"Ahaha, you've woken up, I see. Good, good."
The tall man with long, deep-blue hair looked down at Subaru and beamed.
He was tall. Taller than Reinhard, easily reaching the halfway point of five-eleven. His frame was slender — the sort that seemed entirely unsuited to manual labor — and rather than giving an impression of elegance, he looked, if anything, simply thin.
His eyes were mismatched, the left yellow and the right blue, and combined with his sickly-pale complexion, they lent him an air of fragile approachability.
By conventional standards, he was handsome enough. That was an unambiguous verdict on his looks.
Of course, having that much beauty thrust upon you from breathlessly close range would leave anyone more than a little sick of it.
"You're too close!"
"Sorry, sorry! You know, the first time you were brought here, you were covered in blood and had no color in your face at all — looked like you were dead, really. So seeing you up and walking around like this... it's quite moving, isn't it?"
The tall man — the one who'd introduced himself as Roswaal, the owner of the mansion — cheerfully slapped both of Subaru's shoulders and continued to loom over him from the same uncomfortable distance.
Subaru guessed him to be in his mid-twenties. His overall demeanor immediately conjured the image of a "debauched aristocrat."
"Well, the classic setup is that the weird-looking ones turn out to be sharp, so..."
"Ahaha, what a wonderful compliment! Go ahead, stare at me more closely. Do I look sharp to you? Well? How about it?"
He struck a pose, spun around, and struck another — all directly in front of Subaru. His commanding presence was such that Subaru was horrified to realize his feet had carried him several steps backward without his permission.
"W-Wait... me, retreating!? That I'm more overwhelmed by his personality than he is by mine — that's not normal! This is gonna interfere with daily life!"
"From where I'm standing, you're both the same, honestly."
The sigh came from behind him. As Subaru stepped back,
"Welcome back. Was everything alright?"
"Perfectly fine. Ahaha, how delightful — you spoke to me of your own accord for the first time in four days, three hours, and nineteen minutes. I should write that down."
The tall man waved his hands excitedly, and from both sides a pen and notebook were produced. Bowing with perfect courtesy were the twin maids, one in pink and one in blue. Taking the paper and pen they offered, Roswaal began writing furiously.
"Month of Tammuz, the fifteenth. — Emilia-sama spoke to me all on her own today. Roswaal is super happy. At this rate we'll become best friends, yay. ...End."
With a deeply satisfied expression, he closed the book, handed it back to a maid, and turned around.
Waiting for him was Emilia, whose smile had gone slightly stiff, and— "No, seriously... that's deeply unsettling."
A quick glance from the side confirmed it — the notebook — or rather, diary-like thing — in Roswaal's hand was packed wall-to-wall with tiny writing. It looked like he was already past the halfway mark, and if the whole thing was filled with entries of similar content, the implications were frankly terrifying.
Roswaal, apparently done peeling away every last layer of Subaru's composure, slapped his knee.
"Deeply unsettling! What a great phrase! First time I've heard it, and I love it! Hmm-hmm, that incomprehensible feeling when no one understands your unique sensibilities... Ah, it's wonderful."
"Ugh, the fact that I kind of relate to that is the worst. Hey — I have to get along with this guy?"
Before the eccentric, who was now hugging his own shoulders and writhing in apparent delight, Subaru turned to Emilia and shot her a look that clearly said, "You want me to be the same as this?"
She pressed a finger to her lip and thought for a moment.
"Even so, I don't think Subaru quite reaches the level of a nationally certified pervert..."
"That's cutting it way too close! By a hair's width!? Compared to him!?"
Look after yourself by watching others, they say, but being treated as equivalent to the writhing individual before him still stung.
He resolved then and there to exercise extreme caution with his words and actions going forward.
"At any rate, come back. Come back and let me formally thank you. 'I'm terribly sorry for all the trouble I caused. Thank you very much for lending me your bed. Respectfully.'"
"That's not even remotely appropriate..."
Subaru's gratitude was delivered with an arrogance that would make any diplomat weep, but Roswaal merely whistled in response, entirely unbothered. Emilia, wedged between the two, held her head in her hands. The twins, for their part, stood quietly by, apparently having no intention of intervening. As for
"And then, moreover..."
Roswaal circled back with movements that were deliberately, almost artistically unsettling, then studied Subaru from head to toe. When Subaru scowled at the discomfort, Roswaal said: "You look like a perfectly ordinary person. That's... a tiny bit disappointing, I must say."
"Wait — ordinary!? I'm so ordinary that nobody's ever called me ordinary, not in a good way or a bad way! That assessment is an insult! I demand a retraction!"
"Was that really something to get that upset about...?"
Subaru met the question with defiance.
This was a line he could not cross. Roswaal, amused by this display of defiance, waved his hand and said, "Ahaha, my apologies, my apologies."
"When I say 'ordinary,' I mean in terms of species. You see, I've already established my reputation as a 'demihuman-fetish' aristocrat."
"Being able to declare that about yourself means you're seriously unhinged. Damn — I hate that I'm starting to like you a little!"
Roswaal watched Subaru hold his head in amusement, then pulled both the twin maids against him by the shoulders, one on each side.
"These two are a case in point, and my support for Emilia-sama is for the same reason. Though, hmm, I do get the impression that you're something of a fellow traveler in that regard?"
