Swinging, swaying, dangling, bobbing, rocking.
Swaying, swaying. Feet swaying.
Dimly, languidly, sinking into a creaking folding chair, giving himself over to the sensation of the dragon carriage, the madman giggled.
There was nothing amusing happening, but strangely enough, laughing put his mind at ease.
If he didn't do this, an awful, painful feeling would well up inside his chest, and if it accumulated too much, his head would explode into chaos.
So to keep that from happening, even though there was nothing funny, he giggled. Searching for something amusing, giggling, giggling.
But then, when that laughter suddenly stopped, loneliness would tauten over him in an instant.
When that happened, he could no longer hold back, and tears spilled out, drop by drop. He tried to stop them but couldn't; when he tried to stop them, his breathing grew labored. So to keep from struggling for air, he let the tears flow freely, until both his face and clothes were drenched.
And so, to keep his chest from aching, to keep his heart from hurting, he would alternate between laughing and crying, and always from somewhere, Blue would come and stroke his head, or wipe his damp cheeks with a cloth.
That was why he liked Blue. When Blue was by his side, his heart felt warm. When Blue moved away from him, it was as though the world around him had gone dark, and anxiety set in. His chest ached the same way it did when he wanted to cry, and even when he tried to smile, he couldn't—only tears would spill out, drop after drop.
He was certain that sad things had happened during the times Blue wasn't with him. When Blue left, those sad memories came flooding back, and he would cry. That was why he wanted Blue to stay by his side forever. Blue seemed to understand that and stayed with him as much as possible.
That was why he liked Blue.
Green wasn't so bad, either.
Green didn't stroke him gently the way Blue did, nor visit him over and over the way Blue did, but Green was hard yet soft. Hard yet soft, and not something he disliked.
Green came to visit because Blue was there—he was sure of it. Green and Blue talked about all sorts of things, but between his giggling and his tearful sobbing, he was busy.
When the conversation ended and they were leaving, Green stared intently at him. Those eyes were very hard yet soft, and not something he disliked.
Brown and White were frightening. He hated them. Frightening. Tears would spill out.
Brown came to visit second only to Blue, but whenever Brown touched him, he felt sick, and tears would stream down, so he didn't like Brown. Those eyes that looked angry were frightening. A soft face, but frightening. Brown would stroke him to keep him from crying, but the tears still came.
White was even more frightening. He never touched White. He had only seen White once. And yet, frightening. Those eyes that stared at him, eyes that looked as though they saw nothing at all—frightening. He hated them. He didn't like them.
Dreams. He dreamed of dreams.
Swinging, swaying, dangling, bobbing.
Rocked back and forth, swaying his feet, resting his shoulder against something, bathing in the wind, dimly, languidly, the madman dreamed.
In his dreams, Silver appeared, drifting, swaying.
Silver—he didn't understand.
His chest burned, warm and toasty. His chest stung, pricking sharp. His chest ached, clenching tight. His chest pounded, thudding fast.
Was he happy, or sad? Having fun, or suffering? He couldn't tell.
Like Blue, he felt something fond; like Brown, something bitter; like Green, something gentle; like White, something fearful.
Silver—he didn't understand. But thinking about Silver wasn't something he disliked.
Drifting, swaying, fluttering, wavering.
Wavering, fluttering. Drifting.
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
The fact that he placed himself entirely in her care, unguarded and wary-less, filled her with joy.
Rem understood that the current Subaru was not his usual self, and that this state was not his true intention, yet to receive such complete trust was an absolute blessing.
"Subaru-kun, lean more this way."
"Mm… nnh…"
At a distance close enough to feel his sleeping breath, Rem pulled Subaru even closer, pressing their bodies together. The driver's seat was designed for one person, and fitting two required considerable effort. Normally, the petite Rem should have been the one leaning her weight on Subaru, but doing so now would put them both at risk.
Once aboard the dragon carriage, Subaru had been docile, so Rem settled him half-sitting on her lap, wrapped one arm around his waist with her free hand, and retightened her grip on the reins with the other.
She maintained a posture that placed as little strain on Subaru as possible. To that end, Rem bore most of the driver's seat's discomfort herself—an excruciating position to hold for nearly half a person's waking hours. An ordinary person would have collapsed from exhaustion long before the end.
On that front, Rem far exceeded ordinary humans in physical endurance, and her mental fortitude—particularly in the aspect of enduring silently—was second to none. More than anything, the knowledge that her efforts would benefit Subaru was the greatest motivation she could have had.
What exchanges had passed between Subaru and
On the day the Royal Selection was announced at the Royal Castle, Rem had been instructed by Roswaal to let Subaru enter alone. When Emilia returned, her haggard appearance shocked Rem deeply.
