It had been a week since the Guardian Beast was summoned.
The big dog we named Leo was given a personalized genuine leather collar and a large doghouse.
Leo's role in our household was security.
Every morning when I woke up, he'd be standing by at the front entrance, greeting me and Eris as we headed out for training.
He'd stay posted there as a sentry for a while, then head off on his patrol.
After returning from his walk, he'd watch over the family inside the house.
He'd do rounds through the house, checking for anything out of the ordinary, and if something came up, he'd try to handle it.
If Lucy cried, he'd soothe her; if Aisha went shopping, he'd act as her escort.
If asked, he'd even go to the Magic University and walk Norn to and from school.
He was basically a live-in security guard.
Leo was incredibly smart and always followed the family's rules.
He did his business in his designated spot.
His tricks included stay, lie down, shake, spin three times, and roll over before barking.
He was submissive around the family, and whenever Aisha or Norn timidly petted his head, he'd wag his tail like a fan.
He especially doted on Roxy, acting like a fiercely loyal knight.
It seemed like Roxy was his favorite.
The way Leo treated Roxy was clearly different from how he treated anyone else.
When Roxy got up in the morning, he'd circle around her wagging his tail, then try to shove his face into her crotch.
When I got angry and said "Only I'm allowed to lick there," he'd look dejected and stop—but then do it again the next day.
Also, Roxy rode to school on Jiro the armadillo, and I once saw Leo barking orders at the poor creature.
I had no idea what he was saying, or whether Jiro actually listened.
There were also times when a pregnant Roxy went up or down the stairs, and Leo would look up from the bottom with obvious worry, as if terrified she might slip.
His overprotectiveness was so extreme that even I, her husband, felt inadequate.
I often wondered why he was so partial to Roxy specifically, but it was probably just his dog instinct.
He'd figured out by scent who the most important person in this household was.
Leo acted like a faithful servant around Roxy, but he and Eris didn't get along.
When I say they didn't get along, it was more like Leo harbored a one-sided aversion toward Eris.
Eris loved dogs and cats.
She loved burying her face in their soft fur and squeezing them as hard as she could.
So maybe, when I wasn't looking, Eris had taken the opportunity to really indulge in Leo's fur.
With the power of the Mad Sword King—hard and fierce.
I had personal experience with this, and being squeezed by Eris was close to being hugged by a bear.
It genuinely felt life-threatening.
I didn't mind being hugged by Eris like that, but I could understand why Leo avoided her.
The only time Leo willingly got close to Eris was during his walks.
During that time alone, for some reason, he'd keep Eris close and head out with her to patrol their territory.
It was probably a matter of stamina.
Leo's walking range was vast.
He covered enough ground to nearly circle the entire town.
To finish the circuit in a short time required an extremely fast pace, and in our household, only Eris and I had the stamina to keep up.
Sylphie could maybe barely manage it.
Either way, Leo usually chose Eris as his walking partner.
Or perhaps, in Leo's mind, Eris fell into the same "security" category as himself.
Incidentally, it seemed like Leo had claimed roughly a one-kilometer radius around our house as his territory, and even stray cats no longer dared come near.
Leo was doing his utmost to protect the family.
Guardian Beasts really did put your mind at ease.
Dogs truly are the best.
The problem was that this particular dog happened to be the guardian deity of the Beast Race...
When Guinevere came to check on Eris and saw Leo, she was startled but remarked:
"I can't understand the Holy Beast's words, but it looks to me like the Holy Beast is here of its own free will. In that case, the Doldia Tribe shouldn't have any complaints."
So it should be fine.
I figured it was time to move on to the next item on my schedule.
---
That was what I thought, until one day.
Cliff came to visit.
"Hey Rudeus, if you're free tonight, why don't we grab dinner somewhere? Just the three of us—me, you, and Zanoba."
An invitation to dinner.
Me, Cliff, and Zanoba.
Just the guys—this might be a first.
Usually Sylphie, Elinariuse, and various others tagged along.
In that case, maybe we'd end up at some hostess club this time.
Or maybe, without girls around, we could discuss topics that were harder to bring up.
"Sure."
Either way, I agreed without hesitation.
I had no reason to refuse, there was something I needed to ask Cliff about, and the timing was perfect.
---
When the sun was just beginning to set.
I went to the meeting spot as instructed and linked up with Cliff and Zanoba.
They brought me to a restaurant that looked fancier than usual.
I glanced at the sign on the way in—apparently it was called the "Red Eagle Pavilion."
In the Three Magic Nations, places with "Eagle" in the name typically served food, those with "Falcon" served alcohol, those with "Bat" provided women, and those with "Horse" offered lodging.
Of course, that was just a general tendency—there were plenty of exceptions.
