The dragon carriage advanced, creaking and groaning with every lurch.
Subaru leaned against the driver's seat, reins in hand, playing the part of a driver while doing nothing of the sort. He was exhausted, his mind swimming in a haze.
The fatigue. The injuries. And above all, the mental erosion was severe.
He couldn't treat his broken bones or the cut on his forehead. His dislocated left shoulder throbbed intermittently with pain. The feel of a cracked tooth inside his mouth was the height of discomfort, and his clothes — soaked through with blood, mud, and his own urine — transmitted their cold, clammy touch directly against his skin.
—Why had he survived?
Hovering on the brink of unconsciousness, yet unable to fall into sleep, Subaru thought.
Protected by
There, he'd run into a dragon carriage, and together with its masterless earth dragon, he'd kept pressing forward down the road.
Where exactly did this road lead?
And even if it did lead somewhere — what could he possibly do when he arrived?
He'd believed he was moving on the strength of a single feeling: wanting to protect, wanting to save, wanting to help. But in truth, he'd been masking what he didn't want to see behind pretty words.
He'd realized, with a sickening jolt, that he was nothing but a mass of flesh built entirely on desperate self-preservation.
When he'd left Rem before the White Whale, when he'd ordered Otto to turn back, when he'd feigned a broken spirit to silence Otto's objections — hadn't he been secretly relieved?
If the opponent was someone not even the Sword Saint could defeat, going back would only mean a meaningless death. That wasn't what Rem wanted either. —So there was no need for him to go back. No need to die. That was the logic.
He wanted to believe he hadn't thought that way.
But the fact remained: Subaru had begged for his life before the very enemy he should have hated — the White Whale. Screaming that he didn't want to die, urinating on himself, scrambling on all fours, fleeing in sheer terror.
In that moment, not a single thought of Rem's safety had crossed his mind. All he could think about was how to save his own pathetic, contemptible life.
And if he'd managed to scrape together that life by the end — what had it been worth?
Breathing. Consuming oxygen. That was all. What a fool Rem had been, throwing away her life to protect a man like this.
"But still... the biggest fool of all..."
She was gone now.
The merchants who'd been traveling with him had vanished too. Subaru was alone.
The earth dragon moved down the highway without waiting for any instruction from its passenger, as if it understood on its own.
The fact that the road was properly paved at least proved that this wasn't an endless journey — it was a path that led somewhere.
Anywhere was fine.
Just take me somewhere.
Resigned, Subaru finally released the reins and lay down across the driver's seat. Just above his line of sight, a short sword with a cross-shaped hilt was embedded in the wood — the remnant of the
Maybe Subaru, too, would meet the same fate — attacked by the Witch Cult, just like Otto.
Or perhaps, if he actually faced that scene, he'd do the same thing he'd done before the White Whale: beg for his life.
Even if it was before *him* — Petelgeuse.
"Petel... geuse."
He murmured the name, and felt the hollowness inside his own heart.
Rem, whom the man had slaughtered. Subaru, whom he'd mocked. The madman who was the root of all evil — and yet, calling his name produced not a single ripple in his heart.
Just a few hours ago, his bottomless rage toward that man had been the sole thing giving Subaru vitality from the depths of his soul.
Hatred had pushed his feet forward. Fury had lifted his face. Kill-lust had given him the will to live. —That filthy vigor was nowhere to be found now.
He'd lost even the kill-lust, even the hatred. What was he doing?
"What the hell am I... even..."
The carriage wheel ground against the earth, emitting a piercing shriek that scraped at his eardrums.
Wincing at the sound, Subaru slowly sat up.
He saw that the earth dragon had come to a halt. Naturally, the carriage had stopped with it, and the frozen landscape outside was— "A... forest?"
The carriage had been plowing through a wooded path between the trees, its wheels grinding against bare earth.
A while must have passed since sunrise. He glanced up and felt the sunlight faintly warming his skin.
Once he noticed it, the heat slowly, steadily seeped into his body— "Huh, Subaru?"
A sudden, casual high-pitched voice called his name, and Subaru was startled to realize it was *his* name.
Leaning over the edge of the driver's seat, he looked down at the ground below and confirmed several small figures clustered together.
"It really is Subaru." "What's wrong, Subaru?" "You look like a mess, Subaru." "You stink, Subaru."
They recognized him too, pointing at his wretched state and laughing one after another.
But there was nothing mean-spirited about it — it was the kind of teasing reserved only for those who were close.
"You guys..."
Pointed at by the familiar village children, Subaru's throat trembled.
