——Before he knew it, Subaru's consciousness had been led once more into a world of darkness.
A consciousness wandering without direction. Deprived of every organ — hands and feet, eyes and ears —
In this world, there was never any ground to stand on, nor any horizon to behold. There was only the endless expanse of darkness, dyed pitch-black, with shadows swallowing everything whole.
Yet Subaru, who had been summoned here unconsciously so many times before, now noticed one thing that was clearly different from all the previous times.
Before, his memories had been hazy, and it had been difficult even to possess independent will. But now, within the endless night that had once robed him so thoroughly, Subaru could clearly perceive his own existence.
He had no hands or feet, no body to move. He could not translate his will into action.
But he was permitted to channel his will into thought, and to let his mind wander through reasoning and contemplation.
A fleeting dream world that would vanish upon waking.
The garden of shadows that always brought Subaru a suffocating sense of nostalgia.
The dear "someone" whose face and voice he could never make out, whom he encountered every time he came here.
He sensed the darkness before him waver, and the shadows slowly take on a human shape.
A slender frame was born from the pitch black, the right and left hands each attaching themselves clearly to the body. Where once there had been only one arm, both arms had now been restored, and the palms that were formed reached out toward him, as if seeking his presence.
Reach out, touch, be touched — Subaru's heart was instinctively drawn to her.
But he had no hands to answer hers. He had no mouth to speak, even if he wanted to. And so he could do nothing.
Subaru could not touch her, and she could not touch Subaru.
How much time had she spent building this body, just for the sake of reaching out to Subaru? How much time, how many sacrifices lay behind those outstretched arms?
Though he understood this on some unconscious level, Subaru was crushed by his own helplessness.
"I love you."
The shadow, its invisible expression surely twisted in anguish, whispered its love to Subaru.
He wanted to answer those words. He had to answer. With his voice, with his actions, with love in return.
He could only face the love being offered with love of his own. And yet —— "——Subaru."
Someone's voice was calling his name.
The formless consciousness realized that the voice was not from the woman before him, but from behind. Eyes that should not exist turned to look. Far away in the darkness, a point of light flickered.
The voice was coming from there, without a doubt.
"I love you."
"Subaru."
The words came at him from both directions simultaneously. He wanted to repay her love. He had to answer the call.
The voice of the woman standing before him, the voice of someone reaching out from the light behind — as if guided, as if pulled, Subaru's consciousness gradually, gradually drew away from the garden of shadows.
Drawn toward the light.
The voice before him trembled with anguish in response to the state of his heart.
"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you I love you I love you I love you ——"
"——Please, Subaru."
The repeated whispers of love. A name called out with nothing but pure, simple feeling.
He remembered his own name. And he remembered the person who called it.
He remembered what he had to do. He remembered where he had to go. And so he could not stay here.
"I love you……"
"Next time, I'll come to you myself."
Though he had no mouth, though the words should never have reached anyone, his will cut through and declared its decision.
Silence. Distance widening. Consciousness swallowed from the shadow world into the world of light, enveloped in blinding white radiance and fading away.
"I'll be waiting."
With that final whisper left behind, Subaru's consciousness dissolved into the light —— ※※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Consciousness surfaced from the sea of sleep and burst through the surface of awakening as his eyelids opened.
The sunlight was painfully bright against newly awakened eyes. Tears blurring his vision, Subaru caught sight of pale violet-blue irises shimmering in his haze. They were right there, close enough to feel her breath, so stunningly beautiful that they robbed him of his breath — and then a real puff of air brushed against him from lips tinted rose-pink.
It was so unbearably intimate it nearly killed him.
"You're way too close?!"
"Wah — oh, Subaru, you're awake! Ah, thank goodness. Really."
Those violet-blue eyes belonged to
Damn, she's cute. Subaru's eyes followed her gentle gesture, and then he noticed that the positioning between himself and Emilia was a little unusual.
"I'm lying flat on my back, and Emilia-tan is sitting seiza. So given this distance and the heavenly sensation under my head……"
"You don't need to work through the weird detective work. It's a lap pillow. Not too uncomfortable, right?"
"How relaxed do you think my sleep was? There's no way it's bad. It's the perfect reward for all the hard work I put in."
Without the slightest hesitation, Subaru kept the weight of his head resting on her lap and let out a hearty laugh. At that, Emilia watched his grinning face, and the relieved smile that had been softening her lips tightened slightly.
The air shifted. They had confirmed each other's safety. Now came the harder conversation.
"So, um… can I ask how everything turned out?"
