The first thing Subaru confirmed upon waking was whether this was reality.
He frequently traversed the boundary between dreams and waking, and lately that line had grown hazy. More often than not, when Return by Death deposited him back at a point shortly after regaining consciousness, his brain was still half-asleep, plunging him into a state indistinguishable from simply having woken from a nap.
"Ngh— glgh…"
As consciousness drifted back to reality, the first sensation was the taste of dirt and grit mingling inside his mouth.
Spitting it out along with a mouthful of saliva, Subaru pushed his upper body upright and surveyed his surroundings. A dim space, damp and cold air, silence unsettling enough to stir unease—he was inside the tomb.
"I made it back… huh…"
Opening and closing both hands, he took stock of how his body felt as he murmured the words.
He was recalling how he had died just before Return by Death activated.
"I thought I was done for when that shadow started swallowing me… but I guess killing myself was worth it after all."
He remembered the piercing sensation of a blade through his throat, reached up and touched the Adam's apple where the wound should have been, and let out a breath of relief.
Blood welling up, choking off his airway, flooding his lungs until he drowned in agony. The fading consciousness, the sense of loss—even having experienced "death" so many times, it never grew stale.
No matter how many times he relived it, death always inflicted fresh suffering on Subaru. And yet— "Far better than something irreversible—something I couldn't come back from."
He allowed himself a measure of satisfaction at the fact that he had returned, at the fact that he had chosen to die at that moment without hesitation, and then he shelved his thoughts on Return by Death for the time being.
It was too early to feel secure about having made it back.
"No time to sit around being grateful that I'm back. First, I need to organize what needs doing, get it done, and then…"
And then he would have to confront his own resolve.
Subaru closed his eyes and drew one deep breath. When he opened them again, the confusion was gone from his gaze. All that remained was a clear focus on what he had to do.
He rose to his feet, brushing dust off his body as he scanned the room, and spotted a girl lying on her side some distance away.
It was
He moved to rush over, reaching out to shake her awake. He would pull her out, rendezvous with
But just as those thoughts had formed, Subaru suddenly noticed that the fingertips of the hand reaching toward Emilia were trembling.
"…What is this?"
Eyes widening at the trembling in his fingers, he brought his hand up in front of his face. He tried to override the shaking by sending a command from his brain, but the trembling fingers ignored the signal entirely and continued to shake. And then, belatedly, Subaru realized.
His teeth were chattering—clattering together of their own accord.
"My hands are shaking and my teeth are chattering… what the hell…"
Though startled by the disturbance overtaking his body, in his heart Subaru already understood what it meant.
The moment he had moved to touch Emilia, a phantom memory had flashed before his eyes—the reason for the trembling.
—At the moment of his death, the face of Emilia looking down at him, her emotions frozen solid.
He believed that the
Most likely, the Witch had possessed Emilia's body while she slept inside the tomb.
Subaru knew of Petelgeuse, a being who could possess other people's bodies, and so he was able to absorb this possibility without difficulty.
As for why the Witch had targeted Emilia's body—the reason was simple.
At the tea party, Subaru had blabbed about forbidden words without a care in the world. The Witch had manifested to punish him for it, but she could not set foot inside the tea party itself. So instead, her gaze had fallen upon Emilia, asleep right beside him.
And so the Witch had seized her body, filled the Sanctuary with shadow, killed Garfiel, and tried to swallow Subaru into the dark—and that, in essence, was what had transpired.
"I figured all that out… and my body is still shaking, are you serious…?"
On one hand, he had the composure to calmly reconstruct the sequence of events. On the other, a weak heart that could not forget the terror of facing that abomination.
If his theory was correct, then the catastrophe had occurred because Subaru had been invited to the tea party immediately after Return by Death. In other words, since he had not attended the tea party this time, he had not triggered that landmine.
—There was over a ninety percent guarantee that the Witch was not residing inside Emilia.
And yet Subaru's body was still reacting with a rejection born of fear. Nothing more than cowardice.