Emilia, looking utterly spent, gave Rem a rough account of what had happened at the castle, then asked her to go to the Karsten residence to retrieve Subaru.
There had been no scolding for letting Subaru go.
Rem did not believe Emilia had simply forgotten that part, so she surmised there was some deeper reasoning and refrained from bringing it up herself.
She simply followed Emilia's instructions in silence, bringing Subaru into the Karsten household. She had spoken briefly with Roswaal before that, but those matters were confidential between him, Emilia, and Subaru—and by now, the conversation had lost its relevance.
In any case, once inside the Karsten residence, Subaru's treatment began in earnest.
As a guest at the manor, Rem was not in need of treatment herself, unlike Subaru, and was given considerable freedom of movement. She spent nearly all of that free time at Subaru's side.
Part of it was an unconditional affirmation of his courage—exhausted as he was, he tried to carry on as usual. But the honest reason was something more personal.
At
He primarily assisted
She was aware of it, and felt it was terribly shameful, but she could not bring herself to say it aloud.
"Subaru-kun, it's going to be all right."
Rem tightened her hold on the restlessly squirming Subaru, easing his movements, and spoke gently while keeping the reins in hand.
Subaru, eyes closed and sound asleep, did not respond. But the faintest easing at the corners of his eyes gave Rem the impression he felt more at ease, and she refocused her gaze ahead.
She had intended to push through the night toward the manor, but it might be wise to camp once along the way. When they had left the Crusch residence, it had been past noon, and now—roughly halfway to the manor—the moon had slipped behind the clouds.
They had fallen considerably behind schedule. That was the result of Rem's efforts to spare Subaru unnecessary strain; she had been letting the earth dragon run far below its natural pace.
Two or three more hours would complete the half-day's travel she had originally planned, but at this pace, they would not arrive at the manor until morning.
"That would make it difficult to coordinate with my sister, too."
The shared telepathic sense required a certain proximity and both parties to be in an awakened state.
The conditions were especially strict when sending from Rem's end to Ram—demanding both mental energy and closeness. From this distance, reporting the current situation to Ram was impossible, and by the time proximity allowed it, it would be deep into the night.
—I should camp after all.
Making that decision, Rem reined the earth dragon to a halt.
The creature slowed, came to a stop, snorted heavily, and looked up at her.
Rem set Subaru down in the driver's seat, then nimbly hopped down to the highway and surveyed the surroundings.
Night had fallen. The Leafaus Highway was illuminated only by the moonlight and the lamps mounted on the dragon carriage, powered by Ragmite ore.
Fortunately, the sky was clear tonight and the moonlight provided ample visibility. Assessing the likelihood of a bandit attack as low, Rem quickly climbed into the carriage behind her and efficiently layered blankets into a makeshift sleeping area. Then— "Subaru-kun, forgive me."
She scooped the sleeping Subaru up in a princess carry and settled him into the bedding.
She laid him down on his side—he had to be tired from sitting and riding all day—then gave herself a quick check, stepped outside the carriage, and began her watch.
She was not overly worried about bandits, but on the highway at night, with few other dragon carriages to be seen, it was not uncommon for Mabeasts or feral dogs to attack.
Having encountered such cases before, Rem understood that those adversaries were far more dangerous than humans. Still— "Tonight I have you here, so I don't think there's much to worry about."
She reached out and stroked the earth dragon's snout as it lowered its head toward her.
They had been connected for half a day through the reins, and she had grown quite fond of it. It listened well to Rem's instructions despite being their first meeting—a testament to its proper training. She could not help but praise the discipline of a duke's earth dragon.
Of course, the earth dragon's tractability was also partly due to the fact that Rem was an Oni—a biologically superior being.
Earth dragons were, among the dragon species, notably friendly toward humans. They were integrated into daily life in large numbers, and their gentle temperament made them highly valued.
Wyverns and water dragons, on the other hand, required special training or rearing from hatchlings, making them far more limited in number compared to earth dragons.
In any case, while earth dragons were the most human-friendly of the dragon species, their inherent power as a species was still well beyond that of ordinary beasts. Wild creatures that could threaten an earth dragon were virtually nonexistent, and earth dragons themselves possessed an extremely keen sense for danger.
No Mabeast swarm or bandit group would attack unless it was large enough, and such groups were almost always detected by the earth dragon in advance.
Therefore, camping with an earth dragon escort required little worry.
"Rest easy."
Between the earth dragon and herself, there was more than enough personnel for a night watch.
Rem called softly up toward the carriage, patted the earth dragon's nose as it pressed close, and had it lie down on the ground. She then leaned against its tough hide, draped the blanket over herself, and sharpened her senses for the vigil.
If they departed at dawn, they should reach the manor by the following morning.
