My Desire

Being told to help someone achieve their romance is all well and good, but it puts me in a difficult position. First of all, I'm not in love with anyone. Besides, what I actually want is to bring Ferdinand back to Ehrenfest as quickly as possible, rather than letting him rush off to Ahrensbach on the king's orders.

...And if I'm being honest, I really don't want Turi to get the wrong idea!

"Um, Lady Hannelore. I know my words aren't taken very seriously by the surrounding nobles, but I truly do not harbor romantic feelings for Ferdinand."

At my words, Hannelore blinked slowly and tilted her head.

"At the banquet, Lady Rozemyne declared that she would save Ferdinand even if it meant making enemies of the royalty and the gods... is that not so?"

...Eek! Turi's eyes are burning with intensity! Wait! It's not wrong, but hearing only that part would definitely lead to a misunderstanding!

Turi pressed her hand over her mouth to keep from making a sound, trembling ever so slightly. This is bad. I absolutely have to clear up this misunderstanding, or who knows what rumors might spread among my commoner family. Even Corinna, who was continuing the preliminary fitting as though she hadn't heard a word we said, had eyes sparkling with curiosity. It would definitely reach Benno and the others too.

"I did indeed say that. I have no intention of denying my own words. Ferdinand is someone extremely important to me, practically family. But there's a difference between feelings for family and romantic feelings, wouldn't you agree?"

I'm certainly aware that Ferdinand is especially important to me compared to others. He's just as important as my commoner family, the attendants at the Temple, and Lutz and the other Gutenbergs. But I still don't think it's romance.

...The gods have never made my heart dance...

"Lady Hannelore, wouldn't you, too, rush to help if someone important to you—family or practically family—fell gravely ill from poison in another duchy? Please think of it as the same thing."

"Um... if my family were to face a crisis they couldn't handle on their own, then it would be a situation where nothing I do would make a difference. I really can't imagine a scenario where my actions would lead to a positive outcome..."

Hannelore murmured with a distant look in her eyes, as if she was envisioning herself scrambling to hold back her family members, who would either be frantically trying to escape danger on their own or burning with excessive desire for revenge.

...No good. Given the level of initiative Hannelore showed during this latest battle, her insisting she couldn't help doesn't really work. Dunkelfelger's standards and common sense are so different from mine that it's hard to relate.

"In Dunkelfelger, things may be different, but I have never hesitated to do whatever it takes to protect my family, and that's how I've lived my life. So when someone I consider practically family is in danger, I will rush to their side. But that isn't love."

A look of understanding appeared on Turi's face. However, I couldn't tell whether that understanding was directed at my explanation of not being in love, or at the notion that I would throw myself headlong into danger for family.

"Then, what exactly is Ferdinand to Lady Rozemyne? Are you saying you couldn't consider him as a marriage candidate?"

At Hannelore's question, I tried to picture Ferdinand as a potential marriage partner. Even without romantic feelings, Wilfried and Prince Sigiswald were being considered as candidates. By that logic, I should be able to consider Ferdinand as a candidate without romantic feelings too.

...Hmm? Isn't Ferdinand actually a prime candidate?

"Well, while I don't have romantic feelings, if we're talking about a political marriage, Ferdinand might be the most ideal partner. He has a lot of books, he granted me a library, we know each other well and are comfortable together like family, and he's always been in the position of my personal physician so he takes care of my health and medicine. He's capable and reliable, and just seeing him or talking to him when I'm anxious or frightened is enough to put me at ease..."

"Um, Lady Rozemyne. Isn't that... the very definition of being in love with Ferdinand?"

Hannelore stared at me with an extremely bewildered expression. My retainers all wore similar faces. From a noble perspective, perhaps familial love did blur into what they'd call romantic attachment.

"Ferdinand being nearby does make me feel at ease, and I do get nervous when I think he might scold me, but it's not like we share a sweet atmosphere like lovers, or that my heart races. So it's not the same."

"Is... is that so..."

Hannelore still wasn't convinced. She had an expression that practically said I was making a mistake. It seemed she had a very stubborn romantic filter.

"Furthermore, my ideal gentleman is someone like my father—someone who supports me in charging toward what I want to do, who protects and cherishes me regardless of status differences. The most important thing to me is the promise I made with Father, and the thing I want to protect most is Ehrenfest. Ferdinand, who quietly accepted the king's orders and went to Ahrensbach for that purpose, doesn't match my ideal. My standards are very high."

When I declared that my father was my ideal and that my standards were high, Turi looked at me with an expression caught somewhere between exasperation and pity. I also got the feeling her gaze said, "Mine is still just a child." But as things stand, Dad really is the most ideal, so there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not lying.

"Of course, regardless of my ideal gentleman, Ferdinand is very important to me. And I, too, treasure the promise I made to my family. That is precisely why I want to bring Ferdinand back from Ahrensbach to Ehrenfest as quickly as possible."

When I stated my desire, Hannelore asked in a reluctant tone, "But what about Ferdinand's own feelings?"

"He rode the same feystone beast in Ahrensbach, and he clearly treated Lady Rozemyne as someone extremely, extremely precious."