He stroked their chins with his fingers, exuding a strangely predatory air. The twins went red in the cheeks, apparently already well under his spell — and a bad feeling prompted Subaru to glance at Emilia involuntarily.
She seemed to catch the intent of his gaze and waved her hands quickly.
"Don't get the wrong idea! I have no interest in perverts!"
"Normal is great, y'know? After I graduate high school, I'll go to college, become a salaryman like it's the most natural thing in the world, and work for my family."
His opinion flipped entirely as he indulged in a daydream of a life on perfectly ordinary rails. Of course, he reflected, every dad trudging along that common path has it tough too.
Then something caught his attention.
"Wait — what do you mean, supporting Emilia-tan? I don't even know how you two are related in the first place."
"Oh my, you don't know? Hmm-hmm, how curious."
He released the twins and approached with his hands clasped behind his back, moving with an easy, fluid stride. Once again, the tall figure loomed over Subaru, but this time he didn't retreat. He held his ground.
Their eyes met — but rather than the spark-showering clash one might expect, Roswaal simply stared down, probing, sizing him up. The intensity of it made Subaru's skin crawl.
But looking away felt like conceding defeat, and that was worse.
Facing that penetrating gaze, Subaru steeled himself and met it head-on.
Locked in a staring contest, they drew closer — slowly, gradually. Not losing. Cannot lose. He poured every ounce of will into his glare, stared harder, harder, harder— "Pch."
"Oooggghhh!!"
The tall man, who had never stopped advancing, planted a kiss on his forehead.
With a reaction that gave zero quarter, Subaru threw an uppercut.
The blow sent the tall man flying. The twins scrambled to catch him as he fell. Subaru didn't even watch the result — he was too busy scrubbing at his forehead with the heel of his hand.
"What the — what — what is your deal!? Seriously!?"
"Ahaha, ouch, ouch. Well, you see, you were looking at me with those pure, innocent eyes — like a trembling maiden — and I just couldn't help myself."
"That clenches every muscle south of my spine! Stop it! That look! I mean it!"
His forehead burned where the kiss had landed. Subaru clenched his fist and stood before Roswaal, but it was the twins who stepped in his way.
The twins blocking his path had eyes filled with undisguised hostility. Apparently, having their employer punched was no laughing matter. Being so clearly targeted made Subaru hesitate — but— "Stop, stop,
"With eyes like mine? You must need glasses, my lord. The last time I was as delicate as a flower was kindergarten. After that it was nothing but shaved heads all the way."
Back when he'd hated being mistaken for a girl, his parents' solution had been brutally simple: shave it all off. He'd cried plenty about it at the time, even if he now couldn't relax without that sandpaper stubble.
—Yeah, my personality was shaped a lot by my parents, wasn't it?
Mostly by a mother who never listened, and a father who was far too stubborn for his own good.
At their master's intervention, the twins withdrew — reluctantly. Roswaal rose, rubbing his jaw where the punch had landed.
"That was my fault. I apologize. And to demonstrate that apology in a practical way, how about joining me for breakfast? My treat."
"Just so you know, I eat plenty even though I don't work. Surcharge on leftovers — double."
"That's the spirit! Eating well is the key to living well. Hmm-hmm, that was actually a pretty good line. I should write that down."
Once again Roswaal held out his hand, and once again the twins produced the diary and pen. Judging from the confident flourish with which he wrote, the diary's contents probably weren't some bizarre love log of Emilia-tan entries after all.
"If he's just chronicling his daily life, it's basically a poetry collection. Probably agonizing to reread, but if he's kept it up at his age, there's no hope of recovery."
The inhabitants of a flower garden, after all, never think of themselves as living in one.
Having talked himself into accepting the invitation, Subaru finally gave his answer to the breakfast proposal.
"Anyway, I'm happy to eat. Not just breakfast — I haven't had a thing since before noon yesterday, probably."
"Oh my, that won't do at all. Then I'll have the two of them show you. Ram, Rem — would you?"
"Leave it to us, Roswaal-sama."
The twins responded in perfect stereo and took up positions on either side of Subaru. Each claimed one of his arms and locked it in an iron grip.
"Hey, hey — what's with the escort service vibe? I'm not going to run, even without this, and the dining table can't run either... Ouch! That hurts!"
"Then please allow us to show you to your seat, sir."
"Then we'll guide you. You're our guest."
"Listen — ow! And the elbows — stop squeezing! You two are definitely still mad about the uppercut, aren't you!? But that was totally his fault, not mine — ow ow ow ow ow! The elbows! The elbows! Don't team up on opposite sides like that!"
Screaming and flailing, his joints tormented into submission, Subaru was marched to the dining room.
Emilia watched them go with pitying eyes. Once the three of them had disappeared from view— "So then, how did it go, really? Emilia-sama."
The words were the same, but the tone had shifted subtly.
Emilia accepted the change without surprise.
"The same as your assessment. Puck agrees too. Right?"
A cat face poked out from the depths of silver hair and nodded. Roswaal's eyes narrowed with satisfaction. Emilia pressed a hand gently to her chest, faint guilt gnawing within.
"To have to suspect even the person who saved me — I'm really quite terrible, aren't I?"
She murmured it like a self-reproach, and that was that.