Subaru turned around to find a powerful hand gripping his shoulder, and his eyes went wide.
That was how unexpected the iron-helmeted knight—Al—was in his approach.
"———"
The pressure of the hand on his shoulder was strong, impossible to ignore. It carried an unmistakable will: that Subaru would not be permitted to continue bashing his head against the wall.
"Cut it out."
"...Ah."
Meeting his gaze, Subaru let out a breath at the repeated command. In that instant, a wave of shame surged up from the pit of his stomach at the realization that his bizarre behavior had been witnessed. He was like a video game character forced to run face-first into a wall.
Including the part where he'd been thinking nothing at all, it was exactly what he looked like.
"Keep that up and you'll turn stupid. Well, I couldn't just leave you alone, which is why I stepped in, but—"
"...Sorry for the trouble."
"Way to use polite language. Also, your voice is so scratchy it's freaking me out."
Al pointed out how hoarse Subaru's voice had become—hoarse even to his own ears—and Subaru mocked himself all over again. He was bearing the full weight of his mental collapse, and the ugly state of mind that had driven him to this point was none other than his own.
Of course. After all, Subaru had been told by none other than
"—!"
"Whoa, scary! Don't glare at me like that. I'm already shaken as it is, looking like this."
Al shrugged with theatrical nonchalance as Subaru jerked his head up, eyes blazing. Al flinched back, but Subaru closed the distance he'd retreated and latched directly onto Al's earlier words.
"You were listening...!"
"It's not like I was eavesdropping on purpose, y'know? I happened to go call the others and you were right in the middle of an important conversation. So I figured it'd be rude to interrupt."
"———"
"Those suspicious eyes aren't going to change the truth, brother. And then, well, the little lady walked off looking like the world had ended, so I got worried and followed her. And sure enough..."
As he spoke, Al tapped his own helmet's forehead plate.
He meant to say his worries had been confirmed. Rather than Al having watched closely, Subaru had probably been that obviously devastated.
At the spot Al indicated, the pain from earlier flared up again, and Subaru looked down in embarrassment.
"...Rem—"
"Hm?"
"Rem—what happened to her? After, um, talking to me..."
"Oh come on, don't tell me her words hit so hard you lost your memory? Give me a break. If my only partner in this world goes and gets amnesia on me, I'm done for."
Al fiddled with the fittings on his helmet while answering Subaru's question.
As it happened, the situation Al was worried about had already occurred. Still, for Subaru, it was a matter on par with amnesia—a blow that would naturally shake one's mental balance.
Al must have read that turmoil in Subaru's expression, because he prefaced his next words with "Nothing to worry about": "Even after you went pale, the little lady was still answering you just fine. So I don't think she found you suspicious or anything?"
"That's... a relief."
With Al's stamp of approval, Subaru felt the faintest, most minute sense of relief. It seemed the pathetic display he'd put on had only started after he'd left Rem's presence. If he'd managed to hold it together even a little, he wouldn't have burdened Rem with unnecessary worry.
But either way— "Al, back there... what did you mean?"
"Back where?"
"...You said something about understanding the desire to die, or something."
Holding his aching forehead, Subaru pressed Al on the true meaning behind his words.
*"I get the whole wanting-to-die thing, but y'know, no matter how many times you do it, there's no end to it."* The desire to die, and the claim that there was no end to it no matter how many times.
Honestly, it wasn't that striking a thing to say. But on the other hand, it was far too loaded a statement to make to Subaru in that situation.
Or maybe—Al was implying he knew about Subaru's peculiarity, his Authority. The words seemed to suggest as much— "—Ah, that."
"Yeah. It was quite... quite loaded, wasn't it? You..."
—Does he know something?
Subaru sent Al a gaze heavy with suspicion. He strained to see past the cold iron helmet to the emotions hidden within, but Al's expression and eyes were invisible.
Even so, Al gave a small snort from behind his concealed face.
"I don't like saying this, but I'm a grown man too, y'know? I've had my share of battlefield disasters—just like you, brother. —Done plenty of embarrassing things in front of pretty girls too."
