The sound of something breaking apart — only consciousness remained to listen to it, endlessly.
Bones being crunched, brain matter squashed, eyeballs cracking and spilling the fluid within.
The skull — it was the skull of the head that was being shattered. He could feel the precious contents packed inside being ground down by the sheer force of razor-sharp fangs, pulped into mush.
Gray brain tissue and cerebrospinal fluid seeped out, mixing with a nameless yellowish fluid that had pooled in the frontal lobe, and fine web-like blood vessels tore loose as bright red blood flowed free.
All of it — every last drop — merged together, and consciousness and memory turned into a meat-colored vomit.
Pain. Yes, there was pain. And shortness of breath.
As though the head were splitting open — he thought that, and consciousness let out a bitter laugh.
Splitting open — as if it were that simple.
The important things were already long past shattered. What's more, the very parts that could feel pain had been destroyed ages ago, so what was he even complaining about now?
The brain that stored memories was pouring out, the organ for thought was crushed, the parts necessary for sustaining life had been torn away entirely — and if that happened, did you know what it meant?
That was when a human being greeted "death."
So naturally, he too — "—Barusu. Barusu. Pull yourself together."
The nape of his hazy consciousness was seized and dragged forcibly into the light.
The first thing he felt upon returning was someone's desperate voice at his ear. The voice carried not only a trembling pitch but also the sensation of a light — though not exactly gentle — slap to the cheek.
"Barusu, if you don't wake up this instant, I'll burn your eyelids off."
"—!"
A terrifying declaration delivered to a half-waking mind — consciousness shot to the surface in a flash.
Answering the voice, he broke free from the dark world, consciousness surfacing as though rising through water and escaping a suffocating environment. And before his eyelids could be scorched, they opened.
"—Barusu, you're awake?"
"— — —"
Right before his eyes was
Her breathing was close enough to reach him, and if he lifted his chin just slightly, their lips would nearly touch. There was, of course, nothing romantic behind this. Ram had leaned in this close simply because the surroundings were so pitch-dark that neither could make out the other's features otherwise.
Registering Ram's presence, his senses belatedly picked up the feeling beneath his backside — fine grains of sand. Subaru's body was sprawled in a starfish shape across the Sand Sea.
A single breath escaped Subaru's lips. Ram peered deep into his eyes for a moment, then slowly drew back, lantern in hand. The orange light in her hand cleaved through the darkness, and Subaru understood that he was still trapped within the sandy labyrinth — no, that he had "returned by Death."
"I..."
He scanned the dark surroundings and took his time recalling what had happened.
The shock of death was always vivid, and the sensation of his memories being shaken never showed any sign of becoming routine. Savoring the feeling of being rattled through an earthquake inside his memory banks, searching for the certainty of that "death," Subaru grasped at the final moments and remembered.
"— — —"
What surged back into his mind with overwhelming force was Ram's face of pure hatred, illuminated by the lantern.
And then — the senseless, meaningless killing spree that had begun with their vicious argument, and its gruesome end.
"Ugh—!"
"Barusu?"
In front of a puzzled Ram, Subaru instinctively pressed his hand to his mouth.
It wasn't a scream from recalling that he and Ram had fought to the death mere seconds ago — it was the nausea that came from remembering the horrific end she had met as a result.
"Ugh, eh... blegh!"
For Subaru, his own "deaths" had already exceeded the count of his fingers and toes.
And within this world of "returning by Death," the experience of losing comrades like
But for Subaru, death was never something you got used to.
That was true for himself, and equally true for anyone else's death. He feared dying, and the thought of those close to him dying was enough to tear his heart apart.
— Especially since Ram's previous death had been a shock unlike anything he had experienced before.
Her belly torn open, her neck severed, her whole body battered and mutilated — he had witnessed every gruesome detail.
Each death had been steeped in anguish and grief, and Subaru wasn't the sort of person morbid enough to line up different deaths and compare them.
But being crushed from the skull down, having his insides masticated — that was a first.
