——Just how long had it been since he last heard that voice?
In real time, not that much time had passed since she fell asleep.
A week at most—a perfectly normal span during which one might go without seeing acquaintances or family. ——Yet to Subaru, it didn't feel that way at all.
For Subaru, who repeated time by throwing his life away again and again, real time meant nothing. Measured in the soul's subjective time, it had been an incomprehensibly vast stretch before that voice could make his eardrums tremble, could make his heart shake.
"——Please wake up, Subaru-kun. I'd be so happy if you showed me your face."
The words fell straight down onto his prone body, face-down against the ground.
The tenderness packed into that voice, the passionate warmth of affection—Subaru's heart was rapidly flooded with something warm. Heat seeped into the vessel of his heart, which had been empty and parched dry.
With just one sentence, spoken in that gentle voice.
——Just how much strength did she give him?
"…That's a lie."
"No, it's not a lie."
"You can't be here."
"If Subaru-kun wishes it, I'll always be by your side."
"The one time I want someone to do something about me the most—there's no way you'd always be there… something so convenient… it doesn't exist…"
"Because I always want to be the most convenient woman for Subaru-kun."
His voice hitched, spilling out wretched little whimpers.
And yet the voice that met his never looked down on Subaru, never thought less of him.
She knew.
That Subaru was weak, that he was helpless, that he was so fragile he needed to cling to something just to keep living, that he was always lacking confidence, always wavering.
She was the kind of girl who would say she loved him even when he couldn't be strong.
"——
"Yes. I am Subaru-kun's Rem."
He raised his head.
Through tear-blurred vision, a shade of blue surfaced.
He rubbed his eyes roughly with a dirty sleeve, evaporating the tears, and looked.
At the figure standing before him.
At the precious, beloved figure of Rem.
"Re… m…"
"Yes, I'm Rem. I'm the helpful maid who stays within arm's reach whenever Subaru-kun needs me."
"You… mean…"
Rem tilted her head, teasing Subaru with a playful air.
At that attitude of hers, before Subaru could say anything, he felt the air leave his lungs in gentle relief. Something heavy inside his chest dropped away.
Breathing became easy. The small version of himself clamoring inside his skull vanished somewhere.
He had been saved so effortlessly, so utterly completely, that Subaru was stunned.
The heart he had been so sure was beyond all hope, a dead end with nothing to be done—just from having one girl standing in front of him, it had unraveled this easily.
"Rem… you're amazing…"
"Thank you. Subaru-kun is wonderful too."
Her smiling words sounded like they matched up but didn't, as usual.
Even that exchange made him feel happiness, and Subaru felt the things he'd been holding back threatening to spill over in tears.
Sinking to the ground, Subaru lowered his eyes. Rem knelt before him.
"Are you all right? Are you tired?"
"I don't… know. Am I tired? I haven't accomplished anything yet…"
In this world of redo after redo, Subaru had done nothing but be beaten down, never once reaching a single correct answer. He didn't feel he had the right to say he was tired.
Everyone else was suffering more. Everyone else was having a harder time. Why did everyone have to suffer that way——that much was obvious.
"It's because I'm weak."
"———"
"Because my strength isn't enough."
"———"
"If I were stronger, smarter, a more capable man… no one would have had to suffer, or grieve, or endure such pain…"
If Subaru had been strong enough to handle everything on his own,
Everything, all of it, every last bit—Subaru's fault.
And so he had to shave away at his own soul to make up for that weakness.
——Or so he had thought.
"Had I… not saved anyone after all?"
"Subaru-kun."
"If the world went on after I died, then how many times, how many rounds, how many people have I… watched die?"
"Subaru-kun."
"How many times did I let you die? How many times do I have to… let you die?"
"——Subaru-kun."
Terror rising from his depths, Subaru confessed his sins in a rush of words.
He wanted to vomit it all out, to be judged right now. Before his own heart could shatter itself, he wanted someone beside him to condemn him.
He was a massive idiot who, despite resolving never to make mistakes again, kept choosing the wrong path from the very first step. He wanted someone to beat him down for being too stupid to save.
"———"
——And yet, what was given to Subaru as he begged for punishment was an embrace that wrapped around him with infinite gentleness.
"R… em."
"It's all right. It's all right, Subaru-kun."
"What's… nothing is all right… nothing…"
Nothing. Not a single thing had Subaru accomplished.
There were so many people Subaru needed to save. So many who would meet terrible ends. Rem herself was one of the people Subaru had to save.
She, of all people, had every right to condemn the Subaru who could only reach, could only fall short, could only be weak.
"You… you…!"
"——I love you."
Their foreheads touched, and the words of love were whispered to him.
"———"
His words were sealed away.
He couldn't say anything.
Right there, close enough to feel each other's breath, pale blue eyes gazed straight at Subaru.
Drowning in the unfathomable depth of the affection that dwelled in those eyes.
"I love you, Subaru-kun. ——That's why everything is all right."
"It… doesn't… amount to anything…"
"It does. Why Rem is here. Why Rem forgives Subaru-kun. Why Rem embraces Subaru-kun—it all amounts to that and nothing more."
