I'm
I have three older brothers—
When I woke up this morning, thin beams of sunlight were filtering through the gaps in the wooden shutters. After days of blizzards, the sight of the sun again made my eyes go wide.
It cleared up!
Without a second thought for how cold the room would get, I threw open the shutters and looked outside. A cloudless blue sky stretched overhead, and the whole town was blanketed in snow, glittering brilliantly as it reflected the sunlight.
"Amazing."
Clearings like this were extremely rare, so both adults and kids would rush out to the forest all at once. If I missed my chance, I'd be in deep trouble. I shut the window and bolted to the kitchen.
"Lutz, hurry up!"
"Yeah!"
Ralph had already finished eating and was bustling around getting ready. I soaked my hard black bread in warmed milk to soften it, gobbled it down, and got dressed right away.
Today was a perfect day for gathering. People from all over town were heading into the forest to pick Paru, which could only be harvested in the snow. You couldn't afford to fall behind—every extra one counted.
Even thinking year-round, there weren't that many sweets you could reliably get your hands on, so everyone wanted to grab as many as they could.
Today it wasn't just Ralph—Zasha and Sig, who usually worked as apprentices, were coming to the forest too. With four of us gathering, we were sure to collect a mountain of them.
We shouldered our baskets and bundles and dashed out.
We ran down the stairs and burst outside, where Mom noticed us by the well and waved.
"You're heading to the forest already? Be careful! Gather as many as you can!"
"We know!"
"Leave it to us!"
Mom was always chatting with the neighbors at the well whenever she went outside—what she called "exchanging information"—but I had to admire her dedication for keeping it up in freezing snow like this.
One of the women she was talking to was Turi and Mine's mother. Our moms were close, so Turi and I had known each other since we were little and were pretty good friends.
"Turi already left with her father, you know! She was in a hurry!"
Mine's name didn't come up. She was probably home keeping house. On days like this when you went outside, she'd usually end up bedridden.
Come to think of it, last year during the pork-processing day, she'd collapsed in the cart just like the year before. Last year she'd had a fever but still been dragged along; this year she'd apparently been fine until they reached the village. She was going to miss out on fresh sausages again this time too—poor thing.
Mine was small, frail, adorable, and fragile. We were the same age, but I thought of her like a little sister.
Now that I thought about it, during the Winter Preparations she'd asked for grass stems of all things. What on earth was she planning to do with those?
"Sig! Get to that tree!"
"Got it!"
By the time we reached the forest, the battle for Paru was already underway. This was a rare winter delicacy that could only be picked in deep snow on a clear morning. Everyone's eyes were wild with determination.
At Zasha's shout, Sig took off running and started climbing a tree. The three of us who remained began preparing a fire a short distance away.
We scraped aside the snow, exposed the dirt, and lit the firewood we'd brought. Sig had already picked out which fruit to go for.
"Lutz, start climbing soon and get ready."
"Yeah."
I locked my eyes on where Sig was and began scaling the Paru tree.
Paru was a magical tree. Its trunk was white, like it was made of ice and snow, and it branched out in lots of places, making it easy to climb. But the fruit grew at the very top.
On a normal tree, you could just cut the fruit off with a knife, but Paru fruit couldn't be harvested that way. That was what made it such a pain.
"Lutz, ready?"
"Hold on a sec."
I crept up behind Sig, quickly pulled off my gloves, and grabbed the branch near where the fruit was attached.
"Haah, freezing. You're up next. Shouldn't be much longer."
"Mm, got it."
Sig pulled his own gloves back on and nimbly climbed down.
The thin branch I was gripping with my bare hands was icy cold, and the air around me was frigid too, so I could feel the temperature in my hands plummeting.
Come on, fall already!
To pick a Paru fruit, you had to warm the branch with your hands to soften it.
But you absolutely couldn't use fire up in the tree. The magic power in the wood would snuff it out. So you had no choice but to strip off your gloves and warm it by hand.
Little by little, I could feel the branch softening in my hands. But the fruit still wouldn't drop.
Not yet? "A little longer"—but how much longer?
The tingling numbness in my hands was gradually fading away. I shifted my neck, hoping someone would come relieve me, and the branch I was sitting on groaned and dipped slightly.
"Lutz, tag out."
"Zasha, just a little more—"
"Ralph! It's about to fall!"
Zasha called out to Ralph, and the instant he took hold of the branch, the Paru fruit popped off. Zasha's hands must have been much warmer than mine, which had been gripping the branch for so long.
A fruit the size of my face dropped straight down.
"Warm your hands. They're bright red."
