Memories, Part 1

The first thing I noticed while my consciousness drifted through the darkness was that my mouth tasted sweet. I was thinking that I'd need to have Grétéa prepare a gargling solution for me when I started to hear a voice calling to me from somewhere. The voice repeated over and over and over, and it sounded familiar.

"...Ferdinand-sama, is that you?"

"You're slow. Answer sooner next time."

The moment I answered, I was met with a complaint. Was I the only one who found that unreasonable?

"I did answer as soon as I came to, so it's impossible to answer any faster than that. ...I can't see you, but where are you, Ferdinand-sama?"

I looked around, but there was no sign of Ferdinand in my pitch-black field of vision. It was unbearably unsettling.

"I'm simply connecting our consciousness using a Magical Tool that lets me show you memories. Calm yourself."

"Oh, right. Once I finished dyeing my mana, the plan was to connect our memories. So the fact that our consciousness is linked like this means my mana has already been dyed with yours?"

"I tried flowing my mana into you, and there was almost no resistance. I can't say it's complete, but I believe your mana has been almost entirely dyed with mine."

That was a relief. I wouldn't be pushed around by those gods' divine power anymore, and it meant my mana had returned to normal. I finally realized that the sweet taste in my mouth was from the potion I'd been made to drink for the mana-dyeing process.

"Rozemyne, I'm going to show you memories of the people important to you — or at least, as many as I can recall. But I can only give you a starting point. Who your family was, what they meant to you, how precious they were to you, how different you were back then from who you are now... Remember them."

There was a plea woven into Ferdinand's commanding tone. His voice was as cool and detached as usual, yet I could feel an indescribable urgency and a desperate hope that I would recover my memories.

"Um, the last time we synchronized, you said that when you saw my memories, you were swept up by my emotions. So this time, will I be synchronizing with your emotions?"

"As much as I'd rather not, that is essentially what will happen."

An overwhelming sense of rejection, hesitation, and resignation came through to me. I could tell Ferdinand would rather not show me these memories if he had any choice in the matter. Ferdinand, who so rarely showed emotion — what was he thinking, and what memories would he show me? Despite knowing it was a frivolous thought, I found myself looking forward to it.

My pitch-black vision suddenly transformed into the Temple. It felt as though I'd been teleported there. I could tell I was walking down the Temple corridors toward the High Priest's chambers, but seeing the Temple from Ferdinand's perspective — from a man far too tall for me to match — made everything look slightly different from how I remembered it. Very fresh. I wanted to look around at everything, but Ferdinand's line of vision was fixed, so I couldn't see where I wanted to.

"Ferdinand-sama, I want to look around."

"I'm streaming the memories as they are, so that's not possible."

In front of the High Priest's chambers stood a gray priest I didn't recognize, and Arno was asking him to announce us. Once we were shown inside, the former High Priest — with his large, protruding belly — moved about in the center of the vision. His jovial, grandfatherly expression had a sharp, cunning glint in his eyes that sparkled with cunning.

"The former High Priest isn't someone I like, but seeing him like this is almost nostalgic. ...Oh, here I come!"

In Ferdinand's vision, I entered the room alongside some unfamiliar men and women, wearing my Gilberta Company apprentice uniform. From this perspective, my commoner-era self only came up to about Ferdinand's waist — so short I practically disappeared behind my own sleeves.

"I'm so tiny! I was insanely tiny, wasn't I!? Ferdinand-sama, is this what it looked like from your point of view? Wow, didn't you feel like you might accidentally step on me!?"

"Your reaction to seeing yourself is... that you might get stepped on? ...More importantly, what you should be focusing on isn't your past self but the people beside you. They are your parents. Their names are Gunther and Effa. Gunther was a guard at Ehrenfest's Gate, and Effa was your personal dyeing artisan."

Oh, I thought. The reason I had so few memories of the lower city was because I had no memories of my family. I had memories of the contracts and business dealings with Benno and Mark, but almost nothing from my daily life in the lower city.

...They were my parents?

The wary man and woman stood protectively in front of me, confronting the former High Priest who was demanding, "Hand over Mine."

"We refuse. There's no way Mine could survive in the same environment as orphans."

"That's right. Even without the Self-Eating, Mine is extremely frail. She collapsed twice during the Baptism Ceremony and then had a fever for days afterward. There's no way she could live in the Temple."

Hearing their response, I could easily imagine what would follow, and I felt the blood drain from my face. Commoners defying the former High Priest — what were they thinking?

...It wouldn't be strange if they were executed!?

The moment I held my breath, just as expected, the former High Priest flew into a rage at being defied by commoners and summoned the gray priests into the room, ordering them to seize the young me. I'd assumed the man and woman would finally give in and hand me over, but the opposite happened.

"The moment we decided to protect Mine, we were ready for something like this."

Suddenly, the gray priests in my vision began beating and kicking me, and I instinctively recoiled a step. At that exact moment, Ferdinand's voice echoed through.