He knew these faces. He'd seen them several times in the past few days — faces twisted in pain and anguish, frozen in the final moments before they could move no more.
But these were the smiling faces of the children who lived in the village near Roswaal's mansion.
Dazedly, Subaru lifted his gaze toward the far end of the wooded path, over the hill.
He saw white smoke rising — the unmistakable evidence of habitation — and Subaru understood.
—This was the place he'd wished for, prayed for so desperately.
When everything had been lost, when he'd despaired of everything, when he'd given up and decided there was nothing he could do — *that* was when Subaru had finally arrived in time.
"Subaru?" "Hey, what's wrong?" "Ah, be careful!"
The children's voices rose, concern evident.
He understood. He understood, but his head was too heavy, and his body could no longer support itself.
Like something taut snapping with an audible crack, Subaru's consciousness, torn free from all anguish, sank — quietly, deeply — downward.
"Ah, falling—"
—Falling, down.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ —When Subaru opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was a familiar white ceiling.
A simple ceiling with nothing but a crystal lamp installed — a rarity in this mansion, where most rooms were decorated to excess. Seeing it reminded him of his own modest taste in choosing this particular room.
The pillow beneath his head was, as always, an uncomfortable fit — too firm, too high. The sheet draped loosely to his shoulders made it clear he'd been laid in a bed.
No matter how dire his condition, Subaru's constitution ensured he woke with full awareness almost immediately. He slowly surveyed the room, confirming it was the same one he'd spent several nights in. And along the way— "—Ah."
Sitting in a chair beside the bed, quietly reading a book, was a girl.
Dressed in an apron dress with a black base, her hair cut short to the shoulders and adorned with a vivid white frill. Her cute, neatly profiled face was earnestly devoid of emotion, and something stiff about her beauty proclaimed her dignity both inside and out.
The moment he noticed her, Subaru shot upright like a spring, seized the hand of the girl who hadn't yet registered his awakening, and startled her.
At Subaru's sudden action, the girl's eyes flew wide open, staring fixedly at his face. That face, that posture, that gesture, that movement — realizing they matched what he'd been longing for, Subaru felt relief— "What exactly do you think you're touching so casually, Barusu?"
Cold. Clipped. The sensation of her hand slipping free, the timbre of her voice — his fantasy shattered.
The reunion he'd thought lost became, in the instant he noticed the pink tint of the girl's hair, painfully clear as fiction.
She was the twin sister of the girl Subaru had wanted to see — identical in every way except the color of her hair.
"I know you're happy to see
Ram turned a contemptuous gaze on him and scooted her chair back, putting distance between them. The coldness of that look, those words — the clear difference from the sister who looked so alike was unmistakable.
This wasn't the reunion he'd sought. Subaru was made newly aware of his own arrogance. That he'd even wished for it — that he'd cast away even the right to wish for it — hadn't he been the one to do that?
Falling silent, biting his lip, hanging his head — Ram regarded him with a puzzled frown.
From her perspective, what she'd said was nothing more than a lighthearted quip, equivalent to a waking greeting. The usual Subaru would have responded with a loud, exaggerated reaction, launching into their usual banter. Instead, Subaru wasn't taking the bait at all — he was sitting there with a grave expression, saying nothing.
"Hmph. —Please don't make Ram do things that are beneath her."
As she spoke, Ram leaned in, and her extended hand pressed down gently on top of his head. Then, sliding her fingers through his short black hair, she began to stroke it slowly.
Quiet, measured rhythm. Soothing his heartbeat. The touch was filled with tenderness and care — and for Subaru, who knew this girl, the effect was an unexpected jolt of emotion.
"You've got a face full of impertinent thoughts, Barusu. Surprising?"
"Surprising, yeah. ...I figured you'd be the type to kick me while I'm down."
"There's no maid more skilled at reading a room than Ram, surely. But thrashing Barusu in his current state would just be cruel. I'll hold off for now and settle the score for all the times you've pushed your luck."
"Taking it back — you really are the worst."
Ram announced, with the air of someone biding her time for her next prank, yet Subaru could feel with his skin that the warmth in her fingertips hadn't faded.
Her mannerisms, her tone — everything was different, and yet they were sisters after all. The quality of that compassion was the same, and the realization tightened Subaru's chest.
There was something he had to tell her, and it wasn't a conversation that could be avoided.
No — it mustn't be avoided. The least he could do was that much.
"Ah..."
Struggling with how to say it, what to begin with, he faltered — and in that interval, her fingers lifted from his head. The loss escaped his lips as an involuntary sound. He quickly clamped a hand over his mouth, but Ram's eyes had already caught it, glinting with mischief, far quicker than his attempt to hide it.