He had watched Ram's beautifully sculpted face be ruthlessly caught between fangs and obliterated.
And the one who had carried out that atrocity was none other than
"...ugh, blegh... hack, cough—"
Trying not to remember was exactly the same as remembering.
The harder he tried to forget Ram's terrible end, the more vividly the image rose in his mind: the peach-colored hair and remains of a skull inside an earth dragon's maw.
In the end, unable to digest the surging nausea, Subaru retched toward the sand.
But his throat and stomach hadn't recovered from the shock of "returning by Death" — they convulsed stubbornly, refusing to obey his will.
"Cough, hack — !"
"...And here I thought you'd finally come around, only for it to be this? How pathetic."
He planted his hands on the ground, desperately trying to force something up, but nothing came. His mouth was bone-dry — not a single drop of saliva. The sheer emptiness was almost impressive.
Ram held the lantern and watched him, and though he couldn't see her expression, her voice made it abundantly clear that she was looking down on his pathetic wheezing.
Naturally, that cold demeanor brought back the events just before his "death."
That reasonless welling of murderous intent, the vicious argument that had festered into it — and the impulse that had driven it all now churned in his chest, filling him with fear.
But — "Don't even think about biting me."
"— !"
With that single prefatory remark, Ram settled down beside him and lifted his chin.
Subaru — who had been kneeling — flinched at the suddenness, but Ram paid his reaction no mind. She pried his mouth open, and with an expression of utter boredom, thrust her slender white finger deep into his throat.
"...! ? Ugh, geh — !"
"Barusu, I knew you were hopeless, but this is newborn-baby territory."
A stranger's finger violating his throat, his esophagus being roughly ravaged.
Then — his stomach and throat, which had been fighting the reflex to vomit, accepted this new shock and, in a sudden burst of unity, began working furiously to push out gastric fluid and saliva.
Tears streaming, Subaru gave in to the nausea and spewed it all onto the sand. It was mostly stomach acid and water, but even so, he felt vastly better than before.
"Hack, cough... haah, hah... sorry, I'm... okay now..."
"Oh? I'm glad to see you're satisfied, desu-ne."
"You..."
Subaru wiped his mouth with his sleeve as Ram shrugged and replied in childlike speech.
He had thoughts about that attitude, but the fact remained that he had made a mess on a level with a helpless infant. There was no room for argument, and Ram's palm was still gently rubbing his back.
It was a difficult-to-read, harsh form of kindness.
"Hand — it's fine, really. More importantly, where is this..."
"The barrier came undone, and the Sand Sea cracked open in front of us — you remember that much? We were swallowed up along with the dragon carriage, and this is where we ended up," Ram explained.
Subaru glanced around as he spoke, and hearing her answer, he couldn't decide whether to feel relieved or anxious about the continuation of this "Return by Death" location.
Either way, though, action had to be taken quickly.
He was about to continue speaking when — *"When you woke up underground, did you worry about
What resurfaced in his mind were Ram's words — words with a razor edge that had carved into his heart.
The rift that had led to that last catastrophic ending — allies killing each other — was clearly abnormal.
It must have been his own doing, but looking back, he couldn't possibly have been in a sound state of mind. The trigger itself had been abnormal. Minor irritations piling up, escalating from bickering to a killing spree — it was absurd.
"Barusu?"
Ram tilted her head at his silence.
That last time had been a rift born of abnormal circumstances. So naturally, there was no reason to be anxious about the words Ram had said in that state. — And yet, to dismiss everything as lies would be equally unnatural.
It was true that her feelings had been amplified far beyond normal, but Subaru's dissatisfaction and resentment toward Ram hadn't been fake. Not everything had been a lie.
If that was the case, then Ram had genuinely felt an indescribable discomfort at Subaru's attitude of not worrying about Emilia and the others. If he was going to consider those feelings, then Subaru should at least go through the motions of expressing concern for them here.
In truth, he *was* worried, so performing that concern wasn't deception.