"I'm the one who wants to know how everything turned out. ……It's about what happened after the magic ore you grabbed from the dragon cart exploded. Seriously, it was awful."
Still sitting as she was, Emilia lowered her eyes and began recounting events in a trickle.
Subaru had leaped from the dragon cart without any explanation, then taken off on a ground dragon at a speed far exceeding anyone who might have chased after him. She had tried to follow but was stopped by
"What happened to Patrasche? I think I remember her licking my face all over before I passed out……"
"She kept licking you even after you lost consciousness. When I tried to separate you so I could treat your injuries, she growled at me something fierce. If that merchant — Otto-kun — hadn't talked her down, I might not have been able to start treatment at all."
"Oh, Patrasche. How dare you be so rude to Emilia-tan…… No, wait — she was trying to protect me no matter who showed up. What a loyal dragon. I'm in love."
Subaru had only spent about a day and a half with Patrasche, but the number of near-death situations they had endured together already placed her at the top of the list since he had entered this world. Part of that was simply because this particular loop had been one catastrophe after another. In truth, without Patrasche's cooperation, they never would have made it this far. She was just a ground dragon borrowed from Crusch, but if Crusch offered a reward —— "I'm taking Patrasche. Let's do it. We'll be partners for a long time, buddy…… So anyway, where is Patrasche?"
"The burns were pretty bad, but it doesn't seem to be life-threatening. I gave her first aid, and now
"Ah…… So Ferris caught up too."
Ferris's name came up in the flow of medical talk, and Subaru relaxed his shoulders with relief. Setting aside all the nasty things Ferris had said and done to him, there was absolutely no question about his skill as a healer. The treatment for Patrasche would no doubt proceed without a hitch.
At the same time, the fact that Ferris — who should have been delayed in departing the village — had managed to regroup with them meant……
"Wait, have I been out for a pretty long time?"
"About four or five hours, I think. If we hadn't had the communion mirror, we probably would have rushed to the capital by now to find a healer."
As she spoke, Emilia held up one of the communion mirrors that Petelgeuse and the others had been using. There had been three — one with Julius, one with Ferris, and one that Subaru had carried. After he lost consciousness, she had borrowed it from his coat. Presumably, Ferris had managed to reach them through it. Because they had been able to make contact, Subaru had received treatment.
"So everyone's regrouped, then?"
"Ferris, yes…… and Julius, too. I was really, really surprised. I never would have imagined Subaru and Julius together."
"There's a reason for that that's bluer than the sky and deeper than the ocean, Emilia-tan. Explaining from the beginning would honestly be exhausting……"
The nature of the relationship between Subaru and Julius was difficult to put into words, which was why Emilia was so surprised. Or rather, even now Subaru himself wasn't entirely sure what to call it.
An infuriatingly hostile rival. A pretentious and annoying but genuinely capable ally. A comrade-in-arms who had trusted each other's backs in a situation where one mistake could cost both their lives.
In short, if he had to sum it up in one sentence —— "I hate that guy."
"Why did you suddenly switch to broken Japanese?"
"I was trying to express my feelings toward a man beyond the power of language — in as few words as possible. I think the result speaks for itself. ……So, where is everyone now?"
He changed the subject before it became any more uncomfortable. Emilia gave him a helpless little smile and continued.
"We're resting until Ferris finishes treatment. But I think it'll be done soon, so we'll probably head back toward the capital again…… There's something I need to discuss with Crusch-san, and it's all thanks to how hard you worked, Subaru."
"Oh yeah, I worked super hard. Inside that miasma I was basically bluffing and cheating my way through. Just thinking about it makes my stomach churn!"
"Yeah, really…… Thank you."
The straightforward gratitude from Emilia made Subaru instantly regret his cocky remark. Still, it was a fact that what he had done had produced a positive outcome for her. There was no need to hide it anymore.
Recounting the facts to himself, Subaru felt a surge of honest joy well up inside.
From that day when their parting had been set in motion, it felt like he had accumulated so many more memories. Each time the loop repeated, Subaru had stacked up time that Emilia never knew about.
Using everything he had gained in those times to their fullest, Subaru had earned this moment. The results of all those efforts deserved to be praised, and he had the confidence to say so.
He had done this much. He had built up this much. And at last, he had arrived here.
That was why Subaru finally felt he had earned the right to give proper meaning to that moment — to the stupid words he had spoken during that time.
Looking around, it seemed they were in the cargo bed of the dragon cart with its canopy raised. There was no one else nearby — only Subaru and Emilia. He didn't know where the others were, but in the silence, the only sound was the gentle rustling of wind, and as if the world had been cut away, it belonged only to the two of them.
