The moment that fist swung through the air was the moment he regretted being small more than anything.
More than the tragedy of the gladiator island they had all overcome together, more than the "Sparka" he had used to win Gustav to their side, more than the moonlit debate with Ceci—more than any of those moments, right here, right now, Subaru cursed the fact that a small body couldn't hit as hard as a bigger one would have.
"You—!"
The emperor received young Subaru's fist squarely on his left cheek, his face spattered with blood. His eyes went wide.
His gaze dropped to the floor, where Subaru had failed his landing and tumbled to the ground. But there was no anger in his expression, only surprise. Astonishment outweighed humiliation.
The emperor pressed a hand to the cheek that Subaru's fist had struck—the fist that had hurt more with surprise than with pain—and "Don't you value your life!? If you raise a hand against me, the flames of the 'Yang Sword' will burn you to—"
"Yeah, I don't! Compared to letting you walk away without punching you right here and now, burning to death doesn't scare me one bit!"
"What—"
Subaru sprang to his feet right in front of the glaring emperor and unleashed a tirade. His exhausted body wobbled and his back hit the door, but that worked out fine. Leaning his back against it, Subaru spread both arms wide and stood his ground against the emperor.
Saying he didn't care about his life was a complete lie.
But in a battle of words, he refused to show a single flicker of weakness. He had to hit back at this emperor—whether with words or with fists—at someone who'd just said whatever the hell he wanted.
"You're right about what you said. I don't understand, I think. Even I don't know what standards I'm basing my actions on."
"…'You guys'?"
The emperor furrowed his brow at Subaru, who was glaring at him with bitten lip.
Lowering the hand from his cheek, the emperor's face now filthy with blood dripping from Subaru's wounds, he racked his brain trying to figure out who else Subaru's plural-targeted remark could have been aimed at besides himself.
But no matter how much he thought about it, he couldn't have known. The man in front of him was the emperor. The other man was a common soldier without rank.
Yet both of them had inflicted the same wound on Subaru. Both had pointed out the same flaw.
"I want to protect the people I love, the people who matter to me. That's honestly how I feel. But even for people I hate or people I don't know, if they're in danger right in front of me, I'll…"
Todd had said Subaru chose who to save based on subjective likes and dislikes.
Abel had said Subaru chose who to save not even by likes and dislikes, but on a whim, haphazardly.
Both statements were correct. And because both were correct, they were wrong.
Because— "But… is that really so bad…?"
"What?"
"Is it wrong to help the person right in front of me on impulse, without some grand resolve to shoulder their entire life, without some noble cause behind it!?"
Subaru raised his voice and stamped his foot, and the emperor's dark eyes widened. Subaru's string of uncharacteristic attitudes and expressions continued, and he pressed on all the more.
"Just like you said! I've been thinking within what I can see, reaching out within what I can reach, and that's how I've gotten this far! What's so wrong with that!?"
"You—are you seriously defending yourself!? What's wrong with it? It's obvious! Why do you refuse to look at the big picture and instead act on your emotions? Why don't you make use of the Authority given to you!?"
"I'm using all of it! I'm standing here because I use it! Don't be so emotional!? Don't say stupid things! How I use my emotions is my business!"
"Then at the very least, follow those emotions! If you're going to decide people's lives and deaths based on your likes and dislikes, don't try to deviate from that method. Your way of being is nothing but twisted!"
"If living straight is what got you to your conclusion, then my crooked-as-hell guts are more than welcome!"
Subaru kicked back as the emperor continued to press him on his posture, landing kick after kick on the emperor's shins, unleashing all the rage he could no longer hold back.
The emperor grimaced at the tantrum-laced kicks, "This is pointless."
And tried to unilaterally end the conversation. Once again, unilaterally.
The emperor who sought to leave their clash of values behind grabbed Subaru's shoulder. He tried to push him aside. An adult against a child—subaru couldn't win in a test of strength.
So instead, Subaru bit down hard on the emperor's hand.
"—You!"
"Bite me, you prick! Not holding back!"
He sank his teeth in without mercy, carving teeth marks and wounds into the emperor's right hand. Blood flowed from the hand even after it was forcibly wrenched free. Between the knife wounds and these, the emperor was now bleeding from both hands.