But he also knew that worrying wouldn't change anything.
"— — —"
Right now — truly, for the first time — Subaru realized he was trapped in pretense, and the words caught in his throat.
He knew it was necessary to avoid further discord, and yet the idea of speaking that pretense and deceiving Ram made his heart recoil. Calculatingly worrying about comrades, deceiving them — the very thought was repugnant.
Of course, it was a hesitation he had to swallow. Letting that stand in the way and earning her displeasure would be truly meaningless.
"So... everyone is..."
"— Don't blame yourself so much. Chasing after whose responsibility it was — there's no point in that. Rather than wasting time on that, there should be something more worth prioritizing."
But before Subaru could voice his concern, Ram reached her own conclusion about his emotions. Or rather, she had misread the grave expression on his face.
For someone with Ram's perceptiveness, this was unusual. Her occasional slips — words that seemed to see straight through a person — were, in their own way, evidence of just how anxious she was.
"We've already wasted time while you were busy throwing up, Barusu."
Of course, Ram would never let any of that inner turmoil show.
That posture — somewhere between stubbornness and sheer obstinacy — left Subaru uncertain how to respond. In the end, he said nothing, and Ram moved first.
She wiped the finger she'd thrust into his mouth, then pointed the lantern into the depths of the labyrinth.
"We can't afford to dawdle. I need to rendezvous with Rem... and with Emilia and the others."
"Y-yeah, I know... but, who else is here?"
"Aside from Ram and Barusu... it looks like two who just came back."
Subaru craned his neck around Ram's back and, following her gaze, peered into the darkness.
Emerging from the far end of the labyrinth — swaying light in hand — were Anastasia and Patrasche. Catching sight of the ink-black earth dragon melting into the shadows, Subaru's eyes trembled faintly.
The flickering orange light illuminated a face at once noble, fierce, and beautiful.
And inside that closed mouth, lined up like blades, were fangs that had crushed a girl's skull — and then, one after another, had done the same to Subaru himself.
That sort of thing should never happen normally.
"Am I an idiot...? No, I'm definitely an idiot."
He clenched his jaw, grinding his back teeth as he tried to suppress his own cowardice.
In that abnormal rift, the killing intent directed at him couldn't possibly have been genuine. Being killed by Patrasche had been carved into his heart as a wound that would never fully heal.
And yet — hadn't he been repeatedly facing the very existence that had killed him?
"That's right. Rem, and even Ram, at first were..."
Even Ram, who had just shown a glimpse of warmth.
Even Rem, who had supported Subaru so selflessly and forgiven him.
Their initial relationship had been the worst — she had tried to take his life, and he had nearly lost hers.
Compared to that, what had happened last time — which hadn't been her true intention — was practically trivial.
"Right. That's how it should be."
Hugging his own shoulders, Subaru rubbed his arms as though bracing against the cold.
Underground beneath the Sand Sea, in this place ruled by sand and darkness, it was genuinely cold. But the reason for that chill was entirely different from the temperature alone.
"—Natsuki-kun, looks like you're awake, huh."
"—Thanks to you. So, how did the reconnaissance go?"
Ahead, Ram and Anastasia were exchanging words.
They were comparing notes — the strategy for clearing the sand labyrinth and the intelligence they had just gathered. Ordinarily, Subaru should have been part of that conversation, with plenty to contribute.
And yet, right now, he had to settle his mind first, or his legs wouldn't move.
By "returning by Death," he had left behind the events and consequences of just before dying.
And yet, no matter how hard he tried to suppress it, the fear kept surfacing, and that moment's passion kept surging back.
Subaru fought against that emotion endlessly, struggling to push it down.
"— — —"
The ink-black earth dragon watched over him in silence, a look of quiet loneliness on its face.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * — Subaru's heart, which should have been reset by "Return by Death," had not fully returned to normal.
Setting that aside, the underground labyrinth exploration by the four of them was nearly identical to the previous run.
