Even after we parted ways,
The fact that he'd spoken up so reluctantly yet so clearly meant he must have had serious doubts about me.
What would happen if he found out I wasn't Mine?
I'd definitely be met with a tirade of confused, furious, terrified shouts — "Give Mine back!" or "It's your fault Mine is gone!"
And if Lutz told his family too, the place where I existed would vanish.
Being kicked out of the house would be one thing, but in the worst-case scenario — if this world practiced witch hunts like some kind of religious nightmare — they might think I was possessed by a demon, torture me, and then kill me.
All the grisly descriptions of torture from witch hunts I'd read in books came flooding back to my mind, and I shuddered.
...I hated pain. I hated being scared.
If I was going to be tortured, death would be better.
Being kicked out and being tortured were both terrible, but before either of those happened, I could just let the heat consume me. If I surrendered to the fever, I could die from nothing more than the agony of being swallowed by it. If I wanted to die, I had the means to do so easily, with no one able to stop me.
I could just die before the torture ever came.
It was a short-sighted thought, but being consumed by fever was far easier than being tortured. Once I settled on that, my breathing eased a little.
Besides, when I really thought about it, the reason I'd fought to stay anchored in this world — to resist being swallowed by the heat — was to apologize to Lutz. I'd told myself I had to keep my promise with Lutz, and that's why I'd pulled myself free from the fever.
I'd apologized to Lutz, I'd introduced him to
Meeting
Sure, it would be easy for Lutz to find me unsettling if I wasn't really Mine and to avoid me, but if he did that, papermaking would never succeed.
If I explained things properly, then until papermaking was a success and my apprenticeship as a merchant was guaranteed, there was a high probability Lutz would stay quiet.
I'd manage until the paper was made, and if I ever wanted to die, I could do it anytime.
Once I steeled myself like that, I felt considerably lighter. It wasn't exactly a proper conclusion, but I'd reached a kind of peace with myself.
No matter what I decided to do, I could only wait and see how Lutz played it.
I had to throw myself into papermaking with everything I had — so that when my time came to die, I wouldn't have any regrets.
Steeled or not, though, saying it was one thing. It didn't mean I had zero resistance to facing Lutz.
The next morning, trembling only slightly, I met Lutz face to face.
"I'm heading to the forest today. I need to gather firewood."
His words made my face light up.
I had to deliver my remaining order forms to Benno's shop and teach him how to make Simple-chan Rinshan. This was a golden opportunity — with Lutz away, I could wrap up as many suspicious activities as possible and buy myself time before anyone caught on.
"Got it. I'm going to Benno's shop. I need to hand in the order form for the screens, and I also need to discuss where the deliveries should go."
"...You're going alone?"
"Yeah. Is that a problem?"
Since Lutz couldn't come with me, I'd have to go alone anyway. Today would mostly involve dealing with adults, so it'd actually be more convenient for me not to have anyone familiar around.
"...Can you go alone?"
"Of course."
Lutz clenched his fist tightly, looking like he wanted to say something. But in the end, he said nothing more, just gave a "See ya," and headed off toward the forest.
I'd already been to Benno's shop once. Counting Otto's house, I'd been twice. Going alone was nothing.
I grabbed my usual tote bag with the slate, stone stylus, and order form set inside and started walking toward Benno's shop.
Alright then, let's get as much done as possible today.
"Good morning. Oh,
Benno's shop was bustling with merchants constantly coming and going, so I dashed through the doorway and ran straight to Mark, whose face I recognized.
"The master is busy, so I'll handle it."
Mark extended his hand, and I pulled the order form set from my bag and handed it over — the completed order forms, ink, and measuring tape.
"About these order forms — like I mentioned yesterday, I'd really like to speak directly with the person who'll be making them, if possible. Could you arrange a day when that can happen?"
"The lumberyard has more free time in the mornings, so shall we head there now?"
"But the shop looks so busy — are you sure?"
I glanced at the employees busily handling the stream of customers, and Mark wore the same slightly dark smile as Otto — the kind that said he meant every word.
"They haven't been trained to cry just because I step away for a moment."
There were employees who looked on the verge of tears right now, though.
"Besides, as the master told you, your request is unusual. I determined it would be best for me to handle it personally rather than delegate. Please don't worry about it."
"Um, well then, I appreciate it."
I left Benno's shop with Mark and set off walking.
Our destination, the lumberyard, was apparently near the West Gate where the Market was. Since the river was close, large goods were brought in through the West Gate, so it was convenient for lumberyards to set up shop nearby.
"I wanted to ask Benno a favor, but if he's busy, could you pass along the message, Mark?"
"What is it?"
We walked down the main road toward the Central Plaza, and while dodging pedestrians, I began explaining the matter I couldn't discuss at the shop.