Plenty of places started out as decent watering holes, only for the owner to accidentally become a great chef over time.
It was merely a rough guideline.
The Red Eagle Pavilion was exactly the sort of upscale place Cliff would pick.
The clientele was mostly minor nobles and merchants who looked like they had money.
We were ushered into a private room that screamed "high-end."
According to the staff, it was the third-best room in the restaurant.
They apologized, saying if they'd known Lord Rudeus was coming, they would've prepared a better room.
Come to think of it, this was a proper fine-dining establishment.
When he'd said "let's get dinner," I'd assumed we'd go to our usual rowdy tavern, but this was literally a proper "meal."
The three of us took our seats on opposite sides of a square table, facing one another.
"So, Rudeus. You know why I set this up?"
Cliff asked with an extremely serious expression.
Something told me he was angry.
I had an idea why.
"Today is Senior Cliff's—uh, your birthday, right?"
"My birthday already passed."
Cliff said this with zero amusement.
How old was Cliff now—twenty? Or twenty-one?
In this world, that made him a full-fledged adult.
Depending on the person, having two or three kids by this age wouldn't be unusual.
Thanks to his baby face, though, Cliff still looked about fifteen.
"No, it's not that."
"Understood."
I straightened up.
This sounded serious.
"Actually..."
Cliff began.
This was about Orsted.
When I'd reported back from my trip, I'd told him I'd explain everything later, and that was the last he'd heard.
It wouldn't be unreasonable for him to have lost patience by now.
"I've been thinking about names for the baby with Elinariuse. If it's a boy, Clive; if it's a girl, Elea Clarris. What do you think?"
...Names?
Wait, was that what this was about?
Had I been overthinking it?
"So basically, if it's a boy, a Milis-style name; if it's a girl, an Elf-style name. What do you think, Rudeus?"
"Well... Clive sounds like he'd grow up to be a very smart politician, but it might give off a slightly difficult impression. Elea Clarris, I think that's nice. It rolls off the tongue well, and it's a beautiful name. But a great thief might steal something precious from her..."
When I gave my honest opinion, Cliff looked up at the ceiling and said, "Yeah, I thought so."
Then he turned to face me, still stone-cold serious.
"...That was a joke. We've already decided on the name. It was good to get your input, but that's not what today's about."
Oh, a joke.
Could've been clearer.
If you're joking, try actually laughing.
Nobody's cracked a smile this whole time, you know?
"You know what this is about, Rudeus. Your recent... behavior."
Cliff pointed at me, and Zanoba nodded.
He seemed a little angry too.
"Master. I'm prepared to follow you in whatever you do. However, I feel your recent secretive behavior has been rather excessive, hasn't it?"
"You think?"
"First you suddenly have us build that incredible armor, then midway through you start rattling off incredibly detailed technical specifications, and then—keeping it a secret from us until the very end about who we'd be fighting—you went and faced one of the Seven World Powers..."
Just as Zanoba was about to name names, the door to our private room opened and our drinks were brought in.
Zanoba clamped his mouth shut and waited for the staff to finish serving.
After the server left, Zanoba opened his mouth again.
I'd reserved the private room precisely because this was supposed to be confidential.
"The opponent was the Dragon God Orsted, one of the Seven World Powers. And because Master fought him in earnest, an entire forest was destroyed, wasn't it!"
"No, there's still some left. About half."
"And on top of that, you surrendered to him..."
"I didn't have a choice."
"To neutralize Master at full power in that armor without killing him—I can only conclude he's a monster."
Well, Orsted was certainly a monster of sorts.
Ranged magic was neutralized, and in close combat I was completely outclassed.
I didn't think of myself as strong, but I had still been confident I could put up a fight.
"Because Master didn't look defeated afterward, I thought maybe Orsted was a decent person after all... but he..."
Zanoba's body trembled, and he looked down.
Then he jerked his head up and shouted.
"He is nothing short of a devil! Just seeing him with my own eyes the other day was enough to convince me he's an enemy!"
Zanoba had been put to sleep by Orsted just last week, hadn't he?
He'd encountered Orsted then and supposedly received the curse...
Huh?
But until that meeting, he hadn't thought Orsted was a bad person?
Which meant the curse didn't activate until they actually met in person?
Now that I thought about it, neither Aisha nor Norn harbored negative feelings toward Orsted.
So indirect contact with him didn't trigger the curse?
"Serving a man like that—it's simply incomprehensible..."
Zanoba shook his head in bewilderment.
To think Orsted could make someone say all that just by being seen—this curse was something else.
"I can't say, since I've never actually seen Orsted."
And with that, Cliff chimed in.
"But Zanoba, Sylphie, and Roxy all consider Orsted dangerous. If they all agree, then he must be a bad person."
That wasn't like Cliff, who rarely listened to other people's opinions.
