The world was on the verge of being painted over in darkness.
Slumped on the ground, unable to move, Subaru felt countless hands reaching toward him from the shadows.
Like a spiral, like a whirlpool—the pitch-black hand sought to swallow
From every point of contact, he could feel himself dissolving, crumbling, unraveling—his very existence growing hollow.
And yet, inexplicably, he felt not the slightest revulsion.
"......"
Within his field of vision, his body was breaking apart, his existence overwritten, his soul raked and torn. Even as he suffered what might be called the greatest blasphemy against any living thing, Natsuki Subaru's heart was—if anything—at peace.
No small part of that was the devastating blow of what had just transpired—having thoroughly disappointed himself.
But it wasn't only that. The shadow, the dark hand—this alone had been honest.
It was the only thing that truly understood how Natsuki Subaru wanted nothing more than to vanish.
I want to die. I want to disappear. Crush me, grind me down, obliterate me without a trace, turn me to ash.
If I'm going to keep reviving, then erase me—turn me to ash and wipe me clean every single time.
The shadow would grant this desperate, heartfelt plea. The wish he was supposed to make.
—*I love you.* Only the fact that it repeated this—over and over, ad nauseam—got under his skin.
Even if he clamped his hands over his ears, even if he tried to seal his heart away, it would slip its fingers into the hairline crack, pry the gap open, slide through, and whisper love directly into him.
—I love you. I love you. I love you.
*Stop it. I'm sick of it.* What did it matter how many times it said that? I don't love anything. I don't love myself. I knew I was loved. Of course I knew.
Those parents of mine. Both my father and my mother loved me from the bottom of their hearts.
I knew that. How could I not? And that was precisely why I wanted to disappear.
Loved by my parents—I could never love myself. Someone who didn't deserve that love.
—I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
*Stop. Please stop. That's enough already.* No matter how many times you pile it on, you won't get anything more out of me. The conclusion was long since reached. I knew. I knew, but I just kept looking away.
The people who cared so desperately, who tried so hard, who worried about Subaru—they couldn't possibly be bad people.
I knew that. How could I not? That was exactly why Subaru should have just died.
He should have tried not to burden them with the mercy they extended to his existence.
—I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
*Stop. I know already.* If I endured this torment—would it grant my wish? Swallow me, crush me, grind me to dust, so I'd never have to wish for anything from another person again—send me off into the void of nothingness?
Then—then, I'll accept it. I want to accept it. If this can be the end.
If this can truly be the last time, then Natsuki Subaru can fade away, and— —I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
"That's enough."
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
...
......
.........
A voice.
The love confession he'd thought would continue forever, whispered right at his ear—was pierced through by a silver-bell voice that flashed once and cut straight down to where Subaru lay.
"......"
Light erupted.
It drove straight into the pitch-black hand that had been about to swallow Subaru whole. A shockwave radiated outward, the struck hand shattered and flew apart—but it was only one of the countless writhing limbs.
For carving out one limb out of a thousand, the enmity he'd drawn from the shadow's colossal momentum seemed hardly worth the trade. But the one who had delivered that blow pressed forward boldly, dodging, dodging, dodging the shadow-hands reaching for her with extraordinary agility, and then— "Subaru!"
"—!"
Calling out the name of the slumped Subaru, the owner of that silver-bell voice seized his limp hand and squeezed it tight. With a wrench, Subaru's body was hauled upward and forcibly dragged from that place.
To prevent this, the shadow extended its arms to block every path forward and back, sealing off both advance and retreat.
But even with the obstruction looming before her, her footsteps would not falter.
"Hah—aaaah!"
Thrusting out the hand not holding Subaru's, she unleashed a blinding radiance.
In the next instant, what appeared was a beautifully luminous ice crystal—an ice attack, magnificent and devastating, sharing its genesis with the ice cage that had once imprisoned Subaru.
It smashed through the wall of pitch-black hands spread before them, forcibly tearing open a path.
Subaru had been under the impression that this abnormal shadow swallowed everything. Seeing it scattered in a single blow, he noticed that the heart he'd thought had frozen over trembled ever so slightly.