He simply could not let go of the worst-case scenario.
Namely—would the Witch of Envy, who had gone so far as to traverse time itself, really give up on pursuing him just because Return by Death had set her back?
"————"
The one causing Subaru's Return by Death was the Witch of Envy.
This was Subaru's own theory, and
For whatever reason, the Witch did not want Subaru to end in death. He could be grateful for that point—just that one point.
The problem was whether the obsessively possessive Witch of Envy—the Witch who wielded such tremendous power, whose fixation had grown strong enough to interfere with reality—would ever give up on Subaru.
"————"
If the Witch possessed the power to rewind time, then the optimistic hope that she could not apply that same power to herself was nothing more than wishful thinking.
Just as Subaru had rolled the world back with his death, who could say the Witch was not also rewinding time and coming after him?
A heart shrinking in fear—and an answer that would not come. That answer was now lying right in front of him.
"…………"
If he touched Emilia and roused her from the Trial, everything would become clear.
If she rose and called out his name in that silver-bell voice of hers, just as she always did, then Subaru would be freed from this terror.
But what if that didn't happen?
"…Then I guess it's really over."
Every time he came back, if the Witch manifested before his eyes, there would be nothing more to be done. The Witch of Envy's power was absolute—that all-consuming shadow that had swallowed the Sanctuary whole was beyond anything the current forces at his disposal could hope to match.
Before the nightmare of even Garfiel being swept aside without a fight, what countermeasure could possibly exist?
In other words, this was the watershed moment.
"If I can't even be sure I'll be able to die and come back again… and I can't even be sure whether the Emilia in front of me right now is really Emilia or not… What am I, an idiot?"
Having re-assessed his situation, Subaru let out a soft breath.
Only then did he notice that the trembling in his fingers and the fear clutching at his teeth had both vanished. Now that he was aware of it, only then could he perceive it.
Everything was vague and uncertain and indeterminate.
"That's just… something that happens to anyone, isn't it?"
Not knowing the future, worrying about what might happen in the next second—those were perfectly ordinary things.
Just because there was a slight possibility of glimpsing what lay ahead, did that mean he should live in fear?
That kind of dread was no different from being afraid to live.
"…Ngh, no… I don't want that…"
When he compared it to the sight of this precious girl right before him, nearly crushed beneath the weight of her own past—his hesitation seemed so petty and absurd.
"—Emilia."
He spoke her name, and with fingers that had finally stopped trembling, he gently touched her cheek.
White cheek. Smooth skin that seemed to melt against his fingertips, radiating warmth. Beneath half-closed lids and faintly quivering lashes, a pair of violet eyes flickered to life.
Emilia, drawn back to reality. She blinked several times, then registered that Subaru was right in front of her.
"…Suba…ru?"
Trembling eyes locked onto Subaru, brought him into focus, and called his name.
Her voice, the color of her eyes, the way she carried herself—every last detail was unmistakably the Emilia he knew.
"Yeah—that's right."
The heavy shroud of anxiety that had been coiled around every inch of Subaru's body dissolved all at once, and he felt it go.
A long breath followed his words. As Emilia tried to sit up, he braced her back with his hand, aware of how drained he felt.
Contrast that with Emilia, who—now upright—was looking around in every direction with quick, restless glances. Perhaps her head still felt heavy, because she pressed a hand to her forehead and murmured, "Um…"
"This place… I was… just now…"
Still troubled by lingering pain, Emilia closed her eyes and cast her mind back to her memories before falling asleep—and recalled everything that had happened while she slept.
Having remembered that her memories had been pried open, Emilia's eyes flew wide. Then her peach-colored lips trembled, and her gaze fell upon Subaru.
Her violet eyes swayed with waves of emotion. Her mind must have been in complete turmoil over the past. Subaru knew that Emilia, roused from the Trial, tended to come apart. That was why he had been able to quietly watch her, even in this moment just before she crumbled.