"...Huh?"
"Not 'huh.' Any man worth his salt has wanted to die after making a fool of himself. Matter of fact, I still do it at my age, and at a pretty decent clip. When I do, the Princess looks at me like I'm a bug. For real."
Grinning, Al clapped Subaru on the shoulder and dispensed some seasoned advice.
Subaru stared back at him, trying to figure out whether the display was genuine or just another act.
"Hm? What's up, brother?"
"...Nothing."
But trying to read Al's true feelings was impossible behind that black iron mask.
He'd always brushed off Al's eccentric getup as just that—eccentric. But now that he was trying to see through it, he realized the armor was far more formidable than he'd imagined.
At the same time, he caught himself in a moment of self-awareness: he was being way too paranoid.
"There's no way he knows..."
Al's way of speaking had just happened to snag on Subaru's consciousness. That was all.
If Al had truly known about Return by Death, he would have shown it in a much more obvious way. —The Authority of Return by Death was, by its very nature, a dangerous thing.
Like Roswaal, anyone who knew about it would be unable to leave it alone.
At the same time— "—Not everyone who gets summoned to another world gets some kind of power."
He didn't know the details of Al's situation, but that seemed like a reasonable assumption.
Because if Al did possess some special ability, then surely he could have prevented the loss of his left arm.
For example, if Subaru were to lose an arm in the same way, he could use his own Authority to Return before losing it— "...Go back?"
Thinking that, Subaru found himself staring intently at his own left arm.
It was hypothetical, but entirely plausible. The only reason Subaru had survived in one piece up until now was because he'd masterfully deployed Return by Death and things had gone his way.
In the loops where he'd died, he'd suffered the loss of arms and legs more times than he could count.
If he'd scraped by alive without triggering Return by Death, he could very well have continued living with missing body parts.
—Subaru resolved never to rely on Return by Death.
But then, how far should he rely on it?
Arms, legs, fingers, eyes—at what point of loss would he decide to "rely on it"? And more importantly, what if it wasn't his own body at stake, but
In the Water Gate City Pristella, Subaru had not triggered Return by Death for Ricardo's lost arm. Today, either, he hadn't used it to save Mizelda, who had lost her leg.
Even though he knew that using his Authority could yield better results.
Even though he knew it could reduce the number of people who would lose limbs and have their paths cut short.
"I..."
"———"
"I'm a hypocrite."
Knowing the power he'd been granted was immense, yet unable to take that decisive step.
That was why— "Rem, too... gwah!?"
"Bad loop, brother."
He'd made Rem say that decisive word too.
Just as Subaru was sinking into self-recrimination, a sharp flick cracked against his forehead. The sharp sound brought tears to his eyes, and he looked at Al, sputtering.
"Wha... wha..."
"Nice one. Caught up with that head-banger from earlier. Didn't mean to, sorry sorry."
"That's not the... wait, what was that?!"
"A flick. And now the questioning rights have shifted to me. I've got questions too."
While Subaru was still reeling from surprise, the pain came crashing in. Al thrust a finger toward Subaru's face, and Subaru instinctively leaned back and clamped his mouth shut.
Al then continued with, "Listen here—"
"How much are you going to let that one line from the girl get to you? If you fall apart over something like that, that's just pathetic. Don't you think so yourself?"
"That's... true..."
"It'd be a real problem if a little thing like that could knock you sideways. I know this is embarrassing to say, but... I'm putting my faith in you, brother."
"...Faith?"
The unexpected word caught Subaru off guard, and he was simply stunned.
Seeing that reaction, Al nodded heavily.
"You remember that speech you gave in Pristella, right?"
"Ah—yeah, I did, but..."
"I told you then, didn't I? That if you broadcast from there, you'd be shouldering the 'hero fantasy.'"
The tense situation—the city attacked by a Sin Archbishop, a multitude of people in crisis. In the midst of that, Subaru had been asked to play a role but couldn't take that final step, and the words Al had spoken to him then were "hero fantasy."