And as that hardened heart began to stir, his gaze drifted to the breathtaking beauty beside him.
The girl gripping Subaru's hand, staring straight ahead with unwavering focus, her long silver hair streaming like moonlight—
Even confirming her survival didn't warm his heart.
If anything, Subaru thought he heard the sound of something cracking inside his own skull.
He couldn't rejoice in their survival. Of course he couldn't.
The very people whose survival he'd confirmed—Julius,
He hadn't witnessed the final moment, but imagining what became of Julius, left behind under the sheer mass of Ley and the magical beasts, his mind could only go in the worst direction. Beatrice had vanished protecting Subaru, and he hadn't even been able to ease Echidna's agony as she lay dying.
Natsuki Subaru was a jinx. Death clung to his existence like a dark stain.
The hypothesis surfaced—so murky, so wretched—that instead of erasing his own death, he was merely shoving that misfortune onto everyone around him. Natsuki Subaru, the dark-hued child of fate— "Enough."
"Huh?"
"I said there's no point in struggling anymore."
Resisting Emilia, who was forcefully pulling his arm, Subaru stopped in his tracks. Emilia tried again, but this time Subaru refused with unshakable resolve.
The gap in their physical strength was obvious, but Subaru's will was equally ironclad. Perhaps she glimpsed the dark impulse burning in his black eyes, because Emilia gasped and stopped trying to force him.
"......"
The two of them—Subaru and Emilia—stood face to face, staring at each other.
Only then did he notice that the shadows that had been trying to consume him were nowhere to be seen. Had they shaken them off while fleeing with Emilia? If so, would they run into the shadows again if they retraced their steps?
He had the distinct feeling that the shadows' method—the one most suited to erasing Natsuki Subaru from existence— "Why did you come save me? It doesn't make sense. You thought I was a fake too, didn't you? That's why you locked me in an ice cage and tried to kill me."
Deceitful words. He twisted the facts with deliberate malice and hurt her with them.
He would make absolutely certain that Emilia never tried to take his hand again.
But such wretched scheming was wasted on Emilia, who looked at facts head-on.
She narrowed her sharp, elegant eyes in anger and raised her voice.
"I never tried to kill you! I just wanted to talk to Subaru, who was acting strange! And Subaru told me—you said you had no memories. So—"
"That could've been... just a convenient lie! And you believed it that easily? You're out of your mind! All of you—Julius, Beatrice, too!"
Locked in the ice cage, Subaru had blurted out the truth of his memory loss in desperation.
But anyone with half a brain would never believe such a story.
"No, you're all... you're all idiots! And in the end... in that state, in the end, even Echidna... she apologized to me. I don't... I don't understand what any of it meant."
"Echidna, at the end...? Subaru, what happened? Echidna and the others..."
Emilia asked, watching Subaru press his palm against his face and mutter like a man in pain. Even her expression of worry was beautiful—and Subaru dug his nails into his own heart to make sure of it.
If it served that purpose, he would bare every wound of his glass-like heart as many times as it took.
A girl who had stopped bleeding, who wore a weak expression, who was glad—pathetically, chillingly glad—that the people precious to her wouldn't have to suffer anymore, and who had extinguished her own life fulfilling that wretched wish.
The image resurfaced, and Subaru clawed open the wound in his chest with his own hands as he screamed: "She died! Echidna died! Both her legs were blown off, and she was in pain, and there wasn't enough blood, and... she just suffered and died! Beatrice, too!"
"—!"
"She shielded me too... that ridiculous mechanism of self-severing... I should have noticed. I couldn't, and she died. She said she wouldn't forget me—even if Subaru forgot, Beatrice would never forget."
That was what Beatrice had declared so bravely.
But she was lost. Right after making that promise.
How hollow those words turned out to be. Grand ambitions, spoken aloud, and then— She had sent Subaru away from death, worn an expression of relief, and then vanished from this world.
"If you were just going to disappear like that, you should have stayed put! Bring me out? You brought me out? Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter at all. I was dragged out from somewhere that wasn't here—from somewhere... and you should have just left me there. Then I wouldn't have had to watch you—"
She wouldn't have had to disappear wearing that look on her face.