She cast him a sidelong look, those twin lights still dancing in her pupils, at the embarrassed Subaru— "You wanted me to keep going?"
"I'm not a kid. Don't need it..."
He shot back, and Ram let out a "Hah" — a snort of laughter he hadn't heard in a long time. Just watching her do it — how long had it been, in real time? Nearly two weeks.
"You look like a little kid about to cry, and you've got the nerve to say that. Your stubbornness is as juvenile as any toddler's."
Ram shrugged, speaking down to him from on high, indifferent to his sentimentality. After giving him a moment to get his bearings— "Alright then, Barusu."
"—Yeah."
Subaru answered, and Ram moved her chair in front of him, sitting face-to-face. She gazed at him with eyes that seemed to see straight through to his heart.
Naturally, he squirmed under the discomfort. Ram left a beat of silence, then— "—I'll hear what you have to say."
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ "You were in a terrible state. An unfamiliar dragon carriage crashing into the village, and inside it — a half-dead, filthy Barusu. When the villagers sent for Ram at the mansion, at first I thought it was some kind of joke."
Ram recounted, in a flat tone, the sequence of events from when Subaru lost consciousness to when he was carried to the mansion. She pointed at the silent, listening Subaru— "A dislocated shoulder and a cut on the forehead. Your broken ribs are set, but they'll split open if you push yourself. The blood-and-mud-stained clothes were disposed of. —I won't tell
"...Right. Appreciate that."
Subaru answered in a hoarse voice. Ram shrugged, looking bored.
She'd probably intended to use that information as leverage to impose unreasonable demands on Subaru going forward, but with Subaru in this state, that plan wasn't working.
Ignoring her intentions, Subaru checked the injuries Ram had pointed out, confirming they were healing. His left shoulder still had a faint twinge of pain but moved without issue. The cut on his forehead and the damage to his chest showed no lingering discomfort. Blessings of healing magic. The problem was— "My injuries... who healed them?"
"Emilia-sama."
Ram said it offhandedly, confirming exactly what Subaru had feared.
She put her hands on her hips, prefacing with "It couldn't be helped," then directed a look tinged with worry at the slumping Subaru— "At first I asked
"So... did Emilia say anything?"
"That's something you should discuss with her directly."
Ram answered coldly, placing a hand on his dislocated shoulder as he asked tentatively.
The chill in her gaze made Subaru shudder, and seeing such a pathetic reaction, Ram let out a sigh— "Ram doesn't know what happened between Emilia-sama and Barusu in the royal capital. She can guess that *something* happened, but she hasn't heard the details. She has no interest in them either. Looking at Barusu's reaction now, it's obvious Barusu did something worthless as usual."
"Harsh."
"I'd say it's an appropriate assessment, wouldn't you? At the very least, it's what you deserve for being such a coward that you latch onto any convenient change of subject just to avoid having a difficult conversation."
She'd seen through him completely, and Ram let out a small huff through her nose.
Struck dead-center, thrashed without mercy, Subaru couldn't utter a word in protest.
He knew what words she was looking for. After all — Subaru had come back, but the person who should have been by his side wasn't here. This was a topic that should have been addressed without a second thought.
The fact that she was waiting for Subaru to bring it up himself — was that kindness, or was it severity? —It was probably both, a kindness that was also stern.
He couldn't keep leaning on that forever.
Subaru had enough sense to know that. Above all, there were more things he needed to say than he could count. There were.
And so Subaru swallowed, let his gaze wander, forced every fiber of his reluctant body into submission, and finally managed, in a rasping whisper— "—Rem is dead."
The instant those words left his mouth, something fell away from inside his chest.
It was a weight that had been lodged deep in his chest, a hard, heavy mass that had been stuck there for so long. The moment he spoke, it crumbled, losing its shape, dropping into his stomach, and making its presence known.
What that mass actually was — he only realized when he felt the hot sensation streaking down his cheek.
It was grief. Regret. A plea for the life that had been lost.
Up until this very moment, he'd only acknowledged it lip-service. Now, finally recognizing it, finally swallowing something so hard to accept, he understood it — as if it were melting into his heart and body.
—I let Rem die.
The tears fell in a torrent.
And he realized. He finally realized. Subaru had let Rem die — how many times now? Counting the loop in the mansion before this, this was the fourth time. Four times she'd died, and only now did he understand.
This was the first time he'd shed tears for her, for her sake.
But crying for her didn't excuse what he'd done.
He'd wasted the time she'd bought with her life. He'd groveled before the one who killed her. He'd turned his back on that very fact and fled all the way here.
