After the bamboo burst in the stove, still clutching the one remaining stalk, I was wracked by high fever, submerged once again in a writhing sea of heat.
The anger of having something I'd made burned before my eyes.
The frustration of no one understanding that anger at all.
The despair of a reality where, no matter how many times I tried, nothing I made ever resulted in a book in my hands.
Beyond piercing through all of that lay a vast apathy — a desire to let go of everything.
I had no motivation to do anything.
I had no will to fight back.
My mother had burned the wooden tablet, and what should have become the Bamboo Tablet that
If only this body were that of a healthy adult with both arm strength and stamina.
If I were an adult, I could skip past papyrus, clay tablets, and wooden tablets entirely and just make paper.
At the very least, if I were as healthy as Turi or Lutz, with enough arm strength and stamina to do a decent amount of work, I could have given it a try.
With the hands of such a sickly, frail child, I couldn't even cut down the trees needed to make paper.
Maybe if I waited until I grew up, the problems would solve themselves.
But that felt like far too long to wait.
And even if I did become an adult, would I actually grow to be normal? Would I gain arm strength and stamina? Would my body get bigger?
There was no way I could hold onto hope.
If everything was pointless, then maybe I should just give in to the heat raging inside my body.
Was there any meaning in living in a place where no matter how hard I worked, I'd never get books — putting up with an inconvenient, filthy environment, piling endurance upon endurance?
Maybe it would be fine to just disappear.
Even the slightest thought of it made the heat inside me surge with renewed vigor, as if trying to swallow me whole. It spread wider and wider, coaxing me to stop thinking about everything and just let myself be consumed.
There was only one thing left on my conscience. I hadn't apologized to Lutz.
He'd gone to such trouble to think of and prepare materials that wouldn't be burned, and I hadn't apologized for the Bamboo Tablet being ruined.
Lutz's voice echoed in my memory from when he'd gone to get the bamboo.
"This is so I can get introduced to
That promise was still hanging over me.
He'd helped me so much, and I'd made that promise — could I really slink away into this heat?
Lutz had indeed paid in advance.
Being swallowed by the heat and vanishing would be easy, but having accepted the Bamboo Tablet, I had to get better and introduce Lutz to Otto.
Telling myself it was for Lutz's sake, I pushed the heat down. If I was going to be consumed by it, I should at least fulfill my promise with Lutz first.
Getting my affairs in order was important. Before, it had happened so suddenly there hadn't been any time.
Oh right — when I died in the earthquake, I hadn't organized anything at all... Aaah! What happened to that mountain of black history!? Oh no! It's driving me crazy! This is bad! This is no time to be dying!
One by one, memories of the black history I'd wanted to properly dispose of from my previous life came flooding back, and when I shot upright thinking "I can't even die properly!", the heat in my body had somehow become much smaller.
Two days after shoving that black history into a corner of my mind and resolving not to think about it, I was finally allowed to go out as far as the Gate, accompanied by my father, and I was meeting Otto in the guardroom.
"Otto, I'm sorry. I was the one who asked to meet, and then I went and got a fever..."
Yes, while I'd been bedridden with fever, the promised day off had passed, and I hadn't been able to introduce Lutz to Otto.
"The squad leader told me your fever didn't break for five days. Are you really okay now?"
"Thanks for your concern, I'm fine."
Even though I smiled to show it, Otto kept his brow slightly furrowed, staring at my face.
"Are you sure? You don't look so good."
The reason I looked unwell wasn't the fever.
It was more about the paper that seemed impossible to make no matter how hard I tried.
"Well, I have a worry that hasn't been resolved. ...Could I ask what you'd do in my place, Otto?"
"Huh? You want me to hear about this worry?"
Otto's eyes went wide as he leaned in to peer at my face.
As a former Traveling Merchant with experience I could never imagine, maybe Otto could give me an answer I'd never think of on my own.
"Yes. I want something right now, but I don't have the strength or stamina to make it with my current body. Maybe I could do it when I'm an adult, but with this body, I don't even know if I'll ever be healthy, or if I'll grow to a normal size. And I can't wait that long anyway. What would you do in a situation like this, Otto?"
Otto listened with an "mm-hmm," nodding along, and answered almost without thinking, casually raising an eyebrow.
"If you can't do it yourself, just hire someone who can. Is that all you're worried about?"
My eyes nearly popped out.
The idea of hiring someone to obtain something I wanted had never occurred to me. As expected of a former merchant.
Why was that? I could imagine being hired by someone to work, but I'd never once thought about hiring someone myself.
"...That's actually a brilliant idea, but I don't have the means to pay for it."
"Well, you wouldn't at that age, would you. Let me think. If I were you, I'd guide someone capable into doing it of their own volition. It's not easy, but if they choose to do it themselves, it doesn't hit your wallet."
As expected of a former merchant. Such a fresh, gentle smile, yet so wonderfully devious underneath.
I'm definitely being guided right now too, aren't I? He said his calculation ability was high, and that stone stylus-hired assistants were budget-friendly, after all.
"...I'll keep that in mind."