"And Julius—he's probably already... surrounded by those terrifying magical beasts, with Ley getting in the way, and he was saying 'go, I'm counting on you' or something... Idiot."
They were all idiots. What were they even expecting from him?
Asking for help, saying they believed in him, apologizing for doubting him—what were they talking about?
What good was asking? What did it matter if they believed in him? Wasn't it natural to doubt him?
He had betrayed everything that was ever placed in him. That was why Natsuki Subaru was here.
The only one to escape unscathed—and that was unbearable, so he wanted to disappear.
The most idiotic, the most worthless, the most beyond hope, the most irredeemable—that was— That was who Natsuki Subaru was, and what else could he possibly be— "The first time Subaru and I met was at a place in the
...
......
............
"..."
Subaru, mired in self-recrimination and self-questioning in a bottomless swamp with no escape, had paralyzed himself.
What shook his eardrums was Emilia's sudden confession—a reminiscence that called forth memories as nostalgic and dear as they were painful.
"...Ha?"
Receiving those abrupt, disjointed words, Subaru could only let the breath drain from his lungs in mute astonishment.
There was no mockery in it, no condescension. Subaru's mind simply couldn't keep up. He was genuinely, thoroughly stunned.
Paying no mind to Subaru's reaction, Emilia began counting through her memories, calling them back one by one.
"At the time, I had this super-important emblem stolen by
"......"
"That was the first time Subaru and I met. ...Remember?"
To her question, Subaru shook his head.
She was recounting the memory in detail, but not a single fragment of it rang true.
Of course it didn't. Those were the memories of Emilia and Natsuki Subaru—of the Natsuki Subaru who had acted in ways Subaru could never imagine, the one who had woven these memories— "But Subaru got seriously hurt shielding me, so we brought him back together to Roswaal's mansion. There, Beatrice grumbled while healing him, and Subaru got along really well with Ram and... probably
"......"
"And then, it wasn't the big sister but Meili herself who sent magical beasts to cause trouble. Subaru and Ram stopped them, Roswaal finished off the beasts, and I stayed behind to keep watch... That was also when we made the 'da-date' promise. ...Remember?"
"......"
He shook his head.
He didn't remember. He had never done those things. —I never did any of that.
"A lot happened at the mansion. Making mayonnaise, drinking together, Puck making it snow, playing 'King's Game'... and then I was summoned to the Royal Capital for the Royal Selection."
"......"
"That was also when Subaru and I had our first big fight. I didn't want Subaru getting hurt by pushing himself anymore, and I was scared because I didn't understand why he was being so kind to me. So I thought... I thought everything would just end in a fight..."
A faint tremor crept into Emilia's voice as she recounted the memories.
It was a mixture of joy and sorrow, anxiety and hope—countless conflicting emotions braided together—and Subaru felt as though his throat were burning dry.
He was yearning. Yearning. Yearning. His chest was searing with it.
Toward Emilia—toward everything that made her wear that expression—no, toward just one single cause, he burned.
"When I didn't know what was going on, when I was being swept along by the anxiety, when my heart was at its most troubled—Subaru came running to me, and then..."
"......"
"And then... what he said to me. ...Remember?"
"I remem..."
He couldn't say it.
It wouldn't come. It could never come.
The tremor in Emilia's voice, the way she called out to him, the pleading quality—all of it made it painfully clear.
The Subaru standing here was not the Natsuki Subaru she was looking for.
Confronted with this self-evident truth, Subaru burned with envy and jealousy toward himself.
Why is it you, Natsuki Subaru? Why is there such an enormous difference between you and me, Natsuki Subaru?
Emilia and everyone—they all wanted the same thing.
They wanted the real Natsuki Subaru back. They wanted him—this one, this current Natsuki Subaru—to just die.
If only you had been the one here. If only.
That was what he wanted to believe, what he wanted to be hurt by, what he wanted to grieve over.
And yet— "But I remember everything. Everything Subaru told me, everything he did, everything he promised to do. I remember all of it."