Shouldering the hopes and expectations of the people—of so many—as your own. Never being permitted to lose. Carrying on your shoulders what everyone wished for—the "fantasy" known as a "hero."
And at that time, Subaru had answered far too casually.
—that it was no different from always.
"It's the same here. One person turns you down, so what? That doesn't undo everything you've done. Your resolve doesn't just flip upside down."
"———"
"Don't break, brother. Hit them back, brother. —Live up to the expectation, brother."
Repeatedly, Al struck Subaru's back, knowing of his exploits in the Water Gate City. It was a side of him that no one knew—not Rem, who had forgotten everything, not Louis, who had regressed to a child, not Abel, Flop, Medium, or any of the Shudrak people.
As for Priscilla, even if she knew, it was doubtful she'd remember.
"I haven't forgotten. And sorry, but I'm not letting you off the hook now, brother."
"Not letting me off...?"
"You already started. Once you put up that sign, you can't take it down till you die."
"———"
At Al's critical words, Subaru drew in his breath once more.
The broadcast in that Water Gate City had rippled outward—not just to the people there who had been swallowed by fear and anxiety, but to others as well.
The sign, once raised, cannot be lowered.
And unfortunately, death would never come for Subaru.
Which meant he had no choice but to keep fighting— "...For so long."
Subaru covered his face with both hands, shutting out his vision, and words escaped his lips.
The words that had been echoing in his head all this time—the fatal words Rem had spoken to him, words that sought to tear Subaru's heart apart and drown him in the blood that flowed.
*"—You're not a hero."* "For so long, I've been carried by Rem's words."
*"—You're not a hero."* "Because Rem believed in me, I managed to keep going without bending my knee. At the
*"—You're not a hero."* "Rem woke up, lost her memory, and I was still happy... I was one step away from getting everything back, and now—right when I need to dig in the most—"
*"—You're not a hero."* "They were magic words. Words that set me on fire."
She'd said he was a hero—Rem had said that.
When Subaru had been ready to throw everything away and run, those words had stopped his feet. They had kept him from collapsing before Rem, who lay sleeping. They had set him to the task of solving the twin puzzles of the Sanctuary and the mansion. They had thrown him into the effort to rescue the Water Gate City, which had fallen into enemy hands. They had shaken the soul of Natsuki Subaru—who had lost his memories—and driven him to conquer the Pleiades Watchtower.
And that— *"—Because, Subaru-kun is Rem's hero."* Those words, that trust, that support—because of them, he had made it this far.
Taken away from him, and Natsuki Subaru— "Then take them back."
"—Huh?"
Subaru, drowning in a darkness deeper than the backs of his eyelids, kept his face covered. At Al's words, he gasped and looked up.
Al's face was right in front of him, and Subaru instinctively leaned back. But just as before, when he'd retreated, he now pressed forward to match.
Subaru's back hit the wall, and he could go no further. Pressing Subaru into that corner, Al extended his single arm to block his escape.
And then— "Take them back. That girl's expectations. And your own confidence."
"Expectations and... confidence..."
"The sign stays up. You've got no choice but to fight. And if you can't afford to keep losing, then you've got to keep winning—just like they want. Keep winning, and take them back."
"———"
"You can only reclaim lost expectations and respect through results that exceed them. You've experienced that yourself enough times to know."
Al leaned in close, the cold iron of his helmet pressing against Subaru's forehead.
But so intense was the sincerity with which Al spoke that neither of them noticed the helmets touching. The impact of that realization hit Subaru hard. Above all, Al's words carried undeniable truth.
Lost expectations and respect—Subaru's most bitter memory was, of course, his disgrace at the Royal Castle.
In that moment, Subaru had trampled Emilia's trust and expectations, along with the regard of the Royal Selection candidates. He had only been able to restore their trust afterward through action.
It was emphatically not because he had been cowering and bashing his head against a wall.
"...Am I an idiot? No—I am an idiot."