Get someone who might be willing involved, and have them do it voluntarily... That sounded extremely difficult for me.
While I was lost in thought, Otto tapped my shoulder and held out the Slate. Chat time was over — the signal for "quietly get back to studying."
"Oh, right. If Mine-chan is feeling up to it, could we meet on your day after next? The place would be... how about Central Plaza? Central Plaza, around the third bell?"
"That's actually what I was going to ask for. Thank you for offering."
I didn't think I'd forget, but just out of habit I jotted a memo in the corner of the Slate: Central Plaza, third bell.
When I looked up, Otto was slowly stroking his chin with a narrow, smiling expression.
For some reason, that smile sent a dangerous shiver down my spine, and I couldn't help but straighten up and stare at him.
"Ah, since Mine-chan is the one introducing this kid, they must be interesting. I'm looking forward to a fun day off."
Those words definitely sounded like "Don't introduce someone boring to me. You're wasting a precious day off," but I was imagining things, right? Wait... Was meeting with a Traveling Merchant not as casual as I'd thought?
Suppressing my inner panic, I smiled brightly and nodded, then looked back down at my Slate.
A cold sweat suddenly broke out across my back.
This was bad. I had no time, and I didn't even understand what this meeting meant.
I gritted my teeth at how little time I had to prepare. If the meeting was the day after tomorrow, there was almost no time left. And I — the one supposed to be introducing Lutz — couldn't admit I didn't understand what the meeting was about.
Scratching out words on the Slate, I desperately tried to think through what it meant.
"Mine, you can head home now."
"Dad."
It was early to leave, but since my father had come to get me, I packed up and left the guardroom.
"Hey, Dad. Lutz said he wanted me to introduce him to Otto, but does this introduction have some kind of meaning?"
"At this time of year, it probably means he's looking for an apprenticeship, doesn't it? I assumed he'd get a job like his brothers, but does Lutz want to become a merchant?"
A job placement!? No, no — it couldn't be something that important! There was no way a kid like me could serve as a connection.
"He just wanted to have a word with him..."
"Then it definitely means he wants an apprenticeship introduction. It'd be tough, though, given he's your friend."
"Tough?"
"Of course. Taking on an apprentice means looking after one person for a long time. Even after they go independent, you don't cut ties completely."
It was a much bigger deal than I'd imagined. It wasn't just a casual chat. Lutz wanted to become a Traveling Merchant and wanted Otto — who had been one — to introduce him to someone.
Ah, so the meeting the day after tomorrow was basically a job interview!? And I'd been setting up such an important meeting without even knowing!
When I got home, I heard the details about apprenticeships from my father and mother and came to understand the gravity of the situation. The next day, I packed a huge load of supplies into my basket and headed for the forest.
On the way to the forest, I told Lutz what had happened to the Bamboo Tablet and apologized, and informed him that the meeting had been set for the day after next. About the Bamboo Tablet, he sighed and said, "Well, that happens. You can make mistakes," and about the meeting, he said, "Thanks, Mine," and was genuinely happy.
When we arrived at the forest, everyone dispersed to gather materials. I took Lutz by the hand and headed for the river.
"All right, Lutz. We'll wash your whole body clean right here."
"Huh?"
Perhaps because Otto was a former merchant, he kept himself quite neat. I figured he understood the importance of first impressions when meeting someone for the first time.
Having seen Otto's merchant-like shrewdness in those small moments while he helped with work, I wanted to present Lutz in the best possible condition.
If Otto decided Lutz wasn't worth meeting a second time, Lutz wouldn't just miss out on becoming a Traveling Merchant — he wouldn't get introduced to any merchant at all.
"First impressions are really important when meeting someone new. If you have time to prepare, it's even better to look your best. I don't want Lutz to be looked down on just because of how he looks."
"I don't think washing up is going to make that much difference."
It would have been ideal to borrow
Neither Lutz nor I owned any decent clothes, so there wasn't much we could do about our outfits, but I wanted to tidy up whatever we could.
While explaining the impact that appearance could have, I wore down Lutz's resistance and washed him with Simple-chan Rinshan.
I'd brought a bucket, cloth, and comb with a heavy heart, determined to scrub him until he sparkled. Not just his hair — his whole body, absolutely.
I filled the bucket with river water and Simple-chan Rinshan, and just as I did with Turi, I poured it over his hair again and again, washing thoroughly.
Feeling vaguely like a hairstylist, I chatted with Lutz while I worked.
"Hey, Lutz. You said you wanted to hear about being a Traveling Merchant, so that means you want to become one, right? You want to become a Traveling Merchant's apprentice and have me introduce you?"
"Hm? Yeah."
The more I wiped Lutz's hair with cloth, the more the golden luster shone through. It was such a beautiful gold I wished he'd just change the color entirely.
As I ran the comb through and watched his hair grow even brighter, feeling just a twinge of jealousy, I pressed on with my questions.
"So what do you want to do once you become a Traveling Merchant? Just travel everywhere?"
"What's with the sudden questions?"
"You need to think this through properly."
