"Ugh, ggh!"
I felt nausea during class and hurriedly clamped my hand over my mouth.
Maybe it was because I'd been throwing up left and right lately — Master had just muttered something like "Heidin" under his breath.
I really didn't want to be called something that embarrassing.
"
Right as I was desperately fighting back the nausea,
That was my breaking point.
I ended up lying on a bed in the infirmary.
Ever since Melazophis scolded me, I'd been frequenting the infirmary more and more.
It wasn't that I was physically unwell — it was entirely a mental problem.
Starting with Wald, the boys I'd been charming — just seeing their faces was painful now.
I had no idea what kind of face to put on around them anymore. And once I became properly aware that the ones I'd been treating as nothing more than food sources were, in fact, actual humans — I just couldn't handle it.
Including my past life, I'd never really had a proper conversation with a person.
And certainly not with boys.
I know it sounds ridiculous given that I'd already crossed that line with some of them, but there was nothing I could do about it. Back then, I hadn't seen them as people at all.
I hadn't been conscious of the fact that they were people.
Charming them, brainwashing them, and then treating them like objects.
Even I could see how terrible that was.
So ever since I realized it, I'd been thoroughly avoiding them.
The charm ability included in a vampire's Skill wasn't as powerful as a standalone charm-type Skill. The only reason I'd been able to completely control them was because of the massive gap in Status.
But now that I'd stopped charming them and put distance between us, they should have returned to their senses.
And sure enough, some of them had drifted away from me.
Yes — some of them.
The problem was that even after the charm wore off, there were still those who insisted on getting involved with me.
Wald was one of them.
I didn't know what his goal was, but as I was now, just being approached by anyone was enough to exhaust me. I wished he'd stop.
Just as things were finally settling down and the vomiting was starting to subside — Master dropped a bomb on me.
What was it, the end of the world or some nonsense about preventing it?
How was I supposed to respond to something like that out of the blue?
I had my own problems to deal with, and dumping an even bigger crisis on me wasn't going to help anything.
I did have my grievances with the Church of Divine Words. If not for the war with them, my parents wouldn't have had to die.
But whether that would have made me happy — I couldn't answer that immediately.
Melazophis's words came back to me.
And I asked myself.
Was I living in a way that I could be proud of in front of my parents?
The answer was no.
Those people who had been of the Human race — they would never, ever accept my way of life as a vampire.
So then, if the war had never happened and I'd been living with my parents — what would have become of me?
Could I have hidden the fact that I was a vampire and lived as a human?
I didn't know.
In the end, it was all hypothetical, and my meager imagination couldn't conjure up even a fragment of that scene.
No matter what, the only conclusion I could reach was my current form as a vampire.
Ultimately, the fact that I was a vampire couldn't be overturned.
It couldn't be overturned, and it couldn't be denied.
The current me was hopelessly a vampire, and somewhere in my heart, I'd accepted that.
To put it bluntly, even if someone asked me now whether I'd go back to being human if I could, I would never agree.
If the System were destroyed, Skills would disappear.
At that point, my vampire Skills would be gone too.
So would I stop being a vampire?
Would I just become... a normal human?
I didn't want that.
That wouldn't be me anymore.
I was a vampire, and a me without being a vampire wasn't me.
But if I didn't destroy the System, the world itself would end.
If the world ended, death was the only option.
Die, or stop being a vampire.
There was no real choice there.
What was I supposed to do?
Sleep deprivation made my consciousness foggy.
Even with Stun Resistance, there was a limit.
The Pain Nullification Skill meant I could ignore feeling physically unwell, but with blood mixing into my vomit every time, it was pretty much guaranteed I had a hole in my stomach.
My mental fortitude was pathetic, even by my own standards.
Ah — I wanted to drink blood.
I hadn't had a single drop since then.
I was a True Ancestor, so I wouldn't die from not drinking blood, and my Status wouldn't drop either.
But it was a matter of mood.
Not drinking blood was like a human trying to live on nutritional supplements alone.
You could survive, but there was no color to life.
Even if it didn't affect my Status, not drinking blood made me irritable and restless.
"How are you feeling?"
I was spoken to, and only then did I notice someone standing beside my bed.
Even if I wasn't feeling well, I'd been way too oblivious.
"I'm fine," I answered, keeping my composure.
Looking up, there was Wald's face, just as I'd expected.
"Liar. You can't expect me to believe that when you look that pale."
Wald leaned in close, peering at my face.
Not only that — he placed his hands on the bed, effectively blocking my escape route.
"What are you doing?"
"You want blood, don't you?"
I flinched — but there was no helping it. I'd literally been thinking about that just moments ago.
Even with the charm gone, Wald had apparently caught on to what I really was.
My throat let out a gulp.
The boy before me looked like some impossibly sweet and delicious fruit.
My sensitive senses picked up everything — the smell of Wald's sweat, his slightly elevated body temperature, the sound of his racing heartbeat.
Even after the charm wore off, Wald was still drowning in me.
"I'd give you everything I have, if it's you."
With those words, my reason snapped.
"...I did it."
Unable to return to the dorm, I'd slipped out of the academy and made my way to Master's estate.
"I feel completely refreshed, though."
Wald said that with a bright smile.
At the corner of his mouth, a pair of long fangs were peeking out.
Yes. I did it.
I got carried away and drank too much.
Being bitten by a vampire doesn't automatically make you a vampire.
There were conditions. Either the vampire who drank the blood had to do so with the intent of making the victim a servant, or the victim had to be drained to the point of death — one of those two conditions had to be met.
This time, since it was my first feeding in so long, I'd drunk far too much blood.
As a result, Wald was now a proper vampire.
"You're supposed to be some prestigious young noble! Becoming a vampire is nothing but trouble!"
Why did I keep piling new problems onto this already overflowing mess?!
Ah — what is even happening right now?!
What am I supposed to do?!
"Shut up."
I'd been thrashing around in agony when Master kicked me.
I wanted to cry.