With Subaru at the head, the group searched for their missing companions, advancing slowly through the cold darkness. They lit the passageways with the lantern and strained their eyes for collapsed figures along the road, but their pace was painfully slow.
"— — —"
Truth be told, Subaru wanted to skip this entire search.
For him, this stretch of road was one he had already traveled twice. He knew full well that none of Emilia's group would be lying within sight. But there was no point in telling the two behind him that, and if they said he might have missed someone, he couldn't very well argue.
As a result, what was already a restless, frustrating march dragged on at a snail's pace, doing nothing but stoking Subaru's impatience.
"I hope everyone else is safe, but... in our case, having Patrasche-chan with us might count as a stroke of luck, you know."
"— — —"
"Thinking about what it'd be like without legs — being in the Sand Sea would be hell. The anxiety probably comes from just being outnumbered, huh..."
"— — —"
"At worst, I won't hesitate to play my trump card, but if I overdo it there'll be no going back, which is the scary part. So, let me rely on you two, okay?"
"— — —"
"...Hold up, Natsuki-kun and Ram-san — are you even listening? I've been talking here this whole time, and it's just me."
Throughout the exploration, Anastasia had been chattering away, and now she was starting to pout at the total lack of responses. Subaru stopped and turned back.
Then, lighting up Anastasia on the dragon's back with the lantern, he let out a snort of exasperation.
"Honestly, it's almost impressive how you never run out of things to say. ...Right now we should be focused on finding the others. You've got no business just shooting the shit."
"Shooting the shit? Nothing of the sort! I'm having a perfectly relevant conversation about our next moves. Besides, the one who never runs out of things to say is usually you, Natsuki-kun. Getting the silent treatment for once — two girls... make that four girls are going to get anxious, you know."
"Four, huh?"
Subaru's lips twisted into a wry smile, but the inexhaustible Anastasia was quick to fire back.
Two would count Ram and Anastasia herself, but if she said four, she must be including "Donna" and Patrasche. Technically, since Anastasia *was* Donna right now, it should be three — but that wasn't really the point worth correcting.
"— — —"
Puffing out her cheeks, Anastasia drew a narrowed, contemplative gaze from Subaru.
The real Anastasia was dormant; right now it was just Donna wearing her guise. And yet, the mannerisms had blended in remarkably, as though the two had merged seamlessly.
Which one was truly in control — that was impossible to tell from her expressions or words. Regrettably, that hadn't changed.
— In the previous timeline, when they had descended into mutual slaughter, the gruesome ending meant that only Ram and Patrasche stayed in his mind — but Anastasia's attitude had been off, too.
Ram's hostility and Patrasche's malice — the two of them had gone obviously, unmistakably wrong.
But Anastasia's state was harder to pin down at a glance. Whether or not she had truly gone mad, what color her heart had been in that final moment — he still had no idea.
She had ultimately been killed by Ram, thanks to the gap in raw power, but even so, she had hidden a knife in her emergency bag and pretended to mediate while looking for an opening — her cunning was not to be underestimated.
If he let his guard down for even a moment around her, he could have his throat slit without — "...Why is it that you always..."
— that he always, always thought only about being enemies.
"— !"
Facing forward down the corridor, Subaru punched himself in the cheek at an angle where Ram and the others couldn't see.
The full-force blow split the inside of his mouth; sharp pain and the taste of blood spread across his tongue. By hurting himself, he forcibly corrected his muddled consciousness.
It wasn't Ram or Anastasia who was abnormal.
The one who still hadn't let go of his abnormality was none other than Subaru himself.
"Amazing, really. Knowing you're the one who's messed up — and still creeping yourself out."
Whether he was the crazy one, or the other person was.
There had been a time when Subaru was convinced that everything and everyone besides himself was wrong.
Ultimately, of course, that was entirely wrong. It was only the foolish experience of a lost Subaru, arrogantly insisting he was right and rejecting everything around him.
