It happened one month after the letter arrived.
--- In the middle of the afternoon.
I was helping
Only, today, things had taken a slightly different turn.
"If this magic circle succeeds, we can move on to the next stage."
Nanahoshi declared as much, then unveiled a magic circle far larger than anything she'd shown me before.
Far larger, I say, but it was about half a tatami mat in size.
Intricate patterns were packed densely across an unusually large sheet of paper—rare in this world.
A masterwork that had taken over a month to draw.
For Nanahoshi, it was the culmination of two years of work.
"So, mind if I ask what this magic circle is supposed to do?"
"...It summons an item from another world."
"Let's hope it doesn't trigger another displacement disaster or something."
Nanahoshi had been the cause of that displacement disaster when she was summoned.
Which meant that even a small item could potentially cause something similar.
That was what I thought, but Nanahoshi shook her head.
"It'll be fine... in theory, at least."
"Mind explaining that theory to me?"
"From our experiments so far, we've determined that summoning larger and more complex objects requires more mana."
"In other words, the magic of this world follows the law of conservation of energy."
"What I'm summoning this time is something small and simple."
"If we assume the energy that appeared when I was summoned was enough to obliterate an entire piece of land, then in theory, only about one meter around the magic circle would be displaced."
"And honestly, I think it's extremely unlikely, but even if the same thing did happen, I've built safety measures into the circle."
"We know how much mana it'll use."
The law of conservation of energy. Hmm. What was that again?
"Conservation of energy... what was it again?"
How was it different from conservation of mass?
"...I'm not well-versed enough to explain it to someone who doesn't understand, but basically, anything that seems impossible in this world is usually compensated for by mana. That rock bullet spell you like to use? It looks like it's creating a rock out of thin air, but in reality, it's converting mana into rock."
So the law I'd come up with back in the day was wrong, then. Conservation of energy. I see. So that was why pouring more mana into fire magic raised its temperature, or why earth magic's weight increased.
"And then—"
After that, Nanahoshi went on to explain further, but honestly, it was too complicated for me to follow.
Because such-and-such law applied, the size and effect of the magic circle were such-and-such.
And because of some other law, something else happened.
Honestly, even if there was a hole in the theory, I wouldn't be able to tell.
All I could tell was that Nanahoshi was confident.
If she was confident, then the chances of success were probably high.
Well. Even if she failed and got sent flying somewhere, she could probably make her way back.
"If I fail and get displaced, please contact my family."
"I'm telling you, that possibility doesn't exist."
After that exchange, I stood before the magic circle.
"Shall we begin?"
"Please."
Was that plea directed at me?
Or was it directed at God?
I poured mana into the magic circle.
I placed my hand on the edge of the paper and activated it.
The magic circle emitted a faint glow.
I could feel mana being steadily siphoned from my arm.
But something felt off.
There was an oddness to it.
The way the magic circle was glowing seemed to stutter.
Part of it wasn't lighting up...
*Crack!* A small sound.
Mana suddenly stopped flowing.
The glow of the magic circle went out.
"..."
And that was that.
After that, the magic circle gave no response whatsoever.
Looking closely, a crack had appeared in part of the paper.
The circuit had shorted out, and the safety mechanism had activated, presumably.
Either way, this was...
A failure.
"...How does it look?"
"A failure."
Nanahoshi said it quietly.
Then she sank into a chair and rested one elbow on the desk.
She let out a long sigh.
"Haaah..."
She stared at the paper on the floor.
The paper, the scattered paint, the magic circle with its sketch still showing through.
And the crack running through it.
She gazed at it all blankly, utterly still.
After a while, she spoke without looking at me.
"You've worked hard. You can... go home for today."
The culmination of nearly two years of work.
Over in just a few short seconds.
But failure was an inherent part of experiments.
"Well, things like this happen."
"..."
Nanahoshi didn't answer.
...Was it my fault?
No, it couldn't have been. I had nothing to do with it.
All I did was pour in mana.
I did nothing—anyone could have done it, as long as they had mana.
If that wasn't enough, then Nanahoshi was to blame for not explaining things well enough.
"..."
Nanahoshi said nothing.
Either way, that was it for today.
"Then, I'll be going."