Fittingly enough, the situation was just like that time.
Covered in wounds, waking from unconsciousness, alone with just the two of them.
"I feel like I've been dreaming for so long……"
In truth, the events that had unfolded between that moment of parting and this final loop felt as unreal as a dream. He had been pushed to extremes again and again, knocked into the abyss of despair more times than he could count.
It could only be called a string of nightmares —— "A bad dream…… No, that's not right."
"It was a good dream?"
Emilia tilted her head, picking up where Subaru's words had left off.
Closing his eyes at her words, Subaru recalled the days he had been ready to call "nightmares." It had been an unbroken chain of desperate situations — not something he could ever look back on with a smile, not something he would want to remember if he could help it.
He had been a fool, been selfish, forced his will on others, been brutally betrayed in his expectations, struck down by disappointment and despair, driven to the edge of mental collapse, offered a piece of himself to madness, teetered on the edge of resignation and nearly thrown everything away —— and from there, he had been saved.
None of that could be undone. Without it, the current Subaru would not be here.
So yes, the days had been dream-like, and all he had seen was hardship.
"No — it was real."
That long, nightmare-like stretch of time remained only within Subaru.
He could consign it to the past. But he could not let it become a dream. The tragedies born from his own actions, the catastrophes he had invited — he would carry all of it.
That was the cross he bore as the one who had wielded Return by Death, a power beyond all common sense, and carved out the future with it.
"How much of what I was saying did you catch?"
"Barely any of it. Julius told me to let you tell me yourself."
"That guy — seriously, way too meddlesome."
Did he think he was being considerate by doing that? Too helpful for his own good — it made Subaru want to gag.
Subaru let out a bratty grin and tossed a mock complaint Julius's way, then exhaled.
Taking a brief pause to steady his breath, he looked at Emilia.
"That day, you asked me 'why.' Why did you help me? Why do you try so hard at everything? Why — that's what you asked."
"Yeah, I did. And you said it was because I helped you. ……But I didn't do anything like that. I never helped you at all. You've been the one saving me this whole time, and I haven't done a single thing for you. And even so, you got hurt for my sake……"
"No, back then I was just……"
He started to say he had been out of his mind — but couldn't finish.
He hadn't been out of his mind. The person Natsuki Subaru had been at that point — weak, stupid, thinking only of himself — had genuinely believed he was right.
He had shoved his pushy, self-righteous emotions on her, expecting nothing less than full acceptance.
Subaru knew how it ended for a man who so loudly proclaimed the existence of his selfish love. He had experienced it firsthand, and with his own hands, he had shattered that love.
And he had seen, seared into his eyes, the figure of the person who had properly proved what it meant to offer love.
"Back then, I only cared about myself. I'll admit it. I was saying it was all for you, but I was really just drunk on the image of 'me trying so hard for your sake.' I was so drunk on myself that I assumed you'd just accept it."
"Subaru……"
"I'm sorry. I was using you, and I was reveling in it. Everything I said at that time was right. I was the one who was wrong. ……But not everything was wrong."
He had used Emilia for his own sake. He acknowledged her tearful accusation. But looking back at himself in that moment, there was still one thing he refused to give up.
"I want to help you. I want to be your strength. That is honest and real, and it is not a lie."
"……Yeah, I know."
Emilia nodded at his words.
Then her violet-blue eyes widened, she blinked once, and stared at Subaru.
And then she asked, "Why do you want to help me?"
The same words she had said that day. The same words she had asked again just hours ago.
Once more, now, they were extended to him in search of an answer. Subaru's answer was simple.
"——Because I love you, Emilia. That's why I want to be your strength."
He said it clearly, straight into her eyes, holding her gaze without flinching.
——In the end, the origin of Subaru's actions all distilled down to something utterly simple.
Wanting to be her strength. Wanting to stay by her side. Wanting to help her. Wanting to see her smile. Wanting to be next to her. Wanting to live into the future with her.
Every last bit of it, from the top of his head to the tips of his toes, down to the very depths of his soul — he loved Emilia.
That was why, even when it nearly killed him, even when he actually died again and again as a fact, even when he was hurt and hated and suffering, he clawed his way back, clung on, and returned — just like this.
How enormous a detour had he taken just to give that simplest of answers? He could only laugh at his own idiocy.
"————"
Hearing Subaru's answer, Emilia pressed her lips together and chose silence.
While Subaru looked up at her with a surprisingly calm heart, he suddenly realized something alarming.
——Wait. I just confessed, and now I'm waiting for an answer?!
