——The "Hall of Memories" and "Louis Arneb."
"————"
Yes. Subaru fell silent before the golden-haired girl, Louis, who had answered his question.
An unexpected encounter in a white space he hadn't anticipated, with a girl he never could have predicted. And to make matters worse, this girl had all the air of someone who knew everything and was ready to chat at length, but—— "…For starters, what in the world is the
"Ahaha!"
At Subaru's words, arms crossed and head tilted, Louis covered her mouth with her hand and burst into laughter.
If you were to crop just that one moment, the scene of a girl standing in that ethereal white landscape could pass for a classical painting. But Subaru's instincts had been screaming at him nonstop from the start.
His survival instincts, honed to near uselessness by growing up in the peaceful modern world. The fact that they were making this much noise said everything about the alien presence this girl exuded.
And——this was partly a result of being thrown into an entirely unexpected situation, so it couldn't be helped——but when it came to this know-it-all figure, Subaru's knowledge was woefully lacking.
All of it, really. The Witch Cult, the Archbishops of Sin, Od Laguna, the Hall of Memories——these might be common knowledge in this world, but Subaru simply didn't possess that general literacy.
Which meant formulating follow-up questions was difficult, and—— "The Witch Cult, put simply, is basically a gathering of the world's most hated people."
"Oh?"
"I'm sure even you, big brother, have at least heard the name 'The
"…Then, the one from before – that was an Archbishop?"
Sin and Bishop. As far as naming conventions went, the combination had quite the conflicting ring to it, but in Subaru's personal taste, it actually kind of worked.
Because if you heard it, you'd know instantly—— "That's the name of the bad guys."
"Oh come on, how mean, how mean, that's so mean, that's just cruel, don't be mean, how could you say that, that's awful!"
Louis shook her head side to side in a show of reluctance, hugging her slender body as she met Subaru's gaze. However, the smile never left her lips – her refusal was purely for show.
A girl whose true feelings were impossible to read. No, perhaps it was more accurate to say she was vague and impossible to pin down.
"Don't bully a poor innocent girl like that, big brother. We get hurt too, you know? We have hearts that are far more delicate and fragile than most."
"You're not convincing at all. And is that first-person pronounce some kind of character quirk? Or are you going for the cool 'one-person army' vibe? 'We' and 'us' and 'our' – none of it sounds stable."
"Oh… don't worry about it. It's just that I have too many selves, and which one's in charge is all wishy-washy. Honestly, I'm pretty sick of it myself."
As she spoke, Louis briefly glanced downward, then continued with a "but——"
"It can't be helped, right? It's a gift from big brother and brother, so I have to accept it properly, or I'd be failing as a little sister. That's what siblings are for – helping each other out."
"…Well, that's a nice sister-brother bond. I'm an only child, so I'm jealous."
"Really? Maybe big brother has a younger brother or sister by now?"
"Don't say scary things like that!? I don't want to imagine it!?"
That said, his parents were a happy couple, so it wasn't entirely a joke.
If anyone would, it would be those two, having another child after Subaru disappeared – no, impossible.
"————"
If Subaru disappeared, his parents would keep searching until they found him.
What must his mother have thought about a son who left without even saying goodbye? And his father, when he heard the news?
He wished – he truly wished – that his Otherworld Summoning had been a reincarnation.
Rather than inflicting the agony of endlessly searching for a vanished son upon his parents, he wanted them to know he had died and come to this other world. That would be far easier. Far more merciful.
So—— "——I understand, big brother."
"——Don't screw with me!"
Subaru exploded with fury at Louis, who had embraced her long, floor-length hair with both hands and was peering up at him from below.
He hadn't spoken his current anxiety aloud. She had simply looked at his dark expression and claimed to understand his feelings.
That infuriated Subaru so deeply that he shouted at Louis and turned his back on her.
"What do you know about me!? You just keep saying whatever you—— "——You feel guilty, don't you? About Dad and Mom. That you couldn't even say goodbye – what an unfilial son. No, you've always felt that way. Before and now, right?"
"————"
Yes. While speaking as though she understood perfectly – playing the part of the understanding confidant – Louis gently pressed herself against Subaru's back.
A small, light body. Subaru held his breath and tensed up.
Not because a girl was clinging to him. But because of the content of her words, plain and simple.
Her know-it-all act was, undeniably, hitting the mark on a piece of Subaru's heart.
"Why do I know? Obviously. Because nobody in this world understands big brother better than we do. Not a single person."
"——Don't touch me!"
"Mm."