I stood up.
Before leaving the lab, I glanced at Nanahoshi once more.
She hadn't moved from her earlier posture.
I passed through a cluttered storage-like room and exited the research building.
After a few steps, I stopped.
Nanahoshi had been under tremendous strain these past few months.
This failure must have hit her hard.
That posture, that attitude...
Perhaps she wasn't even thinking about the next experiment or the failure itself— Perhaps she was simply in a daze.
No, Nanahoshi was actually fairly strong-willed in her own way.
She had the composure to accept failure as failure.
That's what I thought, and in that instant— "AaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA!"
A scream suddenly erupted from the research building.
At the same time, the sound of something breaking.
The sound of someone thrashing about.
I spun on my heel and hurried back.
"Aaaah!"
There was Nanahoshi, hair wild, half out of her mind.
She tore up the manuscripts she had written and scattered them.
She threw a tantrum and toppled a bookshelf.
She dumped the contents of a vase.
She ripped off her mask and slammed it to the floor.
She clawed at her face, stumbled, and slammed into a wall.
She punched the wall, stumbled again, and fell into the spilled contents of the vase.
She smashed the vase's contents against the ground, stood up, and tore at her hair.
I rushed over and grabbed her from behind in a full nelson.
"Hey, calm down!"
"I can't go back, can't go back, can't go back..."
Nanahoshi mumbled with hollow eyes.
Every muscle in her body was rigid, coiled with the force of imminent thrashing.
"I can't go back, can't go back, I can't go baaaaaack!"
Nanahoshi struggled.
She fought with all her might to break free of my hold.
But in the end, she was just a shut-in high school girl.
Frail.
There was no way she could shake me off.
Eventually, she went limp.
When I released her, she crumpled to the floor like a ragdoll.
"Hey, are you okay?"
One look at her face, and I knew this was bad.
Her complexion was deathly pale, her eyes vacant with dark circles beneath them. Her lips had lost all color, dry and cracked.
This was the face of someone in extreme psychological distress.
On the verge of suicide.
"............"
I couldn't leave her alone.
What should I do?
Who could help in a situation like this...
It was Sylphie.
She might be able to do something.
Coincidentally, she didn't have night shift today.
Right. I'd bring Nanahoshi home with me today.
That was the plan.
No, wait. Before that, I should probably take her somewhere to calm down first.
"You okay?"
"..."
"You've been pushing yourself too hard. Let's rest today, alright?"
"..."
Nanahoshi didn't respond.
I put her arm over my shoulder and more or less forced her to her feet.
Then, dragging her along, I left the research building.
The key... no, that could wait. One day wouldn't matter. Probably.
With that, I headed for Sylphie. Fifth-year classroom.
Should I have someone go get her?
Or should I call for her myself?
As I walked with Nanahoshi's arm over my shoulder, we drew stares.
We'd apparently run into a group of students changing classrooms.
Murmurs and commotion everywhere.
Standing out.
Was it because I was supporting a woman?
Nanahoshi wasn't wearing her mask right now.
It'd be better not to draw too much attention.
But what could I do?
"Master!"
A voice from behind.
I turned. It was
"Master... whatever happened!?"
"Zanoba. Nanahoshi's in a bad way. I need your help."
"...Is she sick!?"
"Something like that."
"Then let's take her to the infirmary first."
Ah, right. The infirmary. Of course.
"Master, allow me to carry her."
"Be gentle with her."
"Naturally. Come now, Lady Nanahoshi."
Zanoba scooped Nanahoshi up in a princess carry.
A solid, stable hold. Nanahoshi offered zero resistance.
Her soul had left her body, and she hung there limply.
"Make way!"
Zanoba shouted as he charged into the crowd.
The students parted like the sea.
I followed in his wake.
--- We made it to the infirmary.
I laid Nanahoshi down on a bed.
Her face was hollow.
Terrible.
She looked almost dead.
I told the healer on duty that it wasn't anything physical.
Mental symptoms couldn't be cured by healing magic.
I glanced down and saw
"Grand Master, your face... it looks awful."
At her words, I touched my own face.
What did I look like right now?
Oh. Right. I was pretty shaken up myself.
I needed to calm down.