To make the blood of the empire's highest sovereign spill like this—Subaru's execution would be unavoidable.
"That's only if there's still a country left, you dumbass!"
"What are you—!"
The moment the hand was pulled free, Subaru threw his small body straight at the emperor head-on, driving his head into the man's stomach and sweeping both legs out from under him. A fighting technique Veltol had taught him.
Pushing further with Veltol's lessons, he went for the ultimate mount of street fighting.
He slammed down onto the fallen emperor's chest, grabbed the front of his garment with both hands, and smashed him against the floor. Bash the back of someone's head against the ground repeatedly, and no matter who they are, they'll be knocked out in seconds.
However— "Don't push your luck!"
The first time, the emperor was surprised. The second time, he was confused, and the head slam landed. But the third time, sheer difference in physical power stopped Subaru cold. His hair was grabbed and he was dragged forcibly off the emperor's body.
Subaru screamed and hit the floor. The emperor rose to his feet, cast a glance at the boy, and turned once more toward the door.
"Not a chance!"
Subaru leaped from behind and latched onto the emperor's leg, trying to forcibly halt his momentum toward the door. But he used too much force, and ended up shoving the man face-forward.
The result— "Oof."
A dull sound echoed through the room as the emperor's face slammed into the door.
"————"
He braced his hands against the door he'd hit face-first with a sharp thud. The emperor pushed himself upright, then turned and seized Subaru's collar with both hands, lifting him off the ground.
Subaru groaned as his body was flipped. His back slammed into the door and was pressed against it.
In front of Subaru's eyes, the emperor—his nose and forehead reddened—glared at him from close range, the dangling boy's feet kicking uselessly in the air.
"What is it you want? What is your objective? What do you desire!?"
"To punch you! Punching you is my objective! Punching you is my desire!"
"You—"
"What about you? What do you want? What's your objective? What the hell do you desire!?"
"————"
Subaru dug his nails into the hands gripping his collar, spitting fury right back.
He twisted his neck, trying to open his mouth to bite the emperor's hand again, but no matter how hard he strained, he couldn't reach. At the very least, he gathered saliva on the emperor's hand and spat on it.
While Subaru's spit defiled his hand, the emperor's cheek hardened—for a reason entirely separate from the humiliation—and he murmured.
"My… desire…?"
"That's right. Drop all the grand pretenses and speeches. You had something you actually wanted to do, didn't you? Otherwise, you wouldn't have gone out of your way to come find me in the middle of all this."
"————"
"You're the one who doesn't understand himself the most. Of everything you talked about just now, the one you put the most passion into—that's what matters most to you."
The talk about the evacuation from the imperial capital. The talk where Subaru suspected he was the "Star Reader." The talk about how
Come to think of it, when Subaru had woken up from unconsciousness, this guy hadn't even offered a single word of concern. He hadn't said a damn thing about their reunion since the Chaos Flame.
But strip all that away, and the topic he'd been most passionate about was obvious.
"…Tch."
"…Why,
The heat that had built up through the shoving, grappling, and clutching dissipated. But in its place, a different, cold fire was kindled, and a new question was posed.
If those violent exchanges had been red flames, this question was a blue flame.
The emperor burned his gaze—those blue flames now dwelling in his eyes—into Subaru, who hung right before him, and asked.
"The one who set that up was me. That one could perform the same role as me without a shred of deviation. In fact, it could even be said that in terms of martial prowess, that one was superior."
"————"
"There was no difference in ability between me and Chisha. Whichever of us had survived, the fight against the 'Great Calamity' would have continued, and either would have given it their all. —Why?"
Those dark eyes—the emperor's dark eyes, no, Abel's dark eyes—stared straight into Subaru's and wavered.
The mask of the emperor, which Abel had probably donned with the resolve to never let it slip again, was stripped away not long after his determination cracked, and Abel's face was visible beneath.
And as not the emperor of this nation, but as a single human being who had lost someone precious, Abel couldn't help but ask Subaru.
"Why did you spare me—the one I despise—and let Chisha die, Natsuki Subaru?"
Having fully realized what it was he wanted to ask Subaru, Abel posed the same question he had before the grappling began.
The anguish and fragility in his voice were incomparable to anything before.