"Whether the opponent was the High Priest of another duchy's nobility, no matter what the threat, he showed not a flicker of hesitation — that man who protected his daughter at all costs is your father. ...Can you understand how surprised I was when I first saw your family?"

There was nostalgia and envy mingled in Ferdinand's voice. It was a rare emotional outburst from a man so skilled at concealing his feelings, and I blinked in surprise.

"I'm surprised right now, in my present form. He's unbelievably reckless."

"No matter what anyone said, he refused to give up his life, and he dragged even Dunkelfelger into a charge against Ahrensbach to punch the other side. That does sound like something your father would do."

Ferdinand let out a short laugh. The man was committing acts of violence that should have been terrifying, but from Ferdinand's eyes, the scene was strikingly radiant. The man and woman who defied their superiors to protect their child — toward them, his feelings were a mix of astonishment and admiration.

...Do parents who love and protect their children this much actually exist?

As I caught a glimpse of Ferdinand's emotions, a different man and woman flashed briefly across the vision. A man with features strikingly similar to my adoptive father's, older and gentler, who said with a slightly troubled expression, "It must be the guidance of the Goddess of Time," and a woman with pale hair pulled together in a soft arrangement who looked gentle and quietly sighed, saying, "Perhaps it's the trial of Glüritat." Since my viewpoint was looking up at the two of them, this must have been a memory from Ferdinand's childhood.

Hmm? The very next instant, I was back in the Temple. It had been far too vivid to dismiss as my imagination. That must also have been a memory from Ferdinand's past.

"...Was that the previous Aub Ehrenfest?"

"Focus on what's in front of you right now. We're doing this to recover your memories."

Ferdinand deliberately avoided answering the question, redirecting his consciousness back to the scene before us.

"You, like Gunther, were not the kind of child who could swallow the injustices heaped upon your family."

"I feel like I've actually swallowed quite a lot of injustice, you know..."

The moment I said that, the young me in the vision began to intimidate the former High Priest. My eyes had changed color, coated with an oily sheen, and a faint yellow haze began to ripple outward from my entire body. I was standing before the man and woman who were my parents, expressing my fury with every fiber of my being.

"Don't touch my dad and mom. That's my line."

...Dad and mom.

The words echoed in my mind. I should have known those words. The sound was so achingly familiar that my chest hurt, yet the memory wouldn't connect.

I had parents who were precious enough to face the former High Priest without hesitation, and a younger version of myself whose eyes blazed with rainbow light as she shielded them — yet I couldn't understand my own emotions from that time. If anything, I found myself wondering why I was being so hostile in order to protect them. Wouldn't it have been better for me to leave the family on my own, since that would ultimately have protected them?

Ferdinand gazed at the small figure of Mine desperately trying to protect her family with admiration, while simultaneously feeling a sense of crisis about the level of sin he couldn't shield her from. For the current me, it was far easier to sympathize with Ferdinand.

"Ferdinand-sama, the memories won't connect. I should know them. The words 'dad' and 'mom' feel so familiar, but... I can't remember."

It was frustrating, exasperating, and made me want to cry. I knew these were people I had to remember. If I could, I wanted to remember. But nothing connected.

"...Then, shall we try looking at a different person?"

The moment Ferdinand said that, the scene shifted from the High Priest's chambers to the Chief Priest's chambers. The Chief Priest's chambers were familiar to me, but the arrangement of furniture inside was not the same as I remembered. The table was centered, with four chairs arranged around it. Across from us sat a blond boy I didn't recognize, and on either side sat Ralph's parents, Benno, and Mark.

"What kind of meeting is this?"

"Do you recognize everyone here?"

"I only don't recognize the boy in front of me. I know all the others."

Ferdinand murmured that he was surprised I could recognize Benno and Mark. I did recognize them. I had memories of them coming to the lower city to sell their products.

"His name is Lutz. The man and woman seated to his right are his parents."

"So you can recognize Ralph's parents, but you can't recognize Lutz. That means he was someone very important to me."

"...Yes. He's the one who made paper in your place, worked at Benno's shop, came and went from the Temple's workshop, took the orphans out to the forest, and as a Gutenberg, spread printing throughout Ehrenfest. When it comes to printing, he was your hands and feet — and to you, he was an incredibly important person, like family."

"Like family?"

Ferdinand told me to watch. Before my eyes, the blunt-spoken Dede was searching for words, earnestly trying to explain the meaning of what he'd said.

"When his dreams were denied, his actions restricted, and he ran away from home, you took him in. If possible, you wanted to help him reconcile with his family. If that failed, you wanted to take him in at the orphanage temporarily and have Benno adopt him. That was your wish."

"Why is Ferdinand-sama involved in this?"

I couldn't understand why Ferdinand was meddling in a commoner family's problems.

"Since you, the orphanage director, were still young, I needed to assist if Benno was going to undergo the adoption process. It was part of my duties."

