"After this, we're supposed to cooperate at the border, but... what's the current situation?"
After subjugating the wyvern swarm, the plan was to assist Earl Haust's forces, who were on standby at the border, but without knowing where they were or what was going on, there was no way to make a move.
"If we can get to the nearest town, I'd imagine someone from our army would be stationed there..."
"Then let's go!"
For some reason, Chris made the call based on Lion's somewhat half-hearted suggestion. Lion kept protesting that "Tenma is the leader, though..." but he was completely ignored.
"Well, we've got no choice but to go... What's wrong?"
Something about Chris's attitude struck me as odd, so I asked, but she was being evasive and tried to brush it off. Then Amour chimed in:
"Chris forgot her clothes. Underwear included—she's wearing everything she's got!"
"W-Wait!"
"Sparrow? She's nothing that cute, dear."
"Hmm... then what would be a good fit, exactly?"
Lion, having said something he shouldn't have, was being cornered by Chris's smile.
"Um... a peacock! Yes—big sis is definitely a peacock!"
Lion blurted it out with supreme confidence, like he'd found the perfect bird, but...
"Weren't peacocks known for being quite 'gluttonous' and 'ill-tempered,' with only the males being beautiful? I seem to recall the females were rather 'plain'..."
Seeing Lion's smug face, Cain spoke up in a tone that sounded like a question—clearly making sure Chris would overhear.
"Lion... now I know exactly what you think of me..."
"W-Wait! Big sis, it's a misunderstanding! Cain, you bastard!"
"Surrender is not an option!"
Lion received Chris's iron-fist punishment. Looking at the scene, you really couldn't say calling him a peacock was entirely wrong. I'd never say that to his face, of course.
"Anyway, let's leave those two to it... Which town is nearest to the border? Even a small one would be fine, as long as we can buy Chris a change of clothes."
"From here, it's about six hours by carriage, apparently. That's a regular carriage, though—on Raiden, it'd probably take less than half that time... At least, that's what Lion said."
Albert had apparently gathered this information from Lion in advance. It wasn't that he'd specifically predicted this outcome, but based on his long experience with Lion, he'd figured such possibilities were entirely plausible and had done his homework. Incidentally, the one who was supposed to relay this information to me—Lion—was currently unconscious from a blow to the chin from Chris.
"Normally, what just happened could qualify as lèse-majesté, punishable by death..."
"It's fine, isn't it? Besides, Lion's father seems to tacitly approve of these iron-fist corrections. According to what Dad heard ages ago, he actually said he was grateful it saved him the trouble of coming over to discipline the boy personally."
"Hm... So, anyway, what kind of cooperation are we talking about?"
Cain gave a wry smile at my blatant subject change, but apparently decided there was no point dwelling on Lion any further. He folded his arms and started thinking.
"I imagine Merlin or Chris would know more about the specifics, but... I can think of two types. Direct cooperation and indirect cooperation."
According to Cain, "direct" meant joining Earl Haust's forces as combat strength and taking military action when the need arose. Apparently, this was the most straightforward and effective option.
"Indirect" meant transporting supplies—essentially doing what a logistics unit would do—standing by as reserve forces, or simply handling odd jobs.
"Then we're obviously going with indirect."
"I figured you'd say that, and yeah, that's probably better. Not to put it this way, but none of us besides Chris have any real military experience."
Chris was military personnel, so she'd have had that kind of training, but adventurers like me, Grandpa, and Amour—who primarily operated solo or in small parties—weren't suited for group military operations. As for the Three Idiots, they could probably function as soldiers to some degree, but they were typically in commanding positions. It was better for them to keep their distance than to get mixed in and risk causing "confusion in the chain of command due to the participation of high-ranking nobles (and their sons)." That way, there was less risk and less hassle.
"All right, let's go with that. Everyone, let's move. Shiromaru, bring Lion along."
"Woof!"
We decided to head for the town near the border, and I called out to everyone who'd been resting. Lion was still sprawled out, though, so I asked Shiromaru—who happened to be nearby—to carry him over. Shiromaru gave a short bark, grabbed Lion by the leg, and dragged him over.
Between Chris's beating and Shiromaru's dragging, Lion was covered in scrapes and bruises, but since it was a familiar sight, not a single person was the least bit worried.
"Hey, wake up, Lion. Isn't that the town we're heading for?"
"...Huh? That... wait, what?"