She would have to accept whatever rebuke awaited her—for bringing Subaru back and for failing to fulfill her objective. More importantly, she was the only one who could protect Subaru now.
"But if anyone can bring Subaru back to normal…"
It had to be Emilia. That fact gnawed at Rem.
For Rem, Emilia was an extremely difficult person to deal with.
Roswaal had welcomed her as a guest, and now she was treated as a Royal candidate—someone above Rem's own station. In fact, both Rem and Ram had been instructed to regard her as such.
Rem had no particular objection to treating Emilia higher than their own master, Roswaal. Ram, a devoted Roswaal loyalist, was clearly unhappy about it, but Rem's emotional attachment on that front was not as strong as her sister's. Of course, Ram was not foolish enough to let it show on her face or in her words—Rem had simply sensed it.
It was precisely because Ram's discontent was strong enough to resonate through their shared telepathic sense—something that rarely happened.
Rem's complex feelings toward Emilia had nothing to do with Roswaal, and everything to do with Emilia's origins.
—That Emilia was a half-elf. In other words, the fact that she was a half-demon.
Intellectually, Rem understood that Emilia herself bore no fault. But emotionally, there remained a part of her that could not fully accept that.
It was not Emilia's fault. However, the existence of half-demons had cast too large a shadow over Rem's life to be dismissed.
She could neither approach Emilia with goodwill nor with malice.
In the end, Rem had firmly decided to keep her dealings with Emilia within the bounds of a strict "guest and servant" relationship.
Stripping away emotion, Rem responded to Emilia's directives as mechanically as a doll. Whether Emilia sensed this attitude in Rem, she never made any particular effort to bridge the distance.
Days passed in that unchanging relationship, and Rem had believed that regardless of how the Royal Selection turned out, nothing would change. Chances were slim that she would witness the Selection's conclusion in any case, and considering the stance she had set for herself, she had admonished herself that holding strong feelings of any kind toward Emilia was unnecessary.
And yet now, Rem's feelings toward Emilia had completely changed from before.
That fact gnawed at Rem's heart.
Rem was not so childish that she could not recognize her own emotions. Emilia's stubbornness was, in every sense, unbearable. And knowing that Emilia had compelling reasons for being that way only made Rem despise herself for thinking as she did.
These feelings coiled into a vortex, harboring one boy at their center, threatening to explode.
Exasperated with her own ugliness, Rem exhaled.
In this soundless world, with even the sources of light unreliable, her thoughts drifted naturally toward the formless and aimless.
The passage of time was hazy and slow; the angle of the moon, no matter how many times she looked up, seemed not to have shifted from where it had been.
Night was long. A solitary night stretched endlessly, deep, cold, and long.
For a moment, Rem felt an impulse to slip into the carriage sheltering her from behind.
If she could slide in beside the boy who was sleeping so deeply he wouldn't even dream, wrapped in blankets, his face peaceful only in sleep, and share his warmth—how wonderful that would be.
A temptation whispered: why not abandon everything and do just that?
Even if she returned now, what awaited him was a harsh reality far removed from any ideal.
If she wished, she could drive the dragon carriage anywhere, and no one could fault her for it but her own conscience. Even Subaru, given time, might recover his humanity from his childlike state—and though it would be different from before, they might once again share time together.
The travel funds Roswaal had given her were a considerable sum. With that money, she could vanish with Subaru and live in seclusion.
"Heh heh… a fairy tale, isn't it…"
Rem shook her head, pressing it against her drawn-up knees, and smiled bitterly at her own fantasies.
She could never make such a choice—one that scorned everything. It was a cruel notion she shouldn't even allow herself to think of.
She could never leave Ram behind and abandon the manor. Ram was, quite literally, her other half. And above all, if she left her sister behind, what burden would it place on her? Gentle, indulgent Ram would surely forgive her regardless. That was precisely why betrayal was unthinkable.
Roswaal had entrusted her with large sums and a critical mission. Betraying that trust was equally impossible for Rem's fastidious nature.
And more than anything— "I couldn't just leave Subaru-kun… not like this."
While Rem had been caring for Subaru with devoted attentiveness, she had been enveloped in a sense of bliss.
Rem was aware that she was possessive by nature. If she could, she would keep everyone precious to her close at hand. Serving others gave her a sense of her own value—one might call it an innate maid's constitution.
Therefore, caring for Subaru in his current state was no burden to Rem. If anything, it was a daily fulfillment—being needed by Subaru, someone who could not do without her.
But that was not the real Subaru.
For Rem,
Hovering in a state between sleep and waking—half-conscious, one might call it—Rem recognized that it was nearly time to depart.