As if sorrow and fear had never existed, joy and hope bloomed into a smile.
Seeing that smile on Emilia's face, Subaru's lips trembled.
There was nothing. Nothing at all.
Nothing he had said, nothing he had done, nothing he had promised to do—none of it. Inside this body, inside his head, at the bottom of his heart, at the edge of his soul—there was nothing.
Therefore— "I don't remember! I can't remember anything! You're... you're! Who are you even talking about!?"
An explosion.
Just as he had erupted before Beatrice and Echidna, he roared again here.
"......"
Emilia's violet eyes widened at his outburst.
Staring into those eyes, Subaru still burned away the hot droplets gathering in his lashes with a blink, and with all the filth and venom he could muster, he howled: "How could I ever fight for someone!? How could I ever move on instinct for someone!? How could I ever run, trying my hardest for someone!? How could I ever risk my life to accomplish something for someone!? Is that even possible!? Could someone like me possibly do that!?"
She told him she remembered. He told her he couldn't recall.
He couldn't answer the words Beatrice had given him, and she had vanished. He couldn't wipe away the regret of that. And now Emilia was gently, tenderly telling him their memories—as though he were the one who had lived them.
Julius had entrusted him. Beatrice had believed in him. Echidna had forgiven him. Emilia wished for him.
That was Natsuki Subaru—the genuine article, summoned to another world— "Drop it! There's no way a guy like that is Natsuki Subaru!"
There was no way Natsuki Subaru could be someone who carried others' hopes.
"I know exactly what kind of guy Natsuki Subaru is! How pathetic, how worthless, how hopeless, how thoroughly rotten he is!"
There was no way Natsuki Subaru could be someone whose heart was trusted.
"Who are you looking at!? What are you even talking about!? That guy doesn't exist anywhere! It's all lies! Everything he showed you, everything he said to you—every last bit! Nothing but spur-of-the-moment garbage! Not worth believing in for a second!"
There was no way Natsuki Subaru could be someone whose sins were forgiven.
"Natsuki Subaru doesn't have that kind of value! Natsuki Subaru is trash! He's a worthless piece of shit—and I know that better than anyone!!"
There was no way Natsuki Subaru could be someone who was wished to walk alongside others.
"......"
There was no such value. There was nowhere such a wish was warranted.
Natsuki Subaru was a jinx. Whenever he was with someone, all he did was hurt them, make them lose things, get them killed.
So let's stop.
There was no reason for Emilia or anyone else to get hurt for a guy like that.
"...Someone other than me would be fine, wouldn't it?"
He murmured.
Anyone but him—no, someone who wasn't Natsuki Subaru would be far, far better.
Why entrust everything to a man who could do nothing? Why believe in him? Why forgive him? Why wish for him?
There had to be a better way. There had to be someone more capable.
Even if that was the Natsuki Subaru they all wanted, he no longer existed anywhere.
He had never existed in the first place—an illusion. A phantom of vanity.
"Just forget about me. Cut me loose. Someone stronger, someone smarter—they'll handle it. I..."
He was utterly powerless. The weight of his helplessness alone crushed Natsuki Subaru.
People had their lot in life. There was a station to which one was born. He needed them to understand that. Subaru had no right to walk beside Emilia and the others. He had no right to be wished for by them.
He wasn't strong. He wasn't wise. They didn't need to wish for someone like him.
Therefore— "My name is Emilia. Just Emilia."
"...Huh?"
Having spat out all his helplessness and let himself be consumed by what he'd spat out, having thought himself hollow, Subaru swallowed hard at the sound of that silver-bell voice striking like a surprise blow.
"......"
He didn't understand the meaning of her words. No—not the meaning. He didn't understand the intent.
Raising his head, Subaru stared straight at Emilia—the girl who had just declared her name. She placed a hand on her ample chest, her large, round violet eyes reflecting Subaru's own image.
He held his breath before those luminous eyes. And before Subaru, Emilia continued.
"There are so many things we need to talk about, so many things I need to ask. So many, so many. But for now—just one. Please, let me ask."
"......"