"Why?"
"Otto is someone who doesn't know you at all. He's not like family or relatives who'd introduce you because they know you well. You need to think everything through on your own."
When I'd asked my parents the day before, I'd learned that in this city, children basically got their apprenticeships through introductions from parents or relatives. As a result, most ended up in jobs related to their parents' work.
For example, Turi had become a tailor's apprentice at her mother's friend's workshop, introduced by her mother who did dyeing.
Because children tended to be pampered, they rarely went to their parents' workplace even for the same type of job. However, working in a similar field within their parents' sight meant parents could feel at ease, and with relatives watching, the children tended to take their work seriously.
Wanting to enter a profession that parents opposed — like Lutz — and getting someone else to make the introduction was extremely rare.
"Otto is agreeing to meet this time as a favor, but he's not that nice. Being a former merchant, he's someone who carefully calculates profit and loss. If Lutz shows up without having thought anything through, I don't think Otto will agree to a second meeting."
Tomorrow's meeting was a job interview.
For a job interview, you needed to have your appearance in order and at least some idea of your motivations and self-presentation, or you might not even be taken seriously.
"...What about you, Mine?"
"Me?"
"Could you really answer right away if someone asked you what you want to do as a merchant?"
When no answer came immediately, Lutz pouted his lips in frustration and glared at me.
"Yeah. I want to sell paper. If I become a merchant's apprentice, I want to teach someone how to make paper and have them produce it."
Books were something I wanted for myself, for my own use. I'd been thinking I'd try to make something to replace books as much as possible without relying on others.
But honestly, I'd reached my limit. Everything I tried ended in failure.
Now I just wanted to provide the knowledge and hand off the entire creation process to someone else from start to finish. If I took an information fee and gave up some of the profit, I was sure someone would make it for me.
"Paper? Not books?"
"Paper is needed to make books. As for books, around here, there's no one besides me who wants them."
"If the only person who wants them is you, then they can't be sold, can they?"
I laughed and nodded at Lutz's blunt words.
"Yeah, I don't think books would sell easily. But paper... I think it could be priced lower than Parchment, and it would sell. At the very least, a shrewd merchant who knows I can make it would be willing to take me on."
"...I see. You've really thought this through, Mine. I should think about it a bit too."
"I've heard that being the friend of Otto's assistant doesn't carry much weight — you get turned down more often than not. But if Lutz clearly states what he wants and makes the other person see how it benefits them, the merchant might agree to look after him."
Staring at the water's surface, Lutz fell deep into thought, so I shooed him into the river and had him wash his whole body.
If you don't move your hands while thinking, there won't be time.
I'd told him to try borrowing Ralph's Festive Clothing if possible, but apparently Ralph couldn't lend them out for fear of them getting dirty.
Well before the third bell, I headed to Central Plaza with Lutz, who looked like himself in his usual clothes but was considerably cleaner than before.
"Hey, isn't the third bell still a ways off? We're way too early."
"It's fine. Being late would be fatal. We can just sit and talk — time passes quickly."
Time in this city was determined by the bells of the
Without clocks, people might not be as strict about punctuality, but since we were the ones asking for a favor, being late would reflect badly no matter how you cut it.
"Come to think of it, Mom asked me yesterday what I did to my hair. It was a real hassle."
Lutz tugged at his glossy golden hair with a helpless expression.
I understood how Aunt
"Beauty is the most captivating topic for women, you know."
"I told her Mine did it for me, and that she should ask you if she wanted to know."
"What!?"
The thought of facing Aunt Karla's aggressive, loud, never-let-you-go interrogation made my head hurt.
"I'll teach you the recipe so you can make it yourself. I don't have much left."
"...Oh, sorry. That was important stuff, wasn't it?"
"It's fine. You've helped me plenty, Lutz."
I didn't mind using it for Lutz, who'd been such a help for so long, but wasting it on Aunt Karla would be a shame. Even I had to make do with plain water and only used Simple-chan Rinshan on my hair once every five days.
"But still..."
"If you're really that curious, just make some for me too. I'm too weak to wring out the oil properly."
"Oh, is that all?"
While we were chatting, Otto appeared in Central Plaza.
Standing at the entrance, Otto surveyed the plaza, spotted us, and flashed a grin — one I could clearly make out even from a distance.
Ah, so I'd been tested after all.
Ever since he'd given me that vague instruction of "come when the bell rings" with that dangerous smile, I'd been on guard, but sure enough, he'd been testing whether we could arrive before the bell.
"Huh," Otto murmured softly, then waved in a different direction, and another man appeared, walking toward us alongside Otto.
A cold sweat trickled down my spine. Without thinking, I gripped Lutz's hand tightly.
"Here we go, Lutz. Starting with introductions."
"R-Right."
From the easy way the two of them walked and talked together, I could tell the man was a merchant friend of Otto's. When that friend glanced our way, his eyes sharpened in a sizing-up look — like he was appraising us.
I hadn't been told there'd be a second interviewer besides Otto!
Ugh — even though this was Lutz's interview, I was more nervous than he was!