I wanted to get away from the magic stones right that instant, so I stood up without thinking. I hadn't given any signal to my Attendant, so naturally, no one pulled out my chair for me. The scrape of the chair drew the attention of everyone seated with me.
"A-Ah, I... I just remembered that I have something urgent to discuss with my adoptive mother and
"It is certainly urgent business, but this is not the sort of request to make at a banquet."
Lieseleta gently pressed my shoulder as she spoke, guiding me to sit back down. But I couldn't stay here. My head was spinning, yet I couldn't tear my eyes away from the magic stones, goosebumps covered both my arms, and my entire body was screaming at me to leave immediately.
"But I'm returning to
"Lady
"Rozemyne."
"What is it, Lord Ferdinand?"
"I need to speak with you briefly."
The moment he gestured toward a less populated area, my grandfather raised a hand lightly. "Wait."
"Ferdinand, is this something that needs to be addressed given the current state of the banquet?"
"As Lord
When I had gone to Kilnberga, many of my adoptive father's retainers and knights had accompanied me to operate the teleportation circle. As a result, it had apparently become known among the upper echelons that I possessed Gutrisheit, and that the Aub had delivered a magical tool of courtship from royalty on their behalf.
...Given three days, the information would circulate through the Noble District.
By passing the royal magical tool through the Aub, the Aub had effectively signaled his intent to comply with the royal family's demands. It seemed the nobility had already accepted that the engagement with
Apparently, I was now in the position of an unofficial royal fiancée—proposed to by royalty and accepted by the Aub—and would be a maiden tormented by a doomed love affair in the brief window before the formal announcement at the lord's conference. The noble ladies were apparently watching on with lukewarm sympathy, finding beauty in "unrequited love."
...Ugh... Isn't it far more pathetic to be pitied for heartbreak when I haven't even experienced first love?
"The rescue of Ahrensbach is being lauded as a storybook tale, which is fortunate. But we need no further scandal."
Leonore was subtly suggesting that it would be best for appearances if I were to accept the proposal—framing my feelings for Ferdinand as one-sided pining—and marry into the royal family of my own volition. To do that, she was implying, Ferdinand should keep his distance.
After looking at the assembled guests and their retainers, then at the people in the adjoining hall who were subtly watching us, Ferdinand crossed his arms and slowly exhaled.
"I believe that Rozemyne's health is a far more urgent and important matter than the gazes of those around us. However, if those of you who protect Rozemyne have determined that shielding her from rumors and public opinion takes priority, I will defer to your judgment."
"Very well."
Ferdinand backed down, and a wave of relief washed over my grandfather and the others seated with us. I, conversely, grew anxious and couldn't help staring at Ferdinand.
"...It has been a year and a half since I left. She surely has her own dedicated physician by now, and I have no intention of overstepping into someone else's territory. Don't tell me she doesn't have one?"
At that moment, my adoptive father and my father subtly averted their gazes. Ferdinand glared at the two of them, then murmured as he slowly rose to his feet, "If you think you need help, call for me."
"No, I'm the one who will help Rozemyne!"
My grandfather spoke up in competition. Ferdinand gave him a brief, exasperated look, then turned on his heel. As his retreating back drew farther away, a strange sense of urgency mounted in my chest. At the very least, I didn't have a new physician, and I was aware that something was wrong with my body.
"Leonore, I..."
"Lady Rozemyne, at least wait until the banquet is over... There are far too many eyes on us right now. You may not realize it, but ever since your growth, Lady Rozemyne, you've been attracting far more attention than usual."
Leonore urged me to sit back down while adding quietly: "
As a guard knight sworn to protect her lady, this was Leonore's counsel. Even so, I shook my head. I didn't want to be here. Using the excuse that I wanted to speak with my adoptive mother, Charlotte, and my mother, I excused myself from the table.
I could feel Ferdinand's retainers coming and going in a flurry of activity—he must have issued various instructions—and with a strained smile, I endured the rest of the banquet. I had wanted to speak with Ferdinand afterward, but I was told he had already gone back to the library some time ago, so I reluctantly returned to my own room.
I dreamed. I dreamed of the Battle of
I was surrounded by knights in blue cloaks holding up shields. My vision was obscured by billowing capes, and I couldn't tell where I was. I pressed forward without knowing. Suddenly—flash, flash—the surroundings blazed bright, battle cries rang out, and arrows flew through the air.
