I was in seclusion for a week before this — thank you all so much for recommending all those articles!
I skimmed through most of them. They were all great! But among them, only the three stories from *The Three-Body Problem* were truly similar to the situation I'm facing with *Reverend Insanity*. What they share is an allegorical quality, but the key difference is that *The Legend of the Human Ancestor* in my work is considerably longer and can serve as a complete, self-contained thread.
Over the past week, I learned a great deal. I swallowed everything whole — whenever I found something good, I threw open my mouth and shoved it down my throat as hard as I could.
And that's how I finally managed to squeeze out this new chapter of *The Legend of the Human Ancestor*. (In tears...)
This pit was dug by my own hands, so now I can only bury it myself. Even if I have to bury myself in along with it, I have to fill it. (Looking up at the sky, tears streaming...)
I've come to realize I have so many shortcomings.
For instance, I always tend to make optimistic estimates — like my plan to finish the novel by May. How embarrassing. (Covers face, tears streaming...)
Another example: my foundation in writing simply isn't solid enough, my reserves too shallow.
If my foundation were truly sufficient, would I be unable to write *The Legend of the Human Ancestor*?
This feeling has only grown stronger lately — I feel weaker and weaker! There is so much in the craft of writing worth delving into, so much worth learning. So many books worth reading, so many models worth drawing from.
One week of seclusion is truly far too short!
I can't learn nearly enough.
As for repaying the debt of double updates from April — I won't be able to settle it in May. I don't dare say anything about June, I really can't make any promises!
My heart is filled with unease and apprehension.
The updates may stabilize, but it's quite possible I'll suddenly hit a wall on *The Legend of the Human Ancestor* and be unable to come back down.
The main story won't get stuck.
But *The Legend of the Human Ancestor* absolutely will get stuck — it all depends on my condition, on the spark of inspiration!
And yet *The Legend of the Human Ancestor* absolutely must be written well — it has to match the tone of what came before, it has to be woven throughout the entire narrative, and it has to echo and resonate with everything else.
Otherwise, *Reverend Insanity* as a whole will lose its quality. I've done so well up to this point — if I fail at this in the later stages, it would be truly devastating. Forget about you all — I myself would never forgive myself. If I gave up on this part of the work out of momentary laziness or a desire for comfort, my future self would absolutely regret it.
These are my recent reflections on the craft of writing, which I wanted to share with you and use to report on my current progress and working state.
It's June 1st now. The festive atmosphere hasn't reached me — my mood is heavy. Wishing everyone a happy holiday, a childlike heart that never fades, and happiness that stays with you always!