About two hours had passed since Lion passed out, and we'd reached a vantage point where the town was visible. I woke Lion to confirm, and upon regaining consciousness, he seemed bewildered by the sudden change in scenery, looking around in confusion.
"Uh... I think... that might be it. Let's ask the gate guard to be sure."
His brain apparently wasn't fully online yet, so he couldn't say for certain, but we decided to check with the guards.
As it happened, they'd already noticed us approaching, and several armed soldiers were standing by, presumably on alert.
"All right, you're up."
Someone needed to go talk to the gate guard anyway, and we needed permission to enter the town, so we sent Lion—most likely to get approved the quickest.
"On it! Leave it to me! One look at me and they'll let us right through!"
"Lion, get going already! The shops are going to close!"
"Y-Yes..."
Lion was fired up, thinking his moment had arrived, but a sharp rebuke from Chris—whose need for new clothes was urgent—deflated him entirely. He trotted off toward the gate guard at a quick pace.
"Well, the permission should come through quickly, so why don't we look for a clothing store first?"
"Thanks, Tenma—wait, Lion seems to be arguing with the guard."
Just as Chris said, Lion was apparently in a heated exchange with the gate guard. I focused my senses with magic and listened in—it seemed the guards hadn't realized the person before them was Lion, the son of Earl Haust.
"It looks like they don't realize he's the Earl's son. In fact, they seem to suspect he might be a spy from a rival nation."
"What?"
Even I couldn't piece together how things had gotten to this point, but if this continued, Lion would end up arrested. That might have been entertaining in its own way, but the guard's head would likely come off—literally—so I went with Chris to help Lion out.
"We are terribly sorry!"
When Chris and I spoke to the guards, they finally realized their mistake and all bowed their heads to apologize to Lion.
"Heh heh... no, it's fine, really..."
Lion, who hadn't been recognized as the lord's son, returned to the carriage with a faraway look in his eyes. He'd gone out there brimming with confidence, only to not only go unrecognized but be suspected of being an impostor—and nearly arrested. Can't exactly blame him for feeling deflated.
Incidentally, the reason the guards hadn't recognized him was that Lion had last visited this town over ten years ago, accompanying his father on an inspection tour in an unobtrusive capacity. Additionally, the description they'd heard of Lion's appearance didn't match reality. The version in their minds was tall, lean and muscular, with a wild, handsome look. The only thing that actually matched the real Lion was the height. So perhaps it wasn't entirely the guards' fault. For the record, my assessment of "wild handsome" gave a borderline passing grade, but the women's verdict was a definitive no.
"Bad... my stomach... my stomach's killing me!"
"Lion! Are you trying to kill us?! Dying of laughter—now THAT would go down in history!"
Cain and Albert had watched from the carriage as Lion failed to get permission from the guards and nearly got arrested on suspicion of being a spy, and they were doubled over in laughter. It was the most intense I'd ever seen from them. Cain laughed so hard his abs cramped, yet he still couldn't stop—he was writhing on the floor in pain while still cackling. Albert didn't go quite as far, but he laughed so hard he thought a blood vessel in his head might burst.
"Shut up... Someday, you two are going to end up in the exact same situation..."
Lion apparently realized he was at a disadvantage no matter how he argued, so instead of his usual shouting, he directed an ominous prophecy at the two instead.
By "exact same situation," Lion meant that the reason for the wildly inaccurate description of his appearance was a fan-fiction novel written by fujoshi at the Royal Capital's academy, with the three of them as the main characters. The character modeled after Lion had, by the time it reached this town, become accepted as Lion's real appearance—and that was what led to the whole fiasco. The actual contents of the book hadn't made it here yet, but given how things were going, the full story might have already reached other towns. People would think the real Lion and the others were actually like the characters in the book...
"All right! When we get back to the territory, we're cracking down on that book immediately!"
"In my domain, I'll designate it as banned material—classified as a malicious work created to defame the Samons family. I'll make it illegal to even possess one!"
The two, thinking of their own futures, resolved to use their political power to stamp out the books.
"Heh... Might already be too late."
Ignoring Lion's enlightened-sounding words, the two continued discussing their strategy.
"You two really don't get it, do you? If you did something like that, it would only gain more traction behind the scenes where you can't see."
"As long as no one finds out, it's fine. If anything, the bond between the author and the readers would only grow stronger in secret."