Now that he could see his own ugliness — now that he couldn't look away from it any longer — the least he could do was face what he owed to *her*, the one who'd given him everything— "I... couldn't do anything. There was fog on the highway — the White Whale appeared. Rem tried to help me escape, but all the carriages got separated, and I was the only one left in the fog, and in the end..."
The words wouldn't come together.
Choked with sobs, his speech slurred, the before and after of his sentences failing to connect. The excuses wouldn't stop, and they felt like they were defiling Rem's final moments, so Subaru clamped his mouth shut, giving up on the rush of words.
He'd admitted his guilt. He'd accept his punishment. For that, he needed to give a proper explanation— "Rem? Who's that?"
—What?
—What did she just say?
He couldn't process the meaning of Ram's words. Subaru repeated the question in a vacant, bewildered voice.
Rem-wa-dare-no-koto. What did that even mean?
But Ram looked at Subaru's face with puzzlement, as if *he* were the one saying something strange, and asked again— "Who is Rem, Barusu?"
Without a single twitch of her brow at her twin sister's name, she asked who that person was.
"Wh-who — don't be ridiculous! She's — your — your sister, isn't she!? Rem. It's Rem. Rem!"
"Ram's sister..."
Ram pressed a finger to her lips, closing her eyes as though seriously trying to recall.
The mere gesture of attempting to remember was already unbearable for Subaru. He wanted to scream at her — wanted to seize her and hurl her into the mist-shrouded highway where she'd find her sister waiting.
After a brief silence— "Ram's sister, Rem. Ah, yes..."
"You remember!?"
At the exclamation, Subaru opened his eyes as though seizing upon a ray of light. But Ram gave him a single nod, and then adopted a thoroughly deflated expression— "There's no way to recall something that never existed. Ram has always been alone. There's no way I have a sister."
Without any pretense, without any hesitation, she stated it plainly.
Hearing this, Subaru shook his head. "That's absurd," he muttered— "What are you— saying—"
"—Ram doesn't have a sister."
Her tone was nothing like someone concealing something, nothing like someone forcing their emotions into ice. It was cruelly, matter-of-factly indifferent.
—Inside her, the existence of her twin sister had truly, fundamentally ceased to exist.
"If Rem isn't here, then what about the mess in the Forest of Mabeasts!? The three of us — me, Rem, and you — took down the Jaguar—"
"You really are unwell, aren't you, Barusu? As irritating as this is, the Jaguar Note pack was eliminated thanks to half Barusu's contribution, and the rest was Ram's effort and Roswaal-sama's power. ...There's no room in that story for some long-lost sister named Rem."
Ram stubbornly refused to acknowledge her sister's existence in response to Subaru's protests.
Even the events of that repeating nightmare at the mansion had apparently reached a different conclusion within her mind than they had for Subaru.
Subaru had run himself to the point of vomiting blood. He'd moved forward with Rem, been protected by Rem, gone into the forest with Ram to save Rem when she'd rushed ahead. There, he'd burned his soul in a desperate fight for his life. These were real events — and within Ram, they'd been overwritten with something false.
He couldn't make sense of it. He had no idea why she would answer like this.
"This isn't even a joke... If this were a nightmare, it'd be badly made..."
"Ram is always serious. If anyone's dreaming, it's you, Barusu."
"Cut — the crap—!"
Subaru erupted in fury at Ram's impenetrable attitude, threw off the sheets, and swung himself out of bed. His body, not yet recovered, wobbled below the waist, but his uncontrollable rage kept him upright and saved him from a graceless collapse.
"Barusu, if you stand now—"
"Shut up! Just... just watch me!"
Reaching for him, Ram extended her hand. Subaru roughly brushed it aside, took one step at a time, confirming each foothold, then burst out of the room.
Subaru had been placed in one of the guest rooms on the second floor of the servants' wing — a room set aside for his use. There were many servants' rooms prepared, but in practice only three people filled that role in this mansion, so most of them sat empty and unused.
Knowing that every room on this floor was one of those empty rooms, Subaru passed by their doors without a glance.
He was heading for the stairwell, climbing quickly toward the upper floor. Along the way— "You haven't even recovered your strength yet. If you push yourself and collapse, you'll only be a bother to Ram."
Ram's voice trailed him from behind, but he marched on with squared shoulders, refusing to listen. It took considerably longer than usual to climb the stairs, but Subaru made it to the third floor of the main building, walked straight down the hallway, and arrived at the room he'd visited time and again.