It was exactly the same as what he'd done at the Royal Castle.
Back then, too, Subaru had tried to turn away from the enormous pain before him by having Wilhelm train him—seeking a pretext to avoid confronting the gaping hole in front of him.
But now, Subaru had no luxury of such cowardice.
He had to protect Rem and bring her home. And this time, there was no one he could rely on—unlike before. With Rem, it was Subaru alone.
And to put even a fraction of Rem's unease at ease—Rem, who was surrounded by uncertainty with no memory—he could no longer afford to show her a pathetic face.
Even if Rem, who had forgotten everything, told him he wasn't a hero.
Even if those same words and that same face retracted the ones that had propped up Subaru's back with such strength for so long.
"—I am Rem's hero."
Wasn't that the very essence of who Natsuki Subaru was—to keep standing tall?
"...Tch. Got your spirit back, huh?"
Hearing Subaru's resolve, the sharpness drained from Al's voice. Subaru answered with "Yeah" and looked up at Al from up close.
"Much better. But get off—back up. Who asked for this wall-slam?"
"Right! You're in a maid outfit and I'm a one-armed old man pushing forty!"
Al laughed heartily and pulled his hand from the wall, stepping back.
As his field of vision opened up, Subaru felt as though it wasn't just the space before him that had expanded, but his entire outlook.
Honestly, Al's words were a stopgap—they hadn't sealed the mortal wound completely.
He was sure that when he stood before Rem again, his legs would tremble, and he'd be terrified of her seeing through him to those same words.
He still had no answer for how far and for what purpose he should use the Authority of Return by Death.
He thought that even if he racked his brains over it, the conclusion wouldn't come until that moment actually arrived.
But one thing was clear.
The arrogant Authority possessed by Natsuki Subaru was indispensable—absolutely necessary for making the "hero fantasy" he bore on his shoulders real.
And so, he would continue to wrestle with how to use it, going forward.
"Oh—by the way, brother, there's something I've been wanting to ask."
Subaru, looking down at his own hands, was renewing his resolve. Al watched him and suddenly brought up a topic with visible hesitation—something he hadn't shown even once up to this point.
Subaru found that odd.
"What is it now? If you've got a question, just ask."
"Then I'll be direct... that girl Rem—what's she to you?"
Al tilted his head as he posed the question. If anything, it was a question that came far too late.
Still, hearing it from Al's mouth made Subaru realize for the first time that he'd never actually explained.
"She's the person I brought with me all the way to the Empire. Not a half-elf, and not a contracted little girl. And on top of that, you've been treating her like your wife, haven't you?"
"That's just for convenience's sake, and she doesn't like it either."
"But that one girl's words have left you in shreds. —What is she, exactly?"
Al lowered his voice slightly and asked with striking seriousness.
Hearing that, Subaru frowned, searched his memories, and confirmed that Al had no acquaintance with Rem—at least, not in this timeline.
In fact, Subaru had never once brought up Rem in front of Al. It was only natural that Al didn't know about her. And yet, something nagged at him.
It was probably because of the way Al was asking.
"———"
His expression was invisible. But Subaru could feel the intensity burning in his gaze.
He sensed it was a sign of earnestness and tension. Including their earlier exchange, Subaru was bewildered by this unfamiliar side of Al that he'd seen in such a short time.
The one and only compatriot who navigated this other world with a carefree, insincere attitude at all times.
And yet, Subaru felt his impression of Al shifting inside him.
"Rem is my... she's family. But she fell victim to the Sin Archbishop of Gluttony. Because of that, she vanished from everyone's memory, and she doesn't even remember herself."
"—I see. I see, that all adds up now."
"Adds up?"
Subaru stated the facts plainly, and Al nodded repeatedly, hand on his chin.
When Subaru tilted his head at the words that had escaped Al's lips, Al murmured "Yeah" and continued: "A lot of things were bugging me. ...She should've been someone I'd never met, but she looked just like someone I knew. It was like a fish bone stuck in my throat, the way it kept asserting itself."