Jeanne and Aura, having heard Chris and Amour's words, quietly nodded in agreement. Well, it wasn't impossible—in Japan's Edo period, artists who opposed the sumptuary laws had found all sorts of loopholes to keep their work alive and thriving. The same could happen here. In fact, it might end up even more explosive, because the ones creating these stories were primarily noble daughters. Their political power was far less than Cain and Albert's, but once they returned to their own territories, they could do as they pleased.
"Once they've set their sights on you, it's already too late. You'd think they'd have the sense to give up... but those Three Idiots really don't get it."
On that count, I was fortunate. Apparently, there were also delusional novels featuring me, but thanks to a trend established by Maria—where anything she hadn't personally approved was treated as baseless—people believed I didn't actually share the... preferences... depicted in those books. Furthermore, the fujoshi were apparently hesitant to write stories based on me, for fear of Maria's wrath. Though, because of that, the delusional fantasies about the trio might be accelerating... but that was just speculation. Not my problem.
"Anyway, enough about those three... Chris, shouldn't you go buy clothes soon? Isn't it almost time for shops to start closing?"
"Oh crap! I'll be right back! I'll leave the inn room assignments to you. Oh, and I'm borrowing Shiromaru. Let's go, Shiromaru!"
"Woof!"
Chris apparently planned to browse several shops. She was taking Shiromaru so she could use his nose to track us down later.
I tied a marker cloth around Shiromaru's neck and saw Chris off. Jeanne and the others had been invited along, but unlike Chris, they had their clothes with them, and they declined, saying there wasn't enough time for a leisurely shopping trip.
"If we tag along with Chris, we won't be able to take our time browsing."
That's what Amour had said, and I'd thought it was unusual for her to be interested in clothes—but it turned out what she wanted to take her time with was the food stalls.
"True, the Royal Capital should have a wider selection of clothing, so there's no real need to shop here. As a maid, I'm much more interested in what ingredients are available and what kind of cuisine can be prepared!"
Aura emphasized the "maid" part as she made her case, so while searching for the inn, I decided to check out the stalls.
After visiting a few, I found that while the types of food and flavors weren't much different from the Royal Capital, the prices were significantly cheaper. The portions were comparable, but some things were nearly half price—I was genuinely surprised. According to Lion, this was pretty standard outside the Royal Capital and other major cities.
"Oh, land costs and taxes are lower here. And the cost of living is generally cheaper in the countryside, right?"
"Correct! Figuring out that 'this is just how it is in rural areas' on your own shows your stuff, Tenma. I doubt Lion caught on to the reason until recently."
Lion, who'd been brought up as the example, looked displeased, but since the assessment was at least partially accurate, he didn't object.
"Tenma, the inn up ahead is the one we're looking for."
Jeanne came running over, carrying a basket full of dried fruit. Apparently, she'd asked a stall owner for directions. We were currently on foot rather than in the carriage. The reason was that the townspeople were afraid of Raiden. Moreover, Raiden would whinny every time it made eye contact with someone—whether out of amusement or intimidation, who knew—so between the noise and the guilt, we'd decided to have it wait inside the Dimension Bag.
"These figs are actually pretty good."
I grabbed something from Jeanne's basket and popped it in my mouth, and it was better than I'd expected.
"This area is famous for fig production. They grow plenty of other fruit too, of course."
Apparently, this region had been known for its fruit for a long time, with figs being the most widely cultivated.
"There's also..."
"Lion, hold that thought—we've got company."
"Huh?"
I cut Lion off and pointed at a group heading our way.
"Oh, that's definitely our troops. The one in front is the unit commander."
As soon as Lion finished speaking, the man identified as the unit commander of Earl Haust's knight order arrived and saluted.
"Lord Lion, please forgive our delayed welcome."
"No, it's fine. More importantly, I want to know the current situation on the front."
With Lion's demeanor notably different from usual, it was decided that they'd head straight to the inn where the knights were staying.
"We'll head to the inn first, then. Tell us about it later."
My words caught Lion off guard, but everyone else was planning to do the same.
"Tenma, you've got the commission! You should be coming with me!"
"Well, technically, the commission I accepted was the 'subjugation of the wyvern swarm.' The 'cooperation at the border' hasn't been officially accepted yet."
My formal commission was the wyvern subjugation, so there was no need for me to be present for the discussion about border defense, which was essentially a bonus add-on.
"So it'd be weird for us to tag along with the knights, right?"