In the end, he had been made to acknowledge that he was the one in the wrong — something he had known from the very beginning. And so it remained a vivid, sharp-edged memory.
But the current Subaru recognized his own abnormality while remaining sane.
And the fact that he hadn't tamed that abnormality — that was truly terrifying.
Subaru knew this feeling. He recognized it.
This desolate sensation in his heart, this endlessly lonely descent into starving madness — This was the horizon that Petelgeuse Romanee-Conti had reached.
The scenery that madman had seen: self-aware of his own insanity, recognizing the abnormal as normal.
"Barusu, is something wrong?"
A wave of unpleasant empathy washing over him, Subaru felt Ram's voice land on his trembling back.
He swallowed the blood mixed with saliva, then turned to face the two with a neutral expression.
"Nah, nothing. There's sand in my shoes, is all. Gross."
"...It's not like Ram's heart is affected in the slightest just because Barusu went quiet, but Anastasia-sama does have a point."
"And that would be?"
"Going silent is one thing, but don't go shouldering something heavy and making a woman anxious. If you don't want to do that, learn to hide it better."
"— — —"
Hearing that rebuke head-on, Subaru pressed his lips into a tight line once more.
Ram's meaning was unmistakable. And from that, he could also understand how her words had been a translation of Anastasia's harder-to-read concern.
It was as though he had been seen through completely, and his heart bristled.
"It's vague. I don't think talking would help."
"It's nothing new that I don't understand what Barusu is saying. If you're worried about that, you should put more effort into everyday consideration."
"Ram-san, you really don't hold back when it comes to Natsuki-kun, huh."
At Ram's barbed tongue-lashing — sharp and venomous enough to make even Anastasia wince — Subaru clicked his tongue.
Despite Anastasia's mild attempt at mediation, Ram merely shrugged.
"Please rest assured. Barusu is enjoying himself. He's a masochist who delights in suffering."
"What are you even talking about? Based on what, exactly, have you determined that? Stop treating me like your personal punching bag, would you? You know, the only people you're allowed to hit are those willing to get hit?"
"Hmph."
Ram's dismissive snort was almost entirely her usual self.
Subaru felt a complicated mix of envy and resentment toward her — who had already recovered her composure — and then felt sick of himself for thinking that way.
Still, exchanging their usual banter did serve to thin the shadow of unease. That was, without question, the brightness he had built with them through their daily lives.
"...It's hard to explain, but if I had to try — I'm having some pretty bad paranoia right now."
"— — —"
Now that he'd put it into words, it sounded even more flimsy than he'd imagined.
He could understand why Ram and Anastasia both pressed their lips into tight lines upon hearing it.
"— — —"
Glancing over, even Patrasche seemed to be looking at him with an air of exasperation.
For Patrasche — wise, and possessing a keen understanding of how things worked — Subaru's current spinelessness must have been almost unwatchable. Perhaps it would have been better for her to simply give up on him and find a more capable master.
In truth, Ram and Anastasia seemed better at handling Patrasche than he was. If Subaru was in the way, it would only be natural for her to bare her fangs at him — "Stop, stop — ..."
"I get it now. When you look past the stupid way you phrase things, the problem is actually serious, huh."
Anastasia assessed the scene — Subaru and Patrasche locked in a stare, the atmosphere growing more hostile by the second — and delivered her verdict. Being told objectively that something was wrong brought both relief and anxiety in equal measure.
The upshot was that a new option had appeared in their repertoire: removing Subaru from the equation. He should do something before it came to that — "I'm the worst."
"Honestly, wouldn't it be easier if we just tied you up and carried you?"
Anastasia threw in the towel on Subaru — who was cycling through blushing, blanching, and a hundred other expressions — and Ram furrowed her brow thoughtfully.
"But dismembering Barusu's limbs won't solve the fundamental problem."
"Don't use such scary words. You'll make an enemy of me."
"Hardly a threat, but I certainly don't want Emilia-sama and Beatrice-sama as enemies either. ...I wouldn't be able to face Rem, either."