"I know."
Zasha moved on to locate the next fruit and shifted to another branch.
I pulled my gloves back on and climbed down, being careful not to slip.
I ran straight to the fire, pulled off my gloves, and held my hands out to the crackling bonfire to warm them. I rubbed them together and held them out over and over until the feeling started coming back to my numb fingertips with a sharp tingle.
"Throwing it! Here it comes!"
Ralph, who had gone to retrieve a fallen Paru fruit, wound up and hurled it over. Then he climbed up the tree to take Zasha's place.
Sig caught the fruit as it flew close and stuffed it into the basket. Like a block of ice, the fruit was impossible to crack no matter how roughly you handled it, as long as it stayed cold.
"Whoa, freezing. Sig, you're next!"
"Right!"
Zasha came back rubbing his hands together, and this time Sig pulled on his gloves and dashed off toward the tree.
Picking Paru was all about teamwork. The more people you had who could swap in and take over, and the warmer their hands were, the better your chances.
And so, we rotated and picked five fruits.
"It's getting a little softer."
"Got it."
I swapped in for Sig, and just as the sixth fruit was about to drop, the sun had passed its peak and light began filtering down into the forest from above.
The Paru leaves glinted like jewels, reflecting the light. The trees started swaying as though they had a will of their own, and the rustling of leaves echoed through the air.
"Crap! Get down, Lutz! Now!"
The instant I heard my brothers' shouts, the branch under my feet lurched violently. I'd been leaning out slightly to grip a branch, and I lost my balance, ending up dangling in midair with my arms wrapped around it.
"Whoa!"
Acting on instinct, I reached out my other hand and grabbed the branch too so I wouldn't fall.
"Don't, Lutz! Let go! Jump right now!"
The moment I let go, the branch—which had gone soft from being squeezed with both hands—snapped with a crack.
I fell along with the Paru fruit.
"Aaaah!"
The ground below was soft snow, and since I'd been hanging before I let go, I didn't land headfirst and wasn't really hurt.
About the same time I jumped, people started leaping down from Paru trees all around the forest.
Gathering time was over.
The trees rustled their leaves and glinted as they reflected the light, then began shooting upward on their own as if reaching for the sun. Growing taller than any other tree in the forest and spreading thick with foliage, they shook their branches as though a woman were tossing her hair, even without any wind. And from every branch the light touched, the fruits that hadn't been picked went flying in all directions.
Once all the fruit had scattered, the Paru trees melted away and vanished in the blink of an eye.
This was the magical Paru tree—different from every other tree in the forest, appearing only during winter clearings.
"That's that."
"Shall we head home?"
Everyone headed home carrying their haul of Paru. From the afternoon on, every household would be processing their Paru. It was grueling work, but also something to look forward to.
"Here, one for each of us."
The Paru fruit had been the size of my face when it was on the tree, but once inside the house, the outer skin started melting and it shrank into a smaller, rounder shape.
"Is the dish ready?"
"Yep!"
I lit a thin dry twig from the hearth and poked it into the Paru. The skin split with a little pop, and thick, syrupy white juice oozed out.
A sweet scent wafted through the whole house, and I swallowed hard as I carefully collected the fragrant juice in a dish, trying not to spill a drop.
This juice was the precious sweetener. I fought the urge to chug it all at once and steeled myself, knowing I'd decided to savor every bit.
Once I'd extracted all the juice, the next step was mashing the fruit to get the oil. Paru oil could be used for cooking and as lamp oil, making it an incredibly welcome resource by the middle of winter.
The pressed pulp, squeezed until it was bone-dry, was too crumbly for humans to eat, but it made nutrient-rich feed for chickens. You could tell from how much the taste of the eggs improved afterward.
"Excuse me~"
"Come in~"
And today and tomorrow, people would be streaming into the house. They wanted to trade their Paru pulp for our eggs.
But as far as I was concerned, all the pulp in the world didn't help much. The chickens would be thrilled, but watching my own egg rations shrink right in front of me was miserable.
If they were going to bring anything, why not meat instead of pulp? Eggs were one per person, so you always got your share, but the meat always got devoured by my brothers, and I rarely got any.
While I was thinking this, Mine and Turi showed up with Paru pulp of their own. The burlap sacks they carried held about two fruits' worth.
"Lutz, please trade this for eggs."
Even with Mine smiling sweetly and holding it out, I wasn't exactly thrilled to see it. Of course, Mom would yell at me if I turned them away, so I couldn't.
"We've already got plenty of feed, right? What I want is meat. Got any?"
