'If my contract with that girl is severed, can I leave the rest to you?' '...That depends on the reason.' Licking his lips to wet them, Subaru faced
Inside the crystal stone, Puck's unseen expression was invisible from this side. But the vortex of emotion packed into his words convinced Subaru that they had not been spoken lightly.
Still, it was about a contract.
The most important thing of all — the contract exchanged between a Spirit and a Spirit User.
The declaration that he would unilaterally have that contract 'severed' — its true intent was not something Subaru could easily fathom.
'The contract between
However, what that affirmation meant— 'Losing the ability to borrow your power... means Emilia loses the strength to fight. You'd be reducing that girl to nothing more than an ordinary girl.' 'Isn't that something that doesn't really concern you? Whether or not Lia has power, you're the one who doesn't want to put her in a fight in the first place. It sounded like you were even a bit upset about the disconnect in priorities there — how Lia herself feels about it.' 'Gh... that's not wrong. But that's a separate issue from what I'm saying. Strength or whatever — that's not the root of the problem here, you're right about that. What matters in this case is... what happens to Emilia if you disappear.' A situation without Puck was, for Emilia, equivalent to losing the pillar that held her heart together.
If the mental exchange with Puck just now was the truth, then even so, the depths of her heart already knew that Puck wasn't truly asleep. The faint bond hadn't been severed.
And yet, even in that state where the bond was barely holding together, Emilia had been driven to such despair. She clung to Subaru with her whole heart, begging him never to leave her side.
If something were to truly sever her connection with Puck— 'Emilia could lose her mental balance right then and there. That's a sight you wouldn't want to see either — top three at least. What exactly are you getting at?' 'Nothing complicated. I've decided that I'll only push things in the best possible direction for Lia. I won't do things she doesn't want, and I can't.' 'Are you saying Emilia wants to break the contract with you?' 'No, Subaru. Losing my contract with me is merely a byproduct of Lia's wish coming true. Lia's current wish is unquestionably to overcome the 'trial' in the tomb. There's no need to doubt that — you can believe it.' On that point, Subaru had no doubts either.
Even if he accepted Puck's hypothesis — that Emilia couldn't face her own past head-on and kept clinging to a false past, repeatedly failing the 'trial'— He believed, more than anyone, that she was not the kind of petty person who would merely put on a 'pretense' of trying to overcome the obstacle standing before her.
Subaru's affirmation of heart had not reached Puck in the form of words. But as if to convey that it had reached him exactly as it was, Puck slightly lowered the tone of his thoughts— 'I think Lia would certainly panic if she knew I was gone. She'd probably cry like a child, scream, and throw a massive fit.' '......' 'But you know, I think that's a good thing. The current state — where she thinks on the surface that I'm gone, but knows in the depths of her heart that I'm there — that's what's unnatural. Once Lia understands with both the surface and the depths of her heart that I'm gone... once the easy chain that kept her past locked away is gone for the first time, she'll finally be able to face her own heart.' Puck's words were quiet, yet brimming with a thousand emotions.
They were filled with tenderness, with sorrow, with joy — and above all, with that devoted willingness to give everything for the one most precious to him.
'So to face herself... you'd give up your bond with yourself to let her move forward?' 'Yeah, that's right. I'm sure there will be a lot of painful things, but I believe Lia is the kind of child who can endure them.' 'I won't be able to stay by her side anymore. Doesn't that worry you? Your daughter — that bottomless good-natured girl who always puts herself last and gets nothing but losses because of it — don't you want to keep protecting her from right beside her? Don't you feel that way?' Subaru was beginning to lose track of what he himself was saying.
Puck's offer, if it produced the result he desired, would lead to exactly the kind of development Subaru had hoped for. And as Puck had said, whether or not Emilia had combat strength was completely irrelevant to Subaru, who would desperately try to keep her off the battlefield regardless.
So why was Subaru, who should have welcomed Puck's proposal, trying to stop him— 'I thought you weren't exactly happy about me being by Lia's side lately, though.' 'You're not wrong about that... Because of everything that's happened recently, my opinion of you is at rock bottom, and it's not the kind of thing that bounces back easily. One choice to sacrifice yourself for Emilia isn't going to wipe away all this distrust that's built up.' 'Well, that's a harsh way to put it. You're making me a little sad.' 'But—' Their mutual impressions weren't wrong. The current Subaru couldn't take Puck's words at face value, nor did he think his bad impression of the Spirit could be easily reversed.
The words he spoke contained no falsehood. However— 'Imagining you gone, and the sight of Emilia grieving... I know better than anyone, painfully so, how enormous your presence is for her. That's exactly why I...' '......' The words trailed off, and inside Subaru, only vague feelings continued to pile up. Puck too maintained his silence within their thoughts, quietly waiting for that hazy intent to take shape.
But the harder he grasped, the less certain the answer became, slipping further into doubt.
'I... I want you to...' 'The fact that I can make this kind of decision is because you're such a big part of this, Subaru.' Before Subaru's unorganized words could find their footing, Puck's voice came softly, almost like a murmur. Resonating directly in his skull and rising to a whisper, Subaru looked blankly at the green crystal stone.
'Like you said, Lia means more to me than anything. I want to watch over her forever, to lend her my strength. Even now, having decided that her being away from me is better for her, that feeling hasn't changed.' 'Then why...' 'Because you're here.' '......' All at once, Subaru felt as though his breath stopped.