"Julius, Beatrice, Echidna. And now me—pulling your hand, running together, wanting desperately to protect you, not wanting to let you die, and so..."
Filled with a thousand emotions, Emilia closed her eyes.
For several seconds, she paused. In that brief silence, Subaru could feel the torrent of thoughts sweeping through her—including concern for their companions who were not here.
Holding all of those feelings, Emilia's cherry-pink lips trembled, and: "The one who made us feel that way—who are you?"
"......"
"Please. Let me hear your name."
At Emilia's question, Subaru's heart quaked deep within his chest.
It wasn't an attempt to deny the Natsuki Subaru standing before her and recover the Subaru of the past.
It was—an affirmation of Natsuki Subaru.
"......"
It would have been easier if she had told him he was a fake, if she had demanded the real Natsuki Subaru back, if she had cursed him like that instead.
Because that was what Subaru himself had wanted.
He had denied himself, erased himself, begged to be made into nothing—because he could never become the Natsuki Subaru they wanted.
But Emilia—no, not just her.
Everyone who had spoken to Natsuki Subaru along the way had wished for the same thing.
Strong, weak—it didn't matter.
Even after he had forgotten everything, even after he had bared his most wretched, hopeless self—they still, unchanged, Needed Natsuki Subaru. And they showed it—with their attitudes, with their words, with their lives— "...Why?"
"......"
"Why is it Natsuki Subaru here? What can he do? What could you possibly expect from him...?"
He didn't understand.
In the face of such overwhelming despair, such insurmountable disadvantage—what difference could Natsuki Subaru possibly make? How could things possibly turn around? How could they break through?
"What could that weak, stupid, pathetic coward possibly—"
"You might be right about that."
Shaking his head, Subaru wasn't denying—he was pleading. Emilia lowered her gaze.
Those eyes framed by long lashes, that silver-bell voice that tickled directly at the heart, everything about the existence called Emilia—it was like a nail, pinning Natsuki Subaru to this world.
With that out-of-place yet certain sense of connection pulling him in, Emilia continued: "There are people stronger than Subaru, and surely plenty who are smarter too. But no matter what, I want Subaru to be the one beside me. I believe Subaru can do it, and I hope for it. Because..."
"......"
"Because, rather than being saved by someone who could do it because they were strong—someone who was there because they were capable—it would make me so, so much happier to be saved by someone I love."
That was how Emilia said it—with a smile.
Smiling, with the faintest blush on her cheeks.
"......"
As if exhaling all the air from his lungs, Subaru breathed.
Receiving Emilia's words, for a single instant, all the time inside him truly stopped.
Throb. Throb. He felt his heart pounding.
And at the same time, what surged up from within was mockery—mockery aimed squarely at Natsuki Subaru.
"Ha."
So that's it, Natsuki Subaru. You were hung up on a girl that beautiful?
You couldn't be more out of your league. There was no way a girl like that would ever turn to look at you.
A knight that cool. A woman that brilliant. A girl that adorable.
And the beautiful girl standing right in front of him.
Entrusting him with her heart, believing in him, forgiving him, wishing for him to be who he was.
Not asking to be saved, not clinging to him as a savior—but if they were going to face the walls ahead together, she didn't want someone more capable. She wanted him.
"My name is Emilia. Just Emilia."
To the silent Subaru, Emilia declared her name once more.
Her violet eyes looked at him. And his dark eyes looked straight back.
And then— "Please. Let me hear your name."
"I..."
At Emilia's repeated question, Subaru hesitated over his words.
He had denied it over and over.
He couldn't be that. He couldn't become that. He kept insisting he wasn't.
So this had to be nothing more than a convenient play on words.
—Entrusted, believed in, forgiven, wished for.
If Subaru had the right to be treated this way by Emilia and the others here in this tower in the desert.
If there was someone here who could save Emilia and the rest.
If that someone was Natsuki Subaru—and if that Natsuki Subaru no longer existed anywhere— "My name is Natsuki Subaru."
"......"
"Julius entrusted me, Beatrice believed in me, Echidna forgave me, and Emilia... you wished for me—and the name of that man is Natsuki Subaru."