"Meat?"
"My brothers eat most of it, so I hardly get any."
In winter everyone was home most of the time, which meant my chances of getting my food stolen were high, and I was perpetually starving. I knew it was pointless to complain to Turi or Mine, but the gripe slipped out anyway.
Turi gave a wry smile and shrugged it off with "Your brothers are bigger, so of course they take it." Then Mine, for reasons I couldn't fathom, shoved the burlap sack right in front of my face and said: "Then here, Lutz. Why don't you eat this?"
"You expect me to eat chicken feed?!"
I never imagined Mine, whom I'd always been so nice to, would tell me to eat chicken feed. The shock made me shout before I could think, but Mine just tilted her head with a confused look.
"…It's actually edible, depending on how you cook it."
"Huh?"
"You squeeze it so completely that it becomes inedible. But the pulp is actually tasty, so if you prepare it properly, it's fine."
Mine said this with a completely straight face, but I couldn't believe it. I looked to Turi instinctively. There was no way anyone actually ate chicken feed.
But Turi just gave a tired smile and shrugged lightly. Apparently, Mine had really eaten Paru fruit.
"Hey! What a waste! It's way better to split it into juice, oil, and feed than to just eat the fruit! Nobody in their right mind would eat the actual fruit!"
Around this time of year, everyone was desperate for chicken feed, so nobody in our household would dream of eating the fruit. Going to all that trouble just to eat it instead of putting it to practical use? Unthinkable. I was pretty sure Mine was the only person in the entire town who'd do something that foolish.
"Well, if it's for feed, that's fine, but we've already got plenty of feed. Wouldn't it be better to use it to fill a human stomach instead?"
"That's what I'm saying—it's crumbly and nobody can eat it!"
"You squeezed out every last drop trying to get as much oil as possible, and that's why it's inedible. Put a little effort into preparing it and it's perfectly edible."
"Mine, come on…"
Watching her smile and say impossible things, I felt my energy drain away.
What was this? This helplessness, this sense of defeat—the feeling that no matter what I said, I couldn't get through to her?
"Hey, Lutz."
Mine's older sister, Turi, spoke up softly.
Hoping that a relative could convince Mine that "chicken feed isn't food for people," I turned around—only to see Turi hanging her head limply.
"I know it's hard to believe, but she really did eat it. …I was actually shocked that it tasted good."
Wait, seriously?
You ate it too, Turi?!
Apparently Mine had already put this into practice on her own family. No wonder she was so confident in her opinion.
"Why don't you just try it? Lutz, do you have any Paru juice left?"
While saying this, Mine scooped a bit of the pulp she'd brought into a small dish.
She added about two teaspoons of my juice to the crumbly pulp and mixed it. She pinched a bit into her mouth and nodded quietly. "Mm-hmm."
"Lutz, open wide."
I was horrified at the idea of using up my precious juice and being made to eat chicken feed, but seeing Mine pop it into her own mouth, I cautiously opened mine.
A yellowish bit from her fingertip was placed on my tongue, and when I closed my mouth, a sweet flavor spread.
Just a splash of juice had made it genuinely sweet, and the crumbly texture was gone.
Every year I'd sip my share of the juice drop by drop, but mixed with the pulp, you could eat so much more of the sweet stuff.
"See? It's pretty sweet and tasty, right?"
When Mine said this with a proud little smirk, my brothers—all of whom had been eyeing her skeptically—reacted in unison.
"Sweet?"
"Tasty?"
"For real? Let me try some, Lutz."
All three of my brothers jammed their fingers into the small dish. I tried to pull it away, but with their size advantage, I couldn't even dodge, let alone escape.
"Hey, let go! Don't lift it up! Is this any way for a big brother to treat his little brother?!"
"What's yours is mine."
"Good stuff should be shared."
"Got it!"
Overpowered, I was pinned down by the three of them and the dish was snatched away. They stuck their fingers in one after another, and it was empty in seconds.
"Arrgh! My Paru!"
"Tasty."
"It's chicken feed, right?"
Completely ignoring my screaming, my brothers tasted it and then stared wide-eyed at Mine, just as incredulous as I had been.
Under their attention, Mine scratched her cheek bashfully and then said something unbelievable.
"If we made it at Lutz's house, I could make it even tastier!"
"Seriously?!"
It was no surprise they all jumped at the offer. Every last one of them was a growing boy, and Zasha, the eldest, was always saying he could "never eat enough." Even if it was chicken feed, if it could be made delicious, they were all for it.
"…Ah, but you'd have to help me, or I probably can't do it. I don't have the strength or stamina."