"Yeah, I'm ugly to begin with."
I patted Julie on the head.
To think I was worrying even a little girl like this.
"Here you, Master."
A cup was suddenly thrust at me from the side.
Zanoba.
"Thanks."
I thanked him, took it, and drained it in one gulp.
He'd apparently filled it from the water pitcher kept in the infirmary.
I felt my tongue peel away from the roof of my mouth like a layer of dead skin.
At some point, my mouth had gone bone-dry.
"Haaah..."
I sat in a chair and let out a breath.
Zanoba stood at my side and asked quietly.
"Master, what happened? This is the first time I've seen you this rattled."
"Yeah..."
I explained what had happened in the lab.
The failed experiment, and how Nanahoshi had spiraled out of control after.
I'd been afraid she'd die if left alone, so I intervened.
Zanoba listened, then looked down at Nanahoshi with a complex expression.
"So research isn't something she does because she enjoys it."
"...Right."
She wasn't doing it because she resented it.
But she wasn't doing it because she wanted to either.
She had to do it, or she couldn't go home.
If things didn't work out, this kind of breakdown was inevitable.
Six years since the displacement incident.
She'd stumbled at the very first step.
"..."
I sighed and slumped back in the chair.
Man, I was tired.
Zanoba said nothing more.
All we could do was stand there before Nanahoshi as she stared blankly at the ceiling.
--- After a while, Nanahoshi closed her eyes and fell asleep.
Around the same time, Sylphie arrived.
Ariel was not with her.
"I heard that Rudi and Zanoba-kun brought a female student to the infirmary, so I came to check."
Apparently, rumors were already spreading.
That I had knocked out a female student and brought her to the infirmary.
That I might be doing something terrible to her.
Harsh. Why did I have no credibility like this? Was it because I was the school delinquent?
It wasn't like I'd done anything to earn their trust, I supposed.
Whatever.
I told Sylphie what had happened in the lab.
The failed experiment, and Nanahoshi's subsequent meltdown.
And how we'd ended up here.
"That's..."
Sylphie looked at Nanahoshi with a grave expression.
"I think it's too dangerous to leave her alone, so I want to bring her home tonight."
"Wouldn't it be better to keep her here in the infirmary?"
"She'll probably feel better waking up to a familiar face."
At the very least, she shouldn't be alone at a time like this.
She could fall all the way to rock bottom.
Nanahoshi was young. She probably didn't have much resilience for this sort of thing.
Perhaps she'd had similar meltdowns before.
But this one felt like it carried a larger swing.
The human heart, once it swung too far, could go all the way to the end.
And the end meant suicide.
"I don't know how long it'll take her to stabilize, but I'm thinking of having her stay over and looking after her for a bit."
"Is it okay for me to leave that to you?"
"As long as it's just meals and basic care, sure."
Until she calmed down, I'd just keep her isolated.
A little escapism might do her good.
Sometimes, it was important to turn your eyes away from painful things.
A strategic withdrawal, if you will.
"...It's not like I'm cheating or anything."
"I know that. Or... do you have something to feel guilty about?"
"Nothing."
Not a shred of guilt.
That said, I was bringing another woman home.
A defenseless, limp one at that.
But Sylphie didn't seem to doubt me at all.
Was this what trust looked like?
"I'll leave it to Rudi then. Are you heading straight home after this?"
"Yeah. I can't come shopping with you, but could you handle that?"
"Leave it to me."
Sylphie's dependable reply made me nod.
That was Sylphie for you.
--- I slipped out of the school and hurried home.
Zanoba had volunteered to carry Nanahoshi.
He'd used a princess carry last time, but this time it was a piggyback.
Zanoba was a prince, but the piggyback suited him better.
"Sorry about this, Zanoba."
"Not at all. It's the least I can do to be of service."
Zanoba carried the limp Nanahoshi on his back with effortless ease.
Trailing behind him, Julie tottered along.
If we put Zanoba in a wetsuit with a drill on it, they might start calling him Mr. Bubbles.
On a whim, I picked up Julie.
"Hwah! Grand Master, what is it?"
"Nothing."
Zanoba merely glanced back at me.
I walked on, holding Julie.
Julie's body was surprisingly soft and round.