The servants' wing, third floor, third door from the west staircase — that was where the answer should be, the proof that what Subaru believed was neither nightmare nor delusion.
He stood before the door, seized the knob, and threw it open.
There was no room for hesitation. If he spent time wavering here, he'd only be giving his heart more opportunity to lose its nerve. —He didn't need time to agonize.
Without knocking or anything else, he stepped inside, and there it was — a girl's room, simple but modestly decorated, a room with character— "...No."
There was nothing.
All that greeted him was a bed, arranged in the same basic fashion as every other room, and a small desk at the far end. Her room had certainly been simple — but "simple" didn't mean it was an empty shell like this.
"That's not—!"
Scanning the room, heart hammering with disbelief, Subaru burst back out into the hallway. He ignored Ram, who stood silently by the door, and poked his head out to count.
Third door from the stairwell. He hadn't miscounted — he'd come here so many times he could find it with his eyes closed.
—And yet, why?
"Barusu, are you done looking?"
Ram seemed to understand what he'd been searching for.
She asked quietly, looking at Subaru's stunned profile — and in that expression, Subaru could detect a sorrow that the usual Ram would never show. She was genuinely worried about him.
And precisely because he could feel that, Subaru couldn't avoid the truth.
"Rem isn't... here..."
"—No such person existed in this mansion."
Shaking her head, Ram looked straight at Subaru as his eyes clouded over. She took a breath— "Ram doesn't have a sister."
This time, as if delivering the killing blow, she said it once more.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ —Subaru had been holding himself to a standard: that he bore a responsibility for Rem's death.
Rem had sacrificed her life for him. That responsibility was his to bear. And though it had always been too heavy — the kind of thing he would have thrown away and fled from before — he'd finally accepted it, and was about to take that first step forward.
"I... don't even... have the right to ask for forgiveness?"
Everything was casting Subaru aside. Everyone was leaving him behind.
The actions he'd taken for Emilia's sake had been rejected by her, and the chasm that had formed still couldn't be bridged.
Rem, who'd given everything for Subaru, had died a gruesome death each time it repeated. And when he'd tried to shoulder the responsibility for those lives — the world had torn even that duty away from him.
Time. The world. The Witch Cult. The White Whale. Every conceivable obstacle stood in the way of what Subaru wished for.
Why? What had he done wrong?
Why was the world so cold to him, why did every hope betray him?
It was— It was— "Barusu, go back to your room."
Standing frozen, his mind stalled, Subaru heard Ram's voice.
She moved close, pressing his back toward the stairs— "You're exhausted. You're probably confused by a lot of things right now. Go back to your room, lie in bed, and dream the rest of the dream. Ram has been called away — there are things she needs to do. She can't stay by your side forever."
Even with Subaru drowning in shock before her, Ram's judgment remained harsh. She offered no comforting words about being there for him — she was going to fulfill her role.
She gave his back one firm push, then turned toward the opposite staircase. Before leaving, she looked back: "Go back to your room, and rest." Then she finally departed, leaving Subaru alone in the hallway.
With unsteady steps, he moved in the direction Ram had indicated — toward his own room. Or perhaps, as she'd suggested, if he simply lay in bed and let his consciousness sink, he might escape this loneliness that made him feel as though everything was despising him.
It was a bad dream, surely. Entering a dream to dream within a dream — that was absurd, but if it meant using a dream to fight back against the nightmare, maybe it wasn't a bad idea.
Above all, if he shifted his consciousness into sleep, he could finally escape the noise that kept scraping through his skull over and over again.
He could just run away. Run, and run, and run, and run, and run — he'd made it this far after all. If he just kept running, kept fleeing, kept escaping, the same way he always had— "Run away... and then what?"
His footsteps halted just before descending the stairs.
The foot that had been reaching for the stairway in his desperate bid to flee, he withdrew. Subaru lifted his chin slightly and turned his gaze in the exact opposite direction.
Running wouldn't save anything. Once again, he'd been about to betray Rem.
What had she protected him for? What had she let him escape the White Whale for?
So that Subaru could achieve his goal. Subaru's goal was to keep the people of this mansion safe — far from the Witch Cult's clutches.
If he abandoned that goal now and threw himself into escape, then— "Isn't that even more cowardly than begging for forgiveness...?"
He turned around, turning his back on the stairs he'd been about to descend.
This time, there was no hesitation in his steps. Subaru passed the room where the girl's traces had completely vanished and headed for the same staircase Ram had taken. Only from there could he reach the upper floor he needed — where the reason for his return awaited.
He climbed the staircase slowly, carefully testing each step. Up the spiral, and at the top, a single door.