To gently embrace her trembling form, choose his words carefully so as not to wound her, reassure her that everything would be fine, soothe her until she calmed—and then— "…Subaru?"
That was what Subaru had been preparing to do. But Emilia's response was entirely different from anything he had imagined.
The eyes that had been on the verge of breaking down regained their composure. The trembling lips pressed together, sealed by a stronger emotion. Then Emilia slowly raised her hand toward Subaru.
"Why do you look like you're about to cry?"
"…Huh?"
Emilia's fingertips brushed his cheek, then slid over to his wide-open eyes. When Subaru saw the white fingers grazing his eye corner, tracing the tears that had been threatening to spill, he realized he had been brimming with tears nearly ready to fall.
Why—there wasn't even time to question himself.
"Aa—agh—wh—?"
The trembling came suddenly.
This was a completely different caliber from the trembling of his fingers and teeth moments ago—an overwhelming, uncontrollable trembling.
The kind that shook his entire body and sapped all his strength. Kneeling before Emilia, he could not resist it and could only curl in on himself, wrapping his arms around his shaking frame.
Holding his weakening body, Subaru understood the root cause of the trembling.
Before, when he had trembled at the prospect of touching Emilia, it had been fear—fear that the Witch had taken over her body. But now— "It's okay, Subaru. It's okay, it's okay. I'm right here—"
Saying that, Emilia gently drew his trembling body to her from the side.
Through the thin fabric of their clothes, they could feel each other's warmth. A quiet heartbeat radiating from her whole body—he felt more nourished by that sense of fullness than by any physical warmth.
—After being terrified by the possibility that Emilia might have been replaced by the Witch, and then realizing it wasn't true, Subaru had been rendered immobile by sheer relief.
Even though his mind had resolved to accept things as they were, his body had reflected none of that resolve.
Neither a heart of steel nor a body tough enough to guard it—neither was within Subaru's reach.
Feeling Emilia's warmth, her heartbeat, her kindness, Subaru gritted his teeth at his own pathetic helplessness—but even so, he could not stop the relief from flooding through him.
Quietly, quietly, quietly—the two of them held each other in the tomb for a while longer.
※ ※ ※ "Are you calm now?"
"Y-Yeah… Sorry about that. I don't know what came over me, making a scene like that."
The embrace had lasted until Subaru's trembling finally subsided.
When it ended, Emilia asked that question, and Subaru flushed red at his own wretchedness as he apologized. Hearing him, Emilia shook her head.
"It's fine. Lately, I've been relying on Subaru for everything, I think. So every once in a while, when you show me your vulnerable side like this… it's actually kind of reassuring."
"Those are killer words, you know. …If I could help it, I'd rather not let Emilia-tan see that side of me."
"Why not?"
"Because I want you to always see me acting strong and looking cool for you. I really am weak and pathetic and hopeless—nobody needs to know that."
"It wouldn't change how I feel about you just because I saw a little bit of your weak side, you know."
Emilia's words were kind, but Subaru's pride rejected them.
It wasn't a question of whether she was the type to judge him, or whether showing weakness would make her失望—that kind of reasoning had nothing to do with the heart of the matter.
This was simply Subaru's problem—a boy's pride.
"Showing all your weak sides and wanting someone to know the real you… I actually kind of like that scenario too—the tearful type, you know."
"Tearful… type?"
"That's my thing. For you, Emilia-tan, I only want to show my strong side. It's a guy's stubborn pride—that's all."
He washed away the lingering awkwardness with his usual brand of nonsense. Emilia tilted her head, and Subaru gave her a wry grin. Then he composed his expression.
"So, about the Trial… I was hoping you could tell me about it."
"—Yeah."
At his carefully offered question, Emilia paused for a beat, then dipped her chin in response.
That reaction gave Subaru a brief, small surprise. The way Emilia had responded to the word "Trial" was different from anything he had seen before.