The emperor known as Vincent Volachia had used everything he had for the empire.
As the emperor of what was called one of the Four Great Nations in this world, ruling the largest territory among them, and as an existence who saw through all things, Vincent Volachia had reigned.
That the man called Vincent Volachia would pose a question not for the empire's sake, but as a single individual—that was proof that the question itself carried weight equal to the empire.
Subaru felt that in his skin, his blood, his brain, his soul. His heart trembled.
At the same time, in contrast to Abel whose emotions were ballooning, Subaru's feelings were quiet.
"————"
Why did the person called Chisha have to die?
Beyond Subaru's knowledge, Abel and Chisha had been placed on opposite sides of a scale, and the situation had devolved into one where only one could be saved.
And Abel had intended to be the one to share the fate of that crumbling scale.
That had been rewritten. —Probably, by Chisha herself, who had died.
—From when had Abel accepted his own death?
Once born, life must eventually end. That was a fact everyone knew and everyone subconsciously ignored—a completely different matter from Abel's situation.
Accepting a foretold death was no different from what Subaru faced when confronting the cause of his "Return by Death."
Abel had been confronting his own approaching death for a long time.
With the same resolve as Subaru—believing that the "death" he would face could be changed and must be changed, fighting to the end—Abel had continued to fight.
If Subaru died, then Emilia,
Otto,
If he had spent all of his resolve for that purpose, then Abel— "I had finished all preparations for my own end. And yet—"
Emilia, Rem, Beatrice had been saved by taking Subaru's place.
Otto, Tanza, the people of Shudrak, Flop, and countless others had sacrificed themselves to save Subaru and survived.
The despair that entailed—even if no one else understood it, Natsuki Subaru had to.
Subaru, who had overturned that possibility time and again, who had rewritten reality with his Authority—only Subaru must not dismiss Abel's despair out of hand.
He had to understand it, swallow it, and then say it.
"——I'm not the 'Star Reader,' Abel."
"————"
The words he delivered must have felt like the ultimate betrayal to Abel.
After all this, Subaru was withholding the answer he wanted most. But no matter how Abel doubted him, the facts could not be changed.
Perhaps Subaru could do the same things as the "Star Reader."
Perhaps Subaru possessed an even greater means of intervening in fate.
Even so, he was not omnipotent. He could not be omnipotent.
He wished he were. But omnipotence would not be enough.
"So I can't save the Chisha you're talking about. I don't know how to save them. But there's one thing I can say."
"…What?"
"…If I really did have the kind of power you're describing, even then I'd choose to save you—the person I hate—over saving a stranger. Not because of looking ahead or any grand reason like that. That's just what I'd do. I just… would."
He really did think his own nature was hopeless.
But that was the honest result—Natsuki Subaru, within the limits of his own understanding, consulting the abilities he had, delivering the unvarnished truth.
"————"
Slowly, the grip of Abel's hands on his collar loosened, and Subaru's body was freed.
His back scraped against the door as he slid down to the floor. Abel's hands were still resting on Subaru's collar, but the strength that had been white-knuckling his fingers had drained away.
Subaru could have freed himself easily if he'd wanted to. But he didn't.
Without freeing himself, he simply called Abel by his name.
"If you say you are not the 'Star Reader'…"
Abel's lips produced those words weakly.
But even Abel himself seemed unconvinced by what he'd said, and the rest didn't follow. His dark eyes began to wander, searching for the words he truly wanted to say.
Expressing his own feelings in words.
Perhaps something even a child could do—but something the emperor of this nation had never done.
"If you are going to save me no matter what I do…"
"————"
"In a matter that could decide the empire's survival, to be distracted by trivialities…"
"————"
"I… I! From the first moment I saw your way of being…"
"————"
Every sentence stalled midway through.
Every word, every emotion was insufficient to capture what Abel truly felt. He stumbled again and again, corrected himself, tried to rephrase—and Subaru did not rush him.
"You despised me, treated me as an enemy…"
Stumbling along, Abel realized with his sharp mind that the answer he sought lay beyond his halting words. Again and again, he restarted, searching for what to say.
The man called the wisest emperor since the founding of the Volachia Empire, whose intellect all had revered.
And after repeating himself over and over, he finally arrived.