Still, when I compared everything side by side, Cliff did seem to remain unaffected by the curse.
"Working under a man like that doesn't seem like the kind of thing a smart person like you would do, Rudeus."
I wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed.
Still, I was in a tough spot.
Having everyone around me oppose my working under Orsted was making it really hard to move forward.
"But... when I heard you were going to fix that magical armor, something clicked."
Cliff said in a knowing tone.
Then he gave me a challenging look.
"You're going to fight him again, aren't you? The Dragon God Orsted..."
"...What?"
"Pretend to serve him for a while, wait for an opening, and take him down. That's your strategy, right?"
"No, with Lord Orsted—"
"You don't need to spell it out."
Cliff held up his palm toward me.
"Asking for modifications to reduce magic consumption... that means you want it to be usable by us too, right? Meaning, someday you were planning to ask us to fight alongside you..."
Cliff broke into a smug grin, looking awfully pleased with himself.
"Am I wrong?"
Yes, you're wrong.
That's what I wanted to say, but honestly, maybe it was better this way.
The plan had been to tell them "I'll fight him someday—this is prep for that"—while gradually revealing that Orsted wasn't actually a bad guy.
"...Senior Cliff."
But continuing to pile convenient lies onto someone who cared this much... it wasn't right.
He might not believe me, but I owed it to him to at least say it once.
"What?"
"What if I told you that Orsted is under a curse, and that's the reason everyone hates him?"
"What? Really?"
"What if I told you a certain evil god tricked me into fighting Orsted?"
"An evil god? The one who worships panties and blood-stained cloth?"
"I'll fucking kill you."
"Ah, wh—? S-sorry. So that's not it, huh? Okay, got it. Go on."
Damn, I'd lashed out on instinct.
But still, you shouldn't badmouth someone else's religion.
Anyway...
"After I met Orsted, it turned out his curse didn't affect me for some reason. We talked it out and came to an understanding. In exchange for his forgiveness, I agreed to fight that evil god alongside Orsted. If I told you that, would you believe me?"
"Hmm..."
"I do not believe it."
Zanoba's glasses glinted as he declared flatly.
"A man like Orsted proposing to fight alongside someone else? I simply cannot imagine it."
"When even Zanoba goes that far..."
With Zanoba being so adamant, Cliff looked confused.
He crossed his arms and brooded.
"Think about it the other way. Zanoba—the Zanoba who only cares about dolls—is this fixated on another person. Doesn't that seem odd to you? That's the effect of the curse."
"Hah, now that you mention it... No, but when it comes to you, Zanoba actually thinks things through. If the guy seemed that off, of course he'd be worried."
Was that so?
They were actually worried about me?
I was grateful for that, but in this particular instance, I couldn't quite take comfort in it.
Orsted was still keeping things from me, and maybe I shouldn't trust him completely either.
Even so, I wanted to avoid the stupidity of flitting between Orsted and the Human God like a bat and ending up making enemies of both.
I had no choice.
I'd have to lie.
"All right... let's go with your theory, Senior Cliff."
"My theory? What do you mean?"
I cleared my throat.
"Everything you said is correct. I will defeat Orsted. But the time isn't right yet. So for now, I'm biding my time and playing along with him."
"...What? That's enough? What happened to everything you just said?"
"That was just... what I wish were the case."
If Cliff actually saw Orsted, he'd probably end up just like Zanoba.
So let's just leave it at that.
"I'd like to continue having your help with this—both you and Zanoba."
"...Leave it to me, Master. By next time, I'll forge armor even Julie can equip."
"Yeah, I'm counting on you."
I wasn't actually going to have Julie fight, but it was good for Zanoba to have that kind of spirit.
"Now, there's something else I'd like to ask of you, Senior Cliff."
"What is it?"
This was where I brought up what I'd originally wanted to ask him today.
I'd just change how I framed it.
Let's see, how should I put this...
"Actually, Orsted is protected by a certain barrier."
"A barrier? Like barrier magic?"
"No, something more like a curse."
Hearing the word "curse," Cliff grimaced.
"When anyone sees Orsted's true form, their body shrinks back in fear and they can't use their full power."
"Is that so?"
"Yes. That's how I lost too. Right, Zanoba?"
"I was defeated before I even knew what was happening, but now that you mention it, I do feel as though my body had gone stiff."
That was almost certainly a coincidence, but I wasn't going to correct him.
"I see. That curse is a real problem..."
"Yes, it's incredibly troublesome. That's why I'm hoping you, Senior Cliff, can do something about Orsted's curse."
"But my research is specifically tailored to Elinariuse. I'm not sure it would work on Orsted..."
"Well, if it doesn't work, it doesn't work—we'll find another way. Elinariuse is pregnant right now anyway, so you wouldn't be able to continue your research. In the meantime, could you at least try to see if there's any way to weaken the curse's effect?"