It was probably because she had woken up in the midst of the shock of failing the Trial, forced to face reality—before Subaru's pathetic display had intervened.
That embrace had given Emilia at least a small amount of time to let the shock subside. That was likely part of why she was able to stay composed right now.
"So my being a pushover actually came in handy, huh…"
"Subaru, why are you here? I'm the only one who should be able to enter this place…"
"Well, I…"
Subaru started to answer honestly, then stopped himself.
And thought. —What was the right answer to give here?
Honestly telling her that he had gained the qualifications and that he had overcome the Trial would be easy enough. But if he chose that path, what would strike Emilia would be guilt over her own failure and an inferiority complex toward Subaru, who had surpassed it.
That inferiority complex would breed frustration, and Emilia would suffer caught between self-loathing and a sense of responsibility. If that happened, the fragile composure she was maintaining right now would mean nothing.
As long as there remained the possibility of Emilia facing the Trial in a different way than before, shouldn't Subaru respect that possibility?
Whether Emilia could ultimately face and overcome her "past"—whether the essential core of that challenge could truly change—was a separate question.
—It's worth trying, Subaru thought.
"I got worried because you weren't coming out, Emilia-tan. I was barely holding on to my consciousness as it tried to drag me under, but by the time I made it here, I felt just like I did during the day."
"I see… I'm sorry for worrying you."
"No, at the end of the day, I was the one prostrating myself in there too. If you want to talk about who's making the people outside worry, it's definitely me right now."
Ever since Subaru had charged in without a word, the others outside had been just as anxious with no response. Realizing this, Emilia went "Ah!" and looked up.
"A-Anyway, we need to get back to everyone… They must be worried about you too, Subaru."
"My life and death are the least of anyone's concerns at this point—if we don't at least let them know you're safe, things are going to get ugly."
"…You really shouldn't say things like that."
Emilia shot him a reproachful look at his dark humor. Subaru gave a small, apologetic shrug under her gaze, and the two of them headed out of the tomb together.
On the way, Subaru picked up with "By the way…"
"Can I ask you something? About the Trial?"
"…I'm sorry. I think I failed the Trial."
"That's… yeah, I kind of gathered that from your reaction."
Emilia averted her gaze, looking apologetic. Without meeting her eyes, Subaru pretended to be hearing this for the first time.
He felt guilty putting on that act, but he smothered his hesitation with a single shake of his head.
"So does that mean… it's all over now?"
"It doesn't seem that way. …I can attempt it as many times as I want, apparently. I'm not sure why, but I just know that. But—"
It was information Echidna had told Subaru directly—the nature of the Trial. But it seemed Emilia had been made aware of it on a subconscious level.
After cutting herself off at the end, Emilia hesitated briefly before saying— "No, it's nothing. I don't think I can do it today, but I'll try again tomorrow."
"Are you sure? If it's too much, you could take a few days to prepare—come up with a proper strategy and approach. Your odds would be better that way."
"Thank you. …But I know—this isn't the kind of problem that can be solved by doing that. I know."
"I mean, maybe talking it out would make you feel better? I know I'm probably sounding like I'm talking out of my—"
Glancing at Emilia as he spoke, Subaru saw her look up at him, her lips trembling. For a moment, it looked as though the emotions welling up inside her were about to spill over, but at the last second she closed her eyes, holding them back.
"—I'm sorry. I don't want to show you how I'm feeling right now, Subaru."
"No matter what I see about you, Emilia-tan, I'll never start to dislike you—ever."
"It's not about being afraid of what you'd think of me. Well, partly that too… but more than that, there's something even scarier."
After that, Emilia fell silent. But seeing the unwavering resolve in her violet eyes, Subaru confirmed that he had succeeded in fanning that flame.
If he showed that he would support her like this, Emilia would not be tempted to expose her weaknesses—or worse, cling to him out of desperation.
And Subaru felt a wave of nausea at the way he analyzed even Emilia's heart, treating it like something he could understand and manipulate. —If only he could write it off as something necessary and move on.