"You got it."
Everyone already knew Mine had neither strength nor stamina. If all we had to do was help out in exchange for something sweet and delicious, I'd give it my all.
"I'm not letting you hog it all, Lutz! I'll help too, Mine. I've got more strength and stamina than Lutz."
"Yeah, yeah."
My brothers suddenly turned cooperative. I was worried I'd be pushed aside entirely, but Mine was overjoyed, saying "Yay!" as she handed out tasks to everyone.
"So, big brothers, I need you to prepare a flat iron plate for cooking. Lutz, you get the ingredients ready, and Ralph, you're on mixing duty. Oh, and it wouldn't be fair to use only Lutz's juice, so we'll take a little from everyone's supply. Come on, come on, hand it over, hand it over."
She clapped her hands together to hurry them along, just like Mom.
Lining up everyone's juice, Mine looked like an angel. If she hadn't said that, they definitely would've used only mine.
"Lutz, bring two eggs and some milk. Ralph, use that wooden spoon over there to mix this."
The same Mine who was normally nothing but a nuisance was full of life, firing off instructions one after another and getting everyone moving.
Zasha and Sig hauled the iron plate over together and started heating it in the stove. Ralph took the wooden spoon he was handed and began stirring as Mine kept adding ingredients. I ran here and there at her command, fetching and prepping everything she asked for.
"Yeah, that should do it. Next—is there any butter?"
Mine scooped the butter I handed her with a tiny spoon, climbed onto a slightly tall chair, and slid it onto the iron plate. Nobody pointed out what a precarious position she was in—probably because we were all too busy holding our breath.
The butter hit the plate with a sizzle, melting and shrinking while its rich smell tickled our noses. It was the kind of aroma that made your stomach roar.
She spooned the gooey batter that Ralph had been stirring onto the butter in generous dollops. It sizzled as it cooked, and the sweet scent of Paru joined the butter's fragrance. It was an outrageous assault of smell.
It looked like the potato pancakes Mom made by grating root vegetables, but the sweetness of the aroma was completely different.
"Make about this many, one for each person."
After demonstrating the first one, Mine left the rest to my brothers—who could reach without the chair—and just watched the plate, calling out instructions. And that was fine.
They'd seen how it was done once, so they knew what to do. Working on that wobbly chair was bad for the heart. The brothers happily took the cooking implements out of Mine's hands, since doing it themselves was less risky.
"When the edges start to bubble up like this, it's ready. Time to flip it."
"Right."
Following Mine's instructions, Zasha flicked the spatula and flipped one—it was beautifully golden brown. It looked so good my mouth was watering. All around us, I could hear people swallowing hard.
"Push those ones aside. Pour batter into the space to make another."
The ones that were cooked enough were slid to the side, and fresh butter and batter were poured into the open space. Once Mine said "That one's done," they were lifted onto plates.
Mine picked up the first completed plate and beamed.
"Tada! 'Okara Hotcakes'!"
Mine said something I didn't quite catch. Not sure how to react, I tilted my head.
"…Sorry, what was that?"
"Oh, um… 'Simple Paru Cakes—done!'"
Looking slightly embarrassed, as if to say she'd flubbed it, Mine rephrased.
Steam rose in little puffs from the Paru cakes lined up on the table, and all I wanted was to bite into one right away.
"Careful, it's hot. Please, enjoy~"
I took a bite and chewed slowly. The Paru cake was astonishingly delicious. It was fluffy, with none of the crumbly, feed-like texture. Unlike potato cakes, it was perfectly sweet even without jam or anything else on top.
And since everyone got one on their own plate, there was no danger of my brothers stealing it!
"Hey, Lutz. Isn't this pretty easy and filling?"
"Yeah, it is. Mine, you're amazing."
Since Mine had a huge supply of Paru pulp—people kept showing up wanting to trade for eggs—and our chickens were always laying, plus milk was available through egg trades, we could make Paru cakes anytime throughout the winter.
"There are other dishes you could make with Paru pulp too, but I don't have the strength to actually cook."
"If you teach me how, I'll make it for you."
After this, I was completely conditioned: follow Mine's instructions, and you'd get to eat something delicious.
Thanks to Mine, who started teaching us new and tasty recipes every time a clearing came and we could gather Paru, I went hungry a lot less that winter.
Mine was my savior.
So I would help Mine—the girl with no strength or stamina—and make myself useful.
I had no idea that this conditioning would shape the rest of my life. Immersed in the happiness of Paru cakes, the Lutz of the present couldn't have seen it coming.