Cliff was a curse specialist.
While his work wasn't complete yet, he had succeeded in reducing Elinariuse's curse.
If I had him research ways to suppress Orsted's curse, perhaps that fear-inducing effect would weaken too.
That was the plan.
"But would Orsted even agree to that kind of research? How would you trick him?"
"Orsted is a man who's hungry for battle. Actually, he's been feeling that the curse is a bit of a nuisance too."
"Really? But doesn't it give him an advantage in fights?"
"He told me. He said that just once, he'd like to fight an opponent at full strength rather than one cowering from the curse."
A bald-faced lie.
But I'd make sure to ask Orsted to say the same thing in front of Cliff later.
We'd come up with the justification then.
The atmosphere was everything.
"Really...?"
"Yes, it's true. So please don't hold back, Senior Cliff. Go ahead and research Orsted."
"Hmm... all right. It doesn't feel right deceiving someone, but if you say so, I'll give it a shot!"
Yes!
Senior Cliff is the best!
Elinariuse, give him a hug for me!
All right, I'd work on convincing Sylphie and the others from this angle too.
Once the curse was dealt with, everything would fall into place.
...Sigh.
The guilt was crushing.
Why did I keep having to lie?
I wasn't saying lying was inherently wrong.
Sometimes lying was the better option.
But Cliff, Zanoba, Sylphie, Roxy, Eris—
They all genuinely worried about me.
Lying to people like that made me feel like I was betraying them.
I didn't want to hurt anyone, and I didn't want to lead them astray...
Eventually, once Orsted's curse was lifted, could I turn all these lies into a joke we could all laugh about...
"So that's the situation. Zanoba, Senior Cliff... I'm counting on you both."
"Indeed. Knowing that Master has a solid plan puts my mind at ease."
"Got it. This is a big job. Leave it to me."
Just as the two of them nodded in agreement, the food arrived.
---
Luxurious dishes lined the table, sake cups were distributed, and the feast was ready to begin.
I raised my cup.
"All right. The serious talk is over! Let's toast and dig in!"
"Indeed."
Zanoba raised his cup.
"What are we toasting to?"
Cliff also raised his cup while voicing the question.
"There are no women around today, so how about a toast to... friendship among men?"
Bit corny?
Oh well.
I knew.
Cliff and Zanoba would never betray me when it counted.
Even if it meant making an enemy of his own country, Cliff would help me.
Even if I turned into garbage, Zanoba wouldn't leave my side.
They were irreplaceable friends.
I'd lied to them this time, but I wanted to be on their side for the rest of my life.
Thinking about that almost brought me to tears.
Corny or not, let's do it.
At my actual felt age, I wouldn't be surprised if I was already giving off a faint hint of middle-aged body odor.
Might as well lean into it.
"Then, to our friendship."
"To friendship."
"Cheers!"
The cups clinked together and a little sake sloshed over the rim.
"But, friendship among men... what are we supposed to talk about at a time like this?"
"Should we talk about dirty stuff?"
"Dirty—oh, speaking of which, Rudeus. I heard you've got a new wife."
"Yeah, her name's Eris. She's, well, someone I grew up with."
"Lady Eris, how nostalgic. Whatever happened to the one they called the Mad Dog... I should go pay my respects next time."
Zanoba's eyes softened with fond nostalgia.
Back in the Shirone Kingdom, Zanoba and Eris hadn't really spoken much.
Well, at least he remembered her.
It wasn't the kind of presence you could easily forget.
"...Oh? Come to think of it, Senior Cliff, you knew Eris, didn't you? You met her once before?"
"Mm, we just met briefly ages ago. I don't think about it now."
So, just a brief encounter in the past.
...Come to think of it, Eris might have completely forgotten about Cliff.
That was Eris for you.
"More importantly, Rudeus, let's talk about you. I've said this before, but women aren't collectibles. Having that many of them around you is—"
Cliff's lecture continued from there.
Just as the three of us reached a pleasant level of tipsiness, Zanoba started telling dirty stories.
It started with the story about his ex-wife, turned into a horror story halfway through, and ended up as complaints about how women could never understand dolls.
After that, Cliff and I got talking.
We bonded over just how wild Eris and Elinariuse were in bed.
But when we noticed Zanoba looking bored, we shifted the topic to the magical armor.
When I described fighting Orsted in the magical armor, their eyes lit up.
Giant robot versus giant monster—apparently that sort of thing was universally exciting.
That night, the three of us got blackout drunk.
After the restaurant closed, we bought some booze to go, rented a room at a nearby inn, and kept drinking.
A drinking party with just the three of us felt really good.
If there was another chance, I'd love to do this again.