Louis pouted her lips as Subaru shoved her away, breathing hard and putting distance between them.
What was with this woman? Did the inexplicable women of this world just not hesitate at all about physical contact with men? She was far too familiar.
He was afraid he might end up leaning into that warmth, surrendering his weakened heart.
"What are you!? What are you trying to say!?"
"We just want big brother to feel at ease, that's all. It's okay, it's okay. You've found closure for your feelings toward Dad and Mom – even if it was one-sided, you've faced them. You feel lighter inside. On the surface, at least."
"————"
Smirking, Louis dug the nails of her right hand into her left arm. Scratch, scratch – with a force that made it painful to watch, she began carving marks into her own slender, pale arm.
Subaru furrowed his brow at the sight, and Louis flashed her abnormally long, red tongue and said: "On the surface, you're perfectly healthy. You look like you're not carrying a single thing inside. You're so good at it, big brother. It's sad how good you are at it, big brother."
It was a gut-wrenching statement, as though someone were clawing at the insides of his chest, and Subaru's lips twisted.
He followed the instinctive alarm bells, which had shifted their tone once more: he should not continue this exchange.
"I don't get what you're trying to say. I don't get it, but stop – it's going to hurt. Now, let's play catch with our conversation. No fastballs. Try to lob them, yeah?"
"With each other?"
"With each other. So, for example… let's continue the conversation about those Archbishops from earlier."
Not wanting to let Louis gain any more momentum, Subaru steered the topic back one step.
Now that Taizai Shikyou meant Archbishop, and that it was connected to "Gluttony" and the word "sin," he had a vague idea.
"If you're 'Gluttony,' then aren't there six more like you?"
"Counting big brother and brother, that makes six in total, yeah. Ah, but two of them died recently, so maybe four now. Those two should've just died sooner, though."
"…Sounds like camaraderie isn't exactly running high."
"Obviously. We call ourselves Archbishops of Sin, but we're just a bunch of the world's most hated people. It's the same as being called 'Witches' – just a different name."
With that, Louis plopped down on the spot, sitting on the ground. Her long golden hair pooled around her like she was sinking into it, creating a rather strange atmosphere.
Subaru scratched his head, sat down at a distance where he wouldn't step on her hair, and tilted his head.
"The same as Witches? Those scary things everyone's terrified of?"
"Well, I wouldn't want to be lumped in with The Witch of Envy – she's a lot worse than the rest of us. But the others are the same. 'Witches' and Archbishops of Sin – it's just different names for the same thing. It's just good-for-nothings who resonated with a Witch Factor, being called different things based on the era and their standing."
"————"
"But hey, you've forgotten all about the Witches, the Archbishops, and us too, so I guess it doesn't matter much either way. I get it, I totally get it, of course I get it, I get it, so I understand, and because I understand, I want to understand…"
"Shut up."
"Mm."
Subaru clamped down on the tidal wave of nonsensical words and rested his chin in his hand.
He had a vague sense that he was being told something important. The words themselves didn't click for Subaru at all, but at least it seemed he wouldn't be returning to
But Subaru wasn't pondering here because of that.
What made Subaru think here – what drove that inescapable sense of dissonance, or rather, familiarity, with Louis's responses up to this point – was something else.
If there was one reason that came to mind—— "Hey – are you some kind of god or something?"
"God or something… ah, this? Like, some kind of otherworld reincarnation thing? I don't really get it, but that's got nothing to do with us. Sure, it might make you feel weird in certain places, though."
Louis giggled, then twisted around on the spot with her golden hair still pooling behind her, gesturing to the empty white world with a flourish of her hair.
"This is what it looks like, as you can see. A place where everything disappears, so nothing is here. Being alone in a place like this makes me look like some kind of guardian deity, doesn't it?"
"Od Laguna's Cradle, was it? The whole thing, the Hall of Memories included – from head to toe, none of it makes sense to me."
"Mm, mm, mm, mm – yeah. To put it simply, this is a place where souls are filtered."
"Filtered – souls?"
At the unfamiliar phrasing, Subaru tilted his head in confusion.
Filtered – it meant the same thing as purifying or straining. But hearing that applied to souls was unusual.
But Louis said, "Yes, yes!" excitedly, drawing her knees closer.
"Like a used rag – you wash it, dry it, and use it again, right? Souls are the same. You scrub off the grime that sticks to them and reuse them in a clean state."
"That grime you mentioned… you mean memories and experiences?"
"If that makes more sense to you, sure. Whatever you prefer."
At Louis sticking out her tongue, Subaru grimaced and looked around.