In Hannelore's eyes, it apparently looked like Ferdinand was in love with me too. What an incredible romantic filter she had.

...Ferdinand in love with me? No way. No, no.

"I think Ferdinand has even less romantic interest than I do. The riding together in Ahrensbach was simply because it was a battlefield—an unusual situation where he needed to support me as the newly appointed Aub while issuing commands. He simply chose the most rational course of action."

To be precise, when closing the border gate, he only needed my presence because he was hiding the fact that he himself was the holder of the Book of Mestionora. His actions at the time were those of a protector, but there wasn't a shred of romantic feeling behind them.

...He even used me as a table when drawing the magic circle!

"Most importantly, Ferdinand has already declined a marriage proposal from me. He said he doesn't wish to spend his life with someone like me who keeps stirring up trouble one after another."

"What!?"

Hannelore was the only one who raised her voice, but my retainers also looked at me with surprised expressions. Turi's eyes went wide too. I didn't think it was that shocking. Marrying Ferdinand would bring me many benefits, but for Ferdinand, it would have almost no advantages and would only increase his troubles.

"Before the topic of my engagement to Wilfried ever came up, Father Aub had already broached the subject privately. Ferdinand has been made uncomfortable every time a marriage discussion comes up, and since he's already rejected me, I have no intention of forcing an unwanted engagement on him. If anything, I hope Ferdinand can spend his life with someone he truly desires."

I drove the point home that I didn't need any further matchmaking push from Dunkelfelger, and Hannelore's shoulders drooped.

"I... I see. I'm terribly sorry. I spoke thoughtlessly without knowing the circumstances... I never imagined that Father Aub had already proposed a marriage."

It seemed I had at least managed to make her understand that a romance between Ferdinand and me wasn't happening. I felt bad for crushing her dream, but misunderstandings needed to be cleared up early. Besides, I needed to redirect the conversation before Hannelore, having regained her composure, asked, "So then, who is Lady Rozemyne's actual love interest?"

...It would be hard to explain that my earlier remarks were just things I said to go along with the conversation!

"Speaking of which, Lady Hannelore, if there's no romance to speak of, won't you still help me with my true desire?"

"What do you mean?"

Hannelore looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"I always assumed that as an Ehrenfest archduke candidate, my only option was to marry into the royal family as Father Aub commanded. But in your eyes, both the Aub and the Zent routes are viable options, aren't they?"

"Of course they are. You earned the foundation through a genuine Dihter's victory—it's up to you to decide what to do with it. Similarly, as long as no one takes your foundation from you, no one else can make that decision for you."

Hannelore said that the king can only approve such matters, not seize them. If the king were truly serious about not recognizing someone as Aub, his only options would be to appoint someone and have the Central Knights seize the foundation, or to have a Zent transfer the foundation and take it by force.

She seemed to believe that a king who didn't possess the Grutrissheit—especially one whom the surrounding nobles didn't trust to handle situations like when Lanzeneve and Dietlinde had gone off on their own, relying on the Central Knights to fix things—couldn't possibly take the foundation away from me.

"What I find most difficult to accept is the notion that Lady Rozemyne would bring the Grutrissheit to the royal family through marriage. Isn't it more important to bring the Grutrissheit to Yurgenschmidt itself—not to the royal family? I think Lady Rozemyne should become Zent and choose a king consort who suits her. At the very least, a candidate whose magical tool of courtship immediately turns to gold dust is not fit to be a Zent's king consort."

Just as a female Aub needed to take an archduke candidate as her husband to avoid issues during pregnancy and childbirth, a female Zent ideally needed a king consort who was also a Zent candidate. A partner so mismatched in Magic Power that the magical tool of courtship turned to gold dust was considered completely unacceptable.

"At the very least, I don't think you'd be able to have children. Surely that's not the future Lady Rozemyne desires?"

"That's right."

I couldn't relate to it at all and couldn't even imagine it, but even I someday hoped to have children. Like the mother I had in the Urano era, the mother I had as Mine, and my noble mother—my Lady Mother—I wanted to raise children and return the love that three deeply affectionate mothers had showered upon me.

"If marriage into the royal family isn't what you desire, then what kind of future does Lady Rozemyne envision?"

Leonore, who had been listening intently among my retainers, asked the question with a serious expression.

"Lady Rozemyne chose the path of marrying into the royal family because it was realistic: she traded with the royalty to save Ferdinand, accepted the magical tool of courtship given by the Aub, and—by becoming Aub Ahrensbach—would not have been able to do so. We have acted accordingly. But if Lady Rozemyne's path changes, we can no longer take the same actions. If our master is uncertain, her retainers cannot act on their own. Please tell us, Lady Rozemyne."

Rizelietta nodded at Leonore's words as well.

"Lady Rozemyne, whether you choose to become Aub or Zent, I will support you—even if it has nothing to do with romance."

At Hannelore's encouragement, I smiled.

"What I want to be most of all is a Librarian! That's why I'm in the officer course!"

"...Eh?"

As everyone stared at me in stunned surprise, I began passionately explaining my desire. Whether it could be realized or not was beside the point—what mattered was that I spoke my wish aloud. That was what was needed of me now.