'In this place... no, in this world, you alone are someone who would risk your life for Lia, just as I would. Over the time you've spent together, you've proven that. Lia, too... aside from me, the person she'd rely on most is you. That's certain. You can believe that.' 'E-even so... I don't have incredible power like you, and I'm nowhere near overwhelming enough to blow away whatever obstacles stand in her path by sheer force. All I can do is sit with her, hold my head in my hands alongside her, let her vent the painful stuff... that's about it. Can you really leave the rest to someone that limited?' 'I think you're misunderstanding, but I'm not asking you to be my replacement. What only I can do is something only I can do. The same goes the other way. I'm counting on you for the parts where only you can help Lia.' As Subaru fell silent, Puck kept pressing without stopping.
Closing off any escape route, making sure the moment of decision for Emilia wouldn't slip away.
'Even if I'm gone, Lia is much stronger than you. In that 'strength' you spoke of, there's no mistake. But, as you well know, she is also weak. In that 'weakness' I speak of, there's no mistake either. That's why I want you to support that weakness.' '...If the contract is severed and the bond is cut, what happens to you?' 'What keeps me manifested in this world is the pathway I have with Lia. If that bond is severed, I'll no longer be able to maintain my existence without constantly being in physical form. ...But staying manifested continuously means devouring the surrounding Mana without end. If you saw my true form, Subaru, I think you'd be pretty startled.' The 'true form' Puck spoke of was presumably when he had become that colossal beast towering overhead. The apex predator among quadrupeds, a raging blizzard beast. The Beast of the End.
Indeed, if he had to exist in that state at all times, it was no wonder he couldn't sustain himself.
'So you... you'd disappear?' 'Not disappear. I'd simply return to what I was before I formed the contract with Lia — a tiny existence. Probably... the Elior Great Forest, I'd wager. I'd wait inside some kind of vessel there, sleeping until I'm woken up.' 'Woken up... by whom?' 'By Lia, of course. — Here, the contract between me and that girl ends. But when the time comes that she needs a new contract again, and if she chooses a Spirit as her partner... I believe she'll choose me once more. Yes, that's what I believe.' It felt as though Puck had said it in a bright, clear voice, and Subaru was left breathless.
He was about to make a decision that might cause him to vanish, yet there was not a shred of anxiety in Puck's voice. That had nothing to do with his inherently optimistic nature — his voice simply would never have carried anxiety, no matter what.
For Puck, Emilia choosing him again someday was an absolute certainty.
Emilia, who would lose her contract with Puck and be forced to face her own past. The possibility that she would be unable to accept that past and be crushed by it — he never even imagined it.
Emilia would overcome her past. And when she sought a contract once more, she would choose him.
Inside Puck, this was decided.
Because he did not doubt Emilia's strength, did not doubt the accumulated time they had spent together, and for that very reason, he could choose to sever his bond with her.
It was a bond so strong and unyielding that it was blinding to Subaru, who could only waver.
Emilia— Puck's deep love and trust in her were the work of his iron heart.
'So you're asking me to be the one who consoles Emilia when she falls apart over this.' That was why Subaru lashed out with a strained voice, half out of frustration. Hearing this, Puck made a sound in his throat — a tone laced with a smile— 'I truly do feel bad about that. But... since I'm entrusting my precious daughter to you, I want you to help me through that much, at least.' '...Does that mean you're implicitly accepting me as Emilia-tan's—' 'I'm thinking about blasting you away right now and having to reconsider a whole bunch of things.' 'I hate how satisfying that comeback is, you damn cat!' Returning fire to the outrageous remark with a sharp retort, Subaru's expression softened just slightly.
Thanks to the depth of Puck's feelings for Emilia, he had relaxed enough — just a little — to exchange the kind of banter they'd shared before the rift had grown between them.
And when he'd heard that Puck would leave after severing his contract with Emilia, another thought had crossed his mind. If, hypothetically, things went well with that— the scales of the gamble would tilt noticeably in their favor.
'I get your plan. Whether it actually goes the way you want is a little uncertain... but you want me to play along and help guide things without letting on that I know, right?' 'I wonder what it feels like to manipulate the consciousness of a girl you like.' 'The guilt would crush you, so stop. Besides, if Emilia already understands various things deep down... she'd realize afterwards that she'd been steered that way.' 'If that happened, you and I might be hated as co-conspirators. Losing your nerve?' 'You bet. It's different from the kind of being-hated that comes from a teenage girl saying "Don't wash my stuff with Dad's laundry!" — the vectors of hatred between you and me are completely different.' If Puck being hated was merely a family matter, Subaru being hated would run much deeper, to something fatal. He believed that if he spoke honestly and sincerely, Emilia would understand.
But even if she accepted his true reasons, learning that her own heart had been manipulated the way he wanted would not sit well with Emilia. — On that point, he was sure he would not be forgiven.
'Taking stock now, huh. — I've done unforgivable things so many times, made that girl cry over and over again. You think I can say I don't have the resolve to shoulder this too?' '......' 'You've got a deal, Puck. I'll clean up your mess. If Emilia collapses crying tomorrow morning... it'll be in my arms.' '— Mm. Then I'll entrust it to you. I know I'm piling on a lot of the hard stuff going forward, though.' Hearing Subaru accept his proposal, Puck's words took on a faint note of contrition.
Subaru closed one eye at the sound of it, then prefaced with "In that case" before saying— 'You'll also consider my proposal, right?' '...Proposal?' 'Yeah, a proposal. Don't worry. Like you, I want what results in the best future for Emilia — so on that front, we're the same.' Thumping his chest, Subaru spoke to Puck, who had answered with silence that affirmed his words.
'There are a few things I want to ask, and a few things I want to try once I've heard them. — Emilia might wake up, so let's not take too long.'