"I…"
"————"
"I had steeled myself to die. …I never steeled myself to be left behind."
He had trained only the resolve of the one who leaves others behind, and never honed the resolve of the one who is left behind.
Perhaps he had even considered what his final words would be. If you looked hard enough, his last will and testament might be found here and there.
All of it was meant to entrust something to those who came after. He had never once considered the possibility of being the one who received that entrusted burden.
"Why…"
A trembling voice spoke those words.
Trembling, Abel removed his hand from Subaru's collar. He brought that hand—his bloodied hand—to his face and covered it.
The emperor who would never so much as close both eyes in front of others covered his face with both hands.
"Why did you die and leave me behind, Chisha…"
Both hands over his face, his voice shaking, perhaps with tears forming in those dark eyes, Vincent Volachia fell to his knees.
A man who likely hadn't even had the time to grieve over losing someone precious—someone deeply, deeply important—dropped to his knees before someone he despised, someone whose rudeness and irreverence gave him permission to remove the emperor's mask.
Watching this, Subaru also let out a long, deep breath.
"…I'm sorry."
As a comrade who continued to fight alongside this unreasonable fate—toward a comrade who had fought desperately and been wounded—he offered words that were no comfort at all.
△▼△▼△▼△ When Subaru had lunged at Abel as he was about to leave, the memory that surfaced in his mind was of Otto, who had once punched him just the same way.
"You're incredible, man. I could never be as cool as you. …I'd never say it to your face, of course."
There was both irritation and embarrassment involved, so saying it directly to the person was absolutely out of the question.
He'd consider telling Otto on his deathbed, "Actually, I always thought you were amazing." But if he actually went through with it, he trusted that even at death's door Otto would fire back with, "Then why the hell didn't you say so until now?!"
In any case— "————"
Abel sat heavily on the floor, leaning his back against the wall, one knee drawn up, his gaze drifting through the dim room.
Beside him, Subaru sat cross-legged, quietly savoring the silence.
That opening expression of gratitude and teasing toward Otto was undeniably Subaru's true feelings.
There had been a time when Subaru was about to collapse under the weight of carrying everything alone. Otto had slapped him across the face and thrown out exactly the right words.
He'd told Subaru not to put on a brave front in front of friends. —That experience had given Subaru the courage to spring from his bed.
Of course— "You and I aren't friends or anything."
"…Naturally. Don't say such revolting things. Friends with you… No, I don't need friends. I shouldn't desire them."
"It's not that you can't make friends—it's that you choose not to, right? I played the loner card too back in the day, but everyone saw right through it."
"Your insolence truly knows no bounds."
Sitting side by side, neither looking at the other, Subaru and Abel exchanged words.
The intensity of their grappling and brawling was gone, but they weren't the type to simply stand up and walk away in the middle of a conversation with some polished exit.
Subaru's face, clothes, and hands were caked in blood.
Of course, Abel's face, hair, and clothes were likewise splattered with blood.
The sheets in the room were stained red. The knife lay on the floor. Blood was spattered everywhere in little dots and streaks, and signs of the violent struggle were evident throughout.
It wasn't enough blood for a murder scene, but more than enough for a crime scene.
"But even rampaging like that, we couldn't destroy a single room. That's the limit of you and me as individuals."
Even if Subaru and Abel went at each other full-force, they'd be lucky to break some furniture.
If the truly terrifying people of this world went on a rampage, this room would be obliterated in the blink of an eye. How long would it take for Emilia to adorably destroy this room with her cute face and cute hands?
"If it's you and me going at it, it's neither cute nor anything else."
"…What exactly is your problem?"
"What about you—what's your problem? I'm just saying, you've scattered your story so badly that I can't even tell which thread you want to follow."
"————"
Abel fell silent, thinking.
The reason he shut his mouth was probably because he was aware of how scattered his topics had become. By shutting his ears to the appeals closest to his heart and selecting only the comfortable, convenient topics, his thoughts had scattered until nothing of substance remained.
That was the essence of his conversation up to now, and he'd recognized his own failing.
As Subaru waited to see what kind of recovery he would attempt— "Natsuki Subaru—is it true that you are not the 'Star Reader'?"