Ferdinand's mouth told me the official reasoning, but other emotions were flowing in as well. Apparently, there had also been a motive of wanting to learn more about commoner families beyond just Mine's.

During the discussion, Ferdinand watched Dede and Karla intently. From their brusque and rough manner of speaking, he could sense the feelings they held for their son. It was clear to Ferdinand that Lutz couldn't see this.

The emotions directed at Lutz were mostly exasperation and envy — "You have parents who worry about you this much and love you this much, so what exactly is your problem?" Ferdinand managed the situation with care, trying to make sure the parents' feelings reached Lutz without being warped.

As the discussion progressed, Lutz's face shifted from a stiff expression to one drained of tension, and the topic turned to Lutz's adoption. Dede flatly refused Benno's offer.

"You're a fine businessman, sure, and you've got the skills to back it up. You've got the generosity and the tolerance to put up with the trouble Lutz causes. But you can't be a parent."

The words Dede directed at Benno sent a small ripple through Ferdinand's heart. There was wariness toward Benno, who was declared incapable of being a parent, mixed with curiosity about commoner parent-child relationships.

"Explain what you mean by Benno not being able to be a parent. Are you saying he has some kind of bad reputation?"

"No matter how good his reputation as a businessman is, someone whose first reason for adopting a kid is to increase the shop's profits can't be a parent. Becoming a parent isn't something you calculate based on profit. Isn't that right?"

The words that struck Dede's point weren't just Benno. Ferdinand swallowed lightly too. What resounded and revived in his mind was a man's voice: "For the sake of the duchy," "The guidance of the Goddess of Time."

I didn't know whose voice it was. But given that Dede's words had pierced unexpectedly deep, and that a feeling similar to resignation was spreading through Ferdinand, it was likely the previous Aub Ehrenfest.

Ferdinand quietly took a breath and composed his slightly ragged breathing, but no one was watching him. Everyone's attention was on the exchange between Dede and Benno, and on Lutz's tears — tears shed knowing full well his parents' love.

"Come on, let's go, you stupid son."

Lutz, looking happy even as a solid fist rapped him on the head, was painfully radiant and enviable. Ferdinand watched the commoner child who possessed from birth something he could never obtain, his gaze filled with longing.

As Ferdinand gazed wearily at the Attendants returning the furniture to its proper positions, he recalled that there was a commoner child standing beside him. Looking down, there was Mine, still gripping the Magical Tool for eavesdropping prevention, just as he'd originally instructed.

"That family didn't break apart. You reconciled them and got Lutz back home. That must have been the best outcome for you, wasn't it?"

When Ferdinand said this to Mine, who still held the Magical Tool, she said "I'm glad" and began to shed large tears. Laughing and crying as emotions took you was not elegant. Even when Ferdinand warned her to stop crying, Mine just smiled and said they were tears of joy, and continued to cry.

"Lutz... I'm so glad..."

Ferdinand looked down at Mine, who cared about Lutz as though it were her own matter. He genuinely marveled at Mine — someone who could care so deeply for a complete stranger, someone who could share such profound affection with people who weren't even blood-related.

...What can I do to make you...

"Rozemyne! Have you remembered Lutz?"

"Huh!?"

Suddenly shouted at me with a voice so loud it wiped my thoughts clean, I stared wide-eyed. Everything Ferdinand had been thinking, everything I had been thinking — all of it dissipated at once.

"W-what were we talking about again?"

"I was asking whether you've remembered Lutz."

"No, I haven't remembered him. But I do clearly understand now that he was someone I cherished very deeply back then."

What I understood even more clearly was how deeply Ferdinand cared about the concepts of family and parents. What weighed on me far more than Lutz's words and actions from a time I had no memory of was Ferdinand's own feelings, which I was synchronizing with. The phrase "like family" that Ferdinand spoke must carry far heavier meaning than I had imagined.

"Because I have absolutely no memories of Lutz, I can't seem to synchronize with Mine's heart from within those memories at all."

"You have no memories at all? Even seeing his face, hearing his voice — nothing comes back?"

"That's right. With the earlier memory of my parents, I felt like I was almost on the verge of connecting. But with Lutz, there were no such signs at all."

A mix of astonishment, confusion, and a tingling impatience surged through Ferdinand's emotions. Added to the exasperation and irritation of "Lutz really was that important, was he?" was a desperate effort to figure out which memory would be easiest to connect to.

"You had memories from the dream world, didn't you? Would starting from there make it easier to connect?"

I had memories from the Motosu era, so I didn't think there was any need to connect further. But perhaps it held some special significance for Ferdinand. Wanting to understand Ferdinand's feelings, I agreed to let him show me those memories too.

The many forms of family as seen through Ferdinand's eyes.

Things I had never held in my own hands.

I was trying to keep my emotions from flowing outward as much as possible, but for Rozemyne, everything was pouring through.

But there were still no signs of my memories returning.

Next is Part 2.