As always, the white space – the Hall of Memories – had nothing new to offer. In the vast, endless white world, there wasn't a single piece of tangible evidence to match what Louis had described.
If this truly was the place she said it was, wouldn't human souls be floating around, or memories and experiences that had been filtered would be somehow visible?
"It's not that obvious, sorry."
"That Od Laguna god of yours is pretty damn mean."
"That thing isn't nearly as grand as a 'god.' It doesn't have any lofty ideals or anything. It's just a mechanism – a safeguard against the world being destroyed."
"A mechanism…"
"Witch Factors, divine blessings, the Sword Saint, Witches – it doesn't care about any of it. If Od Laguna has one redeeming quality, it's that it's equal, impartial, favoring no one, completely indifferent."
Louis narrowed her eyes in boredom and sandwiched her face between her knees. Glancing at her cheeks squished by her white kneecaps, Subaru let out a small breath.
Up to this point, she had been remarkably forthcoming. She likely hadn't told a single lie, and Subaru had a feeling the opposite was true. That was exactly why he sighed.
He breathed out, breathed in, breathed out again, and then looked at her.
And asked: "——Are you the one who took away my memories up to yesterday?"
"I am?"
The culprit answered without hesitation, confirming it outright.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ "————"
Having his question so readily affirmed, Subaru closed his eyes.
He had a feeling it wouldn't be denied. He had sensed, even in the brief exchange they'd had, that she wasn't the type to do so.
Louis knew too much. She knew Subaru's feelings far too deeply.
In fact, she knew everything there was to know about "
This went far beyond extraordinary powers of observation, and that was precisely why Subaru had asked so directly – and received his answer.
Strangely, what welled up inside him wasn't rage, but understanding.
In other words—— "——Yesterday's me really did come here too, didn't he?"
"To be precise, the manner of arrival was a little different. But the goal was the same. Only the outcome shifted slightly. But wow, that's impressive. How many tries did it take you to get here?"
"————"
"Hey, answer me, big brother. We answered you, didn't we? – How many times has big brother come back since he was eaten by us?"
A chill ran down Subaru's spine at Louis's question.
Her eyes, her very question – they belonged unmistakably to someone who knew about Return by Death.
No. Of course. It was only natural.
If she had taken "Natsuki Subaru's" memories and could browse them at will, there was nothing surprising about her knowing about Return by Death.
Return by Death wasn't a power possessed only by Subaru after losing his memories. It was undoubtedly something "Natsuki Subaru" had possessed long before losing them.
Surely, "Natsuki Subaru" had relied on this power to overcome countless crises. The result was the trust of Emilia,
Subaru had no intention of condemning that. Cheat or not, cheap trick or not – if someone's life was on the line, there was no reason to hesitate. "Natsuki Subaru's" choices were correct. And that was precisely why, with "Natsuki Subaru" gone, Subaru now had to be the one to use it.
Having acknowledged its utility, Subaru accepted the power of Return by Death.
But despite that resolve, a strange unease, a sense of dread, lingered in his chest.
And Louis Arneb was trampling all over it – that inescapable fear, that taboo.
Which was—— "——Are you not supposed to know about it? If that's the case, it's already too late, big brother. We met you yesterday, after all."
"————"
"The rule says you mustn't be found out? That was broken ages ago. But things that happen in the Hall of Memories don't easily leak to the outside. That's why the scary, scary 'Witch' hasn't moved."
Swiftly, still seated on the ground with her hands and feet planted, Louis leaned in close to Subaru, who sat cross-legged. She wore an alluring smile inappropriate for her age, flashing her red tongue as she spoke: "Hey, big brother. How many times?"
That voice – as though a tongue were directly prodding his brain – sent a tingling pain through Subaru.
Then, letting his tongue and throat tremble ever so slightly, he answered: "…This is the fifth time."
"——! Amazing, that's amazing, that's incredible, wow, that's just – amazing! That's amazing because it's amazing, that's amazing because I admire that… Binge drinking! Binge eating!"
"Guh!"
"I'm dying to taste every bit of you, big brother! My experience tells me that appetite and desire are pretty much the same thing. Desire means love, right? Which means we – toward big brother——"
Louis shoved Subaru down, straddled him, and breathed hot air onto his face with flushed cheeks and gazing eyes. Without a moment's hesitation, she ran her tongue along his neck.
And the words she was about to say next – Subaru could imagine exactly what they were, and his heart exploded.
"——D-Don't screw around, you precocious little——!"
" —Ugh!"