At a breath's distance, Rem's smile ensnared Subaru's heart in an invisible palm.
He couldn't move. Not a single muscle. Her small hands, wrapped around his back, clenched tight at the hem of his shirt, pulling him close with a force that felt like they might fuse into one.
"You've had such a hard time, Subaru-kun."
"———"
"All alone, with all these wounds… it was painful, wasn't it, Subaru-kun?"
"———!"
"You don't have to endure such sadness anymore. It's all right now."
Desperately trying to hold it together, unable to give her an answer, Subaru listened as Rem continued in a sweet, honeyed voice.
As if gently untying the knots in Subaru's heart. As if melting away his stubborn emotions.
"All the painful parts, the hard parts, the weak parts of Subaru-kun—Rem will take them all in his place."
"………"
"Everything Subaru-kun was trying to protect, trying to fight for, trying to see through to the end… please, leave it all to Rem."
"………"
"There's no need for Subaru-kun to carry everything, absolutely none. ——Leave it all to Rem, and for now, just rest. You can even fall asleep."
"…I…"
"Show me the Subaru-kun that Rem loves so much, one more time."
She placed a hand against his cheek, tilting his face up, and Rem was looking straight at him.
Hesitantly, her lips pursed for a moment, and then slowly, her face drew closer.
What she was about to do, what was about to be done to him—even his sluggish consciousness understood.
Right there, at a breath's distance, the lips of the girl he loved were approaching.
To press them together, to entwine them, to drown, and then to dissolve and sink beneath the surface— ——Wasn't she giving him permission for all of it?
How gently had Rem's words soaked into Subaru's heart.
Her words reached the frayed edges of his emotions, the tormented soul crying out for someone to lend a hand, and now she—who understood every last part of him—was saving him once more.
Helpless Subaru, and Rem reaching out to help.
Fragile Subaru, with Rem sturdily supporting his back.
Foolish Subaru, with Rem taking his hand to guide his path.
If he could lean on that, cling to it, put all his trust in it—and if that could lead him to the right answer.
What meaning was there in continuing to struggle alone?
He'd been worn so thin he couldn't feel his own footing anymore, couldn't tell which direction to walk, so he'd given up everything, surrendered it all—— *'Giving up is easy.'* "———"
*'But'* "———"
*'——It doesn't suit Subaru-kun.'* He heard a voice.
"——Subaru-kun?"
Rem's confused voice came from right in front of him.
No wonder—her face was blocked by the hand Subaru had inserted between their lips, which had been about to meet.
Warded away from the sweet, entwining sensation of tongue tips, Rem's eyes flickered with a faint glimmer of hurt.
Gazing at that wavering light through the gaps between his fingers, Subaru spoke.
"——Who are you?"
"Eh…?"
"I'm asking you—who are you?"
"Subaru-kun, what do you mean… who, such a thing…"
At Subaru's low question, Rem faltered, her throat catching.
The faint sorrow that had surfaced in her eyes deepened, and the marks of anguish etched themselves across her features. The sight of it scraped Subaru's chest from both inside and out.
As if to drown out that feeling, Subaru pressed his own chest down from above and bared his fangs.
"When I was… stuck at a dead end with nothing I could do, when I genuinely wished someone would do something, when I was on the verge of giving up thinking it was hopeless… I truly imagined, what if you were there."
"———"
"I thought—surely you'd come alongside me like this, when I was stuck and hugging my knees, brooding over the past. You'd be gentle with me."
"———"
"And then you'd listen to my complaints, let me spill all my tears and whine, wring every last drop of grief out of me…"
"———"
"——And then you'd tell me, 'Now, please get up.'"
The fineness of the fingers that touched him, the warmth of the skin that leaned close, the magnitude of the love that was given—
And so, clearly, in front of this Rem standing before him—this counterfeit—he spoke.
"I won't tell you to rest."
"———"
"I won't tell you to give up and leave everything to Rem."
"———"
"Because you're the woman who loves me, and whom I love, who is kind to me, who loves me—and who is stricter with me than anyone else in the world, who won't go easy on me. That's Rem!"
He sprang to his feet and roared, locking eyes with Rem and pulling back distance.
Still kneeling, gazing up at Subaru from a low position, Rem was silent. But her expression was still drowning in the sorrow of having been rejected by Subaru.
"That's not it! Please listen, Subaru-kun! Rem—Rem isn't—Rem just couldn't bear watching Subaru-kun suffer… so all she wants is for you to forget the painful things and rest, that's all!"
"I'll show you the weak parts. I'll show you the fragile parts. I'll show you what a pathetic little wretch I am. ——But the one thing I'll never show you is where I give up."
Rem had once said that Subaru was her hero.
And Natsuki Subaru had decided to be Rem's hero.
From the moment that promise was exchanged, Subaru had already decided.
——That in this world, in this world, the only place Natsuki Subaru could show his weakness willingly was before Rem.
Only in front of Rem—who knew he was weak and believed in his determination to be strong despite it all—could Subaru go without hiding how weak he was.