"—Lady Emilia!"
Snapping Subaru back to reality from his self-loathing was the sudden brilliance of moonlight cutting through, and a voice calling out to the girl beside him.
Pale blue light illuminated the entrance to the tomb, and a cool breeze greeted the pair as they stepped outside. Glancing down, Subaru could see the group who had been waiting for Emilia during her Trial, relief clear on every face.
It appeared that Ram had been the first to call out. Confirming Emilia's well-being, Ram let out a rare sigh of relief before turning to Subaru, who stood at Emilia's side.
"And Barusu—you've done well."
"Whoa… I never expected kind words from you, of all people. What's with the sudden warmth? That's not like you at all."
"When you do something genuinely commendable, I'll offer praise. At the very least, I'll acknowledge that you brought Lady Emilia back safely. Lord Roswaal will be pleased as well."
Most of her relief seemed tied to reporting back to her master, but being praised so openly gave Subaru an unfamiliar sense of warmth. Then, grinning sheepishly, he let his gaze drift—seemingly casual—past Ram to the blonde young man standing a little apart from the welcoming party.
Garfiel had his back against a tree trunk. He uncrossed his arms and walked toward them with a somewhat reluctant gait. There was nothing obviously suspicious about his manner or demeanor, but if he so chose, distances would mean nothing to him.
Having just exited the tomb—and on top of that, having just returned by death—Subaru could not fathom the state of his "stench," and the mere thought terrified him. He kept his guard up to the maximum.
But when Garfiel reached him, the first thing out of his mouth was: "I thought for sure somethin' awful was gonna happen when ya went barrelin' in like that. Glad ya came back in one piece. Y'know, even if ya think 'the fruit of the Garfielon tree doesn't fall in the wind,' that don't mean it ain't nerve-wrackin'!"
"Ow! Hey—ouch, that hurts!"
As he spoke, Garfiel laughed and slapped Subaru's shoulder—hard, repeatedly.
The force, enough to send numbness down to the bone, made Subaru wonder for an instant if this was Garfiel's attempt at an assassination disguised as casual friendliness. But the fangs bared in that grin carried no malice.
It was, plain and simple, the attitude of someone genuinely welcoming them both back safe. Once again, Subaru had been met with a reaction that defied his expectations, and he could not hide the sense of anticlimax.
"That's… it?"
"Huh? That's what I said. Ya want me to pet your head or somethin' as a reward for a job well done?"
"If Emilia offered, maybe. From you? Who's that for? But seriously… he started to press, then thought better of poking the hornet's nest. Whatever was going on inside Garfiel's head, the fact that he had no immediate intention of attacking was a relief.
In any case, the conditions under which Garfiel would bare his fangs were becoming clearer in Subaru's mind. The worst-case trigger—unconditional hostility—had apparently been overturned, and that was something to be grateful for.
"Figuring out how to deal with you is honestly one of the bigger headaches I've got."
"Now ya just sayin' weird stuff, ain't ya, oi?"
"That's my problem too. Anyway, let's have this conversation once we're settled. First I want to let Emilia rest. The schedule going forward—that goes for everyone."
Subaru held up a finger as he made the suggestion, and no one objected.
After Emilia apologized to everyone with a sincere "I'm sorry," Ram took her hand, and the group shuffled onward through the Sanctuary toward a place to rest—Ryuzu's house, just as before.
Emilia had not come apart. Garfiel had maintained a friendly demeanor toward Subaru, who had only just returned by death.
Facing these new variables—the differences from before—Subaru continued to search for the best path forward: how best to navigate this situation, and how best to meet his death.
There was too much he needed to learn. Too much he needed to test.
How many times would he have to sacrifice himself to seize the best possible future?
Calculating coldly without even factoring in his own life—Subaru did not notice what he was becoming.
"————"
Nor did he notice Ryuzu, standing behind him, watching him with unblinking eyes.
He did not notice.