"I'd like to borrow a warehouse — or rather, a workshop — to store the materials I've ordered."
Ordering everything I needed was fine and all, but I had nowhere to put it.
Mark blinked, clearly not expecting that I hadn't thought about storage.
"What were you planning to do until now?"
"I was going to split the tools between my house and Lutz's house, then bring them all together at the riverside or near the well in the forest to work..."
Originally I'd planned to borrow pots and try to make do with things from the house and the forest. I'd intended to beg my mother and the others for ash, and cut wood fresh from the forest.
Once you actually ordered things, you saved the hassle of thinking of substitutes, but the sheer volume of materials arriving at once — and the fact that not all of them would be used on the first day — meant I needed somewhere to keep them.
However, neither my house nor Lutz's house had a spare room where we could store things unrelated to daily life.
"Even if we split everything up, there's a limit, and it makes work harder. If I could borrow a workshop with a roof over it, that would be ideal — so I figured I'd ask, even if the answer was no. Would this count as part of the initial investment?"
When I said that, Mark pressed his fingers to his temple and muttered in disbelief.
"You really do plan to push yourself beyond all reason, don't you?"
"Up until now, I haven't had any adult allies."
A child without adult help could only do so incredibly little.
Benno — the ally I'd gained in exchange for teaching him how to make Simple-chan Rinshan — was someone I had to take full advantage of. If I let this opportunity slip, I'd probably never be able to make paper again, so there was no room for me to be polite or reserved.
"Hmm, regarding the warehouse, let me negotiate on your behalf as well."
"Thank you. If you're on my side too, Mark, I'm sure the warehouse will come through."
Just from watching their previous interactions, I was certain Mark was Benno's right-hand man — his confidant, his shadow. He practically looked the part of a butler.
If Mark negotiated for it, it was a done deal. I'd definitely be able to borrow the warehouse.
"Are there any requirements for the warehouse?"
"Um, since I'll be doing a lot of work in the forest, the closer to the South Gate, the better. After that, any covered place where I can store the ordered materials will do."
"Understood. ...Ah, you can see it now. That's the lumberyard."
Mark pointed ahead, but given my height, I couldn't see it. Even jumping up and down didn't help.
I grabbed Mark's hand and quickened my pace.
"Then let's hurry."
And so, striding proudly toward the lumberyard, the moment I broke into a light jog — my knees buckled, my breath cut out, and my consciousness went dark.
When I came to, I was in a completely unfamiliar place.
Thanks to the thick fabric covering the bed, the prickly straw mattress beneath was barely noticeable, making it surprisingly comfortable to lie on. The room was simple but spotless all the way to the ceiling, and I'd never seen it before.
"...Where... am I?"
I sat up and looked around, and that's when I spotted Corina doing needlework in the same room. She must have heard my voice, because she stopped sewing and rushed over.
"You're awake,
"I-I-I'm so sorry for the trouble I've caused you. I truly apologize."
I gasped and performed a prostration right there on the bed.
Apparently, on the way to the lumberyard, I'd collapsed, and Benno had brought me to Corina's house and dumped this burden on her.
If my mother or Turi found out, they wouldn't just scold me — it would be so much worse.
Aaagh, I'd have to apologize to Mark too. I'd been chatting with him perfectly normally, and then just collapsed out of nowhere — he must have been terrified enough to stop his heart.
I knew the cause now, though.
First, Lutz's words had kept me up at night, leaving me slightly sleep-deprived.
Then, trying to squeeze in all the negotiations while Lutz was away, I'd overexerted myself.
On top of that, I was so excited about papermaking looking like it would go smoothly that I was bursting with motivation — leaving absolutely no mental bandwidth to consider my own physical condition.
And there was no one close to me who knew my limits and could stop me from pushing too hard.
I had all the motivation in the world, but my body couldn't keep up at all.
My body was seriously a wreck.
"Myne, what happened all of a sudden? You don't need to do that. I'll contact Benno. I wanted to contact your family too, but it seems I couldn't reach anyone..."
Nobody should have been home today, so it made sense they couldn't be reached. Besides, my family thought I was off with Lutz.
They'd never imagine that I'd gone to Benno's shop alone and collapsed.
Just picturing my father going from worried to absolutely furious made me scared, and the thought of my mother learning I'd caused trouble for Corina — her anger was something I didn't even want to imagine.
"Um, Corina. Could you... keep this from my family?"
"Myne?"
"My family thinks I'm with Lutz, so if Lutz gets blamed..."
I tried to negotiate, using Lutz as a shield to escape my family's wrath, but Corina just smiled that beautiful, goddess-like smile and said: "Sorry, dear. You're going to have to take your scolding."
"Nooo..."
I was devastated by the prospect of a massive scolding when I heard heavy footsteps thundering closer, and Benno strode into the room.
His sharp reddish-brown eyes glared at me, and he called out in a low voice.