The black-haired boy answered the silver-haired girl, his dark eyes meeting her violet ones.
Lips still trembling from the question, his own blood-stained, dark-red lips gave their answer: "I am Natsuki Subaru."
Now—weakly, without strength, with body and heart corroded by despair—he still made his declaration.
That he wished—for Emilia, for all of them, for you, for all of you—for your safety, your peace.
That he hoped for it.
"......"
Saying it with conviction, Subaru.
In his heart, his distrust of Natsuki Subaru—not a single speck of it had been wiped away.
Still burned into his mind, unable to be shaken loose—the voice and face of that evil man who had killed "me"—no, who had killed Meili. That might never be dispelled.
But fine. Even so—it was fine.
He wasn't asking to be saved. He wasn't clinging to someone, begging to be rescued.
He had wanted to be saved.
He had wished to save others.
—If Natsuki Subaru could do it, then he would be the one to do it.
He hoped that the starting point—the catalyst that set him running—and the destination he ran toward would be the same.
If the path he envisioned was the same, then they were in the same boat. Even if you hated me, I have no complaints.
—Let me, let Natsuki Subaru, save Emilia and the rest.
"Thank you, Emilia. ...For making me believe that."
"Subaru, I..."
At Subaru's answer, ripples spread through Emilia's violet eyes.
Her lips trembling, Emilia was about to weave words toward the boy who had just defined himself— And then.
"—!"
Up until that moment, the world had seemed to care for them—not wanting to interrupt their exchange, maintaining an almost reverent silence. Now that silence shattered in an instant.
"Emilia!"
The corridor around them—the very passage they'd been standing in—was crushed and pulverized by shadow in the blink of an eye.
The corridor lost its form. Emilia, robbed of her footing, lurched badly. Subaru, who still had a sliver of ground beneath him, kicked hard off the floor toward her.
In that instant, the tower itself lost its shape, crumbling into fragments of stone wrapped in the scent of sand—ancient, shattered ruins.
Into that cascade, Subaru dove headlong toward the falling Emilia. The distance closed—he caught up with her billowing silver hair—and finally his slender arms wrapped around her body.
"Subaru..."
A thin, soft, warm body pressed against him as Emilia shifted, calling his name. She was probably trying to reposition herself inside his arms—to put herself beneath him.
But that would reverse the roles of rescuer and rescued.
Emilia, like everyone else, really was out of her mind. But sadly, even Emilia's effort was, in this situation, unfortunately useless.
With her back to the ground and no idea what lay below, Emilia couldn't know.
What awaited them was not the tower's hard floor, nor the sand dunes beyond—but the pitch-black shadow that enveloped the tower, that brought all things to their end.
So they would remain as they were, embracing each other, swallowed by the shadow. And that would be the end.
—No. It was the opposite.
This would surely become a beginning.
What had once begun—he would begin it again, here and now, from the very end.
For that sake, they would exchange their promise.
Here, in this world, in this place—the words exchanged between him and Emilia would be made real.
That he had been saved. That he had wished to save.
Carrying all of it, he would begin again from the end. The time of smoldering stagnation was over.
A curse-like obsession—wasn't that fine? Wasn't that exactly what he wanted?
He didn't know whether Natsuki Subaru was worthy of being loved.
But he knew that Emilia, and all of them, were worthy of being loved by him.
In this ending world, in this beginning world—even if you all forgot the words you spoke to me.
In this ending world, in this beginning world—even if you all forgot the words I hurled at you.
I'll remember. All of it. This time, even if I have to cling on with everything I have, I won't forget.
"—Even if you forget, I won't forget you."
*Remember this forever, Natsuki Subaru.* The shadow closed in, and pitch-black swallowed Subaru and Emilia whole.
Just like that, Natsuki Subaru and Emilia sank deeper and deeper into the shadow.
They turned and turned, everything was lost, everything returned to zero, and the end came just as planned.
And in the place where everything had become zero—a new beginning would commence.
The battle to kill Natsuki Subaru and reclaim "Natsuki Subaru."