A year ago, she'd been nothing but skin and bones, but she'd been eating well apparently.
A little lacking in muscle, perhaps, but I wouldn't expect a seven-year-old to be built.
"Julie, is Zanoba taking good care of you?"
"Yes! Master always gives me lots of food to eat!"
"I see, I see. Master gives you lots of food to eat, huh."
"Master gives me lots of food to eat!"
"There, there."
Come to think of it, had Nanahoshi been eating properly?
When I'd held her, she'd felt painfully thin.
Not quite as light as a feather, but very close.
Maybe she wasn't getting enough to eat.
Meals were emotional stabilizers.
Eating something you liked, or sharing a meal with someone.
That alone could make a person a little happier.
Nanahoshi probably never did any of that.
"Haaah..."
A sigh escaped me.
What kind of life had Nanahoshi been living?
Alone, shut in, barely eating.
Having conversations with no one, just drawing magic circles day after day.
"This isn't Master's fault, so please don't be too hard on yourself."
"Yeah, I know."
Zanoba had apparently interpreted my sigh in a different way.
He was looking at me with a serious expression.
He seemed more worried about me than about Nanahoshi.
Well, Zanoba had barely spoken to Nanahoshi, so I supposed that made sense.
"..."
We walked in silence for a while.
Then I could hear Julie's heartbeat.
Because she was a child, Julie's body temperature was higher than mine—warm.
Listening to her heartbeat, I felt oddly calm.
I'd have to buy Julie something next time.
After a while, we arrived home.
I put Nanahoshi in one of the two rooms I'd prepared for my sister.
She lay down on the bed without protest.
Her eyes were open.
She must have woken up at some point.
But they were vacant. There was no telling what she was looking at.
Like a corpse.
Would she come back from this...
By my assessment, she was still barely holding on.
It was a dangerous state, but she was still okay.
I'd fallen to a similar depth myself once, but I'd been able to come back.
The rampage had been like a seizure.
That kind of fury wasn't sustained.
But for now, I searched her clothes and confiscated anything that could be used as a weapon.
She'd been carrying a small knife.
I didn't think she could die with it, but I took it just in case.
There was nothing dangerous in the room.
The window... we were on the second floor, so that was a bit of a risk.
Maybe I should seal it with earth magic.
If she shattered the glass, it would be over.
But I wanted to believe she didn't have the will for that right now.
Since Nanahoshi wasn't moving, I went downstairs.
"Will she be alright?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."
When I reached the first floor, Zanoba asked with a touch of concern.
This guy seemed immune to depression.
He had his weaknesses, sure, but fundamentally, he was a positive person.
"Either way, thanks for your help, Zanoba."
"Not at all. Master is always looking after me, so something like this is nothing."
Zanoba said it with his usual calm expression.
Truly a man you could rely on.
"And what about Master? Are you alright?"
"Me? Why do you ask?"
"Lady Nanahoshi collapsed, but you're the one who looks like you've taken the bigger hit."
Taken a hit. Was that what it looked like?
Yeah.
I supposed it was.
Nanahoshi had lost her mind and gone on a rampage.
I'd stopped her, then been left like a hollow shell.
Watching the whole thing had dredged up memories from my past.
Nanahoshi's pain was shaped differently from mine, but it was psychological suffering all the same.
I could empathize.
If our circumstances had been just slightly different, I might have been the one lying up there.
"A little. It reminded me of some rough times from my past."
"May I ask about it?"
"...When I was young, I went through something similar. I became listless and shut myself away. That's all."
"That's something I can't quite understand."
A cold way of putting it, but I didn't want him to say he understood easily either.
"Fair enough."
"Regardless, if there's ever anything else I can do to help, please tell me. I have strength to spare, if nothing else."
"Yeah, I appreciate it."
I was grateful for Zanoba's goodwill.
Without the doll stuff, he really was a good guy.
After that, Zanoba eventually went home.
With nothing else to do, I settled into the room where Nanahoshi was sleeping and read a book.
I'd debated whether to leave her alone.
In my case, at a time like this, I wanted to be by myself.
But she had always been alone.
She'd been alone this whole time.
I stayed by Nanahoshi's side until Sylphie came home.