I decided to report everything about the Divine Word Church to the Demon King.
Ideally, I should've reported before making contact, but honestly, I just forgot.
Can you blame me?
I've been doing whatever I want this whole time.
Besides, this time the other party is the most powerful faction among the Human race, and it's not the kind of situation where I can mess up and still get by like usual.
If negotiations went south, there's no way I could cover it alone.
Well, not impossible, but my usual method is "kill anyone who's in the way," so...
If I did that, things would get real ugly for the Human race.
And if that happened, Kuro would totally lose it.
I do NOT want to get beaten up.
So the plan is: if things go sideways, I'll dump the whole mess on the Demon King.
No worries, no worries.
The Human race just ends up with a few more enemies, that's all.
Hang in there. Hang in there.
You can do it!
Yeah.
Whether I succeed or fail, there's zero harm to me.
Wonderful.
The only thing the Demon King loses is a bit of stomach lining, right?
So that's how I ended up at the Demon King's place, but my timing was terrible.
Right before I arrived — like, just moments before — it seemed like someone had already come to see the Demon King.
When I barged into the Demon King's room without knocking, there he was: the Demon King with his feet planted on the desk, looking all smug, and two people standing ramrod straight in front of him.
Balt wasn't there.
He was probably running around somewhere again after the Demon King dumped more work on him.
"Oh, Shiro, perfect timing. Come in."
Prompted by the Demon King, I stepped inside.
Tch. If there were people here, I should've rescheduled.
But the Demon King had already called me over, so I couldn't exactly bail.
Reluctantly, I walked over to where the Demon King was gesturing.
"Listen in with me over there."
No idea what this is about, but sure.
"Well then, let's hear the report," the Demon King said with a bright smile.
Hmm?
Was he in a bad mood, or was that just me?
The two people in front of him seemed to pick up on it — their expressions were stiff.
One of the two was a sultry older woman.
The other was a kid.
The woman was the commander of the Second Army. The kid was the commander of the Sixth Army.
They looked like comic relief characters, but they were genuinely high-ranking members of the Demon race.
"Yes. This time, with the cooperation of the Second Army, our Sixth Army succeeded in cornering the Hero. However, at the very last moment, we were hit by a counterattack and suffered the loss of valuable forces. We offer our sincerest apologies."
What?
Cornered the... Hero?
I couldn't help but glance at the Demon King.
Well, "glance" — my eyes were still closed, obviously.
The Demon King noticed my gaze and gave a sullen nod.
We were in the middle of preparing to erase the Hero's very existence from the System. That's why I'd told them not to make any moves until the preparations were complete.
And yet, these two had gone and attacked the Hero anyway.
"I too offer my apology. If the agents under my command had successfully administered the lethal dose of poison as planned, this outcome would never have come to pass."
Hmm.
So the woman's spies or whatever had poisoned the Hero, but he didn't get the full dose.
Then the kid's forces attacked the weakened Hero and got wrecked.
That about right?
Normally this would be a catastrophic failure, but honestly? Good job.
At least they didn't accidentally kill the Hero.
Thank god they were incompetent enough that killing him wasn't an option.
"Demon King, Lady Sarnathia was merely assisting us. Since the Sixth Army led the operation, I will bear all responsibility."
Oh my. Kid's got some spine.
But you two are fundamentally misunderstanding something here.
"Hey, what exactly do you think you misunderstood?"
The Demon King said exactly what I was thinking.
A smile had crept onto his face.
A sadistic, wicked smile.
"Pretty sure I told you clearly, didn't I? Don't touch the Hero."
Right — the failed operation, the lost forces, none of that mattered.
The Demon King couldn't care less about lost troops.
In fact, go ahead and lose more, he'd probably say.
The real issue was that he'd given a direct order not to touch the Hero, and they'd ignored it.
That was the problem from the very start.
"So why did you disobey my orders and go after the Hero?"
He was smiling, but his eyes were full of rage.
And the pressure filling the room was suffocating.
What must the two of them be feeling right now?
Well, I didn't really need to ask.
They were white as sheets, trembling in tiny spasms — their inner state was plain as day.
"Hmm? Silent treatment? Or did you not hear me? You've got some nerve, missing the Demon King's words."
There was no way they hadn't heard, but he was being deliberately cruel.
The kid tried to open his mouth in a hurry, but the words wouldn't come out — he just kept opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish, gulping uselessly.
"I... am sorry."
Those were the only words he could finally squeeze out — a flat, witless apology.
That was all he could manage.
"Hmm? Sorry for what? Because you botched the operation? Because you acted on your own? Because you didn't listen to me?"
The kid was already at his limit, and the Demon King's verbal assault showed no mercy.
The woman, on the other hand, still had some composure.
"Demon King, your anger is entirely justified. However, our actions were motivated by concern over the Hero's combat strength. While this attempt ended in failure, we did push him to the brink. Next time, we will surely succeed."
Oh no. She shouldn't have said that.
There was a sickening crunch.
Then a grinding sound, like something hard being crushed to bits.
Red liquid splattered across the kid's face.
The kid didn't seem to understand what it was.
He stared up with a blank expression, trying to find the source.
That's when his vacant eyes met the woman's equally vacant eyes — except she was missing an arm.
A scream.
The woman and the kid screamed simultaneously.
The Demon King watched with cold, disinterested eyes as he chewed on the woman's severed arm.
Some manifestation of the power of Gluttony, no doubt — that arm was far too large to fit in the Demon King's small mouth, and yet it clearly did.
"I told you — don't. Touch. The Hero."
He spoke slowly, punctuating each phrase like a parent scolding a child.
The woman clutched the stump where her arm had been, listening to every word.
She had to listen, or she'd be killed.
"I don't give a damn about the Hero's combat strength. What matters is that the Hero lives as the Hero. Ah, you don't actually need to understand why. Your job is to follow my orders, fight, and die in the end. That's it."
The kid's eyes went wide.
"What? Did you think you were somehow special? You're nothing but garbage I wouldn't even feel a pinch getting rid of right here and now? The arrogance is just stunning."
The Demon King shook his head with an expression of pure exasperation.
Half of that was probably genuine, too.
"You'd better remember this well. You have no value. The only time you have any value at all is when you've killed a whole bunch of enemies and then died yourself, returning to the world. If you don't like that, then kill more enemies than your share. If you can't do that, then just die. If you can't even follow my orders, die immediately. Come on. Die. Die. Die. Die."
The woman, already drained of blood color, and the kid — both turned deathly pale.
They could tell the Demon King meant every word.
Well, guess I'll throw them a lifeline.
"Balt. Overwork death."
I muttered it under my breath.
These two did hold some rank, and if they disappeared, all their duties would cascade into extra work — and that work would inevitably land on Balt.
He was already being worked to the bone. If I let this go any further, the guy was going to die for real.
"That's a problem. Fine. I'll let it off this time."
The Demon King flipped his attitude with startling ease. The two stood there in stunned silence, but when I glanced in their direction, they snapped back to their senses, bowed deeply, and scurried out in a hurry.
Watching them go, I shrugged.
The Demon King did the same.
"So, Shiro — what did you come here for?"
Oh, right.
After that, I told him about the Divine Word Church, and the Demon King collapsed face-first onto his desk.