"Kid."
"Y-yes, sir!"
I straightened my spine and sat seiza-style on the bed.
"You've taken years off my life."
Benno's fury cut years off my life in return, and I reflexively slammed my forehead against the bedspread in another prostration.
"I am truly, deeply sorry."
"...What is that?"
"The most sincere form of apology I know — 'dogeza.'"
"I see."
Benno sat down on the edge of the bed with a thud and scratched at his milk-tea-colored hair.
"I heard from Otto that you were a bit sickly, but I didn't expect it to be this bad."
"Neither did I."
"Hm?"
I'd been too greedy, trying to get everything done while Lutz was away. The bar I'd unconsciously set — the one that said "this much should be fine" — was based on my old body. Pushing that hard in Mine's body, it was no wonder I collapsed.
"It was a problem that motivation alone couldn't solve."
Benno murmured "Well, fine," and looked at me.
"From now on, you come with the boy. I will not permit you to act alone."
"...Yes."
I'd never predicted that simply not having Lutz there to pace me would result in a full collapse. I'd gotten to where I could walk to the forest just fine, so I'd let my guard down, thinking I'd be okay anywhere within the city.
"You're going home today. I'll have Mark, who's been worrying himself sick, escort you."
"What!? That's far too much trouble for Mark! I'll apologize to Mark with a 'dogeza' and then go home by myself!"
My eyes went wide at Benno's words, and I waved my hands frantically in protest. I couldn't impose on Mark any further.
But Benno's cheek twitched, and his glare sharpened.
"Did you not hear me when I said I will not permit you to act alone?"
"...I heard you. Fine. I'll go home with Mark scolding me the whole way. Um, but since I've finally gotten to see Benno, the method for making 'Simple-chan Rinshan'..."
I opened my mouth to accomplish the purpose of my visit, and then a terrifying-looking Benno clamped one hand around my head and squeezed.
"You — are — impossible!"
"Y-yes!?"
"I said go home today, didn't I!?"
"Ow!"
My head was crushed in his grip, he was shouting at the top of his lungs, and my whole body trembled. Tears flew from my eyes as I looked up at Benno, and in one corner of my brain, a supremely irrelevant thought surfaced.
Ah, so this is what it feels like to have lightning dropped on you.
"From now on, you are forbidden from entering this shop without the boy! If you have a memory, remember this clearly!"
"I remember! I remember! Ouch, ouch, ouch!"
After that, there was a brief debate about whether I would walk home or Mark would carry me, but once Mark gently threatened me with "If you'd like me not to stop your heart, stay still," and pressed further with "Was your earlier apology just lip service?" — there was no way I could win.
I gave up my futile resistance and was carried all the way home in Mark's arms.
And when Mark's family saw me being carried by him, and Mark reported on the day's events, they were — predictably — furious. During the lengthy lecture that followed, I developed a proper fever and spent two days bedridden from sheer rage.
Once the fever broke, I might need to go on a dogeza apology tour.
I mentioned that to Turi, and she told me, "Apologizing is important, but Myne, you're better off just staying quiet for now."
"So anyway, I got everyone angry and caused a bunch of trouble, so please come with me today."
The day after my fever subsided, I explained the situation to Lutz and asked him to accompany me to Benno's shop.
Lutz stared at me with an utterly exasperated expression and let out a long, long sigh.
"Hahh... See, that's why I asked. I asked if you could go alone, Myne. You were so obviously not fine at all."
"Th-that's what you meant? I thought it'd be okay since I already knew the way, so... Lutz?"
"Hahahaha... How could anyone possibly interpret it that way? Your problems are obviously not just about stamina!"
Lutz doubled over laughing, and I puffed out my cheeks in a pout. When he looked up at me, he wore a completely carefree grin.
"If you collapse this easily, then you really do need me with you at all times, huh?"
"Yeah. Without you there, Benno banned me from entering the shop."
"Haha... Banned, huh. You."
Here I was, crushed with shame over what a hopeless wreck I was, yet for some reason, Lutz was in a great mood.
Better than a bad mood, I supposed, but it was frustratingly unclear.
I'd been losing sleep over Lutz's words, dreading the thought of facing him — so why was Lutz acting completely normal!?
"Come on, Myne. Stop sulking and let's go."
Walking side by side with Lutz, who was in even higher spirits than usual and putting on a big-brother act, I headed toward Benno's shop.
"What did you gather in the forest that day, Lutz?"
"Firewood and bamboo. You said you wanted me to shave the bamboo and bring it to a craftsman so they could see what kinds there were, remember?"
"Now that you mention it, I did say that. I completely forgot."
I'd planned to prepare actual samples in case verbal descriptions and drawings on the slate weren't clear enough, and I'd totally forgotten about it.
"Hey, get it together."