During the night, no notable disturbances had occurred. Mabeasts and thieves had not so much as shown a trace of themselves. That said, it seemed Rem had not been entirely free of fatigue either. Unable to endure the uneventful hours, she had gradually lost consciousness to drowsiness, shifting into the aforementioned half-awake state to rest as well.
She rose and stretched in the cool morning air.
It was an indolent, unladylike gesture. She would never do it in front of anyone, but the only person present was Subaru, sleeping soundly beside her— "Su-Subaru-kun!?"
Startled, Rem sprang to her feet—only to find the boy wrapped in blankets right beside her.
He had been leaning against her, and with his support gone, he slowly toppled onto the grass, grimacing and squirming.
Frantically, Rem compared Subaru's position to the dragon carriage behind them. He must have gotten down in the deep of night, during the window when Rem's consciousness had drifted, and rolled over to lie beside her.
The fact that she had not noticed sent a chill through her; at the same time, it made her realize just how deeply she had come to trust Subaru, and her face flushed red even now.
Despite her maidenly reactions, Rem was inwardly considering whether Subaru's behavior might be a promising sign.
Normally, when awake, Subaru was either expressionless, or only laughed or cried—little else. Now he had gotten off the dragon carriage on his own and taken a deliberate action of his own volition.
Was his fractured heart beginning to gather itself, reconstituting the person he was? Hope swelled in Rem's chest.
"…All right, let's go home, Subaru-kun."
If change had begun, then surely things would move in a good direction from here.
It was not like her to think this way, but perhaps she had been influenced by the boy before her. And this inner shift felt, in some way, deeply endearing to Rem.
She picked up the still-sleeping Subaru once more, climbed into the driver's seat, and roused the earth dragon. She gave it a word, let it drink its fill, and set off again.
The wheels bit into the highway, and the dragon carriage slowly picked up speed.
They were roughly halfway there—in time, perhaps seven or eight hours remained.
Compared to yesterday's departure, burdened only with a sense of grim determination, she now felt more fulfilled. Gazing at Subaru's profile as he slept deeply, Rem channeled her eagerness into the reins and urged more speed.
Everything would turn out for the best.
—Rem believed so.
※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ —Something was wrong.
Rem realized it while she had Subaru's head resting on her knee—the restless boy looking uncomfortable—and was threading her fingers through his black hair to stroke it.
Perhaps it was because she had finally had time to think during the night.
Having reached a measure of understanding about the complex emotions within her, Rem had been secretly buoyant since Subaru had come to lie beside her in the deep hours.
If that was why she had been so slow to notice something this obvious, she was even more hopeless than she had thought.
"Much too quiet…"
Traveling the Leafaus Highway, she had not passed a single other dragon carriage the entire trip.
Although she was following the highway, Rem had been taking a slight detour from the main road, aiming for the most direct route to the manor. She could feel the wheels chewing through grass beneath them, and she should have noticed sooner that the open surroundings were entirely devoid of any other presence.
Even when she had been on guard against Mabeasts and bandit attacks the previous night, there had been oddities.
Beyond the complete absence of hostile presences, there was the abnormal silence—not even the chirp of an insect could be heard.
A bad premonition raced through her mind.
This kind of silence, this hush that fell over all living things—it was always a harbinger of otherworldly upheaval.
The sense of wrongness grew stronger as the Mathers territory—and the manor—drew closer.
Rem channeled her inner anxiety into her grip on the reins, pushing the already-straining earth dragon to go faster.
She knew she was pushing it too hard, but now she had to confirm the source of this unease as quickly as possible. If it was nothing, all the better. She would apologize to Subaru and the earth dragon for the grueling journey and face the problem fresh.
But if the anxiety smoldering in her chest was real— "—Sister?"
What arrived in Rem's heart without warning was not her own turmoil of emotion.
—And the fact that it was replaced almost immediately by an unbearable anxiety made Rem panic.
Ram, who maintained her composure on the surface, was genuinely unflappable at heart. She was almost never shaken—unless it concerned her master, or, presumptuously, her younger sister Rem.
Now Ram had sent Rem an "anxiety" strong enough to resonate through their shared sense. And the fact that it vanished immediately meant Ram had deliberately suppressed it so Rem wouldn't feel it.
At a greater distance, it would not have reached Rem—but during the return from the
And receiving it, Rem— "I have to go back—now!"
She urged the earth dragon onward, pulling the reins so hard her hands turned white.
As things stood, if all was proceeding as planned at the manor, only Ram and Emilia should be there. If something had happened that was beyond even the two of them to handle—and if it was connected to this anxiety— Driven by urgency, Rem—outwardly expressionless, inwardly commanding herself to stay calm—in truth had a fatal flaw: when she became desperate, the world around her vanished.
That flaw bared its fangs once more.
—Before her eyes, in a world where time had stopped, Rem watched the earth dragon's head explode.