When his hand closed around the doorknob, Subaru noticed that his heartbeat was oddly quiet.
Earlier, when he'd burst into that lost girl's room, his heart had been pounding fiercely. Now it was beating with an unnervingly calm rhythm. Whether that calm meant he'd steadied himself, or whether his pulse had dropped below even the point of racing — he couldn't tell.
But— "Lend me your courage, Rem—"
The moment he spoke that name, the faintest strength entered his hand.
It turned the knob that hadn't budged no matter how heavy it was, and opened the door that had seemed sealed shut.
On the other side, the girl sitting at her desk turned only her head— "—Subaru?"
Hearing his name called in that voice like the ring of a silver bell, Subaru closed his eyes.
Indescribable emotion flooded through his chest, through his entire body, and Subaru finally remembered.
—This was why he'd come back. To hear her voice.
The girl with silver hair, translucent fair skin, and deep violet eyes. Tinged with a sorrow that softened her fragile beauty, she rose and— Emilia said: "...Why did you come back?"
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ —The words sounded unbearably weak, and Subaru's attention was drawn more to the tone of her voice than to what she'd said.
Emilia's lips trembled, her eyes holding a dull light. Though they'd been apart for only two weeks in Subaru's experience — roughly one week in real time — she seemed somehow smaller than when he'd last seen her.
She looked thinner than the day they'd parted. Fatigue was heavy in her voice and her eyes — so much so that he wondered whether she'd been sleeping at all.
Emilia, cornering herself like this, and — more than anything — being cornered by external pressure. Subaru knew the reason. He knew, which was exactly why he'd come back to her.
So— "Come on. You can't stay here."
He stepped forward, ignoring her question, and extended his hand.
At his forceful manner, Emilia's eyes widened slightly. She drew back, putting distance between them — reclaiming the space he'd closed. Subaru frowned, and Emilia shook her head— "Go where? No — go *why*?"
"Anywhere that isn't here. If you ask me why — I'm doing this for you—"
"Again with that?"
Emilia's voice was laced with disappointment.
Her violet eyes glistened faintly. She pressed her lips together, glaring up at him— "You suddenly show up, covered in wounds, after making me worry. —Weren't you supposed to be getting treatment from
"A lot happened! There's so much I want to explain, but there's no time to waste. Please, just listen to me. Together, let's leave this mansion—"
"I told you I can't! I told you I can't trust you like that anymore. ...I told you."
Shaking her head stubbornly, Emilia rejected Subaru with a trembling voice. It was the same exchange they'd had in the antechamber of the royal castle — a stalemate with no progress.
Subaru's desperate conviction didn't reach her, and Subaru couldn't understand why she wouldn't see what he felt.
Still— "If you won't come willingly, I'll drag you by force. Give it a few days, and you'll see that I'm right whether you like it or not. So—!"
"Wait — wait, Subaru! What happened to you? You weren't like this before. I... you used to... you saw me as..."
"Just shut up and do as I say!!"
The instant he shouted, Emilia flinched.
Staring at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, Subaru continued to breathe hard, glowering at her.
"If you stay here, it'll be bad! You'll regret it — I swear you will! It won't help anyone! No one gets saved! I don't want to suffer anymore, and I don't want to cry!"
"What... are you talking about...? Subaru, I don't understand."
"Shut up! You — you just need to do what I say! That way everything works out! That's how it works! Why does no one get that...!"
Clutching his hair, Subaru hurled his words not at Emilia herself, but at every injustice he'd encountered, spewing his curses into her presence — because the only place he could do that was at the feet of the girl who'd been its origin.
The tantrum, the raised voice — everything Subaru said must have been incomprehensible to Emilia. But this was the only moment Subaru had to let it out. Only here, in front of her, could these words finally be spoken.
Watching Subaru plead in a tearful voice, Emilia lowered her gaze slightly.
Then she murmured, softly—"I'm sorry"—and— "I don't understand what Subaru is saying. I can't understand it. I want to, but there's no time. ...There are so many things I have to do. So—"
"You won't succeed."
He cut her off, crushing her feelings with a few blunt words.
Emilia caught her breath, blinking rapidly, as though unable to accept the malice-laced words Subaru had spoken.
Seeing her like that, Subaru felt as though he were looking at a mirror image of himself — the shared pain of having every new beginning snuffed out before it could start.
It brought a sensation that was wretched, heartless, and yet strangely sweet— "You won't succeed. You're no good. You'll fail. There's no way you can do it. You're completely useless. All talk. You can't save anyone. You won't be saved. Stacking one reckless move on top of another, building a mountain of corpses to match. —That's your future."