And with that, I smoothly talked Lion into letting us go and headed for the inn. Technically, it would have been reasonable to consider us part of the cooperative force at this point, but since we'd just arrived and wanted to rest, I ducked out of the hassle.
Everyone except Lion had apparently seen right through my reasoning, but nobody called me out on it. The other members of the party also wanted to avoid the hassle, and as for the knight order, they probably just couldn't bring themselves to object to me.
The unit commander was, by definition, someone of sufficient rank to personally welcome Lion, which meant he'd know more about the incident at Kukuri Village than the average person. He might well have felt some sense of guilt over what his subordinates and colleagues had done.
"Now then, since we'll be on good terms with Earl Haust's household after this, a little leverage beforehand wouldn't be a sin, would it?"
"Only Lion and the rest need to get tired. We'll just sit back and reap the benefits."
Whether we could actually relax was debatable, but minimizing effort while maximizing gain was basic adventuring.
We nodded at Amour's words and quietly slipped away.
"Ahh~ Now I can finally sleep well tonight!"
When we regrouped at the inn, Chris was in high spirits, apparently satisfied with her shopping. I explained Lion's absence, but she just said "Oh well" and that was that.
"So it's me and Amour, Jeanne and Aura, and Tenma, Merlin, and Shiromaru's group, with the Three Idiots splitting off separately. Men on the third floor, women on the second, right?"
We divided up using the familiar groupings from this trip, settled on a dinner time, and headed to our respective rooms.
"Shall we take a bath right away? Jeanne, you should join us."
Chris held the Dimension Bag containing the bath I'd made for this trip in one hand while calling out to Jeanne and Aura. The other hand—the one not holding the bag—was firmly gripping Amour's arm. This was to prevent Amour from sneaking off to me while Chris was in the bath, per Maria's orders (specifically, to keep Amour from getting too close to me).
Incidentally, the bag Chris was carrying contained nothing but a solitary oversized bathtub—something I'd thrown together on the fly during our travels so we'd have a bath available at inns that lacked one. It wasn't the finest work, having been improvised in a hurry, but it was surprisingly useful, and I was thinking of making a proper one when we got back to the Royal Capital.
"Well then, let's have a bath ourselves."
"We did get pretty sandy from fighting those wyverns. You two are joining, right?"
"Of course!"
You had to take extra precautions against Amour—you never knew what might happen. Surely even Amour wouldn't try to barge in where Grandpa, Albert, and Cain were bathing... or so I thought, but that assessment turned out to be far too naive—
"Whoa!"
"Hey!"
"Oh no! The towel! My towel!"
"Cain! You're in the way!"
"Youth these days..."
The intrusion came as if timed to perfection, and aside from Grandpa, the rest of us panicked. I spun around and sank deep into the tub, Cain tried to throw his towel at Amour while averting his eyes, and Albert dove into the tub while covering his crotch.
"Can't you lot calm down for a moment? Amour didn't come in naked, you know. Cain, use your towel to cover yourself—everything's exposed from my direction. Albert, don't dive into the tub! You nearly ruined the sake and snacks!"
Even though the rest of us were in a complete panic, Grandpa was calmly sipping his drink.
"Look closely—Amour is wearing a swimsuit."
"Tenma's a pervert... Albert and Cain are creeps, degenerates, and peeping toms."
"You're treating Tenma way too differently from us!"
When Grandpa pointed it out, I reflexively looked at Amour—and sure enough, she was in a swimsuit. When our eyes met, she deliberately covered herself with both hands and put on a shy act, but directed at Albert and Cain, her words were nothing short of vicious.
"Ammoooour!"
Just as I was contemplating how to deal with her, a second intruder appeared in the men's bath.
"I told you not to come into the men's section! I turn my back for one second and you sneak into the men's bath! If anyone finds out, I'll be the one getting chewed out by Maria!"
Chris, in a demonic fury, grabbed Amour by the arm. However...
"Chris is an exhibitionist~ Hey, soldiers, there's an exhibitionist over here~"
Amour showed absolutely no remorse. Worse, she was pouring oil on the fire. Because Chris's current outfit was...
"Chris... I know it's not my place to comment, but I do think that a young lady of marriageable age wandering the inn wrapped in just a towel is somewhat..."
"Huh? ...Kyaaaaaaaa~!"
Finally catching sight of her own appearance, Chris let out a blank, hollow sound—then screamed so loud it shook the entire inn.