Eyes wide, Subaru grabbed the collar of the girl pinning him down and violently forced her down onto the white floor. Their positions reversed – now Subaru was on top. She was slender, lightweight. Her long golden hair spread across the floor like a golden bed, and Subaru pressed her down in that posture, one hand clamped around her neck, teeth bared.
"Did you let your guard down? Too bad! In this position, I'm overwhelmingly advantageous! If you don't want your neck squeezed, hand back my——"
"You want them returned? If I don't, you'll strangle me? The neck of a poor, weak girl like me?"
Held by the neck, her life in his hands, Louis stared up at Subaru with heavy breathing and flushed cheeks, her previous excitement not fading in the slightest. Her lips curled.
And from those parted lips came a question in a voice like a curse: "You wouldn't actually do that, would you, big brother?"
"——You don't think I could?"
"I don't think – I know. Because, see, the current us knows big brother better than big brother does."
As she spoke, Louis poked her own cheeks with both index fingers and tilted her head provocatively. Subaru's breath caught, and he looked down at his own right hand gripping her neck.
If he wanted to show her he was serious, all he had to do was tighten his grip.
If he proved he was serious, Louis would have to reconsider.
Could he kill her? That was difficult. Genuinely difficult.
Even with the justification of execution, Subaru couldn't bring himself to raise a stone over his companions' heads.
So could he tighten his grip on the neck of the girl before him – truly his enemy?
No. He could tighten his grip. It was a necessary thing.
Think of Emilia, Beatrice,
And then—— "——Your arm went limp, big brother."
"————"
"I really wasn't going to resist, you know? Because here, we're just a weak little girl – the same as we look. Unlike big brother and brother, we can't use our power unless we've eaten someone and taken their form."
With a light tap of the same finger that had been poking her cheek, Louis nudged Subaru's right hand that had been gripping her neck. With that feeble force alone, Subaru's palm was effortlessly pulled away.
"Damn it…!"
"Don't look so defeated, big brother. That was a great showing, really. Because honestly… we didn't think you'd be able to come back here at all."
"You think that's comforting!?"
Still in the position of having her pinned, Louis lying on the ground already wore the look of someone past her peak. Her expression shifted as she searched for the right words to push her demand through, but nothing precise came to mind.
And so, seeing Subaru resort to what amounted to a sore loser's remark, Louis let out a sound like a fish being observed in a fish tank – "Ahaha" – and then: "But hey, isn't it great? If big brother ever gets his memories back, the current you would cease to exist, so it's a good thing you're not pulling some idiot move like suicide."
"…Huh?"
"Huh? What's with that weird reaction? You hadn't realized? When your memories return, they'll overwrite who you are now, and this existence will be erased. …That's the same as dying, isn't it?"
At Louis's matter-of-fact riddle and Subaru's stunned reaction, Subaru went rigid.
He would die. He would vanish. She had said it so clearly.
Once "Natsuki Subaru's" memories returned, the consciousness that existed here and now, the memories – they would be overwritten and cease to exist. That was what she had told him.
If someone asked whether that counted as "death," then—— "Right now, 'Natsuki Subaru' is dead. He's nowhere to be found. But if 'Natsuki Subaru' comes back, then big brother will be the one who dies. You won't be able to go anywhere."
"————"
"Hey – is it really worth going through all that to get 'Natsuki Subaru' back? Big brother, you could do the same thing, couldn't you? You've surely fallen in love with the people around you, just like he did. And those people will surely fall in love with you the same way. – What's wrong with that?"
"What's wrong…?"
If someone asked what was wrong with that – there probably wasn't anything wrong at all.
Neither "Natsuki Subaru" nor Natsuki Subaru had done anything wrong.
Subaru was a deeply flawed person. So riddled with faults that he disgusted himself. If asked who the person he despised most in the world was, he would answer without hesitation: himself.
That was how hopelessly, incompletely inadequate Natsuki Subaru was.
But on this particular issue, Subaru bore no fault whatsoever.
All there was, was the inescapable fact that he had only one share of sunshine.
"I want to give Emilia and the others…"
To return "Natsuki Subaru" to them.
That was why he had steeled himself – convinced himself he wouldn't hesitate to seize the chance to reclaim those memories.
But the fact that his very existence would completely vanish – he had turned his eyes away from that.
If he allowed himself to be optimistic, maybe the two sets of memories would merge, or perhaps some trace of the current Subaru would survive within "Natsuki Subaru" – he had hoped for some miraculous resolution like that.
And Louis stomped all over that uncertain hope: "I wouldn't know – I've never seen anyone who got their memories back, so I have no idea."