Each word was dark, grotesque, vile, contemptible — and *exhilarating*.
Each word, each syllable that vibrated against her eardrums — he could feel the pain etching itself onto her expression, the cracks forming in her heart, the blade plunging into her feelings.
In that moment, all of her was directed at him. For this one fleeting instant, all of Emilia was devoted to him — and there was a dark pleasure in that.
Resolution dismissed. Resolve laughed away. Actions maliciously blocked. The past mocked as futile. The future pronounced as pitch-black.
Watching Emilia reel from each blow, Subaru— "Why?"
Emilia murmured.
Her expression, hardened by pain at Subaru's heartless words and the pronouncement of a future where only darkness awaited — but her violet eyes never clouded, even then.
Drawn by that enigmatic glow, seeing the world reflected in them — that is, seeing himself reflected in her gaze— "Why does Subaru look like he's crying so hard?"
—He realized he'd been crying, tears streaming down his face, a twisted smile on his lips.
"———"
He understood then that everything was about to come rushing back.
Tears falling, every word he'd spoken to trample her feelings echoing back — when he reflected on each one, it was obvious. Those words had all been directed at *him*.
His resolution, his resolve, his actions, his past, his future — he was the one who'd denied them all.
There was a part of him that believed everything was pointless. He could feel the part of him driven by an urgent sense of duty that demanded he do *something*. He couldn't remember anymore what he was even doing it for — but if there was one thing he knew— "I... for Rem, who carried me this far — no, who *brought* me this far — for her sake, there are things I have to do..."
"Rem?"
Hearing Subaru's halting words — sentences that barely formed coherent thoughts — Emilia tilted her head at the word that had slipped out.
The way she said it made it clear she had no idea what the name meant— "—You too."
"Huh?"
"You've forgotten Rem too—"
Even her own twin sister had forgotten she existed. Every trace of her had vanished. The one person Subaru had risked everything to save — even *she* didn't remember.
Her days, her time, her feelings, her way of life, her wishes — where did all of it go?
That smile. That anger. Those tears. Those moments of connection. Everything that made Rem who she was — what happened to it all?
"—Fine. I'll tell you everything."
What came out of his mouth was a phrase that sounded as though a weight had been lifted.
"Eh?" — surprise flickered across Emilia's face.
Looking up at her, Subaru reconfirmed the source of what drove him this far.
If this girl, these feelings, were going to vanish into nothingness— "I'd rather bare my soul and vomit blood than let that happen."
He made his decision.
To reveal everything. To tell the truth. To lay bare what lay within his heart.
Subaru's gaze changed, and sensing it, Emilia drew a sharp breath.
Standing before her, Subaru pressed a hand to his chest. His heart was beating fast — the terror of knowing what would result from what he was about to do.
It was pain. Pain beyond the verge of madness.
As if his heart were being squeezed and crushed in a fist, he would be subjected to suffering that he couldn't even put an end to, stretched out endlessly.
But he thought. He thought this too: So what? Who cares? What was pain compared to this suffering?
No one would believe him. No one would understand him. And above all — compared to the agony of a world where no one remembered Rem's existence, pain was nothing.
—Bring it on. A heart? Take it, for all I care.
"Emilia. I've seen the future. I know what's going to happen. Because I — I 'Return by Dea—"
Just as he was about to bare everything, as those words left his mouth — the stagnation came.
Just as expected, the world's movement gradually slowed, then froze. The landscape drained of color, and every sound that had existed vanished. The wind, the breathing, the heartbeat — all receding, receding, never to return.
Consciousness abandoned every sensation, and Subaru was isolated from the world.
—And, as if unwilling to leave the isolated Subaru alone, a palm of unasked-for mercy slowly materialized.
The black haze that was born formed the shape of an arm — quietly, yet with a gliding speed.
Previously, only the right arm had taken clear shape. But now, as though chasing after it, the left arm too had formed a complete shape up to the shoulder.
Both hands advanced on Subaru. The left, as always, cradling him with tender affection. The right, sliding smoothly into his chest, slipping past the ribs, reaching his heart.
The sensation of his heart being softly kneaded within that palm sent terror through his entire body.
Unlike the sharp pain that had come before, this black haze — the thing that truly grasped Subaru's life — handled him with calculated cruelty, as if intending to break Subaru's resolve through sheer terror.
When the expected pain didn't arrive, a quiet dread began to bud in Subaru's heart.
Unlike the shadow's previous behavior, it had begun to exhibit a kind of cunning — and that cut into Subaru more deeply than before, delivering pain in an entirely different form.
