After collapsing in front of the High Priest, I was carried back to my lodging room by a Gray Priest summoned by the High Priest, and a Shrine Maiden was stationed as a guard to make sure I didn't wander off on my own.
As a result, I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone and ended up needing the Shrine Maiden's help.
The thought of performing such an intimate act while being watched by someone else brought me to tears, and the guilt of making her clean up after me left me too ashamed to face her. I wanted to pull the futon over my head and thrash around, but my body wouldn't cooperate enough even for that.
As I lay stretched out on the bed, lamenting my own uselessness,
"What did you do, Mine!?"
"Um, I got lost looking for the water room… and collapsed."
I slowly lifted my head from the bed and gave a rough summary. Lutz, who had been staring at me with a sticky, concerned gaze, folded his arms and shook his head.
"That's not everything. Tell me everything."
"Ugh… Well, I found the library, got excited, and…"
Midway through my explanation, Lutz narrowed his eyes and tilted his head.
"The library? What's that?"
"A paradise on earth, created by the gods."
"Huh?"
"…A room full of books."
"Oh… Never mind, I get the gist without you telling me everything."
Lutz pressed one hand to his forehead while waving the other dismissively. Since he'd cut me off before I could finish, I reached for my hair ornament on the bedside table to get ready to leave.
"You haven't told him the important part, have you? This young lady collapsed after making a direct appeal to the High Priest."
As I twirled my hair back up, the Shrine Maiden who had been listening to our conversation shrugged with a look of exasperation.
Lutz, now riled up, pinched my cheek and tugged.
"What were you thinking, you idiot!?"
"Sorry. I do realize I got a little too carried away."
It would have been better if things had gone a bit more calmly and rationally, but all's well that ends well. I'd gotten a lead on becoming a Shrine Maiden at the temple and managed to get the High Priest to agree to let me read the Holy Book in his room. I regretted what happened, but I didn't regret my decision.
"We're going home before you do anything else stupid."
Lutz carried me on his back, and with the Shrine Maiden leading the way, we exited the temple. In the plaza out front, Father was waiting with an irritable expression.
"Oh, you came to pick me up. Well then, I'll be heading out now."
"Thank you for everything."
And just like that, I was carried home on Father's back. As we walked, I listened to Lutz giving Father a brief report of the day's events. Swaying with his steps, I drifted off to sleep.
"I'm going to stop by the shop to finalize my contract before heading home."
At the sound of Lutz's voice, I snapped awake. We were in front of
"Thanks for today, Mark. I can't make it to the shop, so I'll come again."
"Take care of yourself."
"Lutz, good luck with the contract."
"Yeah. Make sure you rest up properly."
Waving to Lutz and Mark as they saw us off, I headed home with Father.
After a slightly lavish dinner to celebrate, the family gathered for tea. I looked at Father. I needed to tell them about wanting to become a Shrine Maiden Apprentice.
"Hey, Dad."
"What is it?"
Father took a sip from his cup.
"I'm thinking of becoming a Shrine Maiden Apprentice at the temple."
Father's smile vanished in an instant.
The next moment, with a loud bang, his cup slammed down on the table. I flinched in shock, and tea droplets jumped out of the cup and spattered across the table.
"…What did you say? Say that again."
Father's low, menacing voice startled me. His rage and disgust were laid bare, sending a chill down my spine, and my heart hammered painfully.
"…A Shrine Maiden Apprentice. At the temple."
"Don't be ridiculous! I won't let my daughter set foot in any temple!"
"D-Dad, why are you so angry?"
I had no idea what had caused his sudden about-face. I'd expected some opposition, but I never imagined Father would be this furious, his disgust so completely exposed.
"Shrine Maidens and their apprentices are for orphans! Children with no parents, no one to look after them—that's who has no choice but to become one. It's not something for you, Mine!"
"Orphans? That's who becomes one?"
"Yes, exactly. It's not something someone like you, with both parents living, should become. Don't ever bring it up again!"
Father's unyielding attitude left me stunned. At the same time, I could understand what he was saying.
There had been something slightly off that I hadn't been able to pinpoint—the High Priest's reaction, as though he hadn't even considered that there might be candidates for the position, and his words about me being "a child from a household like yours."
"
"…You're right. Sorry."
Father let out a slow breath as if releasing pent-up frustration, then ruffled my hair. Mother wiped the tea droplets from the table and tilted her head slightly.
"Even so, why did Mine suddenly decide she wants to become a Shrine Maiden Apprentice?"
A discriminatory attitude toward Priests and Shrine Maidens peeked through my parents' words. I'd always assumed these were respected professions, so this was a shock.
"After I collapsed at the Baptism Ceremony, I got lost looking for the water room."