"…It's true. I'm not the 'Star Reader' or anything. Future prophecy or whatever—doesn't that sound more like something the
"I've heard that two Archbishops were taken down in Lugnica."
"That's the unofficial count—it was three, actually. The 'Greed'… Actually, whether or not I beat the 'Greed' is complicated, so forget I said that. And about Louis—oh!"
"What?"
"You didn't do anything to Louis, did you? When you said you'd kill Louis, I haven't forgiven you for that."
The reason Subaru had split off from Abel's group in the Chaos Flame city was Abel's uncompromising attitude toward Louis.
When Subaru had revealed the truth that she was an Archbishop, Abel had said he would not spare her.
That was why Subaru had gone separate ways with Abel, ending up alone with Louis in a defenseless situation, heading toward Yorna's castle— "Anyway, the point is, I still haven't forgiven you."
"Don't be absurd. You yourself hated that girl mercilessly, did you not?"
"The past is the past, and the present is the present. Besides, if I held onto first impressions forever, I'd be questioning the sanity of everyone in my circle."
"I've been questioning your sanity since the Shudrak settlement. —Worry not."
"Huh?"
"I never laid a hand on that girl. Moreover, what I was trying to say in that situation was not to immediately execute a person I suspected of being an Archbishop."
"Wh—"
"It was your knee-jerk reaction. Reflect on that, won't you."
Being told he'd overreacted left Subaru speechless. But even if that was the truth, the reason Subaru had jumped to that conclusion was Abel's attitude—their cold, detached manner.
The accumulation of Abel's behavior up to that point had led to that moment of distrust.
"That was a problem with your attitude—"
"It was necessary. In the unlikely event that you might come to want to keep me alive."
"————"
"That too was based entirely on the assumption that you are the 'Star Reader.' That you, who have been producing unprecedented results in the kingdom, are capable of things no ordinary person could achieve."
"That's—"
"Though, truthfully, there was no need to make such an effort to worsen your impression of me. Even without the act, you are precisely the type of person I despise most. The loathing and contempt that spilled out were genuine."
"You—son of a—!"
True or false, good or bad—Abel's words made Subaru's temples throb with rage.
But just as Subaru had been walking on thin ice while trying to gauge his relationship with Abel, Abel too had been navigating a tightrope with Subaru.
Subaru on ice, Abel on a tightrope—that was never going to work.
Neither one was watching their own footing, and neither had bothered to look at the other's face.
"…I don't know the person called Chisha. They kicked you off the throne, took your appearance, and pretended to be the emperor. I only encountered them as the emperor in the Chaos Flame."
"————"
"I don't know what they were thinking or why they drove you out of the castle. But seeing you regret their death so much, and knowing that the person who was supposed to have died in your place actually died in your stead—I get that much. So…"
Subaru spoke haltingly, saying exactly what he thought.
It had become an unspoken understanding that they wouldn't look at each other, so even as he talked, Subaru couldn't see Abel's expression. That was frightening too.
This was the person Abel had lost—a person significant enough to throw the emperor off balance.
For Subaru, who knew nothing about Chisha, to speak on this might be treading too close to the heart of it all.
But he thought it.
Even if the time they'd spent together wasn't that long, Subaru—who had been jerked around endlessly by this man calling himself Abel, who had been dragged into a situation that could determine a nation's survival—had to acknowledge it.
"That Chisha was incredible."
He looked up, and although it might have been out of place, his voice came out bright.
He hadn't forced it to be cheerful—it was genuine admiration, overflowing from Subaru's heart.
Really, how many people could there be who could betray the schemes of this man, called the wisest emperor since the founding of the Volachia Empire—a man who shaped all things in his mind and made them play out accordingly—and still achieve their own objectives so perfectly?
Just that alone was more than worthy of admiration.
And on top of that, the fact that the surviving Abel was sitting there moping—that might not have gone according to plan.
"You said it didn't matter which one of you survived. If that's true, then there's only one reason the person who created this situation did what they did."
"…You—"
Abel spoke in a low voice without turning to face Subaru, who was rambling on.
The tone—neither outright anger nor entirely without it—was not a rebuke of Subaru's presumptuous analysis, but rather— "You claim to understand? The reason Chisha conspired against me?"
—an invitation to voice the conclusion Subaru had reached.
