on a leash, you know? Are you really blind from love?
"..."
I almost said something, but held back. The deal was: I'd introduce them, and whatever happened, I wouldn't complain. It would be weird for me to say anything at this point.
I looked toward the back of the classroom. The other three seemed completely unbothered. Pursena was gnawing on dried meat.
So I went over to Linia.
"Boss, what's up with that woman? I tried to make a snide comment and she clapped back super hard!"
"I don't really understand it myself, to be honest."
Something didn't add up. I thought we'd agreed that Elinalise would turn him down cleanly. And she'd said she'd handle it. Knowing Elinalise, she would have told him everything—the curse, the rumors, all of it—making sure Cliff would give up without any lingering resentment.
But apparently he'd proposed. Something along the lines of "I'll cure your curse, so marry me," and she'd caved.
I couldn't figure out how Cliff had arrived at that line of thinking. Let me think about this. If I were in Elinalise's position and someone said to me, straight to my face, "I will definitely cure your illness—please marry me"... would I fall for them? Fall in love?
It might hit me in the feels. Someone acknowledging the thing I'm most worried about, the thing I struggle with, and telling me they'll do everything they can to help—even if they're not sure they can. That's...
I don't know how much Elinalise had been tormented by the curse. No matter how hedonistic she was, she couldn't have been completely without worry.
Fall for them... maybe. But I shouldn't just talk about Elinalise.
Cliff had done his best. He'd shown real backbone and swept Elinalise off her feet.
"Boss, I just thought of something good!"
"What is it?"
"I should date him too, and show those two up!" Linia made that suggestion.
It was probably just a spur-of-the-moment idea. But I felt like running a little experiment.
"Linia-senpai. I'm fine with dating, but the truth is, I'm impotent. If we start dating, would you help me work toward a cure?"
"Huh?"
At my words, everyone except Elinalise murmured, "Huh?" Eyes turned to me. The air was thick with *what is this guy saying?* What? Is it really that strange for me to date Linia?
Linia started stammering. "B-B-Boss, d-did you... hear about the other day?"
"The other day?"
"You know, how I told Pursena at lunch that you locked me up but never groped or stripped me even though I'm so irresistibly cute, so maybe you really are impotent?"
*What the hell? That's the first I've heard of this!* I looked at Pursena, who quickly averted her gaze. "I-it's not slander. When he touched us before, his scent was really faint, so I just thought maybe that was why..."
At Pursena's words, the gazes directed at me shifted all at once to pity. That look of understanding.
But forget the dating part—they're focused on the impotent thing? I'd hidden it, sure, but was it really that surprising?
"I wasn't planning to spread it around. Pursena only said 'impotent' because of Linia. That girl is seriously messed up."
"Pursena also said you're harmless because even if you touch someone, you'll never attack them."
"That was meant as a compliment."
"Meow!?"
I left the two of them to their comedy routine and took my seat.
"Well, whatever. It's not like it's something I need to hide."
"R-right, Boss. Even if you're impotent, I won't look at you with any prejudice!"
"That's right. Impotent Boss or regular Boss, Boss is still Boss."
Impotent, impotent—would you quit it with the repetitions? My feelings are quietly getting hurt. Maybe I should have kept hiding it after all.
"Master, there's no need to worry. Let us live through puppets."
Zanoba patted me on the shoulder with those words. Only Julie tilted her head.
"Masta, what's impotent mean?"
"Hmm. It means a man can't fulfill his role, so to speak. In any case, it has absolutely nothing to do with puppet-making."
"Oh."
Zanoba was trying to comfort me, I think. I could tell he was carefully choosing his words.
"Boss, I always thought you were a pervy perv, but you were trying so hard to get cured... that's so touching..."
"I'll help if there's anything I can do. If you give me meat."
The most perfunctory sympathy from a dog and a cat. Something felt off. With words like these, I'm never going to fall in love with any of these people.
"Rudeus. For what it's worth, I did train as a Milis priest to hear confessions. I wasn't said to have much talent in that area, but I can at least help you think things through. If you ever need to talk, I'm here."
Cliff's words were sincere and warm.
I think I started to understand how Elinalise felt.
Not that I'm going to fall for him—I'm not into guys.
--- And so, Cliff and Elinalise became a couple.
Honestly, I couldn't see Elinalise holding back for one man. And I certainly couldn't see Cliff tolerating Elinalise sleeping with other men. Right now it's fine, but wouldn't they break up eventually?
But I wasn't going to say anything.
Also, my condition became known to the special students.
It caused some damage, but everyone said they'd help if anything came up.
Was this the first real step forward since I'd arrived?
I wanted to get cured quickly too, so I could snuggle up with someone.
--- A note: Cliff is *convinced* that Elinalise is a tragic heroine who is forced into unwanted intimacy by her curse and bravely plays the part of a slut so no one will ever find out.