"Weren't you in the lodging room? There's usually a water room just outside."
Father, who had already heard the basics from Lutz, furrowed his brow. It was true—the commoners' dormitory often had water rooms nearby.
I shook my head slightly.
"…My Festive Clothing was so fancy that I was apparently mistaken for a noble, and I was put in the kind of room where merchants carrying nobles' introduction letters stay. So the water room wasn't nearby…"
"Ah, well, with that outfit, I can't blame them."
Father nodded several times. Mother and Turi also looked convinced.
"While I was wandering around, I ended up in an area meant for nobles."
Both parents went pale. In a society stratified by rank, boundaries between classes were strictly enforced. If you stumbled around and a noble took offense, your life could effectively be over.
"A Shrine Maiden found me, so I didn't meet any nobles, but there was a library there. It had so, so many books. I wanted to read them, I wanted to read them so badly I could barely stand it, but I wasn't allowed in…"
"Books, you say?"
Father's eyebrow twitched.
"When I asked how to get in, I was told I could if I became a Shrine Maiden Apprentice, so…"
"So without thinking it through, you decided to become an apprentice. …Sigh. Give up on the books. Just make them yourself like you always have."
"Huh?"
I couldn't believe he was telling me to give up on books. I stared at Father, who was looking at me with a completely serious expression, not a trace of a smile.
"Mine, do you want to sever ties with your family and live as a Shrine Maiden Apprentice in the temple just to read books, or do you want to stay with your family and live as you always have? Which will you choose?"
Choose between family or books—my mind went completely blank.
I wanted to spend every last moment with my family until Self-Eating consumed me. Within that time, I wanted to make books, read them, and be satisfied.
Today, finding the library and the possibility of reading books had thrilled me, made me giddy with excitement—but the thought of leaving my family had never crossed my mind.
"…Sever ties with family?"
My lips trembled, and my voice came out broken. When I managed the question in a hoarse whisper, Father nodded gravely.
"That's right. Shrine Maiden Apprentices live in the temple. The work is grueling, and the people you'd be working with are all orphans. It's impossible for you, Mine, who has Self-Eating. You can't even manage your own health—you collapsed during the Baptism Ceremony. What kind of work could you possibly do? Besides, books are expensive. Protected by Magical Tools or something so that strangers can't get in—they must be incredibly rare. Even if you became an apprentice, would you be able to touch them right away?"
Father's points were all perfectly logical, leaving no room for argument.
My mind had already concluded that becoming a Shrine Maiden Apprentice was impossible. But after having seen all those books, I didn't want to give up.
I bit down hard on my lip, on the verge of tears, when Turi took my hand. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and she squeezed my hand tightly, as if she'd never let go.
"Do you want to become a Shrine Maiden, Mine? You promised we'd stay together. Would you break that promise just to become a Shrine Maiden?"
Turi's words struck me squarely in the chest. As I felt the strength drain from my body, I shook my head.
"…No. I just wanted to find a way to read the books that were right in front of me. It's not that I want to be a Shrine Maiden."
The Shrine Maiden Apprentice role was merely a means to an end, not the goal itself. It wasn't something I wanted to become badly enough to make my family cry or to leave them behind.
At my answer, Turi's face lit up, though a flicker of unease still showed through.
"Good. …You'll stay with me, right? You promised, remember?"
"Yep. …Once I'm feeling better, I'll go tell the High Priest I decline."
Hearing my answer, Father let out a breath of relief as though a weight had been lifted from his chest and pulled me into a tight hug.
"I'm glad you understand. You're my precious daughter. I won't let the temple have you."
A part of me was genuinely glad that I hadn't made my family sad, but the moment I sealed off the path to the library with my own hands, the heat of Self-Eating began spreading through my body.
"Mine, your fever's going up!"
"You collapsed multiple times today, right? Your nerves finally gave out now that the tension's gone. Go to bed."
Laid in bed, I gently closed my eyes as I felt the heat of Self-Eating slowly spreading.
I never imagined I'd reach a point where I couldn't choose books.
Before, the option of not choosing books simply didn't exist in my mind. Back in my Ryoune days, I would have chosen the books without hesitation and left my family behind. Books came first, no matter what.
And yet, now I couldn't choose books on impulse. I'd always thought it was because books didn't exist around me, but without realizing it, family had become just as important as books.
But I'd found them. I wanted to read them.
I couldn't choose between family and books, yet I couldn't simply cut books out of my life either. Even trying to suppress the heat in that state, things weren't going as they usually did. Mocking my unstable mental state, with its lingering attachment to the library, the heat of Self-Eating surged with increasing intensity.
Feeling frustrated that the heat wouldn't behave the way I wanted, I began searching for my own compromise between family and books.