The way the agony was being delivered — nothing like what he'd imagined — made Subaru almost scream from his frozen throat. But his locked jaw refused to let it out.
If the pain, the fear, the unknown made him suffer, he absolutely would not look down.
If he did, it would all be for nothing. If he did, he would never be forgiven.
In a world where no one remembered her, Subaru — bearing the responsibility for her death — could beg for forgiveness with nothing but his own soul.
So let the pain come. Let the suffering come. Let it all strike however it wanted.
In exchange, Subaru would spill everything — every experience, every moment — and reclaim what should have been his. And with that, the tug-of-war with the black haze would be over.
It was too grim to be called mere resolve, and too costly to be called a decision.
But it was, at last, a firm and unshakable determination — the kind that had never once solidified within Subaru before.
—This resolve, this determination, would not break so easily.
Glaring at the black haze kneading his heart, Subaru braced himself, holding his breath for the coming moment. But the haze showed no sign of striking. Precisely because it could end things at any time, it could also afford to wait.
In a world where time had stopped, a war of attrition could only wear down his spirit. Even in his current state — too enraged to consider breaking — eventually he would shatter, swallowed by resignation, and wish for the end. —That kind of thinking was far too naive.
For hours. For days. If it came to a test of endurance, he would endure.
He'd died multiple times — it wasn't for nothing. If death wasn't coming, then he would endure pain of any magnitude.
Subaru's resolve was— "—Huh?"
Abruptly, color began bleeding back into the frozen world.
The pain that was supposed to come had ended with nothing more than a feint, vanishing to who-knows-where. Beneath the abandoned Subaru, sound, color, and time were steadily being returned.
Breathing, heartbeat, the sound of the world beginning to move again — all wrapped around him, and as Subaru stood in a daze, "the obvious" resumed its course, as though mocking him.
Unable to fathom the black haze's intentions, Subaru blinked again and again.
But even if he doubted whether it was some mistake, even if he feared that the stagnant world awaited on the other side of each blink — the world's colors didn't change.
Had the black haze, faced with Subaru's unwavering resolve, realized the clumsiness of its own approach?
He almost laughed at the thought — but the possibility that his determination had unexpectedly achieved the desired result held him back.
Even now, he could still feel the black haze's right hand resting gently on his heart.
If that hand had squeezed tight, then— "———"
At that thought, a question surfaced.
He clearly remembered the right hand gripping his heart, plotting to break his resolve. But during that time — what about the left hand, the one that had first touched his cheek? Where had it gone while his consciousness had drifted— "—Fh."
Before an answer could form, Emilia murmured something in front of him.
Her voice pulled his consciousness back to reality, and Subaru recalled the words he still needed to say.
There had been a dreamlike, weightless stillness that had invited unease — but considering what he'd intended to do, it was nothing but a positive development.
The time bound by that curse-like constraint — forbidding him from explaining the situation — had finally ended.
To bare everything, to share the future he'd gained, to act for the world that everyone wished for — at last, it could bear fruit— "Ah."
Suddenly, Emilia's body pitched forward, leaning against Subaru.
He instinctively reached out, catching her. The warmth and softness against his palm made Subaru falter— and then— Splatter.
"—Huh?"
Splatter. Splatter. Splatter.
"Emilia?"
Splatter splatter splatter splatter.
He'd caught her — Emilia's — and from her mouth, blood — gushing — in massive quantities— —While the right hand touched Subaru's heart, where had the left hand gone?
Emilia's face rested against Subaru's shoulder, the vomiting of blood ceaseless. The enormous volume of bright red blood drenched Subaru's body and, strangely, lightened Emilia's.
"Stop — eh? Wha— hah?"
He tried to tilt her face up to stop the bleeding, but her limp neck lolled, her shoulders dropped, her eyes lost their light — everything spoke for it.
—Right before Subaru's eyes, Emilia was now— "Ooooooooohhhhhhh—!!!!"
A scream echoed through the trees.
If screaming — screaming until his throat tore apart — could make him forget everything, then someone, please, rip his throat out, tear it open, take it from him.
In his arms, Emilia's body — her powerless body — was growing lighter.
The blood wouldn't stop. Subaru's body was turning red, redder, redder by the second.
—When the right hand had touched Subaru's heart, the left hand had touched Emilia's.
His determination. His resolve. His actions. His past. His future — all trampled under mocking laughter.
The resolve he'd forged so firmly, the determination he'd refused to let shatter — was smashed to pieces, driving
—The scream climbed high, trailing behind it, never fading.
Subaru had finally, finally.
—Killed Emilia.