My heart was pounding violently, my ears were ringing, and my breathing was labored. Amid the terror that made me want to flee at any moment, my body was locked in place, gripping the steering handle. I couldn't move at all—as if I myself had become a magic stone.
After I saw a brilliant rainbow-colored flash, all manner of things began flying toward me. Deafening sounds of weapons clashing rang out, and red splatters appeared one after another in my field of vision. Someone's arm struck me. A knight lost his balance and slammed into me, then bounced off. Clink, clink—the sound of magic stones striking rang out. Every jolt traveled through my hands gripping the handle.
My body went cold. My teeth were chattering. Breathing was painful, and tears spilled of their own accord.
I no longer had the composure to even feel fear. The parts of my memory that had been hazy before now became vivid dreams, as if refusing to let them fade, repeating over and over again.
The man who had thanked me for coming to help—on the next instant, he fell as a magic stone. In the room I'd rushed into, the one who lay collapsed there was the Giebe who had been told he was beginning to petrify.
My stomach went cold. When I clenched my molars, my mouth gritty as though I'd bitten into sand, a bitter taste filled it. Cold sweat poured out of me.
When the blue flames peeled away, his body had become half magic stone. Grausam—grotesque, as though magic stone was embedded in his flesh or flesh was draped over magic stone—raised his black prosthetic arm and charged forward.
Even when we attacked with water-gun-like devices shooting black arrows, he kept coming, his face progressively turning to magic stone. His mottled, petrifying face was filled with murderous intent, and his mad, gray eyes glinted wildly.
Everywhere I looked—magic stone, magic stone, magic stone... Magic stones were lunging at me. I screamed in desperation: "Stay away!"
When I came to my senses, I was on my own bed. I must have bolted upright, because my upper body was raised. My nightgown had absorbed my sweat and was damp, heavy, clinging to my skin along with my hair. Though we were approaching mid-spring, the nights were still cold. My neck and back, exposed to the air, went icy in an instant. I could feel my heart still hammering and my breathing ragged.
In the darkness of my bed, the scenes from my dream swirled through my mind. I saw visions of glittering magic stones of every color falling one after another. I pressed one hand over my mouth, fighting the urge to vomit, and the other against my chest as I desperately tried to regulate my breathing. I couldn't help but recognize my own symptoms.
"...It's PTSD..."
PTSD is a condition in which the mind is damaged by shock experiences so intense they wouldn't occur in daily life, or by severe mental stress, causing impairment in everyday functioning. When I'd tried to recall the battle, the haziness over my memories must have been my self-defense kicking in—I clearly couldn't remember because my mind was protecting itself.
"I should contact Ferdinand..."
The moment I thought of Ferdinand as the first person I could consult, I stopped my hand. To send an ordonanz, I needed to pick up the magical tool that looked like a yellow magic stone.
As I'd seen in the dream, all kinds of magic stones flickered through my mind one after another. My throat constricted and breathing became difficult. Even though I knew it was just an ordonanz, I couldn't reach for it. I clenched my hand into a fist.
"...What do I do? At this rate, I can't even call for help."
My whole body was trembling uncontrollably. I crossed my arms over myself as if hugging my own body, gripping my upper arms tightly.
Just then, I heard footsteps beyond the tent. Startled, I instinctively readied my staff, thinking I had to fight the enemy.
"Lady Rozemyne, may I come in?"
"Yudette, the way you called out like that..."
The voices from beyond the tent belonged to Yudette and
"Ferdinand and Hartmut gave us instructions. They said that during knight training, some people can become emotionally unstable, so we should keep close watch on Lady Rozemyne and Lady Hannalore tonight. This was my first time in actual combat as well, so I was a little frightened. Might I stay with you for a while?"
With that, Yudette entered the tent. Gretia came in too, but the moment she saw me drenched in sweat, she immediately went to prepare a change of clothes and stepped back outside.
"Normally, only adult knights would be deployed to a battlefield like this. This time, the numerical disadvantage against the enemy was so great that even apprentices were pressed into service, but..."
Yudette began speaking in the dark, almost as if talking to herself. I had been bracing for a barrage of questions from her, so I relaxed slightly as I listened.