Was there some way to read books without becoming a Shrine Maiden Apprentice? My mention of a Donation had changed the High Priest's attitude—could I earn more money, pile up enough coins, and buy my way into permission? I didn't like the idea of slapping someone with money, but beggars can't be choosers, right?
For now, if I could at least get the High Priest to let me read the Holy Book, wouldn't that satisfy me a little?
In the end, it took two full days to suppress the heat of Self-Eating. The fever finally went down and I could sit up, but my body still felt heavy. With the heat gone, a full day's rest should be enough to recover.
When Lutz came to check on me, he took one look at my face and frowned.
"You still look pale. Benno said he wanted to talk with you, but it looks like today's not gonna work."
"Lutz, are you free tomorrow? I want to go to the temple, and then to Benno's shop. Will you come with me?"
Lutz tilted his head slightly at my question.
"The temple? Sure, but what for?"
"To read the Holy Book. …And to decline the Shrine Maiden Apprentice offer."
"Huh? Shrine Maiden Apprentice? Where did that come from?"
Come to think of it, the Shrine Maiden had mentioned that I collapsed after making a direct appeal to the High Priest, but I hadn't actually told Lutz what the appeal was about.
"I told you I found the library during the Baptism Ceremony, right? They said only temple staff could enter, so I decided I'd become temple staff. When I heard Shrine Maiden Apprentice was the easiest way, I jumped at it."
"That's more reckless than me becoming a Traveling Merchant! Get a little more realistic, will you? It was you who taught me not to charge straight ahead down the shortest route but to look for a roundabout path that's actually feasible."
Lutz's words pierced my chest painfully. He had transformed from a boy who chased after convenient dreams to one who pursued grounded ones.
"…I was only thinking about the shortest route to reading books."
"When it comes to books, you really do lose all awareness of your surroundings. You should probably stop going to the temple. It's going to be one disappointment after another, and it'll be bad for your body. Won't the heat of Self-Eating go wild?"
"I managed to suppress the heat of Self-Eating by focusing on at least reading the Holy Book."
Lutz looked down at me with an indescribable expression and let out a bitter laugh, tapping the top of my head gently.
"So you found a compromise on your own. I never thought you'd budge when it comes to books. You did well. …Well, as long as just visiting the temple is enough for you, I guess it's fine. But there's no way you could actually live there. No way."
"Yeah, I know."
The next day, I went to the temple with Lutz. Since we'd be stopping by Benno's shop, I wore my new, nice clothes. I'd also figured they'd be better than my usual ones given how opulent the area around the High Priest's room was.
I told the gate guard my name and asked to see the High Priest. Word apparently had already gotten through, as a Gray Priest appeared and escorted me inside.
"What about you, Lutz? There's nothing for you to do if you come along. Why don't you study up at Benno's shop? Once I'm done at the temple, I'll come to the shop."
"I'll come pick you up when the fifth bell rings, so wait here. Don't go wandering off on your own."
"Got it."
Led by the Gray Priest to the High Priest's room, I found the High Priest absent. In his place, a Chief Priest wearing blue robes greeted me.
He looked about Father's age, with pale blue hair that reached his shoulders. The High Priest was a dignified, somewhat portly old man, but the Chief Priest was quite tall and lean. He had the look of a capable person who handled the real work of managing people and running around on tasks.
"You must be Mine? I've heard from the High Priest. Come in."
"Thank you."
"He asked me to read the Holy Book to you until he returns."
It seemed the Chief Priest would be reading aloud to me. Being personally waited on by the Chief Priest—had I done something to earn that? Ah, the Donation.
They were being attentive because I was someone who could make a large contribution. The amount I'd suggested must have made quite an impression. If this was how things worked, maybe I could negotiate my way into the library after all.
"Please, have a seat over there."
The Chief Priest began reading aloud at a table in the center of the room, but seated across from him, I could only see the book's cover. It seemed they weren't going to let me touch it. They were being hospitable while remaining wary, unsure of what I might try to do.
"Um, Chief Priest. I don't just want to hear the story—I want to see the book."
"Why is that? Wasn't it the words of God that you wished to know?"
"I want to know the words too, but I also want to learn new vocabulary."
My words caught the Chief Priest off guard. After a moment's thought, he nodded deeply.
"…I see. However, this is a precious Holy Book. Can you promise me that you absolutely will not touch it?"
"I promise."
The Chief Priest lifted me onto his lap and angled the Holy Book so I could see it as he read. Along the edges and at the spots where the pages were turned, the yellowed parchment was inscribed with flowing, elegant calligraphy. I breathed in the scent of the old paper, full and deep, and let out a sigh of wonder.