"I want to become a Librarian working in a library, helping patrons find the books they're looking for, restoring old documents to bring them back to life, researching magical tools to connect libraries across duchies so I can gather books from all over... That's what I want to do. Lady Solange at the Royal Academy Library is my ideal future."

"Lady Solange..."

Leonore murmured, pressing her fingers to her temples as if trying to contain her confusion, since the answer had come completely out of left field.

"Really, I think it would be heaven to hole up in a library and spend the whole day reading. I want to eat delicious meals with my family and close friends, read the books I like, and wander about searching for books I've never read in other libraries. I want to fulfill the minimum duties that come with my position, create a library where everyone can read as they please, manage the books, raise the literacy rate to expand the collection, increase the number of people who can write books, and make reading enjoyable for commoners and nobles alike."

Turi gave me a flat, exasperated look that clearly said, "Hasn't this been the same thing all along?" But she was right. My desire hadn't changed since those days. If I wasn't chosen, the country would fall; if I was ordered to do something, I had no choice but to obey—an increasingly tangled web of complicated and tedious obligations piled up until I could barely move. But once you stripped all of that away, my desire was singular.

"If possible, I want to build as many libraries as I can and live in one as a Librarian."

The nobles looked completely stunned—as if they couldn't believe I had been "seriously aiming for a library city" this whole time—but it was they who had asked to hear my desire.

"...By 'build libraries,' you mean as Aub?"

Watching Leonore grasp at whatever answer her confused mind could reach, I rested my cheek against my hand.

"I'm fine with being either Aub or Zent. The only slight difference is whether my plan becomes a library city or a library nation..."

"Those are not 'slight' differences at all."

"If I want reading to be enjoyed by commoners too, then Aub is the way to go. But for a simple setup of a library 'network,' Zent is better. If I became Zent and extended my authority over the entire country, I could install teleportation circles identical to the ones at the border gates in every library, making it easy to travel between them."

It was the simplest method for establishing a library network, but teleportation circles that crossed duchy borders could only be installed by a Zent. They said the greater includes the lesser, and if I was going to do it anyway, perhaps becoming Zent and pursuing a library nation would be better after all.

"...Now that I think about it, marrying Prince Sigiswald doesn't seem like such a bad option. Having the status of royalty and being able to do as I please has its merits. When considering the balance with larger duchies, he once mentioned wanting me as his third wife—and as a third wife, I'd bear the least responsibility in terms of official duties and social obligations. That would probably be the best path for the library plan."

Realizing that I could pursue my goals regardless of which position I held, I started to feel a little more energized. I was the one who possessed the Book of Mestionora. No matter who I married, the library plan should be feasible. Thinking aloud just as I did when talking with Ferdinand, I was laying out plans to turn Yurgenschmidt into a library nation when something suddenly struck me.

"Come to think of it, when I told Ferdinand about my desire, he said that in Ahrensbach—where committing treason might lead to me being crushed anyway—I could reshape it into the library city of my dreams. But as Zent, influencing all of Yurgenschmidt wouldn't be allowed. However, don't you think Zent would be better for spreading the library plan as widely as possible, Leonore?"

Don't you agree that from a retainer's perspective, serving a Zent would be more fulfilling than serving an Aub? I asked Leonore, who among my retainers had the most refined noble sensibilities. Leonore looked around at everyone present, then smiled.

"I believe Ferdinand's words were correct."

"What do you mean, Leonore? Are you saying Aub is better than Zent?"

I didn't understand. As I tilted my head in confusion, Leonore caught my gaze, and Hannelore—who had given a small nod—gently took my hand.

"Lady Rozemyne, I have just now become convinced that the best outcome would be for you to marry Ferdinand."

"What? Lady Hannelore, I just told you that Ferdinand himself doesn't desire—"

...Wait? She had just agreed with me earlier. Why had her opinion completely flipped?

Moreover, for some reason, Hannelore's eyes were no longer sparkling with the fever of romance like before—they were dead serious.

"It's possible his feelings have changed since before the engagement to Wilfried. Besides, even without romantic feelings, he's someone precious to you, isn't he? All you need to do is make Ferdinand happy."

"As I see it, Ferdinand equally cherishes Lady Rozemyne without any romantic feelings. You have a real chance."

...What? Leonore too?! What do you mean, a real chance?

"For Lady Rozemyne, Ferdinand lacks romantic feelings and isn't your ideal gentleman—but as a political marriage partner, he's ideal, isn't he?"

When Leonore asked me that with a serious expression, I nodded. I had said so myself. There was no denying it. Hannelore smiled gently.

"Then let's figure out together what it would take to get Ferdinand to agree to a political marriage. If he's practically family, then being practically spouses should be fine too, don't you think?"

...That "don't you think" again?! "Practically family" and "practically spouses" are completely different things!

Rozemyne's Ferdinand. Rozemyne's desire.

Honestly, I ended up being encouraged to pursue a political marriage.

Give Rozemyne power and let her run free, and things will spiral out of control. Where are the reins?

This was the thought shared by everyone around me.

Next comes lunch and talk of the central duchies.

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