Contemplating this, Subaru struggled to keep his hostile thoughts at bay.
While fighting that internal battle, there was something he found strangely puzzling.
It was truly ill-timed — the last thing he should be dwelling on in this situation. But now, having ventured on this expedition to the
— Why Ram reacted so acutely to anything involving Rem.
"— — —"
Of course, for Subaru, Ram caring about Rem was a good sign.
Rem had no memories left in anyone but Subaru — he was the only one who shared a two-way bond with her. In a sense, that gave him a feeling of specialness, but in practical terms, it meant nothing.
Yet Ram was approaching Rem's isolated situation with the utmost sincerity.
He had been painfully reminded over the past year that Rem's memories were not inside Ram. And yet, it was undeniable that Ram held the existence of this girl — who looked exactly like her — even more dear than "the truth Subaru had told her."
And it seemed that this emotion had given Ram a depth of feeling that surpassed even what Subaru had imagined.
That much was visible from the rift in the labyrinth — the outburst triggered by Subaru's thoughtless words and behavior.
She hadn't remembered. And yet, her feelings were every bit as powerful as if she had.
Her emotional bonds ran deeper than Subaru had perhaps realized.
— But was that really all there was to it?
"...That's perverse."
"No — it's not perverse! I'm not looking at you like that! *That's* real paranoia!"
"And you say that while putting yourself on a pedestal? That's it, I give up."
"If anyone's on a pedestal, you've climbed into your own shrine and are looking down from there, haven't you?"
Through it all — through the light banter that proved nothing had fundamentally changed between them — Subaru could feel a moment's relief.
Even if their moods could shift in an instant, turning warm affection into cold malice — In that moment, at least, he could refrain from hating anyone.
"I'll keep an eye on Natsuki-kun's behavior, but... I think the cause is probably *that*, huh."
"You've noticed it too, Anastasia-sama?"
"Well, when Natsuki-kun is being this obviously affected, it's hard not to."
Ram and Anastasia exchanged a knowing look over Subaru's paranoia and suspicion — or rather, Subaru himself understood the cause well enough.
With their perceptiveness and wariness, they were surely noticing every small thing he did, even as they conversed. He could sense it with irritating clarity.
"Irritating, huh... What an idiot."
"Did you say something?"
"I was talking about how much of an idiot I am. So — what do you think the cause is?"
While he was questioning his own sensibilities, Ram and Anastasia tilted their heads as well. Then, at his question, both of them pointed straight ahead.
Following their gesture, Subaru could see what they meant.
— There, right before them, the fork in the road had appeared.
"I had a bad feeling about the wind blowing this way for a while now... now I know why."
"This foul wind breeds discord. According to Meili, Barusu's body odor attracts Mabeasts, and on top of that, the compatibility is bad — no, maybe it's good, actually?"
"Do you know what this awful feeling is?"
"Cross-reference Barusu's current state with his body odor, and there's only one answer."
"Stop talking about my body odor."
The past two times, they had unanimously agreed on a simple "bad feeling." Now, combined with Subaru's constitution and current state, a different conclusion emerged.
Ram and Anastasia exchanged a look, nodded — "Miasma."
"The
"I'm not certain, but it's well known that the "Witch's Shrine" exists deep in the dunes. If the Sand Sea has opened up like this, it's possible that somehow it's connected..."
"Wouldn't that just be a terrible shortcut? So — what do we do?"
Diagnosing the cause of the spiritual disturbance — the discord that had led them to a killing spree — as miasma, Anastasia grimly pointed toward the road ahead.
The fork split in two: from the right, miasma drifted; from the left, the centaurs' lair.
Of course, he intended to handle the threat lurking in the left path through careful explanation later — but what mattered now was which way to go.
"So which way do you think is the right answer?"
At Anastasia's question, Subaru and Ram exchanged a glance.
Then — with perfect synchronization, without the slightest hesitation — "Left."
And so it was decided.