The story of the Baptism Ceremony had apparently been told in much simpler terms. Hearing it now, the atmosphere was completely different.
As the Chief Priest read the Holy Book to me, I learned new words one after another. Common nouns and verbs I'd always wanted to know kept appearing, and it was fascinating.
I carefully pointed at familiar words without touching the Holy Book, and as I read them aloud, the amused Chief Priest began teaching me the words.
"You have a remarkably quick mind. This kind of ease in learning makes teaching a pleasure. …You're not a noble, are you? Is there any possibility that one of your parents has noble blood?"
"I don't think so at all."
"What a shame."
I had no idea why the Chief Priest was disappointed. He seemed, much like Mark, to also be involved in the education of Priests and Shrine Maidens. He had the air of a teacher—someone accustomed to imparting knowledge—similar to Mark.
"Ah, you're back. Sorry to keep you waiting."
The High Priest had returned. I was told to go back to my chair, and the Holy Book was carefully closed by the Chief Priest and returned to its shelf.
"The Chief Priest read the Holy Book to me, so I had a very meaningful and enjoyable time. Thank you for your kindness."
The High Priest settled into the chair the Chief Priest had been sitting in with his usual unhurried movements, while the Chief Priest stood beside him.
"So, what did your parents say?"
I slumped my shoulders in disappointment.
"They said Shrine Maidens are for orphans, scolded me, and told me no."
The High Priest let out a sigh and shook his head. From his side, the Chief Priest spoke up.
"There's no rule saying only orphans can become them. There are nobles among the ranks as well. It's true that the proportion of orphans among Priests and Shrine Maidens is high, but that's because they can't find other work. Orphans have limited options for employment, and becoming a Priest or Shrine Maiden Apprentice is often their only path."
I blinked several times at the Chief Priest's words.
"Why can't they find other work?"
"Because no one is there to provide introductions or look after them."
That made perfect sense. In this city, where your career was decided by connections and introductions from relatives and family, the system was indeed unkind to orphans. It was already a struggle to choose a path other than the one your parents arranged—let alone for an orphan who had no connections to search for.
"You don't have to be an orphan to become a Shrine Maiden. I want you to understand that."
"Yes. But I was told apprentices live at the temple, and since I'm sickly, I wouldn't be able to handle the grueling work, so it's impossible."
"Is this a chronic condition, or was that episode caused by illness?" The High Priest furrowed his brow slightly as he stroked his white beard. I idly thought that come winter, I'd love to dress him up in a Santa costume as I nodded firmly.
"Yes. I have Self-Eating."
"Self-Eating!?"
The High Priest, who moved with such leisurely composure, shot to his feet with wide eyes. The Chief Priest, who had been standing, slapped his hands on the table and leaned toward me.
"Self-Eating, you say!?"
"Y-Yes. Is something wrong?"
Corners by two alarmed adults, I instinctively leaned back. Had I said something wrong? As I furrowed my brows, the High Priest pointed toward the door with trembling hands.
"Chief Priest, bring that."
"Understood."
With a slight nod, the Chief Priest strode off on his long legs. Outwardly elegant yet astonishingly fast, he moved with such urgency that the door he'd exited was left wide open.
Dumbfounded, I watched him go. At the edge of my vision, I saw the High Priest turn toward the shelf where the Holy Book was kept.
"Prayers to the God!"
Caught up in the moment, I raised my hands along with the High Priest, who had begun praying with a full bow.
"Gratitude to the God!"
I stared blankly at the High Priest's back as he performed a full prostration in one fluid motion, wondering what on earth was happening.
This was clearly taking a turn for the worse. I wanted to run, but given the urgency he'd just shown, there was no way I could slip away easily.
I remained frozen in my chair, slowly averting my gaze from the High Priest as he continued praying.
The sharp click of footsteps approaching at great speed from beyond the door grew louder, and then the Chief Priest returned carrying something wrapped in cloth.
As the cloth was unwrapped on the table, what had been carefully placed there was the Holy Cup that the stone statue in the worship hall had been holding.
"Touch this Holy Cup."
"Huh? Am I allowed to touch this?"
"Yes, quickly!"
I hesitantly reached out toward the Holy Cup on the table. The two of them were staring at me with intense, unblinking eyes, and it was terrifying.
The instant my fingertip made contact, the Holy Cup blazed with brilliant light.
"Wha—!? What is this!?"
I yanked my hand back in a panic, and the light from the Holy Cup immediately vanished. As I compared my fingertip to the Cup, the High Priest and the Chief Priest exchanged a look and nodded at each other.
"Mine, I'd like to speak with your parents."
Dad, Mom, I'm sorry.
It seems like something important has happened.
One step forward, two steps back.
Next time: Benno's lecture.