He couldn't show it to Emilia, or Beatrice, or anyone else.
The weak side that Subaru must not show could only be shown to Rem.
"So my weakness belongs to Rem. Rem wraps it all up and hides it away for me—and in exchange, I cling to giving up and never let it out."
"———"
"Get out of my sight, counterfeit. ——Don't you dare use Rem's face, Rem's voice, to try and coddle me!"
Having declared it, Subaru thrust his fist at the counterfeit Rem.
The one who heard Subaru's proclamation had lost all words. She lowered her head, then slowly, quietly rose to her feet— "W-wait… that's… not what I… heard… about…?"
"Huh?"
The counterfeit tilted her head, blue hair swaying, and stammered out her words.
Hearing this, Subaru let out a confused sound—and then.
"———"
Before his eyes, as if a projection were blurring, Rem's form wavered and grew indistinct.
Static, like the snow on a late-night television, flooded his vision. After a brief hijacking of the world, a different person appeared in her place.
——A person he had never met.
A girl with pale pink hair reaching to the middle of her back, with a gentle—or rather, timid-seeming demeanor. Her features were individually well-formed, but not the kind of striking beauty that stood out. An ordinary, normally cute appearance, one might say.
Wearing a long-sleeved white garment, she held both hands—those hands that didn't extend beyond the sleeves—against her own cheeks, and looked at Subaru with a nervous expression.
"…Who are you?"
"Y-you're… 'The
At the girl—Carmilla's answer to his question, Subaru involuntarily held his breath.
The girl had called herself the Witch of Lust. In other words— "This incomprehensible space is… inside
"That's right, but also… maybe not. Echidna-chan is… watching the 'trials'… The 'trials' are always… like a dream… mm…"
"I can't get a clear picture of what you're saying, and before that even…"
Subaru felt irritation rising at the way Carmilla spoke. Naturally, his gaze grew sharp at the sight of this, and Carmilla once shook her whole body in a great shudder before clutching her head.
"Stop… don't… hit me…"
"I'm not gonna do that. I wouldn't do something like that… but what were you trying to do just now?"
"Just now…?"
"Dressing up as Rem and standing in front of me! Is that your ability?!"
The Witches, each bearing the name of a deadly sin, all possessed extraordinary Authorities.
If the Witch of Lust was no exception, then she too must carry an Authority. If the transformation from just now was that ability—then— "Compared to the other Witches, shapeshifting is a pretty orthodox power."
"Sh-shapeshifting… I'm not… doing that…? If I appeared to you as… someone else… th-that's… because you wanted… to see it that way…"
"What?"
"Be-cause… I didn't want… to meet you. B-but Echidna-chan… told me to… so… she made me lie too…"
As Carmilla mumbled these words in a halting stream, Subaru's irritation only mounted.
Her way of speaking, the way she averted her gaze, the weakness of looking down the moment she sensed his eyes on her—everything grated on his nerves. The effeminate way she phrased things, the sullen tone—as if she were pouting—what was any of this?
She couldn't convey what she wanted to say clearly, and she didn't even realize what she had done to trample on something precious to Subaru.
Irritating. Enraging. He wanted to scream at her and make her understand.
"You… do you even understand what you did…?!"
"E-Echidna-chan… said… I should just… spoil him… and… it would go well… but now it's like this… I said… I said I didn't want to…"
"Listen to me…!!"
"Ev-everyone… gangs up on me… and picks on me… that's… what's happening. Echidna-chan too… sh-she's the same. It's so… cruel…"
"I'm telling you to listen—!!"
As Subaru tried to scream, he realized he'd squeezed all the air from his lungs and produced only a hoarse rasp. But even noticing that, the searing rage burning inside him was more important and consumed the thought immediately.
The difficulty breathing, the frustration clawing at his chest—these were trivial compared to it.
He wanted to silence that sniveling, weeping mouth, to slam every last ounce of his fury and suffering into it, to make her understand what she had done— "——Any further and it will be life-threatening."
"———!!"
In that instant, Subaru heard what seemed like a whisper at his ear and regained his composure.
Immediately, what struck him was the agony of near-asphyxiation from prolonged oxygen deprivation, and the pain of his eyes, which had been held wide open, growing parched.
"Ah—ah, aah?"
"Rough treatment, but it's good to have you back. ——When you face Carmilla and the Witch of Lust's 'Faceless Goddess,' people forget to breathe. In the extreme, even their heartbeat."
"Hagh… haaf… haa… haa…"
Spitting saliva from his mouth, Subaru collapsed onto all fours on the ground, his thoughts flickering.
But the voice he heard was undeniably passing through his ears and delivering meaning to his brain.
And so Subaru wiped his mouth with his sleeve and looked up at the person who must have orchestrated this entire situation, baring his fangs once more.
"What… what were you scheming, Echidna?"
Receiving Subaru's gaze—laden even with loathing—the white-haired Witch ran a hand through her own hair and naturally propped her chin on her hand against the table.
"That's obvious, isn't it? ——I'm a Witch. It's a scheme."
And with that, she smiled.