"Someone you didn't know but looked like... You mean
"Oh, exactly!"
An unexpected connection emerged, and Subaru's eyes went wide as Al's voice lit up.
But that was enough for Subaru to understand Al's behavior.
When one of the twin sisters' memories was erased, the reactions had been painfully familiar—thanks to everyone in Emilia's camp.
Roswaal and Frederica, who had known Rem for years, had completely forgotten her existence until they saw her in person. Once they met her, they never once doubted that she was a twin.
Personality aside, Ram and Rem as twins looked remarkably alike. —No, recently, he'd even started to think their personalities were more similar than he'd realized.
In any case, the source of Al's unease was clear.
Knowing Ram and then seeing Rem, who was her spitting image—of course that would cause confusion.
"But I never heard that you and Ram knew each other."
"It's not like we're close. Just a little connection here and there. But that clears up most of it. —Twin sisters, huh? And you want to reunite the two of them?"
"...Yeah, that's right."
Reuniting Rem with Ram was the top priority.
After that, having everyone in Emilia's camp welcome Rem and bringing her back to where she belonged was Subaru's grand goal. And to achieve that, he could not afford to have lost Rem's trust.
He absolutely had to regain her trust and have her hold his hand back.
"—Alright, got it. I'll help you out, brother."
Subaru clenched his fist as he gazed firmly at his grand goal. Al, who had been chewing on the explanation, nodded and said those words.
Subaru couldn't help but let out a dumb "Huh?"
"Brother, you just made the dumbest sound."
"Shut up! No wait—what did you say? You'll help? Who's helping whom?"
"I'm helping you, brother. Sure, the Princess will probably have a few words about it, but that's something we can work around. Either way, I've decided I'm in your corner."
"———"
"Though the shoulder I can offer's only got one arm's worth of strength."
"You're really not funny."
Al said it with such earnest enthusiasm that Subaru shot back instinctively, but he was confused.
That was only natural. He had no idea what had struck a chord with Al.
"...Is it because you know Ram that you're willing to help?"
"That's not really it. The one I'm putting my faith in is you, brother. —Either way, if you're going to play the hero, you can't leave that girl out of it. That's what I'm offering to help with."
"I'm not trying to become a hero or anything..."
"—You will. Natsuki Subaru will become a hero."
The way he cut Subaru off left no room for denial.
Those words, spoken firmly and quietly, burned with a hidden heat that scorched Subaru's heart.
"...Like that, huh."
But that fierce intensity was whisked away in an instant by Al's joking tone.
"Sorry, sorry," Al waved his hand at Subaru, who was thrown by the sudden shift. "But let's keep that level of resolve, yeah? A little bit of bluff to cut off your own retreat—that's what gets lazy guys like you and me to tighten up."
Saying that, Al turned on his heel and strode off with easy, unhurried steps.
Subaru fell behind those bold strides and called out to him.
"Al, that just now—"
"Oh, let's leave the heavy stuff there. Now that I think about it, I actually came to get you for the meeting. The Princess is guaranteed to chew me out."
"———"
"Come on, hurry up. We'll have plenty of chances to talk."
Glancing back over his shoulder only, Al gave a shrug and a gesture suggesting a light jog. Pushed along by that, Subaru reluctantly tucked his lingering concerns away.
He didn't know how much of what Al had just said to take at face value.
Still, the fact that Al had declared outright that he would "help" was, at the very least, enough to push Subaru forward.
He had no choice but to face forward—even if he had to force himself.
And so, chest held high, back straight, stride wide— "—Rem's..."
—He had to keep affirming himself as her hero. Because if he didn't, he would lose the very ground he stood on.
△▼△▼△▼△ "—'Hero fantasy,' huh."
Running at a quick jog, the murmur echoed only inside the iron helmet.
A voice meant for no one else's ears—only his own. Eyes closed, Al let it reverberate in the darkness behind his lids.
And with his eyes still shut, as though speaking into that inner dark— "I'll make you into a hero, brother. —No, Natsuki Subaru."