Louis bared her teeth as though mocking Subaru's inner conflict, her eyes the gaze of a cat toying with a mouse.
This culprit who had stolen his memories said, with stunning irresponsibility, that she didn't know what happened afterward. This wasn't a lie – it was almost certainly the truth.
Louis Arneb did not return to others what she had stolen.
So she truly had no idea what would become of Natsuki Subaru once his memories returned.
"Big brother, you were given the gift of life – you ought to cherish it."
That irresponsible usurper gazed at Subaru's face from up close and continued.
"We ate 'Natsuki Subaru's' memories, and as a result, you're here. In other words, aren't we sort of like your birth parents? Choosing to die in front of the very parents who gave you life – now that's what you call unfilial, big brother."
"That's a ridiculous thing to…"
"——Memories make a person, big brother."
"————"
Low and cold, Louis's expression vanished, and only this one line was delivered in a tone of complete seriousness.
Involuntarily, Subaru caught his breath and fell silent at the sharpness of those words.
At the same time, he felt as though this wasn't the first time he'd heard them. That voice, those words – perhaps he'd heard them right before facing his second "death" as well—— "The current big brother has relationships he's forged with his own hands. Why not try living anew – fresh, forward-looking? I think that's a perfectly valid path, honestly."
"————"
"And, this might be hard to hear, but… 'Natsuki Subaru' isn't exactly the ideal image of a man, is he?"
Closing one eye, Louis delivered a gut-punch to Subaru's feelings with a pained expression.
Still straddled on top of him, she clasped her hands before her chest and fixed her dreamy gaze on his dark eyes: "Poor Emilia! Just because her birth happens to be the same as that of a former Witch, she's cast aside by everyone – what a pitiful girl! And yet, the fact that I'm still willing to stay by her side – how kind of me!"
"Wha——"
"Poor Beatrice! With no one to rely on, having spent all those years alone in loneliness – what a lonely little girl! I have to take her hand and guide her away from that dark, perilous path!"
Before Subaru's bewildered eyes, Louis continued in a full, resonant voice, reciting the names of the two girls who had wished for Subaru's safety and sent him on his way – along with a horribly warped impression of them.
Subaru could tell whose impressions these truly were, and what Louis was trying to say.
He understood – but still.
"
"What… what are you trying to do!?"
"What 'Natsuki Subaru' really thought. What he wanted was a sense of superiority. He never really did it 'for others' – not really. He surrounded himself with only the people who suited him and got drunk on the pleasure of reaching out his hand. A puppy that doesn't warm up to him? He wouldn't even feed it. He'd shoo it away."
"————"
"And you really want to hand yourself over to that kind of 'Natsuki Subaru'?"
Another question, piled on top.
It was Louis's demand – Gluttony's demand – for a confession from Natsuki Subaru.
Tell me your true feelings, Louis demanded.
Whether he wanted to die, whether he didn't want to die, and if he were to die anyway – was it really for someone like that?
——No. Subaru's death wouldn't be for "Natsuki Subaru."
——No. Subaru had never intended to die in the first place. He wanted to return "Natsuki Subaru" to Emilia and the others, yes – but that was separate from his own death.
——No, but could he truly trust "Natsuki Subaru"? After all, "Natsuki Subaru" had killed Meili and carved incomprehensible words into a wall.
"——So? What do you want to do, big brother?"
"——!"
As she spoke, Louis gripped Subaru's hand with her slender arms and pressed it to her own neck.
Once again, this time by her own doing, Subaru's arm was positioned against Louis's thin neck. With both hands, it would snap easily.
He had just concluded that he couldn't do it.
But choosing not to do it might be the same as choosing to kill "Natsuki Subaru." – At least, that was what Louis was saying.
If – if – he snapped this slender neck, and "Natsuki Subaru" returned and the current Subaru was erased, would the result of that action also vanish from his sight?
If so, then what was the point of Subaru summoning every last drop of courage to act here?
"So?"
"————"
"Well? What'll you do? What's it going to be? What do you want? What'll you do? What's your plan? You can do whatever you want. Anything is fine. It doesn't matter what happens. Whatever you choose, I'll forgive you——"
Taunting, mocking, cursing – Louis's words struck Subaru's eardrums.
Louis Arneb. Gluttony. Archbishop of Sin. A slender girl. A hateful existence. His creator.
Demanding that Natsuki Subaru choose what to do with "Natsuki Subaru."
"So?"
Well then.
"——What do you want to do, big brother?"