"It's fine because you're together, keeping it together in my place."
With no memo pad in sight, there was no way I could remember everything. I was a compulsive note-taker — I jotted everything down in my handbook to make sure I never forgot anything. Since writing things down meant I didn't have to worry about forgetting, I'd come to rely on my notebook so heavily that I felt like I didn't have much natural memory to speak of.
When I told Lutz that having two of us remember things would mean fewer things got forgotten, his face twisted like he was about to cry.
"...You know, Myne? Seeing you write, and do math, and have complicated conversations with adults — it made me jealous."
"Huh?"
"I started thinking maybe I wasn't needed. That there was nothing I could do that would be useful in that shop."
No one would ever tell a pre-baptism child that they were immediately useful. Lutz had been earning increasingly high marks ever since he'd learned to write his own name and started studying seriously.
He just hadn't noticed, and instead had been comparing himself to me and feeling down about it.
I was about to comfort him — telling him there was no need to compare himself to me — when Lutz looked up, this time smiling softly.
"But hey, Myne — you collapse at the drop of a hat, you're smart but scatterbrained, you have no arm strength, you're tiny, and when you really think about it, there are way more things you can't do than things you can. Without me, you get banned from shops and..."
"Hey, that's awful, Lutz! I'm useful sometimes too!"
When I protested at his description, Lutz burst out laughing so hard he clutched his stomach.
After a while, Lutz plopped a hand on my head and ruffled it gently.
"Back then, you didn't seem like yourself, Myne, so I said something mean. Sorry about that."
"...Oh. So you were just being mean."
I deflated.
I'd taken Lutz's words so incredibly seriously, but for him, it was just him being a jerk. The subtle tension still lingering in my body evaporated.
"...I thought you hated me, so I'm glad..."
"I don't hate you. Now come on, let's go."
Lutz held out his hand. I took it, and we walked on together, hand in hand. It felt like my everyday life had come back to me.
"Good morning."
As soon as I entered Benno's shop, Mark spotted us and led us to Benno's room in the back.
Benno, pressing his fingers to his temple as always, fixed me with his characteristic sharp gaze.
"Boy. Guarding this reckless young lady is your top priority — the most important task that only you can handle. Understand? If someone walking through town sees her suddenly drop dead in front of them without any warning, no number of hearts will be enough."
Receiving this order from a visibly irritated Benno, Lutz blinked and pointed at himself.
"...Myne's guardian is something only I can do?"
"Correct. Is there anyone else who could handle a reckless girl like her? Besides family, has anyone else managed it up to now?"
"No."
"Do you think anyone in this shop could?"
"No."
Lutz shook his head immediately at Benno's words. His face was lighting up, and his pale green eyes looked almost proud — I didn't think I was imagining it.
Grr, I wanted to pinch those smug cheeks of his.
"Now then, let me ask you, boy. Think she can make it to the South Gate on foot today?"
"If we watch her walking pace, she'll be fine. The South Gate is close to home, so if she feels unwell, she can head back right away."
As usual, it was humiliating that my family and Lutz knew my physical condition better than I did. I'd been trying to build up my stamina little by little, but it just wouldn't improve.
Kids were supposed to grow by leaps and bounds, weren't they?
I was glumly examining my body's poor growth rate when Benno flicked the bell on his desk.
The door swung open with a creak, and Mark entered.
"You called, Master?"
"She says she can make it if we watch her walking speed. Take her there."
"Very well."
"Huh? Where are we going? The lumberyard is near the West Gate, isn't it?"
There shouldn't have been any reason to head toward the South Gate. When I blinked in confusion, Benno shrugged lightly.
"Mark told me everything. I'll lend you a warehouse near the South Gate."
"Really? Thank you so much!"
I jumped up and bowed in gratitude, and Benno let out a light sigh.
"It's not for her sake. It's for yours, boy. Having to watch over her while also hauling tools around — that would be far too much."
"What!? I can carry things too, you know!? I've even built up a little arm strength!"
When I slapped my own arm to assert myself, all three of them retorted in unison.
"Don't do unnecessary things. Stay still."
"I'll handle the heavy lifting, so don't do anything that'll make you collapse."
"You don't need to carry anything — just manage your physical condition."
But I refused.
I couldn't stay still.
I'd made a promise with Turi. Start with what I can do. Increase what I can do. Do things for myself, and work hard to become able to do the things I couldn't yet.
I nodded with a solemn expression, resolute in my determination, when Lutz pinched my cheek and peered into my face.
"Myne, that look on your face... You're listening just fine, but you have no intention of actually obeying, do you?"
How did he find out!?
Watching me flinch and clutch my cheek while looking up at Lutz, Benno and Mark exchanged a glance and nodded at each other.
From that day forward, Lutz became known as the "Myne Wrangler" and was valued highly at Benno's shop.