"————"
Abel wanted an answer.
An answer that even his own brilliant mind couldn't produce. The notion that it might come from the mouth of Subaru—who didn't even know Chisha—was something he hadn't expected, yet couldn't help expecting.
The pressure of that expectation was not lost on Subaru, but— "At this point, I don't care what you think of me anymore."
With that attitude, there was no reason to hesitate in speaking his mind.
Subaru's theory on why Chisha had chosen to leave Abel alive instead of Subaru himself.
It was— "You pissed Chisha off. They were fed up with you. And so they proved a point."
"…Proved? What—That I was foolish enough to be conspired against?"
"You being an intelligent idiot is something even Flop-san and Mezilda-san have probably figured out. That's not it—It's about the length of fate's reach."
"Fate…"
As if tasting an unfamiliar word for the first time, Abel murmured it slowly on his tongue.
In truth, having confronted all things head-on and resisted with his own wits, Abel may never have consciously recognized that he was fighting against something called "fate"—something formless, something vast.
But without question, the enemy Abel had been unconsciously conceding defeat to was fate.
And at the same time, Chisha had used their own life—proving it by saving Abel.
"You can fight fate. —There's not a single reason to just give up."
"————"
Abel inhaled sharply, the words striking him like a blow to the heart. He fell silent.
If he hadn't realized his enemy was "fate," he would never have considered that it could be fought against, that it could be resisted. It would never have crossed his mind.
But what if he now clearly understood who—or what—his "enemy" truly was?
What would the wisest emperor since the founding of the Volachia Empire do upon learning the true identity of his "enemy"?
"——Abel, I'm not the 'Star Reader.'"
"————"
"But—"
Beside the silent Abel, Subaru placed his hands on his crossed knees and spoke.
Questioned, denied. Questioned again. Denied, questioned, denied again.
He couldn't explain or prove his Authority—couldn't explain "Return by Death"—but through this exchange, Subaru had arrived at something in his heart.
It was, perhaps, also an answer to
"As long as it's within my reach, I'll save as many as I can. And still—if there are truly lives that I still can't scoop up, then that…"
"…Would that not be a defeat to fate?"
"——I can't win every time. I'm not the only one fighting fate."
He couldn't save everyone.
And going forward, Subaru could not claim he would save everyone.
But while swearing to continue fighting fate—to continue defying it—he also accepted that lives would be lost. Natsuki Subaru regretted that, grieved over it, and kept saying so.
And to reduce the opportunities for regret, to reduce the opportunities for tears— "Lend me your strength, Abel. In exchange, I'll lend you mine."
"————"
"From here on, I'll cooperate with you fully! …Well, I can't just make that promise without consulting Emilia and the others, but that's the spirit. So—"
As he spoke, Subaru slapped his knee and stood up.
Without looking at Abel's face, he walked slowly across the room to the bedside. Passing the blood-stained, disheveled sheets, he reached for the fruit basket.
In it lay the apple that Abel had split in two and abandoned. The white flesh had begun browning from air exposure, but Subaru picked it up without hesitation.
And— "I'll help you finish the apple you split in two."
He tossed one half of the split apple to Abel, then bit into his own half.
The crisp sound and the slow spread of sweet juice in his mouth—Subaru looked at Abel, still sitting on the floor.
Abel caught the apple, looked down at it, and after a brief hesitation, bit into it.
The same crisp sound, the same bittersweet flavor spreading through his mouth.
Like or hate, love or loathe—it had nothing to do with that taste.
Between two living beings, the taste of a shared apple was the same.
"Natsuki Subaru."
"What?"
"I do not like you."
"Noted."
"—But I need your strength."
With those words, Abel slowly rose to his feet. The half-eaten apple still in hand, he fixed Subaru with his dark eyes.
All the uncharacteristic emotional colors he had shown in this room were once again hidden behind the emperor's self-awareness. But a faint trace of it bled through in his eyes and his voice.
"I offer my sincere apologies for the many discourtesies. Knight of the Kingdom."
As the Holy Volachia Empire's emperor bowed his head, Subaru laughed.
He laughed, and between bites of his apple, "I won't apologize for the many discourtesies, Emperor of the Empire."
And with that, he took a single step toward correcting a relationship that had been wrong from the very start.