For Subaru, who had never confessed nor been confessed to in his life, this was an unprecedented crisis. Well, he had been confessed to — once, in this world, by sweet, precious
While Subaru churned internally without changing his expression, Emilia's composure suddenly crumbled. She bit her lip, her wide violet-blue eyes narrowed slightly, and she looked as though she might burst into tears at any moment.
"I…… I'm a half-elf."
"I know."
Her trembling voice confirmed something she already knew — something painfully obvious.
Without missing a beat, Subaru answered, and she drew a sharp breath. Then she shook her head.
"With silver hair, and half-elf…… people shun me and hate me because I look just like the
"I know. I've seen it. What lousy people they are."
Judging her only by appearances, and worse, disliking her because she resembled a great criminal from the past — what a contemptible reason. Without ever seeing a shred of who she truly was, who had the right to say they hated her?
"I don't have much experience with people, so I don't have friends…… I'm sheltered, so I say weird things sometimes…… and because of the contract, my hairstyle is different almost every day, and I have to become king, and…… I'm so, so selfish……"
She was trying to list her flaws, but the fact that she blurted out things that didn't even matter showed how anxious she was. The frailty of trying to affirm her own lack of confidence with words — even that was precious to Subaru now. So — "Emilia, no matter what anyone says about you, no matter what you think of yourself, I love you. I love you so much. I love you ridiculously much. I want to stay by your side forever. I want to hold your hand forever."
"Ah……"
"If you can name ten things you hate about yourself, I'll name two thousand things I love about you."
Subaru pushed himself up from Emilia's lap so their eyes were level, and looked straight at her as he spoke.
Emilia's lips parted slightly. Subaru could see tears welling up inside her eyes. The large drops spilled over the moment she blinked, tracing glistening trails down her white cheeks.
"I want to give you that kind of 'special treatment.'"
"……It's the first time in my life I've been happy to be treated specially."
He reached out and gently pressed a finger against the tears rolling down her cheek. Emilia's palm came to rest on top of his hand, and they exchanged the scorching warmth of each other's skin.
She closed her eyes, Subaru's fingertips still resting against her cheek.
"Why two thousand?"
"Because a hundred times over wouldn't be enough to express how I feel."
Subaru flashed a grin, showing his teeth, and Emilia let a tearful smile peek through.
That smile was so radiant that even the tears spilling from her eyes looked like gems. The fact that he could feel so content with just one smile — what a cheap date he was, and he could laugh at himself for it.
Still laughing, Emilia nuzzled her cheek against his fingertips.
"I'm happy. Really, truly happy. I never even imagined a day would come when someone would tell me they love me."
In all her days up to now, "special" had always meant "discriminated against."
That was why she had been so terrified of being "treated specially" by anyone. And Subaru, fully aware of that, had chosen to make her "special" anyway.
No one else would. In this entire world, only Subaru.
"What am I supposed to do? You're saying all these things to me, Subaru…… I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"There's no rush. I'm not demanding an answer right now. Besides, getting your okay is already a foregone conclusion in my head anyway."
Her inexperience with being liked made her adorable in a childlike way. He would never rush her or press her for an answer.
When she came to properly understand what it meant to be liked by someone, and when she realized that she too was capable of loving another person — that was when he wanted to be the one she could direct those feelings toward.
He strongly wanted to be a man worthy of receiving that love.
"Is it… really okay? Someone like me… getting all these wonderful things, feeling so happy, so indulgent……"
"Of course it's okay. Go ahead and be indulged. You can never have too much happiness — and if there's ever more than you can handle, just give the extras away."
——So.
"There's no rush, Emilia. Take your time, at your own pace, and fall in love with me slowly. I'll keep walking beside you, working hard to sweep you off your feet."
A small sound caught in Emilia's throat.
Then she pressed her hand to her cheek and began to cry — tears she could no longer hold back spilling freely down her face.
Reaching out, Subaru stroked her long, beautiful silver hair.
Softly, gently, tenderly.
The entire time, Emilia kept crying and crying.
And Subaru kept stroking her hair the entire time, loving her without end.
——Beneath an evening sky, a stranger from another land and a silver-haired half-elf drew close and exchanged their feelings.
The long, long repetition of suffering and hardship.
The gentle, quiet time they had finally earned by overcoming it all.
This was simply a story — nothing more than a story of earning this moment.
A story of detours, of missed connections, of wandering lost — nothing more than that.
A boy without confidence conveys his feelings to a girl without confidence.
He tried his hardest for nothing more than that — the story of nothing more than that.