"Tonight, the apprentices who are likely to be emotionally unstable have been gathered in the knights' dormitory. Their superiors will talk with them, and physicians will attend to them. Some may even be given flowers. That's why, Lady Rozemyne—I asked Lady Florentia for permission to enter the greenhouse, just in case you became anxious."
She smiled brightly and puffed out her chest proudly as she said, "I'm sure you'll feel better looking at beautiful flowers." The flowers given to the knights probably weren't from the greenhouse, though. I suspected it was more of a flower-offering gesture.
"If you could look at lovely flowers while sipping a gentle, fragrant tea, I think it would help you relax. What do you think?"
"...Is it really all right to be wandering around at night like this?"
The guard knights who had accompanied me to Ahrensbach had presumably returned to their respective homes today so they could rest. Even if I were to assign
"There are plenty of knights stationed in the castle tonight, so it should be fine if we contact the Order. I've already spoken with them and made the arrangements."
...Ah, so the knights hadn't been able to correct Yudette's misunderstanding either.
No one had been able to tell Yudette the truth, since she was genuinely worried about me and making arrangements for the greenhouse out of the goodness of her heart. I decided not to correct her either and instead take advantage of her kindness.
"I'm very grateful, Yudette. ...I look forward to the greenhouse at night."
"I'll go make arrangements at each location."
Yudette left the tent with a cheerful smile. In her place, Gretia entered with a worried expression on her face.
"Yudette seems enthusiastic, but are you quite all right, Lady Rozemyne? Wouldn't it be better to rest in bed?"
"...Actually, I woke up from a bad dream. Tonight, the blessings of Schrattraum seem to be hard to reach, and I'd rather get away from my bed for a while, so I'm grateful for Yudette's offer. ...Besides, isn't it better for appearances if I go to the greenhouse at night rather than summoning Ferdinand for help at this late hour?"
If it weren't for that, none of this would have been arranged so neatly. In the past, Ferdinand would have been summoned and everything would have been dumped on him to handle. When I asked with a playful tone, Gretia's eyebrows drooped sadly as she said, "I'm terribly sorry that I couldn't fulfill your request."
"You don't need to feel bad about it. That's just how noble society works."
Gretia lit a lamp inside the tent, brought in a small basin filled with warm water, and fetched clothes for going out. Once everything was prepared, she helped me out of my nightgown and wiped away my sweat with a thoroughly wrung-out towel.
"...Growing up isn't all good things," Gretia said softly.
"People's eyes change. There are more things you used to be able to do that you can't do anymore, more things that aren't permitted. I was precocious as a child, so there were many times when something was allowed for children my age but not for me. It felt incredibly unfair."
I didn't think I had changed particularly, yet everyone around me had reacted completely differently. Gretia had experienced something similar. That was why she could somewhat understand my confusion—being told to reassess my relationship and distance with Ferdinand because of my sudden growth, and having all manner of wild speculation bandied about by those around me.
"Lady Rozemyne, I've just received word that Lady Hannalore is also having trouble sleeping. She requested to step onto the balcony and get some fresh air. Perhaps you could invite her to the greenhouse? Since the knights who have been through similar experiences talk among themselves, perhaps tonight you and Lady Hannalore could spend some time together?"
The lord's candidates, who held authority over those knights, could not join them as they gathered in the knights' dormitory to work off their fear and frustration. Yudette had insisted that Hannalore was the only one in the same position as me.
Hannalore was a lord's candidate from
"...Yudette, please extend the invitation through the Attendant on night watch. Please be careful to make sure it doesn't come across as forced."
"Understood."
Talking with Yudette and Gretia had eased my mood slightly, but the queasiness hadn't vanished. When I closed my eyes, magic stones of every color floated before me. To escape the nightmares, I decided to flee to the greenhouse at night. I wished I could sleep so deeply that I wouldn't dream at all. Just as I was thinking that, Hannalore's reply came—she wanted to go for a nighttime stroll as well.
The ordonanz reverted to a yellow magic stone. A yellow magic stone I'd failed to catch clattered to the ground at my feet, and goosebumps broke out all over my body.
Even if Rozemyne is unwell, things won't proceed as they did before.
Due to concerns about appearances, those around her had distanced Ferdinand.
Rozemyne, having recognized her PTSD through the nightmare.
Next, it's a late-night tea party.